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The Yummy Mummy's of QH: Topic Six 01.07.14 - Pg 82 (Page 69)

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Posted: 05 June 2014 at 3:05am | IP Logged
Originally posted by Perfectionist2

Originally posted by raneeb

Originally posted by Tamara27

Originally posted by raneeb

Originally posted by Tamara27

Originally posted by raneeb

Originally posted by -StarsLinedUp-

Originally posted by raneeb

You guys have bamboozled me--am amazed how each generation has to go through the same trials and tribulations! This holds true for everyone...

I am so glad you have this platform to vent out your frustration so that you can carry on with living. I have learnt that nothing comes easy so teach the children by example the art of Tolerance and Compromise!
I am not going to add anymore coz there are so many similarities in all our lives. Have your priorities right and focus on the positives and life would be that much happier.
<img src="https://fbcdn-sphotos-b-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xfp1/t1.0-9/p526x296/1504102_10152138263081647_3894354497610851137_n.jpg" alt="Photo" width="504" height="500" />

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very truly stated...this is the time when effort..is not invested in our own lives..we want everything easy...even when it comes to family and kids..it has to be easy...but what's the fun in that...working hard and seeing the end result is a much sweeter feeling than letting it all go as is..without making an effort...
We all have our set of troubles and issues...and we choose how much to take..and wen to let go...I am still learning that...I am a stubborn soul that beleives in getting what I dreamt of...I wont hurt ppl in the process but heck I am gonna get wat I desire...I have only one life to live..and I aint about to live it according to someone else...

and yes...tolerate...but as for compromise...I'd rather use the word adjust...maybe today u cant do wat u want but make sure u do it tommorow..its just a positive way to live I guess

thanks for some wonderful and thought provoking insight!!Smile


You're right --Adjustment is a better word than Compromise! and I agree with your thinking - do not let go of your dreams and what you desire--ultimately you can achieve it by concentrating on the positives that life has given you.
I see the topic has veered to food! not my favouritest topic--I eat to live unlike my family who LIVE TO EAT! ( My M-I-L did actually tell me this!!!!)!


Hahaha! I am trying this "Eat to live" thing - let's see how it goes.
Problem is I also love cooking, and sometimes even cook out of boredom. The problem related to that is that my hubby is a health nut who won't eat the stuff I make if it's too "unhealthy" so I have stopped for now :-)


HaHaHa-Tell me Tamara--why are couples mismatched? To make life more interesting or to complicate life or is it to make a "complete whole"! Food incompatibility, temperature incompatibility,TV incompatibility--constant juggle to adjust?????


Haha, I get that!

I like heat, hubby likes the cold. I want chilli on everything - chilli makes hubby sick. I want to watch Qubool Hai, Hubby wants to watch The Blacklist...

It never ends, but it certainly keeps things interesting :-)

I think it is meant to keep the universe in balance :-)

And how boring would relationships be if both partners are the same?!

1. Argue about the temp/ show/ food...
2. Compromise...
3. Adjust...
4. Kiss and make up :-)




The story of my life-- and many, many others! It does keep the earth going round!


What about my partner. So different is still boring.
Is there a menopausal marriage

Yes, commonly known as the seven year itch, but in your case... the ten year itch?

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vinita459Perfectionist2Divya.S.Rfarz_parachuteSaima-SyedLinsie

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Posted: 05 June 2014 at 4:01am | IP Logged
There is there is! There is such thing! Menopausal marriage.



Well we were discussing 'Papa' and how he's all different now. And my brother said menopause. And I said that's for Mummy. And he said well mummy goes through it physically, mentally. Papa goes through it habitually. And I was like ????. And then he said...it's their marriage. Menopause. Even their arguments are getting lamer. It used to be so substantive (and sad). And Papa still expect us to pick sides? Like hasn't he learn from the past say fifteen million fights?


At least Mummy is honest enough to look smug. There were a time when we would be referred to as your son/ daughter. Nowadays it's MY son/daughter.


And still Papa hasn't learn. The other day when my brother got the car tinted (70;50;50;70) he expressed his gratitude by saying "only MY son knows me well. He knows the sun bothers me when I drive".


