The Yummy Mummy's of QH: Topic Six 01.07.14 - Pg 82 (Page 72) | 3816555

Tamara27 IF-Rockerz

Joined: 08 June 2013
Posts: 4640

Posted: 09 June 2014 at 7:54am | IP Logged

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Originally posted by farz_parachute

Originally posted by Tamara27

Originally posted by farz_parachute

Originally posted by Tamara27

New Topic!

Every Monday!

You bored with this one!Hehe!

Or wait.

You bored with...me?

Farz, you could never bore me!
I just had too much to say on this topic :)

Now I shall give my measly 2c worth on today's topic, tomorrow once I've had a good sleep.

For 2c...you're taking an awful lot if time!

Not that I think that's the worth. Here there's no more 1 cent coin.

The smallest is five!

So measly or not. I want my 5c worth.

What? The price has gone up?

To the largest bill?

Fine. Here's 100. Equivalent to at least 35USD.

Yeah. Quit smiling start typing.

I like the name Tamara. Tak Marah. Not Angry.

I'll shut up now.

Oh but before that.

Coming to my 5c. It's a question. *as if you can expect anything else from me*

Does it matter if he comes clean, and he wasn't caught?

*feeling very mature and intelligent*

Actually you're right. The smallest we have right now too is 5c LOL

I think yes, it would make a difference if he came clean. My answer was totally based on that scenario. I think I would totally freak out at first, no doubt... but then I guess my rational mind would come into play.

Call me an idiot, but I'm a firm believer in second chances.

But then again, I could totally be talking out of my you-know-what right now, considering it has never happened. And if you knew my hubby, you'd also know that it actually would never happen.

So maybe in this case, I shouldn't even give 2c worth...

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Tamara27 IF-Rockerz

Joined: 08 June 2013
Posts: 4640

Posted: 09 June 2014 at 7:56am | IP Logged

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Originally posted by farz_parachute

Originally posted by Tamara27

Speaking strictly for myself, I would have to say that these kinds of things arent black and white.

If my hubby had to cheat, and it was a one time thing, never to occur again, and I was absolutely sure of his love... I would forgive.

What constitutes cheating?

Sex. Emotional bonding. Either on its own or even worse... both of them together.

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Tamara27 IF-Rockerz

Joined: 08 June 2013
Posts: 4640

Posted: 09 June 2014 at 8:01am | IP Logged

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Originally posted by farz_parachute

Originally posted by Tamara27

Originally posted by farz_parachute

Originally posted by Tamara27

New Topic!

Every Monday!

You bored with this one!Hehe!

Or wait.

You bored with...me?

Farz, you could never bore me!
I just had too much to say on this topic :)

Now I shall give my measly 2c worth on today's topic, tomorrow once I've had a good sleep.

For 2c...you're taking an awful lot if time!

Not that I think that's the worth. Here there's no more 1 cent coin.

The smallest is five!

So measly or not. I want my 5c worth.

What? The price has gone up?

To the largest bill?

Fine. Here's 100. Equivalent to at least 35USD.

Yeah. Quit smiling start typing.

I like the name Tamara. Tak Marah. Not Angry.

I'll shut up now.

Oh but before that.

Coming to my 5c. It's a question. *as if you can expect anything else from me*

Does it matter if he comes clean, and he wasn't caught?

*feeling very mature and intelligent*

Tamara... apparently means PALM in Hebrew.

Apparently LOTUS in another language.

My mother said she just liked the name... LOL

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farz_parachute IF-Rockerz

Joined: 29 April 2013
Posts: 8269

Posted: 09 June 2014 at 8:03am | IP Logged

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Originally posted by Tamara27

Originally posted by farz_parachute

Originally posted by Tamara27

Speaking strictly for myself, I would have to say that these kinds of things arent black and white.

If my hubby had to cheat, and it was a one time thing, never to occur again, and I was absolutely sure of his love... I would forgive.

What constitutes cheating?

Sex. Emotional bonding. Either on its own or even worse... both of them together.

I think emotional bonding on its own is worst.

At least if there's sex too, clearly he's cheating. And if it's just sex that too.

But if it's just emotional bonding. How can you...I'm not sure what I'm asking. But how then?

Coz.

It's not sex.

So you know he's not THAT.

How do you deal with THIS?

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raneeb IF-Stunnerz

Joined: 02 July 2012
Posts: 26002

Posted: 09 June 2014 at 9:37am | IP Logged

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Marriage is much more than just romance-- love, respect, trust, aspirations, desires everything comes into play. Friendship is a must and if there is communication at all levels one can say the marriage is based on a solid foundation!

