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The Yummy Mummy's of QH: Topic Six 01.07.14 - Pg 82 (Page 70)

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Posted: 08 June 2014 at 7:24am | IP Logged
Originally posted by vinita459

Originally posted by -StarsLinedUp-

Originally posted by Divya.S.R


Mine just gives look of being nice.. My friend here in US met my MIL when I was over at Ohio(brothers place for his wedding prep) and asked me why I used to crib about her when she is such a pleasant soul.. but I had invited them(her and her husband) after returning from the wedding for dinner, That time she saw my MIL and the way interacts with me and realized what I used to say was the truth..

My cousin brothers wives used to praise about my MIL to my mom saying they weren't as lucky as me.. My mom used to think what they would say if they realize how I was being treated..


This is what I hate about our culture.. the way everyone says only the girls should adjust with their in-laws and all that shit load of crap...Angry

sorry about my language..LOL



</div>


See that's the difference between culture and heritage...heritage represents us as a united front in of the world..I am indian..Iam Indian American..Indo Canadian..etc etc..but culture...its more society based...and it evolves with every generation..I see it as a positive thing..merging cultures and heritages...the next generation will be a lot less pigeon holed...and will be more accepting of people from different walks of life...As of now..older generations..hide their flaws behind their culture and cultural beliefs...I am as such cos thats how the culture is..thats the excuse u get on many ocassions... Do this dont do this...this is not the right way...who cares...if u fly on thursday or not...LOLthese cultural barriers are better left aside for the coming generations..let them make a new culture where they can be more open minded and easy going...in acceptance...and more cautious and smart in the decisions they make...
<div>


Okay now that we are taking out frustration...let me tell you an incident that happened with me after marriage LOL.

I always tie a red thread on my wrist. You know the religious one..

After our marriage my MIL asked me to remove it. In fact she tried to remove it herself.

I told her and my hubby...I am not removing it...no matter what. My husband supported me ...she finally backed off. But so much tension was created... I wanted to cry. She accused me of stealing her son. And I will learn my lesson when my own son will growl up and do this to me.

Trust me...I was like ...what have I got my self into.:(

These are only few examples :(


Shocked  Shocked  .. no words coming out

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Posted: 08 June 2014 at 7:25am | IP Logged
Originally posted by Divya.S.R

Originally posted by vinita459

Originally posted by -StarsLinedUp-

Originally posted by Divya.S.R


Mine just gives look of being nice.. My friend here in US met my MIL when I was over at Ohio(brothers place for his wedding prep) and asked me why I used to crib about her when she is such a pleasant soul.. but I had invited them(her and her husband) after returning from the wedding for dinner, That time she saw my MIL and the way interacts with me and realized what I used to say was the truth..

My cousin brothers wives used to praise about my MIL to my mom saying they weren't as lucky as me.. My mom used to think what they would say if they realize how I was being treated..


This is what I hate about our culture.. the way everyone says only the girls should adjust with their in-laws and all that shit load of crap...Angry

sorry about my language..LOL



</div>
See that's the difference between culture and heritage...heritage represents us as a united front in of the world..I am indian..Iam Indian American..Indo Canadian..etc etc..but culture...its more society based...and it evolves with every generation..I see it as a positive thing..merging cultures and heritages...the next generation will be a lot less pigeon holed...and will be more accepting of people from different walks of life...As of now..older generations..hide their flaws behind their culture and cultural beliefs...I am as such cos thats how the culture is..thats the excuse u get on many ocassions... Do this dont do this...this is not the right way...who cares...if u fly on thursday or not...LOLthese cultural barriers are better left aside for the coming generations..let them make a new culture where they can be more open minded and easy going...in acceptance...and more cautious and smart in the decisions they make...
<div>


Okay now that we are taking out frustration...let me tell you an incident that happened with me after marriage LOL.

I always tie a red thread on my wrist. You know the religious one..

After our marriage my MIL asked me to remove it. In fact she tried to remove it herself.

