Qubool Hai

India-Forums

   
Qubool Hai
Qubool Hai

The Yummy Mummy's of QH: Topic Six 01.07.14 - Pg 82 (Page 71)

raneeb IF-Stunnerz
raneeb
raneeb

Joined: 02 July 2012
Posts: 26002

Posted: 09 June 2014 at 9:37am | IP Logged

Marriage is much more than just romance-- love, respect, trust, aspirations, desires everything comes into play. Friendship is a must and if there is communication at all levels one can say the marriage is based on a solid foundation!
 

The following 6 member(s) liked the above post:

vinita459maha70farz_parachuteTamara27Saima-SyedLinsie

Tamara27 IF-Rockerz
Tamara27
Tamara27

Joined: 08 June 2013
Posts: 4640

Posted: 09 June 2014 at 10:32am | IP Logged
Originally posted by farz_parachute

Originally posted by Tamara27

Originally posted by farz_parachute

Originally posted by Tamara27



Speaking strictly for myself, I would have to say that these kinds of things arent black and white.

If my hubby had to cheat, and it was a one time thing, never to occur again, and I was absolutely sure of his love... I would forgive.



What constitutes cheating?




Sex. Emotional bonding. Either on its own or even worse... both of them together.



I think emotional bonding on its own is worst.


At least if there's sex too, clearly he's cheating. And if it's just sex that too.



But if it's just emotional bonding. How can you...I'm not sure what I'm asking. But how then?


Coz.



It's not sex.




So you know he's not THAT.



How do you deal with THIS?

Great question, Farz, but I'm afraid I don't know the answer...

I mean, emotional bonding would be 100 times worse than just sex, but how would you know?
People can be oblivious to growing feelings that start with friendship. 

Would someone find it necessary to tell their spouse about the person they have become close to at work, say? You wouldn't,  because it's just friendship and blahdy blah blah... but then, when does that line get crossed? 

Not just physical, but when that person becomes the first person you want to tell something to... you're headed for dangerous ground. 

And still then, I don't think people would confess to cheating because it's not what many people would call cheating.

Anyway, I'm clearly on some heavy meds, because neither do I think I've answered your question nor have I made much sense. 

I should sign off now.

The following 3 member(s) liked the above post:

vinita459Saima-SyedLinsie

rajsmi Goldie
rajsmi
rajsmi

Joined: 19 June 2013
Posts: 1225

Posted: 09 June 2014 at 11:43am | IP Logged
A great topic but very difficult to answer...
As a woman very secure in my marriage, my opinion may be a safe answer perhaps. But a woman scorned will bring the house down and there is no forgiving there or forgetting!

But, with cheating, it means that one is or was not aware of what the other was doing- be it emotionally or physically. That is totally unfair and disrespectful for the other. I feel that if a relationship is not fulfilling to both, then it is better to end and set the other free. It is better that way, even if kids are involved.

The very word 'cheating' means to take something by breaking a law or lying. 

So, if a spouse has cheated,  I think it's time to move. But life is so complicated at times, that women would rather stay and smile through their life than break all barriers and stand tall and alone. Such is a life for a woman. She will be more forgiving than if a woman cheats and the man has to forgive.

Don't you think there are different standards for men and women?

Along with this topic, I was also wondering about this...
What kind of cheating? As Farz and Tamara were discussing- is it physical or emotional? When the physical wants and needs of the two individuals differ in a marriage, there is some level of unhappiness but in our Asian society, we learn to curb our needs and live with it. Is that fair or is it fair to let the spouse have an open marriage where the desires are fulfilled, but only physically. This kind of topic would be an open conversation in an ideal world between two married folks. But, I don't think it is ever acceptable...

This is a topic my husband and  I often have and wonder how many are suffering through their whole life without having their physical desires fulfilled. After all, it is one aspect of need a human has, whether we equate it with the other necessities like breathing and eating or not, it is essential to some extent.

I would agree that an open marriage is the right solution when I feel for the person going through it but if it comes to my life, I may not be as accommodating. So, the opinion is def unbalanced. 
Every marriage is different and is based on an understanding and belief created by the two to work for them. It may not be right in the eyes of others but if it works for them, so be it.







