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The Yummy Mummy's of QH: Topic Six 01.07.14 - Pg 82 (Page 74)

raneeb IF-Stunnerz
raneeb
raneeb

Joined: 02 July 2012
Posts: 26002

Posted: 10 June 2014 at 11:18am | IP Logged
Originally posted by -StarsLinedUp-

Here's my story!!!Wink
 

So moral of the story..

Cheating...leaving..forgiving..they all are subjective to a situation...and also the strength of your relationship if its worth fighting for or not...

And no I don't agree relationships need constant work...atleast not for rebuilding the foundation all the time...the work for me...is when we are introduced to something very new...and we both have diff views...on a daily basis...all our relationship needs is a hug..a kiss..a joke...a smirk...and a sassy comment... and we are good...cos we know..the base at which this relationship stands...is the eternal kind...

Cheating is degrading. For the person who does so..and the person its done to..it hits your confidence...and your faith...it makes you insecure...or you are insecure that's why you cheated...if the 2 are not getting along...have the b**ls to sit and discuss...I am not satisfied...or you are not attentive...or I need XYZ from you...

And for all of us..that are so rigid with our notions...it will change if it happens to you(which I wish never ever ever happens...from the bottom of my heart)..cos the situation will ask you to weigh in..see wats important...and how important...if your partner...doesn't show regret..and has no desire to change..you know what needs to be done..but if it's a mistake cos the partner is human...and had a lapse of judgement...think about it..wats the value of the relationship..and then decide...

Its not that black and white...you can leave..but the love wont!!! And love is the one thing..that is worth fighting for..

 

PS...ya...ho sake to ...don't get married..says all the married gals including me!!! TongueLOL



Fantastic --exactly the way I feel...
What is the value of the relationship? and that is the bottomline--you have to work from there--there are many shades of grey so dont be rigid and dont think it is either black or white!

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Posts: 3391

Posted: 10 June 2014 at 11:46am | IP Logged
Originally posted by raneeb

Originally posted by -StarsLinedUp-

Here's my story!!!Wink
 

So moral of the story..

Cheating...leaving..forgiving..they all are subjective to a situation...and also the strength of your relationship if its worth fighting for or not...

And no I don't agree relationships need constant work...atleast not for rebuilding the foundation all the time...the work for me...is when we are introduced to something very new...and we both have diff views...on a daily basis...all our relationship needs is a hug..a kiss..a joke...a smirk...and a sassy comment... and we are good...cos we know..the base at which this relationship stands...is the eternal kind...

Cheating is degrading. For the person who does so..and the person its done to..it hits your confidence...and your faith...it makes you insecure...or you are insecure that's why you cheated...if the 2 are not getting along...have the b**ls to sit and discuss...I am not satisfied...or you are not attentive...or I need XYZ from you...

And for all of us..that are so rigid with our notions...it will change if it happens to you(which I wish never ever ever happens...from the bottom of my heart)..cos the situation will ask you to weigh in..see wats important...and how important...if your partner...doesn't show regret..and has no desire to change..you know what needs to be done..but if it's a mistake cos the partner is human...and had a lapse of judgement...think about it..wats the value of the relationship..and then decide...

Its not that black and white...you can leave..but the love wont!!! And love is the one thing..that is worth fighting for..

 

PS...ya...ho sake to ...don't get married..says all the married gals including me!!! TongueLOL



Fantastic --exactly the way I feel...
What is the value of the relationship? and that is the bottomline--you have to work from there--there are many shades of grey so dont be rigid and dont think it is either black or white!
See in my case...I did leave..I did follow my ethics..that cheating=bye bye...
But the love was too strong...neither of us tried to get back..but somehow we did...n it was easy...the only thing that I told was...its not my right to forgive..cos I am not that big...forgiveness according to me is god sent...I am just a girl...
the forgetting was hard..but wat made it easier was...his actions..his changing things and making the right efforts.He was a different man..and strangely...it strengthend our relationship...we love more..and are more commited...
 