I told her and my hubby...I am not removing it...no matter what. My husband supported me ...she finally backed off. But so much tension was created... I wanted to cry. She accused me of stealing her son. And I will learn my lesson when my own son will growl up and do this to me.

Trust me...I was like ...what have I got my self into.:(

These are only few examples :(

I swear it.. these MIL's..Angry
Let me tell you one incident this was within 3 months of marriage... the house maid was cleaning our room(the only place I somewhat had rights to)... she had totally missed half the space near the desk intentionally.. When I mentioned that to her.. My MIL sprang in and started screaming at me for asking her maid to clean properly.. Thankfully my hubby was working from home that day.. He heard the commotion, came and started reprimanding his mother for screaming at me in front of the maid and also asked her what was wrong in what I had told the maid... 

I had never felt so insulted in my life.. And also had felt like crying because I had never been scolded by my parents or brother as I was treated like princess in my family... Cry


Seriously you all been through lot... this scares me Shocked

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vinita459Saima-Syed

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Posted: 08 June 2014 at 7:27am | IP Logged
Originally posted by -StarsLinedUp-

Originally posted by vinita459

Originally posted by -StarsLinedUp-

Originally posted by Divya.S.R


Mine just gives look of being nice.. My friend here in US met my MIL when I was over at Ohio(brothers place for his wedding prep) and asked me why I used to crib about her when she is such a pleasant soul.. but I had invited them(her and her husband) after returning from the wedding for dinner, That time she saw my MIL and the way interacts with me and realized what I used to say was the truth..

My cousin brothers wives used to praise about my MIL to my mom saying they weren't as lucky as me.. My mom used to think what they would say if they realize how I was being treated..


This is what I hate about our culture.. the way everyone says only the girls should adjust with their in-laws and all that shit load of crap...Angry

sorry about my language..LOL



</div>
See that's the difference between culture and heritage...heritage represents us as a united front in of the world..I am indian..Iam Indian American..Indo Canadian..etc etc..but culture...its more society based...and it evolves with every generation..I see it as a positive thing..merging cultures and heritages...the next generation will be a lot less pigeon holed...and will be more accepting of people from different walks of life...As of now..older generations..hide their flaws behind their culture and cultural beliefs...I am as such cos thats how the culture is..thats the excuse u get on many ocassions... Do this dont do this...this is not the right way...who cares...if u fly on thursday or not...LOLthese cultural barriers are better left aside for the coming generations..let them make a new culture where they can be more open minded and easy going...in acceptance...and more cautious and smart in the decisions they make...
<div>


Okay now that we are taking out frustration...let me tell you an incident that happened with me after marriage LOL.

I always tie a red thread on my wrist. You know the religious one..

After our marriage my MIL asked me to remove it. In fact she tried to remove it herself.

I told her and my hubby...I am not removing it...no matter what. My husband supported me ...she finally backed off. But so much tension was created... I wanted to cry. She accused me of stealing her son. And I will learn my lesson when my own son will growl up and do this to me.

Trust me...I was like ...what have I got my self into.:(

These are only few examples :(
O boy...why dont u give ur MIL a piece of ur mind...she needs to back off a little..and u should teach ur kids bout ur religion and culture for sure...such incidents happen...mine was cos I was not used to putting dark lipsticks and heavy makeup and jewellery...like many Indian ladies do..
on my shagun/roka..watever u wanna call it...I was told in front of the family how I looked plain...even when I had makeup on..after marriage...Punjabi brides wear certain colors...dress a certain way..etc etc..why dont u..u should dress up...I am like i am not a punjabi..and I dont want to be..I am a gujarati..and we dont do all this...that ticked her off...but my husband supported me...
but she didnt back off...1 week after I got married...she insulted me...my dressing sense...my hairstlye and my makeup in front of atleast 20-30 women...its was my hubb'y cousins cocktail party...that broke my heart beyond repair..and closed my door towards her...till date..even though she calls me her daughter I dont call her mom..its just doesnt come on my tongue...she hurt me on the basis of culture and traditions..and pushed me to be something that I am not..and she lost any chances of a relationship with me