And then all hell break lose.


"Oh. YOUR son. Where did he come from. The sky? No, no tell me, did he grow from the trees?



Suddenly my brother's status as a human is questioned.



Mutant and proud bro. Mutant and proud.


And.


I have another question. What if. You take on one parent (look wise) and not the other. And I'm talking big time different. (Sis Saima pretend you don't know me). I don't have the same skin tone as my mother. And I hate that. Coz I'm forced to associate with my father's side more than my sister (and brother). And his kind of people. And I'm not at all them. Or like them. I mean don't get me wrong, I carry me well (and mutant and proud remember) but...when you're forced by environment (the trees and other plants) to be like something coz you look like that thing.


I mean. All his life, Hank/Beast (of X-Men) tried to be someone he's not. He wanted to be human. He wants to blend in. He wants to be normal. And society expects him too. But he's not normal and ordinary is he. Just coz he looks human doesn't make him one right. He's a mutant.



Damn identity crisis.




Damn damn damn.



Look who just steer the discussion back to the topic.




*I honestly don't belong here*



Just a side note.


Dear fathers if at all you happen to read this. Don't yell at your wife. Your children don't like it. Just the way you don't like it if your father were to do it to his.



Dear mothers if you need to yell, YELL. Don't screech. It doesn't work otherwise.



Dear readers. Don't judge me. Or my parents. They produce mutant as children.



And as much as I say I'm proud. I am.




Haha.

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Zanutixvinita459Divya.S.RTamara27Saima-SyedLinsie

Tamara27 IF-Rockerz
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Posted: 06 June 2014 at 5:37am | IP Logged
New Topic!

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Posted: 06 June 2014 at 9:45am | IP Logged
Originally posted by Tamara27

New Topic!


Every Monday!


You bored with this one!Hehe!




Or wait.


You bored with...me?

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Divya.S.RSaima-SyedLinsie

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Posted: 07 June 2014 at 12:39pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by farz_parachute

Originally posted by Tamara27

New Topic!


Every Monday!


You bored with this one!Hehe!




Or wait.


You bored with...me?

No one could ever get bored with u Einstein 

Yes new topic will be posted by Vinita 

Mwah 

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vinita459Divya.S.RLinsie

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Posted: 08 June 2014 at 6:53am | IP Logged
Originally posted by vinita459

Heritage is what you inherit. But dual heritage is the fact of having parents from different ethnic or cultural backgrounds.

Dual Heritage Children may find adolescence a more difficult time than their mono racial counterparts due to their feelings that they have been discriminated against because of their race and that in larger society their ethnic group is discriminated against. They may also have problems in developing a strong ethnic identity. Low ethnic identification and perceived discrimination are related to a number of factors including low self esteem, delinquent behaviors, and low academic achievements. Some of these negative effects can be avoided if there is strong parental and family support.

Our children are not necesarily expected to adopt either of our backgrounds unless they want to know, but what is more important is that they have as much knowledge and opportunity as we can give them to find the answers and be part of something if they need to.  Clap  Clap

Love,

Vinita

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vinita459

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Posted: 08 June 2014 at 6:56am | IP Logged
Originally posted by LoveOnlyAsYa

Sis, Vinita that's a brilliant topic. I totally relate to it not because I come from a dual heritage but because my son will be one.

Sis knows am married to the man I loved, ignoring the fact that he was from a different culture altogether. He's a Christian and I am a Hindu. When we fell in love the last thing on our minds was what culture or religion our children would follow.

But after we had the addition to our little family there were a lot of insecurities that my husband and his family had regarding what religion the little one would be taught. This definitely was an initial hiccup as they belong to a minority in India and I come from a major religious group, hence the insecurities. All settled soon as he was the first child in the family and brought so much happiness to all of us. But what my point is that it's not just the child that feels lost sometimes not understanding what he/she is supposed to follow but parents also feel the same. Both want to teach the child their respective cultures.

