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The Yummy Mummy's of QH: Topic Six 01.07.14 - Pg 82 (Page 77)

Saima-Syed IF-Sizzlerz
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Posted: 15 June 2014 at 11:32pm | IP Logged
BeYourself
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I totally agree the change can only be brought with US.

The response of that guy disgusted me, obviously he was not taught anything about the value of a woman.

A woman's happiness must never be weighed against how much her parents can give and continue to give.

Beautifully written my dearest.

Thank you for sharing your views 

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vinita459BeYourselfraneebLinsie

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Posted: 16 June 2014 at 12:12am | IP Logged
Hi everyone!!
This time the topic is wonderful...
DOWRY...something very ewww!!!

I completely agree with you saima di that birth of a girl is still mourned over in certain parts of our country. In earlier times it was okay because people had regressive thoughts and being dominated by the males was considered good...girls were not educated and so the boy's parents asked for money n other things to repay them as they have educated and made him suitable to fulfil the responsibilities of their girl. 

But now things have changed...girls are educated and walk hand in hand with boys then the question of extracting money from a girl's parent seems foolish.

And regarding the line that most of the people say...We don't want anything, give whatever you want with love to your daughter...!!! Hmph...that's downright stupid...Can parents' love be measured by these material  things???

I dont know why in-spite of so much modernisation, why people are bending down in front of these demands??? What can I say about others when I have seen myself...a couple, husband a senior inspector and wife a sanskrit teacher in Kendriya Vidyalaya...they married off their daughter. They gave cash, a car worth 10 laks and dinner was so lavish and apart from that clothes and jewellery...everything!!!
But next time we met mam (wife was my school teacher) she told my mom thst her daughter's in-laws are still unsatisfied   And taunt her whenever possible...
Now?? When such educated, high class people are fulfiling such demands...what can we expect from middle class people? So disappointing...

Solution...not one person can solve this...not a girl...not a boy...we have to stand together!!
If we want to throw out this horrendous thing then we have to teach our girls to stand for themselves.

We have to teach our boys that they have their own capability and demanding more dowry doesn't make him superior. 

We have to teach our societies that girls are not low level creatures...they have their own value and she's not just a money making machine.

Only the social workers cant do that...we...means the people from every part of society should join hands.

But the problem is so deeply rooted that I am unsure how much and when we would be able to say a big NO!!??

I hope people understand soon that once a person sees that a girl's parent is going out of the way to fulfil their unnecessary demands then they will turn into a wide mouthed monsters...needs will turn into desires and unnecessary desires give rise to crimes...domestic violence, divorces, suicides n homicides...
Our one step towards abolishing this social stigma can save us from so much...

I hope I made my points clear...
Waiting to read others views...

-Srashti.

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vinita459ChocoBerryBeYourselfSaima-SyedraneebLinsie

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Posted: 16 June 2014 at 1:37am | IP Logged

Dowry. That definitely is an important topic Sis/Vinita.

Before I say anything I would like to send a quick prayer to the one above to have protected all my family (that includes all my cousin sisters and all my Sister in laws who have joined our family in the last decade or so) against this demon. We have really been a privileged family where none of us had to face this issue. Whether it was the in laws directly asking or indirectly asking for anything, we never faced this problem. And just to let you all understand better including my brother, my sister and me we are a total of 21 boys and girls in the family (maternal and paternal cousins included).So I say we are blessed to have not been touched by this demon. Whatever exchanges took place were with the happiness of the giving party, NOT the other way round.

 

Like Sis Saima, I have also seen documentaries and crime shows highlighting this issue and feel that the change can be brought only by US. To rid the society of this evil practice we being the next generation should put our foot down. I am a mother of a son and in no way will let there be exchange of any kind whenever my son gets married (he's only 6 now), but this is what I had seen at my wedding too. My in-laws took nothing as gifts for the extended family. Whatever little gifts(I mean in gold) that were given to my father in law, mother in law, brother in law and my husband was handed right back to me the first morning I woke up at my husband's house. I did tell my mother in law to keep it as it was all for them but she refused saying she had already told my parents not to get into all this as she didn't approve of it at all. So learning from my experience I will too not be allowing any such things happening at my son's wedding.

 

But am sure my in laws are a one in a million kind of a people. But the rest of the world is not like them. If not a long list being handed directly to the girls family, the grooms side always comes up with things like whatever you are giving is for your daughter, for her comfort and blah blah blah. I want to ask these people, would they never have brought all those things like dinner sets, refrigerator, a few sarees, a microwave, a food processor and things that are normally used around the house. How would they be living then?

 

Would like to share my life's experience here where I attended the wedding of my friend, and please remember it was a love marriage. After her schooling my friend moved to The UK with her parents. She had been in a relationship with the boy for some time, they were successful in maintaining their long distance relationship and finally they were to get married. She is from a middle class family but on the demands of the groom's parents, the wedding was organized at one of the best farm houses back here in Delhi. The amount of things, and believe me it was a huge dowry, being given to the groom and his family were asked to be put out on display on the wedding day. The grooms side had asked for "gifts" for even a new born baby in the extended family, something like a Chacha ke bte ka baby, shouldn't be saying it but they had taken clothes for the deceased grandparents too. Everyone who attended the wedding looked wide eyed at the display not believing something like this could happen too. It was just disgusting.

 

As already said by BeYourself and Srashti we need to bring the change and most importantly the groom's side need to open their eyes and see what all the father of the bride goes through to fulfill their demands. The would be brides and would be grooms of the next generation need to say NO to dowry. The change has to be brought from within.