The following 5 member(s) liked the above post:

vinita459Perfectionist2Saima-SyedraneebLinsie

swapno IF-Sizzlerz
swapno
swapno

Joined: 13 August 2013
Posts: 11894

Posted: 09 June 2014 at 1:22pm | IP Logged
A great topic I must say!! Clap
Well I can't tell how a bond of marriage work as I am unmarried. I live in Bangladesh and here infidelity is common and what I have seen that many women know about it and just keep silent because of her child!! But is it only her responsibility to take this much burden!! 
Yes I said burden because I saw they are dying inside!! With hatred in mind they are living with their spouse!! 
Infidelity in any bond is not excepted at all! Because it ruins humanity and never repaired!! Anyone who was cheated by her/his partner never trust her/him again!! (as fer as I saw). Not only this they do not believe anyone and have doubts !!
Not only the partner's children are also sufferer here!!
because the hatred they realized between their parent's bond does not make them to believe in a permanent relationships too (not for all case but almost all of them)
So I think it can't be forgiven at all...because the traces doubts can never be removed from the partners and ultimately distance creates!!

The following 8 member(s) liked the above post:

vinita459Perfectionist2Divya.S.RTamara27BeYourselfSaima-Syed-Anitha-Linsie

Perfectionist2 IF-Dazzler
Perfectionist2
Perfectionist2

Joined: 12 March 2013
Posts: 3925

Posted: 09 June 2014 at 8:43pm | IP Logged
I have read everyone's dollar and cents worth of input.
 
I have to say I have seen people cheat and remain unhappy in a marriage, I have friend with an open marriage who is unhappy with the relationship and insecure.
I have seen people committed in a marriage and still unhappy.
 
My Verdict - Marriage = Unhappiness.
 
Don't get married.
 
Easy said than done. Well my ship has sailed and I am married.
It might be easy to say I would never forgive infidelity. Being true and honest and committed to spouse is the ultimatum. There can't be IF's and If there has to be a BUT, it will be my foot on his butt. 
 
But see I can bet my BUTT that "HE" won't cheat. Doesn't have balls to.
He says I have set a bad example for all woman in general. Seriously how lazy is he.
 
 
Ok in all seriousness. I cheated once...
 
I was 24. Hubby was away overseas on a project. There was this guy in my Bangalore office who liked me. I lived in a different state so there was no meeting in person. He knew I was married and he still told me things like if you divorce I will marry you and shower me with compliments and flirt.
 
I felt great. Adrenalin rush. I felt special and important. Something I missed from my hubby then.
I flirted back. We exchanged emails. I wasn't going to break my marriage, I didn't love this guy, I still loved my husband. What was I thinking, I wasn't thinking but this was a good time pass till my man got home.
 
I decided to keep these details to myself and not get hubby involved. 
Hubby came back home after 6 months. Saw the emails one day and asked me only once what this is.
I replied It was harmless flirting. End of discussion.
Hubby never asked me anything else. He is this talks less, serious kinds. He treated me normally as if he knew I would never betray him. I began thinking if I would be ok if he flirted with his colleagues. And the answer was no. I was extremely grateful that hubby didn't make a fuss about this but I would have blown my top off if he did anything remotely similar.
I never spoke to that guy again. He called a few times and I told him I am busy. He got my point. 2 months later I switched jobs.
 
So did I cheat. I knew where this was going. I wanted the attention.
 
It wasn't physical or emotional cheating. But it was immoral.
 
I am glad hubby knew I loved him, he was mature and secure enough. And I don't think I can even think of cheating. But I got carried away momentarily and why one decides to cheat is still unclear.
 
If a marriage is dead there is no point in reviving it. IT is bound to remain lifeless.
I tell this to my husband every day. If he falls in love again, he should let me know and I will set him free.
 
Cheating is complicated. Some men/women are just dogs and bitches. To some it is where the needs of body meets the emotional security.
 
Often in a very happily married couple cheating begins because they have grown apart. They stopped making that effort to please one another. Taking each other for granted.
 
Marriage is a constant work in progress. Forever and Happily Ever After only exists in the FFs we write,In reality Forever involved a lot of headaches, fights and struggled understanding.
It also involves forgiveness which may not necessarily limit to just cheating.
 
I forgive him everyday for things big and small, for being this quiet, calm and seriously boring lazy man. And He forgives me for being a pain that he is committed to for the rest of his life.
 
Ok Am I drifting from the topic... If his Trunk was in some other junk I would chop it off.


Edited by Perfectionist2 - 09 June 2014 at 8:44pm

The following 11 member(s) liked the above post:

vinita459rajsmiDivya.S.Rfarz_parachuteChocoBerryTamara27Saima-SyedBeYourself-Anitha-raneebLinsie

rajsmi Goldie
rajsmi
rajsmi

Joined: 19 June 2013
Posts: 1225

Posted: 09 June 2014 at 9:33pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by Perfectionist2

I have read everyone's dollar and cents worth of input.
 
I have to say I have seen people cheat and remain unhappy in a marriage, I have friend with an open marriage who is unhappy with the relationship and insecure.
I have seen people committed in a marriage and still unhappy.
 