Yes.. in front of so many people .. no way ... any chance Angry

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vinita459Saima-Syed

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Posted: 08 June 2014 at 7:30am | IP Logged
Originally posted by Divya.S.R

Originally posted by Tamara27

Originally posted by vinita459

Originally posted by -StarsLinedUp-

Originally posted by Divya.S.R


Mine just gives look of being nice.. My friend here in US met my MIL when I was over at Ohio(brothers place for his wedding prep) and asked me why I used to crib about her when she is such a pleasant soul.. but I had invited them(her and her husband) after returning from the wedding for dinner, That time she saw my MIL and the way interacts with me and realized what I used to say was the truth..

My cousin brothers wives used to praise about my MIL to my mom saying they weren't as lucky as me.. My mom used to think what they would say if they realize how I was being treated..


This is what I hate about our culture.. the way everyone says only the girls should adjust with their in-laws and all that shit load of crap...Angry

sorry about my language..LOL



</div>
See that's the difference between culture and heritage...heritage represents us as a united front in of the world..I am indian..Iam Indian American..Indo Canadian..etc etc..but culture...its more society based...and it evolves with every generation..I see it as a positive thing..merging cultures and heritages...the next generation will be a lot less pigeon holed...and will be more accepting of people from different walks of life...As of now..older generations..hide their flaws behind their culture and cultural beliefs...I am as such cos thats how the culture is..thats the excuse u get on many ocassions... Do this dont do this...this is not the right way...who cares...if u fly on thursday or not...LOLthese cultural barriers are better left aside for the coming generations..let them make a new culture where they can be more open minded and easy going...in acceptance...and more cautious and smart in the decisions they make...
<div>


Okay now that we are taking out frustration...let me tell you an incident that happened with me after marriage LOL.

I always tie a red thread on my wrist. You know the religious one..

After our marriage my MIL asked me to remove it. In fact she tried to remove it herself.

I told her and my hubby...I am not removing it...no matter what. My husband supported me ...she finally backed off. But so much tension was created... I wanted to cry. She accused me of stealing her son. And I will learn my lesson when my own son will growl up and do this to me.

Trust me...I was like ...what have I got my self into.:(

These are only few examples :(

Well, that's the thing, isn't it?  You have boys, right, Vinita?

We can't change the past, but our children are our chance to change the world. You live in  the US? Then chances are, your sons will most probably marry American girls - nothing wrong with that. You are armed with the knowledge of how to be a great MIL - just don't be what your MIL is to you ;)

Your chance to change things will come in time. Chances are, you're never going to change your MIL's behaviour, but you can feel smug knowing that you will never be that kind of MIL.


That's correct.. Past is out of our hands... but the future still is in our hands...
Everytime my MIL does something I feel is wrong.. I keep reminding myself That I would never be so... 

My mom keeps telling me now my MIL has the chance to trouble me but sooner or later there will a time when she will sit and repent for all that, that she has done..

You totally correct.. I know ranting away about these problems are not gonna lead to a solution, as those things cannot be changed now.. 



Clap Clap Clap Clap

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vinita459Saima-Syed

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Posted: 08 June 2014 at 7:38am | IP Logged
Originally posted by Saima-Syed

Hey

I am away for less than 24 hours and look what I have missed.

Firstly I would like to thank all of you for taking part, you guys have shared a lot of personal experiences, something that is not always easy to do.

I wasn't sure which direction the topic would go, or even if it would gain an interest but it really has.

What is amazing is that so many of you have so many commonalities, a strong foundation to build upon, which I think is a beautiful thing. Some of you have had good positive experiences and others have not been so lucky, but what is brilliant is that you have created a platform upon which you can vent, discuss, advise and just off load to one another without the fear of being judged.

