Qubool Hai


Qubool Hai
Qubool Hai

The Yummy Mummy's of QH: Topic Six 01.07.14 - Pg 82 (Page 75)

farz_parachute IF-Rockerz

Joined: 29 April 2013
Posts: 8269

Posted: 15 June 2014 at 9:37am | IP Logged
22 minutes to Monday here.

New topic coming soon!

I so badly want something interesting *that I'm interested in* and not something else *where I can't strut my stuff Haha*

But but but.

I cannot come here.

This place is addictive.

So very very.

And exams! So yeah.

I want it. But I don't want it. *I so want it!!!!*

The following 6 member(s) liked the above post:


Tamara27 IF-Rockerz

Joined: 08 June 2013
Posts: 4640

Posted: 15 June 2014 at 1:13pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by farz_parachute

22 minutes to Monday here.

New topic coming soon!

I so badly want something interesting *that I'm interested in* and not something else *where I can't strut my stuff Haha*

But but but.

I cannot come here.

This place is addictive.

So very very.

And exams! So yeah.

I want it. But I don't want it. *I so want it!!!!*

It's only just past 21h00 here...

Farz, you're so right. This place is addictive.

But once I gave my 2/5c worth earlier in the week, I did manage to stay off.

Let's see what the next topic is... LOL

The following 6 member(s) liked the above post:


Saima-Syed IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 05 November 2012
Posts: 17911

Posted: 15 June 2014 at 5:49pm | IP Logged
The Dowry System

We live in the 21st century...or do we?

We live in a world that screams out equality and stands up protesting against violence towards women...is that really true?

Thousands of families across the world, many from under privileged look upon their baby girls as a burden...why?

I once asked my cousin why do you people always raise an eyebrow when a baby girl is born, is she not a blessing, should you not just be thankful that at least you have a child.

Her reply

It is not because she is a a girl or she is not a blessing, it's because one day she will leave to be someone else's and in a culture where you are expected to lower you heads and bow down as no parent will ever want to see their daughter suffer

Suffer...Why suffer?

Why lower your heads...just because you are the parent of a daughter.

The dowry system is deep rooted and has been embedded in Asian culture for centuries. Dowry has become a prerequisite for any marriage, it doesn't matter what class you come from what cultural values you hold or what God you bow down to. Everyone seems to be drawn into a system that should have been outlawed years ago. In some places it may have been but who is there to monitor or watch over...I doubt anyone.

Personally I think it's an act of evil, parents start saving money or putting things aside for their daughters from the time they are born. I talk from experience, my own mother gave me a dinner set that she bought before I even knew how to walk, I still have it, I am so scared to use it just in case I break it. I know the struggles my patents went through and to think at a time like that she brought me a dinner set for my wedding. My mum have me everything when I got married, a brand new tv, bedroom furniture, kitchen machinery, gold jewellery, you name it I had it...but I got married in Pakistan. I asked my mum, did they ask you for all this? She said 'no, but isn't it better to give without being asked...and it's for you'. I lived in Pakistan for 4 weeks after I got married...so who was it really for? 'Its how things work here Saima, it's ok...' Actually mum, no it's not ok. You practice something because it's how things work?

What angered me even further was when a few days later women from their neighbourhood came to see me went on to directly ask what my parents had given in Dahej. And luckily my in-laws had enough to proudly show off. 

I am not saying parents shouldn't buy their daughters gifts, every parent wants to see their daughter living comfortably, what I am saying is that the practice of families actively asking for money or luxury goods should stop. it is not uncommon for women to be subjected to abuse because her family have not given enough rupees or gold coins or cars...the list is never ending and so is the abuse inflicted on young girls.

The dowry system should not be condoned nor encourage and never contributed to. I have seen one too many documentaries based on women from the Asian sub continent who have been killed, tortured physically and emotionally or simply dumped because of the lack of dowry provided. Is man really that greedy, what I don't understand is that how anyone who has a daughter of their own be so evil, so hurtful to someone else's daughter.

I am a Muslim and the giving of Dowry is forbidden, am sure other religions must have similar beliefs. Why practice something that is not part of your religious belief, I am a mother of a daughter and know that I will definitely be educating her, supporting her to become strong and independent and stand against evil that is subjected to our women in any form or shape.