My Verdict - Marriage = Unhappiness.
 
Don't get married.
 
Easy said than done. Well my ship has sailed and I am married.
It might be easy to say I would never forgive infidelity. Being true and honest and committed to spouse is the ultimatum. There can't be IF's and If there has to be a BUT, it will be my foot on his butt. 
 
But see I can bet my BUTT that "HE" won't cheat. Doesn't have balls to.
He says I have set a bad example for all woman in general. Seriously how lazy is he.
 
 
Ok in all seriousness. I cheated once...
 
I was 24. Hubby was away overseas on a project. There was this guy in my Bangalore office who liked me. I lived in a different state so there was no meeting in person. He knew I was married and he still told me things like if you divorce I will marry you and shower me with compliments and flirt.
 
I felt great. Adrenalin rush. I felt special and important. Something I missed from my hubby then.
I flirted back. We exchanged emails. I wasn't going to break my marriage, I didn't love this guy, I still loved my husband. What was I thinking, I wasn't thinking but this was a good time pass till my man got home.
 
I decided to keep these details to myself and not get hubby involved. 
Hubby came back home after 6 months. Saw the emails one day and asked me only once what this is.
I replied It was harmless flirting. End of discussion.
Hubby never asked me anything else. He is this talks less, serious kinds. He treated me normally as if he knew I would never betray him. I began thinking if I would be ok if he flirted with his colleagues. And the answer was no. I was extremely grateful that hubby didn't make a fuss about this but I would have blown my top off if he did anything remotely similar.
I never spoke to that guy again. He called a few times and I told him I am busy. He got my point. 2 months later I switched jobs.
 
So did I cheat. I knew where this was going. I wanted the attention.
 
It wasn't physical or emotional cheating. But it was immoral.
 
I am glad hubby knew I loved him, he was mature and secure enough. And I don't think I can even think of cheating. But I got carried away momentarily and why one decides to cheat is still unclear.
 
If a marriage is dead there is no point in reviving it. IT is bound to remain lifeless.
I tell this to my husband every day. If he falls in love again, he should let me know and I will set him free.
 
Cheating is complicated. Some men/women are just dogs and bitches. To some it is where the needs of body meets the emotional security.
 
Often in a very happily married couple cheating begins because they have grown apart. They stopped making that effort to please one another. Taking each other for granted.
 
Marriage is a constant work in progress. Forever and Happily Ever After only exists in the FFs we write,In reality Forever involved a lot of headaches, fights and struggled understanding.
It also involves forgiveness which may not necessarily limit to just cheating.
 
I forgive him everyday for things big and small, for being this quiet, calm and seriously boring lazy man. And He forgives me for being a pain that he is committed to for the rest of his life.
 
Ok Am I drifting from the topic... If his Trunk was in some other junk I would chop it off.

Thank you for being so honest...to us and more imp- to your hubby! Yes, marriage is a work in progress, every moment of it. Once its taken for granted, it starts losing its charm and one may stray...physically, emotionally, morally! But, do you think what happened to you was perhaps a wake up call for you two to work harder at the relation?

I agree with what you said about being set free if love is somewhere else. No point in being bound in something thats not true...

The following 9 member(s) liked the above post:

vinita459Perfectionist2Divya.S.R-StarsLinedUp-farz_parachuteTamara27BeYourselfraneebLinsie

Perfectionist2 IF-Dazzler
Perfectionist2
Perfectionist2

Joined: 12 March 2013
Posts: 3925

Posted: 09 June 2014 at 10:18pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by rajsmi

Originally posted by Perfectionist2

I have read everyone's dollar and cents worth of input.
 
I have to say I have seen people cheat and remain unhappy in a marriage, I have friend with an open marriage who is unhappy with the relationship and insecure.
I have seen people committed in a marriage and still unhappy.
 
My Verdict - Marriage = Unhappiness.
 
Don't get married.
 
Easy said than done. Well my ship has sailed and I am married.
It might be easy to say I would never forgive infidelity. Being true and honest and committed to spouse is the ultimatum. There can't be IF's and If there has to be a BUT, it will be my foot on his butt. 
 
But see I can bet my BUTT that "HE" won't cheat. Doesn't have balls to.
He says I have set a bad example for all woman in general. Seriously how lazy is he.
 
 
Ok in all seriousness. I cheated once...
 
I was 24. Hubby was away overseas on a project. There was this guy in my Bangalore office who liked me. I lived in a different state so there was no meeting in person. He knew I was married and he still told me things like if you divorce I will marry you and shower me with compliments and flirt.
 
