\\ALMOST HUMAN - Nikhil Shukla//
It's been fifteen minutes and thirty seconds; that's right, he is counting seconds as well, since he is sitting in this office. Since last Fifteen minutes he can feel her gaze on him but his attention is everywhere but her. Finally breaking the silence, she speaks.
"This is your 6th visit, Nikhil."
His gaze moves at the sound of direction and his eyes meet with a pretty young lady sitting on the other side of desk. 'Dr N. Tyagi - Psychiatrist'; written in big black writing on the silver name plate in middle of table. 'A little too young to be a psychiatrist doctor.' He thinks. She calls his name to bring him out of his thoughts.
Nikhil: I know.
He respond lazily.
Dr: And you do know why you are here.
Nikhil: Yes, but honestly, I think it is just waste of time.
Dr: You do?
Nikhil: Yes.
Dr: You killed him Nikhil.
He doesn't flinch.
Nikhil: I am a CID officer and he was a criminal, a murderer.
No sign of any guilt, any pain.. anything. She is watching his every move, his breathing pattern, his eyes movement and all has left her absolutely speechless not because they are saying too much but in fact they are not saying anything at all.
Dr: You could have captured him.
Nikhil: He would have run.
Dr: He was not going to run.
Nikhil: How do you know? You were not even there.
Dr: I don't but you do.
He looks at her and allows himself to smile a bit, jut a little bit. It surprises her indeed because today for the first time she saw him smile, almost smile since she met him.
Nikhil: You know, you amuse me. You are worried about a dead murderer who mercilessly murdered 100s of innocents than those innocents.
Dr: I agree that he was not innocent but he did not deserve to die like this.
Nikhil: Die like this? You are making me sound like a monster.
He replies in a mocking manner which irritates the doctor but she tries to remain calm. She quickly glances at him before she reads from the file.
Dr: Victim...
She is cut off by his loud and sarcastic laugh. Doctor clears her throat before continuing.
Dr: "He.. was shot 6 times with bullets hitting his chest, twice; his both legs, on his right shoulder and one at point blank range in his head!"
She puts her glances down and looks at him.
Dr: You shot him, 6 time, basically emptying the whole magazine. What do you have to say about this?
Nikhil: He deserved to die and for more painful death than this.
Dr: You are an CID officer, you are supposed to save lives...
Nikhil: Don't Doc. Don't tell me how I need to perform my duty. I know my duty very well.
He says in a low threatening voice it makes doctor shiver.
Nikhil: I was performing my duty then and I am performing my duty now. As far his death is concern, I saved everyone their time and resources. They would arrest him, the case would go in court and trial will go for years until he is convicted.
Doctor stays quiet for sometime before she continues while Nikhil looks around the room because he has nothing better to do.
Dr: So you think by killing him you did a good thing?
Nikhil: I have done everyone a favor! One less criminal on earth.
Dr: So does it make you feel happy?
Nikhil: No.
Dr: Doesn't it satisfies you?
Nikhil: No. I just did my duty.
Dr: You broke the orders.
Nikhil: There are exceptions.
Dr: Those applied in this case?
Nikhil: He was going to kill me. I had to take him down.
She shakes her head and decides to change the topic. She leans forward and rests her hands on table and smiles at him.
Dr: Tell me about your family, Nikhil. How's your relationship with your father and mother?
Nikhil: Good.
Dr: How often do you see them?
Nikhil: After joining duty, hardly. Dad is mostly away on trips and mum, well.. I do see her once or twice.
Dr: A Week?
Nikhil: In months.
Dr: Oh. How often you talk to her?
Nikhil: Often.
Dr: Hmm. How do you feel when you talk to her?
Nikhil: What do you mean?
Dr: You know what I mean. How do you feel? Happy? Excited? Irritated?
Nikhil: I just feel... fine.
Doctor takes a deep breathe.
Dr: I mean...
Nikhil: I know what you mean doctor and if you are trying to ask that I have a good relationship with my family then yes, I have a good relation with my family. So, can we move on from this?
Dr: Nikhil..
Nikhil: Why is it so important for you to know what I feel?
Dr: It's not important for me to know what you feel as this is important to know whether you feel or not.
Nikhil is taken back by Doctor's blunt comment. He opens his mouth to say something but then he closes it again. He doesn't say anything nor any movement from his body except from his right foot which he has a habit of moving. Till now Doctor was hoping she would not bring this in but something in him which is really making her curious. She lays back on her chair while she fiddles with pen in between her fingers in right hand.
Dr: Do you remember Sumona, Nikhil?
She observes him deeply as she asks the question to note down any reactions from him but apart from a flicker of surprise in his eye, she sees nothing else. And even the flicker of surprise in his eyes vanished so quickly that leaves her wondering.
Nikhil: Yes, she was my friend.
Dr: I don't think she was just a friend, was she?
Nikhil: We were very close, best of friends.
Dr: Is that it?
Nikhil: What is your point, doc?
Dr: What happened to her?
He lays back in the chair comfortably and make doctor a good amount of time before replying.
Nikhil: You do know what happened to her.
Dr: But I want to hear from you.
Nikhil: She died.
He said it ever so calmly that it caused doctor nervous for a second and this does not go unnoticed by Nikhil.
Dr: How?
Nikhil: In a car accident. We... were in a car accident where she died and...
Dr: You survived.