Come on you all, please stand up and say no to this evil, say no to the dowry system because of which young women suffer, underprivileged families suffer. 

Money does not make the world go round, love, peace and happiness does.

Please respects everyone's personal opinions, for further rules refer to page 1.

Edited by Saima-Syed - 15 June 2014 at 5:58pm

The following 11 member(s) liked the above post:


BeYourself IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 24 November 2013
Posts: 23372

Posted: 15 June 2014 at 10:04pm | IP Logged
Once again...another brilliant topic!!!! 

DOWRY... i believe is the beginning of different problems that comes in any marriage...and often gives rise to problems after the marriage...

if a girl's family is unable to meet the demands of the groom's family, the bride is insulted and then Domestic Violence comes into action!!!  

again... if the woman fails to give them a son, then the things get worse... they start saving money for the new born daughter's wedding.. or, the woman is just thrown out of the house along with her daughter...

it's difficult to say, where the root exactly lies... i believe it's in a person's brain!!!
it's difficult to cut out the root from the minds of millions and millions of people!!!!

i was in my second year of college... and we were asked to make a presentation on any non-technical topic...

i chose 'Crimes against Women', which i believe is something that needs our attention...

i mentioned several topics like Female Foeticide, Child Marriage, Domestic Violence and definitely DOWRY of course!!!! 

i mentioned several incidents related to it...where the girls were even tortured to death...

i was going fine with the presentation... but then i noticed some changes in some boys... they were going restless and some of them just shook their heads...

i got a round of applause from 70% people of the hall, but 10% just looked up with a half-hearted smile and the rest 20% people just looked away..and their faces clearly said that they didn't agree to it!!! they were also ready to create a chaos in the middle of the presentation!!

our mentor asked them what was the problem about... THEY DISAGREED TO WHATEVER I SAID!!!!

on asking them their POV, one guy said :" ladki ko layenge, itne din rakhenge, khilayenge, pilayenge, toh uske maa baap se paisa nahi lenge kya??"
(not mentioning his religion/culture/state)

i was left shocked!!! Being this new generation, who are all set to get married in the next 4-5 years were having such mentality!!!

they have inherited it from their family tradition! and they are still not able to come out of it...

another instance,

my friend is getting married in two months...
we had always discussed about these things and had also decided to not give in to the demands of our future in laws, if they have any...

my friend is having an arranged marriage, and her in laws demanded Nothing!!!
yet, her parents are taking a loan of a HUGE amount... 

i asked her the reason for it...

she said-- we have to do it... even if they are not asking for it...

and that's true again... the groom's family is not asking for anything directly.. but they have expectations, which are quite HIGH!!!!! 

my question is, where did her resolve go now???

where did those thoughts vanish now, which were against the culture of Dowry even a year ago???

it's the responsibility of the younger generation to say NO to it.. and parents should also be well aware of the fact that, if once they give in, their daughter might get the love for a day or two... but in this way they are just fanning their demands..!!

the solution lies within US...  we were the ones to start this, and we can only stop it...

in well cultured families, no direct Dowry demands takes place, but all of this still happens in the name of the daughter's happiness...

Edited by BeYourself - 15 June 2014 at 10:12pm

The following 8 member(s) liked the above post:


Saima-Syed IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 05 November 2012
Posts: 17911

Posted: 15 June 2014 at 11:32pm | IP Logged

I totally agree the change can only be brought with US.

The response of that guy disgusted me, obviously he was not taught anything about the value of a woman.

A woman's happiness must never be weighed against how much her parents can give and continue to give.

Beautifully written my dearest.

Thank you for sharing your views 

The following 4 member(s) liked the above post:


Gulaabo IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 18 June 2011
Posts: 14753

Posted: 16 June 2014 at 12:12am | IP Logged
Hi everyone!!
This time the topic is wonderful...
DOWRY...something very ewww!!!

I completely agree with you saima di that birth of a girl is still mourned over in certain parts of our country. In earlier times it was okay because people had regressive thoughts and being dominated by the males was considered good...girls were not educated and so the boy's parents asked for money n other things to repay them as they have educated and made him suitable to fulfil the responsibilities of their girl. 