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farz_parachute IF-Rockerz
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Posted: 16 June 2014 at 4:05am | IP Logged
In my country.



The guys gives the girl the dowry. Well not dowry. No, no, no! That's HARAM. But well.



Call it anything.



And.



My parents gave the money to my sister and her husband for the down payment of their new place. And they even added to it. Money given by close family members for the wedding. After all it's 'our daughter'!

My sister and her husband (yeah my bro in law) got a wedding so lavish. Sure it wasn't royal like or fairy tale like but hey ho it was full on Bollywood style. Sis Saima you know what I'm talking about.



So if they dare complain.



Should they dare.




Ha. They don't dare.


And all those gifts? None is ours.



Okay maybe that extra water dispenser thing.


That's it.


The money all were given to the parents. For the parents. Since they are the host of the wedding. They paid for the wedding. Their friends. Their guests. Everything they did. The bride and groom only dressed up. And the guy said Aku terima nikahnya...oops I mean Qubool Hai. And the bride smiles.


Still.



They gave every last penny to both my sister and her husband.


Okay, maybe not every last penny. *Haha*



Still.



We were on the receiving end. Maybe we don't feel it so much?


My mother was very difficult. She put in her demands. My sister is a degree holder. She's working and earning. And she's the eldest. But we didn't take a single cent.


Oh and we gave plenty of gifts ourselves. You want some, you gotta give some back. But this is done in celebration.


Like Ayaan does it.

Tofa tofa tofa!! These are happy occasions!


Wedding!! Shaadi!!!!


Hmm.



Still.



I know of people who are only starting out in life. And they don't have enough to please future in laws and to pay for wedding. And house and car. And life.


And then people say don't get married until you're stable. Which is true, but can be burdensome..I mean. Jab ladka ladki razi then why wanna come in and play bad guy?


Still.



Am going real off topic here considering this is about dahej and being greedy.


Hmm.


Maybe they feel this is tradition? EFF Oh.



I'm picturing Haseena bi. Ugh. Greedy. Gluttony. Goway.


If the in laws are awesome...trust me people would want to give them gifts. No need to ask. Or if people are nice.


Hmm.


K. My 5sen.

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vinita459Saima-SyedBeYourselfraneebLinsie

BeYourself IF-Sizzlerz
BeYourself
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Posted: 16 June 2014 at 6:38am | IP Logged
Originally posted by Saima-Syed

BeYourself
Clap

I totally agree the change can only be brought with US.

The response of that guy disgusted me, obviously he was not taught anything about the value of a woman.

A woman's happiness must never be weighed against how much her parents can give and continue to give.

Beautifully written my dearest.

Thank you for sharing your views 

Thanks Saima  Di... Smile

for bringing any change, the first step is the hardest step..!!

that guy's reply was definitely disgusting... 

but, if that guy takes the first step of bringing that change in his family, then that will probably end this Dowry culture in one such family at least.. and that will hopefully continue for the next generations too.. so this is how it will work...


start from your own home..coz it's impossible to bring such changes as a whole...


if you are a boy, then say no to your parents if they are asking for dowry from your fiancee.. and if you are a girl.. then don't let your parents bend their heads low and accept all the dirty demands of your would be husband's family...

that's the only solution...


laws do exist against dowry... so people have just changed its name to 'love for your daughter'...they do it indirectly coz nobody wants to get caught... they have found out the loopholes in this too...



@LoveOnlyAsya-- Di.. just like you, in my family too, dowry has never been practised...

when my cousin sisters were getting married, my jijus were asked if they wanted anything or not...

one of my jijus threatened us that he would call off the wedding if my sister even brings winter garments along with her... (they were married in the month of june)

and my cousin brothers have also never taken anything from my bhabi's family...

and i am pretty much SURE that my parents will not even entertain such demands when i will be getting married... 

i am a single child of my parents and they have taught me to never give in to all these...
 
so ya... WE are the ones to do it...THERE IS NO OTHER WAY OUT!!!! 


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vinita459Divya.S.RChocoBerrySaima-SyedraneebLinsie

sweet4shehzadi Senior Member
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Posted: 16 June 2014 at 7:02am | IP Logged
amazing
awesome
fantastic
brilliant
wonderful
fabulous topic di
agree with you di
we need to stop this Dowry System
in fact i have seen my people giving money other things to grooms family
on the name of culture or to see their daughter living comfortably



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vinita459farz_parachuteBeYourselfSaima-SyedraneebLinsie

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Posted: 16 June 2014 at 7:11am | IP Logged
Originally posted by sweet4shehzadi

amazing
awesome
fantastic
brilliant
wonderful
fabulous topic di



So many adjectives!


Each one true.



This thread too is awesome fantastic brilliant wonderful fabulous.


And I feel like it's really intellectual. Not at all a waste of time. Discussing issues. And sharing thoughts on them.


And be fun.


;)

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vinita459BeYourselfSaima-SyedraneebLinsie

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Posted: 16 June 2014 at 7:14am | IP Logged
Originally posted by farz_parachute

Originally posted by sweet4shehzadi

amazing
awesome
fantastic
brilliant
wonderful
fabulous topic di



So many adjectives!


Each one true.



This thread too is awesome fantastic brilliant wonderful fabulous.


And I feel like it's really intellectual. Not at all a waste of time. Discussing issues. And sharing thoughts on them.


And be fun.


;)

i agree too...

this thread deals with Reality... the problems in Reality... and their Solutions of course...  

i love it when i get to read so many different views of different people from different parts of the world...   Smile

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