My son has been baptized so he can follow his father's religion (I have no issues with that) but we have not kept him away from the fact that his mother follows a different religion. He is well aware about the difference in both the cultures and their practices.

The question that Sis asked "How much does having a dual heritage affect ones identity, self-definition and ones understanding of ethnicities and cultures within a diverse World?" I don't have an answer to how much it will affect ones identity or self definition because I have not experienced it, but what I know is that if the child is taught well about both the religions and cultures, then he is definitely going to be a stronger person, understanding different cultures and would be more tolerant too. In the country where I live, where practically every state follows a different culture, it becomes very important that people develop that respect and tolerance for other religions and cultures. This can only happen when families like mine teach the child about both the cultures with an open mind. Clap Clap Clap

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Posted: 08 June 2014 at 7:20am | IP Logged
Originally posted by vinita459

Originally posted by Tamara27

Originally posted by -StarsLinedUp-

Originally posted by vinita459

Originally posted by -StarsLinedUp-

Originally posted by vinita459

Originally posted by Perfectionist2

Originally posted by vinita459

Originally posted by Perfectionist2

<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">OH MY GOOD LORD!</font>


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<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">This page has a lot of Hindus marriage to Christians.</font>



<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">I know Tamara is also one of us... And by us I mean... Present Mam' LOL</font>






<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">I am a Hindu Bengali Brahmin.</font>



<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">He is a Catholic.</font>






<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">But I have a change in story here.I married Five times unfortunately to the same man. Yeah my love story is just filmy.</font>






<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">Once in a Temple... Told him no Ahem Ahem business till I get my Sath Pera... He didn't want to say celibate for the rest of our married lifeLOL</font>






<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">My laws are adorable lot but they have beliefs. Hubby not so much, he is more spiritual atheist versionConfused. So I married next in a church just to please his mum and I don't regret it. My Man scratched my back so I can at least pretend to use a loofah on his mums... I love my MIL by the way.Big smileThen court marriage, then my parents accepted and they had us married in a Bengali ritual and finally we had to register my marriage overseas so one more documented version.</font>






<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">10 yrs of being with the hot ass and I don't regretone bit. Our fights are never bases on religion. </font>



<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">He comes to the temple with me, did every ritual I askhim todo,I go to church with him.</font>






<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">My kid has been baptized but we also did the anaprashan.</font>






<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">I have a temple at home. But we practice no specific religion. My kid has questions a lot of them andwe patiently answer them. But overseas some of the friends follow no religion at all. So now comes another question like Vegetarianism. Goat eats grass and I eat goat so I am vegan.</font>






<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">My hubby has a large group of Uni friends who are Muslims. And my kid is absolutely close to them to a point where we discuss with kids the similarities of every culture and religion. So get the picture, how crazy are kinds are going to be. And btw we also have two Buddhists in our friends circle.</font>









<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">My point is the more we point out, complicateand segregate the more confused the future generations will be. I am in no waygoing to ever point out this religion is better than the other cos it is not. Same applies to culture and race. Why do you think there are so many issues with racism because a certain person's upbringing is to blame. If only we get past all of these issues of mundane minds, the world would be a much better place.</font>






<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">I will teach my kids the common selflessness and humility that every culture and religions brings along. I will teach her to be independent and drill it in her that she has a choice and her choice will be respected.</font>






<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">Ultimately I will know I have done my self proud as a mum.</font>






<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">Have you seen the movie snakes in a plane or the Survivor, Will you care which God came to save you, whichman or woman from which culture,Your eyes will hauntfor "The Human" who is going to come to a rescueeven if youchant the name of a specific god.</font>






<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">Believe in humanity people. And love that song - heal the world.</font>






<font size="4" face="Times New Roman">Dhanyawad! Aaj ke liya bahut ho gaya...</font>





Hey Juliet,

First I am really shocked to know that you have children Shocked

I am equally surprised to know that we are all in a same situation Smile

But here is the twist: while you can freely practice you own religion and keep a temple at home. I can't. Or I should say, I am not allowed to. If I want to go to temple, I just go sneakingly. My hubby doesn't have any problem but he doesn't want his parents to find out. My MIL lives with us..I can't practice my own religion freely in my own home.

