Posted: 05 December 2013 at 7:15am | IP Logged
You are not married?
It's only here at home I get these kind of questions. No one in England would dare to ask such a personal question. But here no one thinks twice about it. From the taxi driver to the cleaner at the gym. What is worse is that it's no longer "Are you married?", it's "How many children do you have?". The look of incredulity/shock/amazement when I tell them I am not married irritates me. They are bewildered why I am not married. There is nothing bewildering about it. It's my choice. But to them it is really shocking that an Asian woman of a certain age (ahem) is still single. Some even advise me how to go about getting a husband. At one time I was so fed-up that I created a fictitious husband who was working overseas. But I couldn't keep up that pretence. It was an anathema to who I am. So I just sigh inwardly and make the requisite and inane "Yes" and pray to all the Gods and Goddeses that I arrive at my destination pdq.
Of course I like male company...unlike Ellen deGeneres.
I especially miss males when I land in the airport after a long flight and there is no one to pick me up. I miss males when I go supermarket shopping and I am laden with heavy bags and there is no one to help me with them. But I can also live without male company. I have married friends - and get this, both men and women - who envy my freedom. And tell me so. Then when I see the duplicity/the possessiveness/the suspicions, I say to myself: "There but for the grace if God, go I".
I have led a fairly exciting life - done a lot of things that would make a very interesting book - and I am still doing things that make my life interesting. I have very good friends from all over the world. I have travelled to quite a few places, done some amazing things...and I still want to do more. There is one epitaph I rather like - when I leave this Life for good - "She lived". That is a very apt description of me.
Children. Am I a bad person because I don't have "maternal instincts"? Sure, I like being with kids. But the best part is I get to send them back to their parents.
I don't have to handle their tantrums or change their nappies - although I did do that with my nephews. Now they just drive me nuts with their shenanigans, especially when I am trying to work...sometimes I wish I could put a couple of drops of whisky in their milk. (By the way, whisky is not harmful. My 70 year old very active dear friend takes two pegs every night before she goes to bed - and her energy puts me to shame!!). When I am in a bus/flight and there is a baby or a toddler in front of me, I make faces and do gurgling sounds and make it laugh. But there are times when I keep praying "Don't look at me, don't look at me. I am in a very bad mood. I don't want to smile or gurgle at you and if I don't, I'll feel like a heel". Sure enough, at that very moment, the baby will look at me and give an angelic smile. That actually lifts my mood and I smile back...but when the baby glares at you, you are NOT supposed to glare back. Remember that.
I think the biggest fear I have on relationships is the mental compatibility or lack of it. I have been called fussy but aren't we all in different ways? Mental stimulation is and has always been very important. Yes, vive le difference
and all that...but if the difference is intellectual, the relationship won't be vive
. Sometimes I am stuck in excruciating company - both men and women - and I find myself dumbing down. I hate it. I do. I thrive on improving my knowledge. I thank the Gods of Cyberspace for the Internet. It is an endless tome of knowledge and information. Then I see my smart friends with not-so-smart partners. They can do it. I can't. I don't mind if my potential partner likes classical music instead of blues and jazz. I don't mind if he sits sedately whilst I am up on my feet screaming and doing an "air guitar" with Richie Sambora and Jon Bon Jovi on stage. I don't mind if he is a rice-and-curry man whilst I am an "anything goes" (ok, most things) kind of girl. But I do mind if he does not know that Belarus is a former Soviet Union state and not somewhere in Africa...that "1984" does not refer to the year, but the classic doomsday book that was written by George Orwell, where the phrase and the phenomenon "Big Brother" comes from (and not as some young people thought, from that appalling, vomit-inducing "reality" show). I can't deal with stupidity or ignorance. Arrogance on my part? Probably. But it is part of who I am.
I am not married. It is my choice. I don't need anyone to "complete" me. I am the finished product and I am very proud and happy about it. :D
P/S:This note is about me. I have nothing against my friends who are in happy and loving relationships. Good for you and I am really happy for you. Not all of us are that lucky. If I had George Clooney proposing to me, I will say yes like a shot. He is smart, funny and has many characteristics I admire. Unfortunately he is more loyal to his dog than to women, so there goes my dream. I will not play hey diddle diddle second fiddle to a b*tch.