I felt great. Adrenalin rush. I felt special and important. Something I missed from my hubby then.
I flirted back. We exchanged emails. I wasn't going to break my marriage, I didn't love this guy, I still loved my husband. What was I thinking, I wasn't thinking but this was a good time pass till my man got home.
 
I decided to keep these details to myself and not get hubby involved. 
Hubby came back home after 6 months. Saw the emails one day and asked me only once what this is.
I replied It was harmless flirting. End of discussion.
Hubby never asked me anything else. He is this talks less, serious kinds. He treated me normally as if he knew I would never betray him. I began thinking if I would be ok if he flirted with his colleagues. And the answer was no. I was extremely grateful that hubby didn't make a fuss about this but I would have blown my top off if he did anything remotely similar.
I never spoke to that guy again. He called a few times and I told him I am busy. He got my point. 2 months later I switched jobs.
 
So did I cheat. I knew where this was going. I wanted the attention.
 
It wasn't physical or emotional cheating. But it was immoral.
 
I am glad hubby knew I loved him, he was mature and secure enough. And I don't think I can even think of cheating. But I got carried away momentarily and why one decides to cheat is still unclear.
 
If a marriage is dead there is no point in reviving it. IT is bound to remain lifeless.
I tell this to my husband every day. If he falls in love again, he should let me know and I will set him free.
 
Cheating is complicated. Some men/women are just dogs and bitches. To some it is where the needs of body meets the emotional security.
 
Often in a very happily married couple cheating begins because they have grown apart. They stopped making that effort to please one another. Taking each other for granted.
 
Marriage is a constant work in progress. Forever and Happily Ever After only exists in the FFs we write,In reality Forever involved a lot of headaches, fights and struggled understanding.
It also involves forgiveness which may not necessarily limit to just cheating.
 
I forgive him everyday for things big and small, for being this quiet, calm and seriously boring lazy man. And He forgives me for being a pain that he is committed to for the rest of his life.
 
Ok Am I drifting from the topic... If his Trunk was in some other junk I would chop it off.

Thank you for being so honest...to us and more imp- to your hubby! Yes, marriage is a work in progress, every moment of it. Once its taken for granted, it starts losing its charm and one may stray...physically, emotionally, morally! But, do you think what happened to you was perhaps a wake up call for you two to work harder at the relation?

I agree with what you said about being set free if love is somewhere else. No point in being bound in something thats not true...
Rajsm,
 
That incident did nothing to make or break my marriage.
I was not going to leave my husband even when I was chatting with this dude.
This Dude knew I loved my hubby and I was not going to divorce him.
 
But Even when I dated my husband he was this reserved guy, he never noticed what the shape of eyes looked like, or he never sang " You are beautiful."
 
This guy did, it made me feel important and wanted.
 
Seriously I think I was missing my workaholic hubby. We hardly spoke to one another because of different time zones. Once hubby came back life again began revolving around hubby darling. I got what I missed so much.
 
That incident stands forgotten, I bet my hubby wont even remember that. I never even said sorry to my hubby for it. I don't know if that is just harmless flirting or would it constitute cheating.
 
The reason I mentioned that was Cheating is complex, you never know what initiates it. But you can rectify in time if you remember the better, more important things in life.
 
Thank God, My hubby was not the insecure kinds, He knew too well what he meant for me. He termed it as harmless flirting. He read the three emails that sat in my inbox. I think I wanted him to know I still have people who find me sexy and intelligent so he better value what he has. It could have gone bad too. But touchwood it didn't.
If he did something along those lines I would react differently. I can be insecure.
 
But who was responsible for that. Who was at fault.

The following 10 member(s) liked the above post:

vinita459rajsmi-StarsLinedUp-Divya.S.Rfarz_parachuteTamara27BeYourselfSaima-SyedraneebLinsie

Tamara27 IF-Rockerz
Tamara27
Tamara27

Joined: 08 June 2013
Posts: 4640

Posted: 09 June 2014 at 10:48pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by Perfectionist2

I have read everyone's dollar and cents worth of input.
 
I have to say I have seen people cheat and remain unhappy in a marriage, I have friend with an open marriage who is unhappy with the relationship and insecure.
I have seen people committed in a marriage and still unhappy.
 
My Verdict - Marriage = Unhappiness.
 
Don't get married.
 
Easy said than done. Well my ship has sailed and I am married.
It might be easy to say I would never forgive infidelity. Being true and honest and committed to spouse is the ultimatum. There can't be IF's and If there has to be a BUT, it will be my foot on his butt. 
 
But see I can bet my BUTT that "HE" won't cheat. Doesn't have balls to.
He says I have set a bad example for all woman in general. Seriously how lazy is he.
 