Nikhil nods his head. When Nikhil doesn't say anything, Doctor sighs as she opens the blue file sitting on her desk.
Dr: I have the file here and it says that when the paramedics gave you the death news of Sumona, you did understood it but you did not show any...
She tries to search for words.
Dr: You didn't show any emotions, any reaction. You were calm, just like you are... now. Instead of emotional reaction, you asked him something.
Nikhil looks away.
Dr: What did you say, Nikhil?
He looks at her like a child who is sitting in front of his head teacher, not interested and bored.
Nikhil: I said, "I feel chilly, do you have a jacket?"
Surprised, doctor tries to say something in response to this but stops when she looks at him who sitting across there calmly.
Two hours later
The young doctor is standing in front of ACP Pradyuman.
ACP: So Doc, what is the verdict?
Dr: Nikhil is brilliant, very good at what he does. He's brainy and very observant. But...
ACP: But what doctor? Is he fit enough to perform his duties?
Dr: He is a commendable officer, he is fully fit and well to perform his duties. He is exactly like how an officer should be in his field. He's very technical, he knows a lot, he is truly gifted, sir.
ACP: Why do I feel there is another 'but' which you still have to explain.
Nikhil is sitting on the bench, lost in his thoughts. All was going well until that Doctor mentioned Sumona, his Shona. His mind takes a trip down a memory lane; on that specific evening when accident took place.
Sumona is driving and Nikhil is sitting in passenger seat. Sumona is driving fast and both of them are having a lot of fun.
Nikhil: You need to slow down a bit, Shona.
Sumona: Come on Niks, don't be spoil sport.
She looks at him with a mocking hurt look.
Nikhil: Either slow down or keep your eyes on road.
Sumona just laughs but does not slow down, she turns up the volume of player as her favorite song 'Salt Skin' plays and she starts lips syncing. 'I don't know when you'll break, but it's gonna be soon. If my will caves in, I'll be in the same boat as you.' Nikhil looks at her, she looks adorable like this. He laughs at her lips syncing with song. 'I've got the salt skin. Running to where he is. Never going to give in.' She sings it even louder near his ear because she knows he absolutely hates this song but it doesn't stop her. Nikhil bears this for a minute before he switches the song, Sumona gives him look and switches the song again. They both play with the player like this when Nikhil holds her hand in order to stop her from switching it again. She tries to free it but fails against his tight grip.
Sumona: Niks, leave.
He doesn't let go but tightens his grip further.
Sumona: I'm driving, remember?
Niks: Fine but no more switching. And no 'Salt Skin' for the rest of journey.
She makes a face at him, but agrees.
Sumona: Fine.
Before he could let go, something happens and then everything goes black. Next thing he remembers is hearing some voices; two people, uniformed people talking while approaching the car. "I think they are no survivors." Nikhil gathers is strength as he tries to speak. "He..lp. Some..one here?" "He is alive." "Come on! Help me get him out." Nikhil does not remember but somehow two paramedics managed to get him out of the car. He is sitting on a little distance in the paramedics car and watches them as they pull Sumona out. His vision is still little blurry so he can't see it properly. Few minutes later one of the paramedics approaches Nikhil, who pulled Nikhil out of the car.
Paramedic: Are you Ok?
Nikhil: Yes. Sumona? She is...
Paramedic: We tried to revive her... but it was too late.
Nikhil: She's dead.
It wasn't a question.
Paramedic: We couldn't save her. I am really sorry.
Paramedic waits for Nikhil to react, he knew that Nikhil will either get angry, try to hit on him or cry.
Nikhil: I feel chilly, do you have a jacket?
That guy was prepared for any reaction except for one thing - no reaction. Nikhil just continues to look at the Paramedic guy. Nikhil sits there as the two paramedics standing at some distance talk to each other about what just happened.
First Paramedic: I don't understand. It's like he understands what has happened but there is no... emotional attachment.
They both look at him and see that he is lost in his own thoughts.
Back in the office, ACP Pradyuman is waiting for Doctor to explain further.
Dr: He is all of those things but he's very technical.
ACP: Meaning?
Doctor takes a deep breathe.
Dr: He does not feel. He is emotionally... De-attached.
ACP: Emotionally De-attached?
Dr: Yes, sir. He knows what right and wrong is. He knows his duties, but he does not feel anything. He does not feel any emotion; pain, hurt, happiness, sadness. Nothing, at all.
Dr: I have met him 6 times in last 3 weeks and in all those times he displayed his intelligence but no sign of emotions.
ACP: What are you saying, doctor?
Dr: You are getting what I am saying sir. You are familiar with a state 'being numb'.
ACP nods his head.
Dr: Nikhil is like that, numb to emotions, feelings but numbness is temporary but in this case it seems more permanent.
ACP: Please doctor we are talking about a person here, a human don't make him sound like...
Dr: You know what makes humans so human, sir? Feelings and emotions. Without these latter is... almost human.
ACP looks very troubled, but doctor continues.
Dr: I believe, Nikhil is incapable of having any feelings.
Back on road, as he remembers the night a tear creeps on his eye. It dances on his eyelids refuses to fall. Nikhil shuts his eyes tightly not wanting to let tear fall. When he opens his eyes again, they are absolutely empty. Taking a deep breathe he leaves from there and keeps on walking.
I hope you all liked it, enjoyed it. :)
Edited by -De.De- - 10 years ago