 

The following 6 member(s) liked the above post:

vinita459Emaani.95Perfectionist2BeYourselfSaima-SyedLinsie

Perfectionist2 IF-Dazzler
Perfectionist2
Perfectionist2

Joined: 12 March 2013
Posts: 3976

Posted: 10 June 2014 at 6:17pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by -StarsLinedUp-

<font size="2" face="Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif">Here's my story!!!Wink </font>
<font size="2" face="Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif"></font>


<font size="2" face="Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif">I've been in a situation like this..the only difference it was before I got married...He was my first love...the one that I married...I had no past..nothing that would pull me back...but his was the other way round...</font>


<font size="2" face="Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif">We were best of friends...and even though he had never officially informed me about his girlfriend...I knew he was dating her. Then things changed between us...our paradigms shifted and he pursued me...I wasn't sure..so I dragged him along for almost 4 months before I said wat needed to be said...it was good..The relationship was not a fling..it was for real..for keeps...and it was more than just instant gratification... The only glitch..I wasn't the only one...</font>


<font size="2" face="Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif">I don't know if I should call this cheating or...a transition that was left stranded for a while...</font>


<font size="2" face="Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif">When I found out..he hadn't said goodbye to his old flame...I said goodbye...I walked...First time in my life...something didn't feel right in me...So far in my 22 years...I had always been sure..never wavered. Never doubted. Never feared...now these emotions were seeping in..</font>


<font size="2" face="Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif">But strangely..here we are...happy...loyal and content in our own lil world...we fight and have arguments...but that's never for a possibility of infidelity...he is not restricted to talk to girls..and me to guys...We compare notes all the time...how hot is that guy I say..he agrees or disagrees. He is charming for some reason I can understand cos that never worked on me..but I have seen girls..act goofy in front of him...I laugh...he is embaressed...wen I point that out..</font>


<font size="2" face="Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif">He's been there done that...and I know...for a fact...he cant anymore..he's had options...and he never ventured... and I know where his heart lays...with me...I don't care about anything else...</font>


<font size="2" face="Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif"></font>


<font size="2" face="Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif">So moral of the story..</font>


<font size="2" face="Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif">Cheating...leaving..forgiving..they all are subjective to a situation...and also the strength of your relationship if its worth fighting for or not...</font>


<font size="2" face="Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif">And no I don't agree relationships need constant work...atleast not for rebuilding the foundation all the time...the work for me...is when we are introduced to something very new...and we both have diff views...on a daily basis...all our relationship needs is a hug..a kiss..a joke...a smirk...and a sassy comment... and we are good...cos we know..the base at which this relationship stands...is the eternal kind...</font>


<font size="2" face="Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif">Cheating is degrading. For the person who does so..and the person its done to..it hits your confidence...and your faith...it makes you insecure...or you are insecure that's why you cheated...if the 2 are not getting along...have the b**ls to sit and discuss...I am not satisfied...or you are not attentive...or I need XYZ from you... </font>


<font size="2" face="Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif">And for all of us..that are so rigid with our notions...it will change if it happens to you(which I wish never ever ever happens...from the bottom of my heart)..cos the situation will ask you to weigh in..see wats important...and how important...if your partner...doesn't show regret..and has no desire to change..you know what needs to be done..but if it's a mistake cos the partner is human...and had a lapse of judgement...think about it..wats the value of the relationship..and then decide...</font>


<font size="2" face="Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif">Its not that black and white...you can leave..but the love wont!!! And love is the one thing..that is worth fighting for..</font>


<font size="2" face="Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif"></font>


<font size="2" face="Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif">PS...ya...ho sake to ...don't get married..says all the married gals including me!!! TongueLOL</font>



Aashna you narrated to me your story before n hence I know.
But I would not call that cheating.

Also each relationship is different. N I am just defending what I meant by hardwork.
We blend in that is work in progress according to me. We adjust n make amends. It applies to both people involved.
To each their own
After 12 years of being with an extremely serious reserved man who speaks hardly.
My relationship is constant hardwork.
I am the talker. He is the listener.
I am the crazy. He is the rational.

As much as articles speak otherwise. I get tired being the bearer. Being the lover. Being the one who asks or makes conversation.
Oh I speak my mind. All the time.
But I can't n dont want to change my mans personality.
So when I hear someones husband whispered sweet nothings.
I question is my man still in love or is that just a tedious marriage. I am human.
It takes me time n procrastination n lot more to understand my man is just lazy.
He loves me but his ways of showing he loves me is different from the documented.
Believe me its hard work.
But that is just my case. I decided to love a serious geek.
He doesn't call me beautiful but will buy me the best gadgets in town.
She will gladly design a Web page. Encourage my writing.
Will smile flushed when I make him read the comments I received when I wrote erotica.
He cooks for me. But will limit to 5 lines of conversation each day.
Yes I tell him every day I am on a diet n once I lose weight I am putting myself in the market.
To which he mocks me... MOCKS ME...