 
Ok in all seriousness. I cheated once...
 
I was 24. Hubby was away overseas on a project. There was this guy in my Bangalore office who liked me. I lived in a different state so there was no meeting in person. He knew I was married and he still told me things like if you divorce I will marry you and shower me with compliments and flirt.
 
I felt great. Adrenalin rush. I felt special and important. Something I missed from my hubby then.
I flirted back. We exchanged emails. I wasn't going to break my marriage, I didn't love this guy, I still loved my husband. What was I thinking, I wasn't thinking but this was a good time pass till my man got home.
 
I decided to keep these details to myself and not get hubby involved. 
Hubby came back home after 6 months. Saw the emails one day and asked me only once what this is.
I replied It was harmless flirting. End of discussion.
Hubby never asked me anything else. He is this talks less, serious kinds. He treated me normally as if he knew I would never betray him. I began thinking if I would be ok if he flirted with his colleagues. And the answer was no. I was extremely grateful that hubby didn't make a fuss about this but I would have blown my top off if he did anything remotely similar.
I never spoke to that guy again. He called a few times and I told him I am busy. He got my point. 2 months later I switched jobs.
 
So did I cheat. I knew where this was going. I wanted the attention.
 
It wasn't physical or emotional cheating. But it was immoral.
 
I am glad hubby knew I loved him, he was mature and secure enough. And I don't think I can even think of cheating. But I got carried away momentarily and why one decides to cheat is still unclear.
 
If a marriage is dead there is no point in reviving it. IT is bound to remain lifeless.
I tell this to my husband every day. If he falls in love again, he should let me know and I will set him free.
 
Cheating is complicated. Some men/women are just dogs and bitches. To some it is where the needs of body meets the emotional security.
 
Often in a very happily married couple cheating begins because they have grown apart. They stopped making that effort to please one another. Taking each other for granted.
 
Marriage is a constant work in progress. Forever and Happily Ever After only exists in the FFs we write,In reality Forever involved a lot of headaches, fights and struggled understanding.
It also involves forgiveness which may not necessarily limit to just cheating.
 
I forgive him everyday for things big and small, for being this quiet, calm and seriously boring lazy man. And He forgives me for being a pain that he is committed to for the rest of his life.
 
Ok Am I drifting from the topic... If his Trunk was in some other junk I would chop it off.

Haha! I tell all my single friends not to get married and they look at me as if I'm crazy!

But great point, Juliet.  Cheating is complex... I think people view "What is cheating?" differently.

You felt as though you cheated,  but hubby took it for what it was - harmless flirting. Some people would say that's how it starts, others would believe that was all there was to it. Perception, I guess, is the key.

God, your last line ROFL

You've told me this before, and I don't doubt it for a second. But you and I both know that that you'd never be in that position. We are both married to separated-at-birth twins; brothers from other mothers :)

The following 7 member(s) liked the above post:

vinita459Perfectionist2Divya.S.Rfarz_parachuteBeYourselfSaima-SyedLinsie

Go to top

Related Topics

  Topics Author Replies Views Last Post
OS topic

2 3 4 5 6 7

Author: Niyati_T   Replies: 49   Views: 3412

Niyati_T 49 3412 29 May 2014 at 11:31pm by Niyati_T
off topic)What is Your Mother Tongue

2 3 4

Author: Aniha   Replies: 26   Views: 3865

Aniha 26 3865 24 May 2014 at 3:01am by shanu22
Please close this topic

Author: honeyriaz   Replies: 0   Views: 403

honeyriaz 0 403 18 April 2014 at 2:32pm by honeyriaz
Why no topic on today's episode

Author: sri7   Replies: 2   Views: 590

sri7 2 590 26 March 2014 at 5:35pm by lovetvs
Please Close Topic!

Author: SprinklesOfLove   Replies: 3   Views: 1140

SprinklesOfLove 3 1140 18 March 2014 at 1:59am by riddhi1206

Forum Quick Jump

Forum Category / Channels
Forums

Qubool Hai Topic Index

Check these Celebrity also

Disclaimer: All Logos and Pictures of various Channels, Shows, Artistes, Media Houses, Companies, Brands etc. belong to their respective owners, and are used to merely visually identify the Channels, Shows, Companies, Brands, etc. to the viewer. Incase of any issue please contact the webmaster.

Popular Channels :
Star Plus | Zee TV | Sony TV | Colors TV | SAB TV | Life OK

Quick Links :
Top 100 TV Celebrities | Top 100 Bollywood Celebs | About Us | Contact Us | Advertise | Forum Index