But now things have changed...girls are educated and walk hand in hand with boys then the question of extracting money from a girl's parent seems foolish.

And regarding the line that most of the people say...We don't want anything, give whatever you want with love to your daughter...!!! Hmph...that's downright stupid...Can parents' love be measured by these material  things???

I dont know why in-spite of so much modernisation, why people are bending down in front of these demands??? What can I say about others when I have seen myself...a couple, husband a senior inspector and wife a sanskrit teacher in Kendriya Vidyalaya...they married off their daughter. They gave cash, a car worth 10 laks and dinner was so lavish and apart from that clothes and jewellery...everything!!!
But next time we met mam (wife was my school teacher) she told my mom thst her daughter's in-laws are still unsatisfied   And taunt her whenever possible...
Now?? When such educated, high class people are fulfiling such demands...what can we expect from middle class people? So disappointing...

Solution...not one person can solve this...not a girl...not a boy...we have to stand together!!
If we want to throw out this horrendous thing then we have to teach our girls to stand for themselves.

We have to teach our boys that they have their own capability and demanding more dowry doesn't make him superior. 

We have to teach our societies that girls are not low level creatures...they have their own value and she's not just a money making machine.

Only the social workers cant do that...we...means the people from every part of society should join hands.

But the problem is so deeply rooted that I am unsure how much and when we would be able to say a big NO!!??

I hope people understand soon that once a person sees that a girl's parent is going out of the way to fulfil their unnecessary demands then they will turn into a wide mouthed monsters...needs will turn into desires and unnecessary desires give rise to crimes...domestic violence, divorces, suicides n homicides...
Our one step towards abolishing this social stigma can save us from so much...

I hope I made my points clear...
Waiting to read others views...


The following 6 member(s) liked the above post:


ChocoBerry IF-Rockerz

Joined: 26 August 2013
Posts: 8722

Posted: 16 June 2014 at 1:37am | IP Logged

Dowry. That definitely is an important topic Sis/Vinita.

Before I say anything I would like to send a quick prayer to the one above to have protected all my family (that includes all my cousin sisters and all my Sister in laws who have joined our family in the last decade or so) against this demon. We have really been a privileged family where none of us had to face this issue. Whether it was the in laws directly asking or indirectly asking for anything, we never faced this problem. And just to let you all understand better including my brother, my sister and me we are a total of 21 boys and girls in the family (maternal and paternal cousins included).So I say we are blessed to have not been touched by this demon. Whatever exchanges took place were with the happiness of the giving party, NOT the other way round.


Like Sis Saima, I have also seen documentaries and crime shows highlighting this issue and feel that the change can be brought only by US. To rid the society of this evil practice we being the next generation should put our foot down. I am a mother of a son and in no way will let there be exchange of any kind whenever my son gets married (he's only 6 now), but this is what I had seen at my wedding too. My in-laws took nothing as gifts for the extended family. Whatever little gifts(I mean in gold) that were given to my father in law, mother in law, brother in law and my husband was handed right back to me the first morning I woke up at my husband's house. I did tell my mother in law to keep it as it was all for them but she refused saying she had already told my parents not to get into all this as she didn't approve of it at all. So learning from my experience I will too not be allowing any such things happening at my son's wedding.


But am sure my in laws are a one in a million kind of a people. But the rest of the world is not like them. If not a long list being handed directly to the girls family, the grooms side always comes up with things like whatever you are giving is for your daughter, for her comfort and blah blah blah. I want to ask these people, would they never have brought all those things like dinner sets, refrigerator, a few sarees, a microwave, a food processor and things that are normally used around the house. How would they be living then?


Would like to share my life's experience here where I attended the wedding of my friend, and please remember it was a love marriage. After her schooling my friend moved to The UK with her parents. She had been in a relationship with the boy for some time, they were successful in maintaining their long distance relationship and finally they were to get married. She is from a middle class family but on the demands of the groom's parents, the wedding was organized at one of the best farm houses back here in Delhi. The amount of things, and believe me it was a huge dowry, being given to the groom and his family were asked to be put out on display on the wedding day. The grooms side had asked for "gifts" for even a new born baby in the extended family, something like a Chacha ke bte ka baby, shouldn't be saying it but they had taken clothes for the deceased grandparents too. Everyone who attended the wedding looked wide eyed at the display not believing something like this could happen too. It was just disgusting.