I am sorry but this is a frustrating situation for me. Fine, they don't want our kids to follow but why me? I feel like an idiot. I married the same guy three times too. Court marriage which no one attended it except us. Got marry in a temple where his family didn't come. Got marry in the church which my family didn't attend. Three marriage with the same guy and not even one time I was whole heartedly happy :(

I never thought these things will bother me so much in future. I guess I was too blind in love    LOL

Vinita





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Vinita seriously. A big hug darling..

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I think it's because your MIL stays. With you.




Oh Mil's are crazy... N i get it why shud we be the ones to give up.




But does hubby know how you feel...




That is sad. You should at least be able to do that in your room.




My MiL also gets coocoo..haha. She once told me we-meaning hubby n I will be in different heavens...hahaha... i was like yeah he can stayver at mine on the weekend if Shiva allows... she got angry...




Just told hubby what is withChristianboys after Hindu girls... he went cos we are the best...N we dont know what hit us till after the marriage... haha...




Ha ha ha you just gave me a good laugh...MIL's are crazy LOL

I think our situation got worse since my MIL started living with us. Prior to that it didn't matter so much. We lived in USA and they were in India. I love my husband a lot and he's the only reason why I tolerate so much. He does understand my feeling but he is also helpless. He can't say or change his mom's views so he expects me to compromise for his sake.

By the way we just celebrated our 12th wedding anniversary on May 28th. Neither mine or his family ever wishes us. But we always celebrate in our own little way Embarrassed

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Aaah the MIL'sTongueLOL..my husband's entire family lives with me now...my inlaws just moved here last week...and honest to god...I want to run away...I have been fretting about it from the day I got married...I've always been clear with my hubby..that I cant share my kitchen and house...you can have two houses side by side or one over the other..but I need my space...But here they are...and its a test everyday..to hold onto my patience..and my tongue... they are such nice people...they dont bother us..so much..but boy when it comes to micro managing..people..home and situations..I am literally pulling my hair in frustrations and anger by the end of the night..I dont know how I will surviveOuch

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I was so happy too when they lived back home...but now..they plan to live here for good!! god save me...and my sanity..LOL


As for hubby's...I feel for them..they are stuck between the 2...where do they go...what do they do.. They say a happy family is due to a guy that knows his jobs well..being a good husband and a good son...but then again..I guess we only stay cos we know he is trying all that he can to keep things and ppl together...rite??Embarrassedsometime though..its good if he stands up for his wife a lil more and doesnt ask so much from her... A woman that is left unnurtured...can only give so much back...its give and take after all...if a guy walks a step for you...we walk 10... and if that doesnt happen often...its upon us to nurture ourselves, defend ourselves..and stand up for what we beleive in!!!Smile


Oh dear! Tell me about it. It is very difficult to stay with In laws. My MIL is a good lady but I really miss staying by ourselves. And what frustrates me the most is that his elder brother lives 20 minutes away but she never goes to stay with them. The elder DIL doesn't treat her well so she stays with us. Oh, and and not to forget the elder DIL belongs to their community where as I am not Angry

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I feel ya gal...mine is the other way round...all my MIL's family lives in the city...and a lot of relatives and friends as well..so every day for the past week wen I go home for lunch and after work...there's someone visiting..then u r busy serving and entertaining...forget ur own routine..u need to be a good host..and every strp of the way..ur MIL wants u to go do something...LOL...here I am a private person by nature..not so social...n Im put in a situation where I have to be all niceDead
Boy how I wan to move awayLOL

This has turned into an interesting topic.

We started off with duelling cultures and ended up lamenting our in-laws!

ROFL

But love makes it all worthwhile, doesn't it, ladies?


Ha ha ha that's what I was thinking. The topic started with dual heritage but ended on MIL's LOL

Yes, love makes it worthwhile. But sometimes I just want to take all my frustration out LOL


Started somewhere... now i feel like watching some tamil drama
what in laws doing...
sorry i'm not married...
cant say much about this LOL  LOL

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