The following 9 member(s) liked the above post:

vinita459rajsmi-StarsLinedUp-Emaani.95farz_parachuteTamara27Saima-SyedBeYourselfLinsie

-StarsLinedUp- IF-Dazzler
-StarsLinedUp-
-StarsLinedUp-

Joined: 25 September 2013
Posts: 3391

Posted: 10 June 2014 at 6:51pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by Perfectionist2

Originally posted by -StarsLinedUp-

<font size="2" face="Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif">Here's my story!!!Wink </font>
<font size="2" face="Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif"></font>


<font size="2" face="Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif">I've been in a situation like this..the only difference it was before I got married...He was my first love...the one that I married...I had no past..nothing that would pull me back...but his was the other way round...</font>


<font size="2" face="Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif">We were best of friends...and even though he had never officially informed me about his girlfriend...I knew he was dating her. Then things changed between us...our paradigms shifted and he pursued me...I wasn't sure..so I dragged him along for almost 4 months before I said wat needed to be said...it was good..The relationship was not a fling..it was for real..for keeps...and it was more than just instant gratification... The only glitch..I wasn't the only one...</font>


<font size="2" face="Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif">I don't know if I should call this cheating or...a transition that was left stranded for a while...</font>


<font size="2" face="Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif">When I found out..he hadn't said goodbye to his old flame...I said goodbye...I walked...First time in my life...something didn't feel right in me...So far in my 22 years...I had always been sure..never wavered. Never doubted. Never feared...now these emotions were seeping in..</font>


<font size="2" face="Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif">But strangely..here we are...happy...loyal and content in our own lil world...we fight and have arguments...but that's never for a possibility of infidelity...he is not restricted to talk to girls..and me to guys...We compare notes all the time...how hot is that guy I say..he agrees or disagrees. He is charming for some reason I can understand cos that never worked on me..but I have seen girls..act goofy in front of him...I laugh...he is embaressed...wen I point that out..</font>


<font size="2" face="Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif">He's been there done that...and I know...for a fact...he cant anymore..he's had options...and he never ventured... and I know where his heart lays...with me...I don't care about anything else...</font>


<font size="2" face="Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif"></font>


<font size="2" face="Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif">So moral of the story..</font>


<font size="2" face="Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif">Cheating...leaving..forgiving..they all are subjective to a situation...and also the strength of your relationship if its worth fighting for or not...</font>


<font size="2" face="Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif">And no I don't agree relationships need constant work...atleast not for rebuilding the foundation all the time...the work for me...is when we are introduced to something very new...and we both have diff views...on a daily basis...all our relationship needs is a hug..a kiss..a joke...a smirk...and a sassy comment... and we are good...cos we know..the base at which this relationship stands...is the eternal kind...</font>


<font size="2" face="Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif">Cheating is degrading. For the person who does so..and the person its done to..it hits your confidence...and your faith...it makes you insecure...or you are insecure that's why you cheated...if the 2 are not getting along...have the b**ls to sit and discuss...I am not satisfied...or you are not attentive...or I need XYZ from you... </font>


<font size="2" face="Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif">And for all of us..that are so rigid with our notions...it will change if it happens to you(which I wish never ever ever happens...from the bottom of my heart)..cos the situation will ask you to weigh in..see wats important...and how important...if your partner...doesn't show regret..and has no desire to change..you know what needs to be done..but if it's a mistake cos the partner is human...and had a lapse of judgement...think about it..wats the value of the relationship..and then decide...</font>


<font size="2" face="Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif">Its not that black and white...you can leave..but the love wont!!! And love is the one thing..that is worth fighting for..</font>


<font size="2" face="Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif"></font>


<font size="2" face="Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif">PS...ya...ho sake to ...don't get married..says all the married gals including me!!! TongueLOL</font>



Aashna you narrated to me your story before n hence I know.
But I would not call that cheating.

Also each relationship is different. N I am just defending what I meant by hardwork.
We blend in that is work in progress according to me. We adjust n make amends. It applies to both people involved.
To each their own
After 12 years of being with an extremely serious reserved man who speaks hardly.
My relationship is constant hardwork.
I am the talker. He is the listener.
I am the crazy. He is the rational.