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Tamara27 IF-Rockerz

Joined: 08 June 2013
Posts: 4640

Posted: 09 June 2014 at 10:32am | IP Logged

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Originally posted by farz_parachute

Originally posted by Tamara27

Originally posted by farz_parachute

Originally posted by Tamara27

Speaking strictly for myself, I would have to say that these kinds of things arent black and white.

If my hubby had to cheat, and it was a one time thing, never to occur again, and I was absolutely sure of his love... I would forgive.

What constitutes cheating?

Sex. Emotional bonding. Either on its own or even worse... both of them together.

I think emotional bonding on its own is worst.

At least if there's sex too, clearly he's cheating. And if it's just sex that too.

But if it's just emotional bonding. How can you...I'm not sure what I'm asking. But how then?

Coz.

It's not sex.

So you know he's not THAT.

How do you deal with THIS?

Great question, Farz, but I'm afraid I don't know the answer...

I mean, emotional bonding would be 100 times worse than just sex, but how would you know?

People can be oblivious to growing feelings that start with friendship.

Would someone find it necessary to tell their spouse about the person they have become close to at work, say? You wouldn't, because it's just friendship and blahdy blah blah... but then, when does that line get crossed?

Not just physical, but when that person becomes the first person you want to tell something to... you're headed for dangerous ground.

And still then, I don't think people would confess to cheating because it's not what many people would call cheating.

Anyway, I'm clearly on some heavy meds, because neither do I think I've answered your question nor have I made much sense.

I should sign off now.

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rajsmi Goldie

Joined: 19 June 2013
Posts: 1225

Posted: 09 June 2014 at 11:43am | IP Logged

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A great topic but very difficult to answer...

As a woman very secure in my marriage, my opinion may be a safe answer perhaps. But a woman scorned will bring the house down and there is no forgiving there or forgetting!

But, with cheating, it means that one is or was not aware of what the other was doing- be it emotionally or physically. That is totally unfair and disrespectful for the other. I feel that if a relationship is not fulfilling to both, then it is better to end and set the other free. It is better that way, even if kids are involved.

The very word 'cheating' means to take something by breaking a law or lying.

So, if a spouse has cheated, I think it's time to move. But life is so complicated at times, that women would rather stay and smile through their life than break all barriers and stand tall and alone. Such is a life for a woman. She will be more forgiving than if a woman cheats and the man has to forgive.

Don't you think there are different standards for men and women?

Along with this topic, I was also wondering about this...

What kind of cheating? As Farz and Tamara were discussing- is it physical or emotional? When the physical wants and needs of the two individuals differ in a marriage, there is some level of unhappiness but in our Asian society, we learn to curb our needs and live with it. Is that fair or is it fair to let the spouse have an open marriage where the desires are fulfilled, but only physically. This kind of topic would be an open conversation in an ideal world between two married folks. But, I don't think it is ever acceptable...

This is a topic my husband and I often have and wonder how many are suffering through their whole life without having their physical desires fulfilled. After all, it is one aspect of need a human has, whether we equate it with the other necessities like breathing and eating or not, it is essential to some extent.

I would agree that an open marriage is the right solution when I feel for the person going through it but if it comes to my life, I may not be as accommodating. So, the opinion is def unbalanced.

Every marriage is different and is based on an understanding and belief created by the two to work for them. It may not be right in the eyes of others but if it works for them, so be it.

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swapno IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 13 August 2013
Posts: 11894

Posted: 09 June 2014 at 1:22pm | IP Logged

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A great topic I must say!! Clap

Well I can't tell how a bond of marriage work as I am unmarried. I live in Bangladesh and here infidelity is common and what I have seen that many women know about it and just keep silent because of her child!! But is it only her responsibility to take this much burden!!

Yes I said burden because I saw they are dying inside!! With hatred in mind they are living with their spouse!!

Infidelity in any bond is not excepted at all! Because it ruins humanity and never repaired!! Anyone who was cheated by her/his partner never trust her/him again!! (as fer as I saw). Not only this they do not believe anyone and have doubts !!

Not only the partner's children are also sufferer here!!

because the hatred they realized between their parent's bond does not make them to believe in a permanent relationships too (not for all case but almost all of them)

So I think it can't be forgiven at all...because the traces doubts can never be removed from the partners and ultimately distance creates!!

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The Yummy Mummy's of QH: Topic Six 01.07.14 - Pg 82 (Page 72)

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Tamara27 IF-Rockerz

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