As already said by BeYourself and Srashti we need to bring the change and most importantly the groom's side need to open their eyes and see what all the father of the bride goes through to fulfill their demands. The would be brides and would be grooms of the next generation need to say NO to dowry. The change has to be brought from within.

The following 5 member(s) liked the above post:


farz_parachute IF-Rockerz

Joined: 29 April 2013
Posts: 8269

Posted: 16 June 2014 at 4:05am | IP Logged
In my country.

The guys gives the girl the dowry. Well not dowry. No, no, no! That's HARAM. But well.

Call it anything.


My parents gave the money to my sister and her husband for the down payment of their new place. And they even added to it. Money given by close family members for the wedding. After all it's 'our daughter'!

My sister and her husband (yeah my bro in law) got a wedding so lavish. Sure it wasn't royal like or fairy tale like but hey ho it was full on Bollywood style. Sis Saima you know what I'm talking about.

So if they dare complain.

Should they dare.

Ha. They don't dare.

And all those gifts? None is ours.

Okay maybe that extra water dispenser thing.

That's it.

The money all were given to the parents. For the parents. Since they are the host of the wedding. They paid for the wedding. Their friends. Their guests. Everything they did. The bride and groom only dressed up. And the guy said Aku terima nikahnya...oops I mean Qubool Hai. And the bride smiles.


They gave every last penny to both my sister and her husband.

Okay, maybe not every last penny. *Haha*


We were on the receiving end. Maybe we don't feel it so much?

My mother was very difficult. She put in her demands. My sister is a degree holder. She's working and earning. And she's the eldest. But we didn't take a single cent.

Oh and we gave plenty of gifts ourselves. You want some, you gotta give some back. But this is done in celebration.

Like Ayaan does it.

Tofa tofa tofa!! These are happy occasions!

Wedding!! Shaadi!!!!



I know of people who are only starting out in life. And they don't have enough to please future in laws and to pay for wedding. And house and car. And life.

And then people say don't get married until you're stable. Which is true, but can be burdensome..I mean. Jab ladka ladki razi then why wanna come in and play bad guy?


Am going real off topic here considering this is about dahej and being greedy.


Maybe they feel this is tradition? EFF Oh.

I'm picturing Haseena bi. Ugh. Greedy. Gluttony. Goway.

If the in laws are awesome...trust me people would want to give them gifts. No need to ask. Or if people are nice.


K. My 5sen.

The following 5 member(s) liked the above post:


Go to top

Related Topics

  Topics Author Replies Views Last Post
OS topic

2 3 4 5 6 7

Author: Niyati_T   Replies: 49   Views: 3397

Niyati_T 49 3397 29 May 2014 at 11:31pm by Niyati_T
off topic)What is Your Mother Tongue

2 3 4

Author: Aniha   Replies: 26   Views: 3854

Aniha 26 3854 24 May 2014 at 3:01am by shanu22
Please close this topic

Author: honeyriaz   Replies: 0   Views: 403

honeyriaz 0 403 18 April 2014 at 2:32pm by honeyriaz
Why no topic on today's episode

Author: sri7   Replies: 2   Views: 590

sri7 2 590 26 March 2014 at 5:35pm by lovetvs
Please Close Topic!

Author: SprinklesOfLove   Replies: 3   Views: 1140

SprinklesOfLove 3 1140 18 March 2014 at 1:59am by riddhi1206

Forum Quick Jump

Forum Category / Channels

Qubool Hai Topic Index

Check these Celebrity also

Disclaimer: All Logos and Pictures of various Channels, Shows, Artistes, Media Houses, Companies, Brands etc. belong to their respective owners, and are used to merely visually identify the Channels, Shows, Companies, Brands, etc. to the viewer. Incase of any issue please contact the webmaster.

Popular Channels :
Star Plus | Zee TV | Sony TV | Colors TV | SAB TV | Life OK

Quick Links :
Top 100 TV Celebrities | Top 100 Bollywood Celebs | About Us | Contact Us | Advertise | Forum Index