As much as articles speak otherwise. I get tired being the bearer. Being the lover. Being the one who asks or makes conversation.
Oh I speak my mind. All the time.
But I can't n dont want to change my mans personality.
So when I hear someones husband whispered sweet nothings.
I question is my man still in love or is that just a tedious marriage. I am human.
It takes me time n procrastination n lot more to understand my man is just lazy.
He loves me but his ways of showing he loves me is different from the documented.
Believe me its hard work.
But that is just my case. I decided to love a serious geek.
He doesn't call me beautiful but will buy me the best gadgets in town.
She will gladly design a Web page. Encourage my writing.
Will smile flushed when I make him read the comments I received when I wrote erotica.
He cooks for me. But will limit to 5 lines of conversation each day.
Yes I tell him every day I am on a diet n once I lose weight I am putting myself in the market.
To which he mocks me... MOCKS ME...


sweetheart...he loves you simple as that...and he balances you more than anything else...I am somewhat like you...add impulsive...crude...brash...and mean...and for girls like us...we need that rational...strong silent kinds...they keep us grounded...cos otherwise imagine...with a tongue that doesnt have filters and a mind that knows how to bruise inflated egos..who would look past that to find a love worthy gal??

Mine is not the silent kinds...he is more of the brooding kinds...a typical crab...retracts at confrontation...you know what he gifts me for birthday's...imgaine this...a hard hard bar of candy...for which u need a hammer just to break it into pieces...he has quirky gift ideas...I know now ud say atleast he gifts you something...LOL...but its wat u want naa..not wat he gives..TongueLOL

He also never expresses how deeply he feels for me...yes he call me his baccha and treats me like one...and stands by me as my sous chef..helping me out..but he can be a bore.His idea of a weekend is to laze at home watching tv...and dozing off..


As for hard work...I guess I choose not to see it that way...of course I need to adjust..I am doing so right as I speak..with his family and their ways...and his odd wishes..but I am a stubborn...gal...I tend to give him a hard time..make him work...well that's where I can tell him..I gave you a chance now u need to deal with my tantrums...

Hard work is agreeing to the same thing...no agreeing to take the same path to the very same destination..hard work is..waking him up and telling him lets go someplace..ur silly everyday tantrums are hard work..but the relationship..wat we have..is not..its the only constant thing..his wamr cozy hugs..and his calling me baccha...now I dont need to work hard on that...n I bet you dont need to work hard on loving him...n he u...cos thats just there...it got u together at such a young age..and here you are..Wink

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vinita459rajsmiPerfectionist2BeYourselfSaima-SyedLinsie

Perfectionist2 IF-Dazzler
Perfectionist2
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Joined: 12 March 2013
Posts: 3976

Posted: 10 June 2014 at 6:59pm | IP Logged
OMG another epiphany! !!!!

Hot Sexy Boyfriend = Lazy Husband

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vinita459-StarsLinedUp-BeYourselfSaima-SyedLinsie

-StarsLinedUp- IF-Dazzler
-StarsLinedUp-
-StarsLinedUp-

Joined: 25 September 2013
Posts: 3391

Posted: 10 June 2014 at 7:05pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by Perfectionist2

OMG another epiphany! !!!!

Hot Sexy Boyfriend = Lazy Husband

Once they have you..they know ur not going newhere..hence the lazy...watch them wen u actually start slipping away...wen u dont even tryLOL

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vinita459Perfectionist2Saima-SyedBeYourselfLinsie

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BeYourself
BeYourself

Joined: 24 November 2013
Posts: 23373

Posted: 10 June 2014 at 10:12pm | IP Logged
So many of you have shared your personal experiences, so i thought of doing mine too...it isn't anything about me, but about one of my cousins...

We are from a  non conservative family, yet my sister chose to have an arranged marriage coz love didn't happen to her... But she got married to the person whom she knew since many years and was chosen by her parents...

They got married and had their best time in their 2 months long honeymoon in abroad...

They came  back and my sister found out about her husband's affair when she was trying her best to get used to her new lifestyle...

She didn't act like a typical wife,instead, she chose to question him directly...
and he, like a 'satyapujari', agreed that he was having an affair...

it was just 2 and a half months to their marriage when my sister got that blow...

she found out that he was attracted to this girl since before their marriage, but it all kick started after they were back from honeymoon..

she decided to talk about it with her in laws... guess what they said: "aaj kal ke ladke aisa karte hai.. thoda adjust kar lo"

my sister is 'aaj kal ki ladki' too...but this type of cheating in marriages has nothing to do with 'aaj' or 'kal'... time might have changed, but the things on which marriages are based on didn't!!!


she still decided to go for a second chance..she didn't shout, didn't over react... she asked him to break all his ties with that woman..but he was not ready to do that...
so the option of second chance did not exist anymore..


she asked him to say the truth... she asked him if he could ever be faithful to their marriage.. he said he was faithful even now..he has no plans to leave my sister..but he can't leave that woman too...
in marriages speaking the truth is important...here, he did speak the truth...