As women we get caught up in so many aspects in life that we forget to celebrate the fact that we are women. 

Don't get me wrong women can be cruel and evil, everyone probably has experienced the wrath if a woman before whether it be an unreasonable mother in law or just a unkind associate of some kind, what is important and so many of you highlighted is to make sure that as we get older as we become parents not to repeat what has passed, like you said nothing can change the past but the future is in our hands.

As mothers, as protectors of our children we have a responsibility to ensure that we give all our children an equal, kind, enjoyable and full of confidence upbringing. Educating a child about religion and culture is just as important as teaching them the laws of gravity. There needs to be a balance between deen (religion) and duniya (world). 

You can compromise, negotiate and sacrifice but if it means to live in regret and sorrow because of these things then is it really worth it?

Women are strong, they can bear as much emotional pain as any physical pain, but everyone had a breaking point and that is what scares me.

I am glad that we have been able to come together here, talking about the past doesn't change it, correct. But it help lift the burden a little.

I know this post is long and not very coherent but was trying to cover a lot of the point made in all your conversations.

I once read a quote which I will share with you

'If you are searching for that one person that will change your life, take a look in the mirror'

Home is where the heart is and change comes with good intentions only

Lots of love to you all


I'm so moved by all this women here... pouring their hearts in a
good way Wink... i'm so amaze .. how strong their are...
i absolutely solute you guys...
i really did not expect ... this much emotional turn over...
seriously... this is just few we know...
what about the rest...
hmmm.. the changes begin from ourselves ...and then our kids
prepare them to face the world...

you ladies doing awesome job...
keep the positivity in you...
if you need someone to talk...
reach out... to a good listener... less your pain
and give clear view... just a listener... not someone to meddle..
i'm sure you all do the best...


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Posted: 08 June 2014 at 8:42am | IP Logged
Originally posted by raneeb

You guys have bamboozled me--am amazed how each generation has to go through the same  trials and tribulations! This holds true for everyone...


I am so glad you have this platform to vent out your frustration so that you can carry on with living. I have learnt that nothing comes easy so teach the children by example the art of Tolerance and Compromise!
I am not going to add anymore coz there are so many similarities in all our lives. Have your priorities right and focus on the positives and life would be that much happier.
Photo


awesome.. Clap

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Posted: 08 June 2014 at 8:47am | IP Logged
Originally posted by -Destiny-

Originally posted by -Destiny-

Hi my name is lekha. This topic and question in particular has intrigued me.

How much does having a dual heritage affect ones identity, self-definition and ones understanding of ethnicities and cultures within a diverse World?

I have dual upbringing and am exposed to a lot of different opinions about the same issues. I'm a tamilian and telugu girl (since my mom is from machlipatnam and daddy from chennai )
And I feel that being exposed to various/multicultural ideologies is always intriguing. Multicultural experiences make for a wholistic and well balanced opinion making mentality.

One thing about being open to diverse cultures is that it moulds us as a finer and broader minded human being.

I forgot to add that I've hot friends who follow many faiths(Christianity,Islam and many other faiths) and being exposed to their living styles makes one reflect on how different people are coping with different issues

I for one am pretty lucky to have that exposure. It's such a good learning experience.


yes indeed.. Smile

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Posted: 08 June 2014 at 12:46pm | IP Logged

It's serious business when one partner breaks the bond of marriage by cheating, but is it possible to move past the betrayal and stay in a happy marriage.

How do you forgive your spouse when he or she has stabbed you in the heart emotionally? How do you release the enormous pain and confusion you feel because of what your spouse has done to you and your marriage? And why do you have to? Why is it YOU that has to do so much of the hard work when you aren't the one who betrayed your marriage partner? And where does marriage restoration come into all of this IF there is anything left to restore?

Question of the Week - Monday, June 09, 2014

Is infidelity a deal-breaker or is there room for forgiveness?

NOTE: My sincere request to everyone, please respect each other's opinions and beliefs. For further Rules, please refer to Page 1.


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