she still had hope... she asked him if those 2 months had any importance to him or not.. he said they were the loveliest days of his life till now.. my sister had more hope then...she again went back to the second chance thing... but his answer did not change...

trust me, if he would have agreed to give this a change again, she would have happily forgiven him.. and it would be easier too as the newness in their marriage was her best weapon...


she called up her dad when her repetitive efforts were a constant failure..the jerk was ready for a divorce, as he claimed that  it was for my sister's happiness...
she didn't say anything more.. and just left...


those two months were  supposed to be the best days of her life too... she was already in love with him, and thought that he was too, which he never denied by the way...

she was mentally, emotionally and physically attached to him..and now she feels like she was nothing more than a commodity in his life...


where was her fault in all this?? her husband was honest to her but honesty didn't come into play when it was about their sacred bond... he did accept that he was cheating on her...but did that help her in any way?? may be yes.. she doesn't believe in marriages any more... she is the only child of her parents... and her parents feel extremely guilty for ruining her life, which i believe was not their fault...


so ya... sometimes infidelity in marriages can break your partner beyond repair...it's harmless if it is only attraction...

so why did he get married?? because of the dowry that he would get in the wedding?? No... there was no dowry thing.. we are strictly against it... 
then why did he do this?? his answer is still the same: No Answer at all!!!! 

bloody *beep beep* jerk!!



Edited by BeYourself - 10 June 2014 at 10:27pm

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Posts: 1927

Posted: 10 June 2014 at 10:43pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by BeYourself

So many of you have shared your personal experiences, so i thought of doing mine too...it isn't anything about me, but about one of my cousins...

We are from a non conservative family, yet my sister chose to have an arranged marriage coz love didn't happen to her... But she got married to the person whom she knew since many years and was chosen by her parents...

They got married and had their best time in their 2 months long honeymoon in abroad...

They came back and my sister found out about her husband's affair when she was trying her best to get used to her new lifestyle...

She didn't act like a typical wife,instead, she chose to question him directly...
and he, like a 'satyapujari', agreed that he was having an affair...

it was just 2 and a half months to their marriage when my sister got that blow...

she found out that he was attracted to this girl since before their marriage, but it all kick started after they were back from honeymoon..

she decided to talk about it with her in laws... guess what they said: "aaj kal ke ladke aisa karte hai.. thoda adjust kar lo"

my sister is 'aaj kal ki ladki' too...but this type of cheating in marriages has nothing to do with 'aaj' or 'kal'... time might have changed, but the things on which marriages are based on didn't!!!


she still decided to go for a second chance..she didn't shout, didn't over react... she asked him to break all his ties with that woman..but he was not ready to do that...
so the option of second chance did not exist anymore..


she asked him to say the truth... she asked him if he could ever be faithful to their marriage.. he said he was faithful even now..he has no plans to leave my sister..but he can't leave that woman too...
in marriages speaking the truth is important...here, he did speak the truth...


she still had hope... she asked him if those 2 months had any importance to him or not.. he said they were the loveliest days of his life till now.. my sister had more hope then...she again went back to the second chance thing... but his answer did not change...

trust me, if he would have agreed to give this a change again, she would have happily forgiven him.. and it would be easier too as the newness in their marriage was her best weapon...


she called up her dad when her repetitive efforts were a constant failure..the jerk was ready for a divorce, as he claimed that it was for my sister's happiness...
she didn't say anything more.. and just left...


those two months were supposed to be the best days of her life too... she was already in love with him, and thought that he was too, which he never denied by the way...

she was mentally, emotionally and physically attached to him..and now she feels like she was nothing more than a commodity in his life...


where was her fault in all this?? her husband was honest to her but honesty didn't come into play when it was about their sacred bond... he did accept that he was cheating on her...but did that help her in any way?? may be yes.. she doesn't believe in marriages any more... she is the only child of her parents... and her parents feel extremely guilty for ruining her life, which i believe was not their fault...


so ya... sometimes infidelity in marriages can break your partner beyond repair...it's harmless if it is only attraction...

so why did he get married?? because of the dowry that he would get in the wedding?? No... there was no dowry thing.. we are strictly against it...
then why did he do this?? his answer is still the same: No Answer at all!!!!

bloody *beep beep* jerk!!




This is a real sad story Cry
I am feeling so bad for your cousin ... What did that jacka** get out this?
Why did he ruin her life.
These stupid guys ... can't open their mouth in front of their parents and get marry under pressure.
I am sure his parents must be aware of his affair already Angry

I hope your cousin find someone who loves her dearly and once again make her believe in the sacred bond of marriage.

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