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The Yummy Mummy's of QH: Topic Six 01.07.14 - Pg 82 (Page 64)

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Posted: 03 June 2014 at 7:01am | IP Logged
Originally posted by farz_parachute

I don't want to get married.




But then.


I need to make some mutants. Cannot waste these genes.




I hope they are sure of their heritage and culture.




And don't need to rant/vent out on some God awesome thread on some forum.




Nice meeting you all, ladies.



You most certainly cannot waste those genes of yours, but I'm positive "making mutants" or in my case "the biggest little monster you'll ever meet" will be discussed in upcoming topics. 

LOL


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Posted: 03 June 2014 at 7:34am | IP Logged
You guys are all so very yum, you know that?


*Looks at thread title.*



I don't belong here.


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Posted: 03 June 2014 at 8:52am | IP Logged
Originally posted by farz_parachute

Just a question...was there no fear of having your children be influenced by environmental culture?

It doesn't have to be a bad thing...but what if it is different than what you've thought your children?

My mother lived with the fear. Until we were very well in our teenage years (18???haha...since I'm the youngest)...

I just asked her about the issue...throwing in words like heritage and culture and all those. And she said. You're father is the sole reason for my constant fear. Then the world.



I regret asking.


But I think she was glad I did.


Just a question. Not that I need answers. But would appreciate some.



Imma go do some kid stuff. Like tell Papa I'm sorry if you don't get your TV slot and have to watch Revenge or Game of Thrones or Law & Order or Scandal (depending on whatever's on) coz I kinda opened up an old wound. And mummy controls the remote.




Good news. I love Revenge. And Games of Thrones. And Law & Order. Not so much Scandal but I'll live.

Mummy cannot stand Glee.




I dont have kids yet...but I know 1 thing for sure...the question of where to raise them definetly comess to mind...Yes time and situations will give me the answers...but the reasons have their way of seeping through my mind...I dunno if I should scratch this topic...but I can atleast share my thought process...
 
for me...no matter where I stay how long I stay...home= India...and I've had good and bad experiences being away from home...I have met all sorts of ppl that are either doing the shitiest jobs in raising confident well aware Indo whatever kids..and I've seen kids that know and respect their roots...it can go wither way...and I am not worried about that...I guess it depends on the parents...
but at the end of the day home beckons..and I wanna go back...I want my kids to know where they come from...respect the country that has so much to offer..learn from its heritage..embrace the world...I want my kids to learn hindi..before Spanish or french..study sanskrit...before..chinese...thats my personal POV...my roots have a lot to offer...and if what is available to us in our roots is instilled in our kids in the right manner..than nothing can stop them from achieiving the roots and the wings that allow them to embrace the world with all that it has to offer...I've lived in India all through my teens...and wen I left...I had learned enough to never have an issue keeping up a conversation with people of different cultures...I had both...my roots..my heritage..that allowed me to feel confident..and the open mindedness to accept something new...thats what I want for my kids...
 
Again that's my personal POV...for everyone there's something that works..and works right..follow that...along with ur heart and instinct..and things will work outSmile


Edited by -StarsLinedUp- - 03 June 2014 at 8:54am

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Posted: 03 June 2014 at 9:18am | IP Logged
Originally posted by QueenOfMyCastle

Originally posted by -StarsLinedUp-

Hmm my story...

All my life I lived in a city where different cultures and religions were celebrated...studied in a catholic school had Christian, Muslim,Punjabi, Bengali,Marathi,South Indian friends...hung out at their places and celebrated all that they did...So I never knew such things existed...Rarely or rather never did me and my family or me and my friends discuss topics on religion or culture, cos it was a part of our lives and everything was openly accepted...

Family life also allowed me to be...never was I stopped at anything or told I was a certain way so I couldn't do other things...I wasn't considered inferior cos I was a girl and I wasn't  pulled down to believe in a certain thing...

Me coming from a solid Gujarati Bhramin family...where families have literally run temples all their life...I was the one that didn't even believe in the manmade institution of temples and holy places...I believe in god..and maybe a certain image of god suits my belief but that's where my religious values ened...I wasn't forced to pray as much as my family does...they jus t let me be...

All this changed when I met my guy... Punjabi/sikh/hindu...(he says he belongs to the human religion) He is the polar opposite of me...Culturally, religiously, and also by temperament..

Here I was, a girl getting really suffocated at entering a temple or something in its likes...who ended up with a guy that has to go to the gurudwara, everyday no matter what(if he is in a place with no Guurdwara he will bow down by the church..he's not picky) and a family that belives in so much superstations and norms..

It still amuses me  and at times annoys me..his connect to god  and his families obsession with certain beliefs..  but all I can do is let them be and continue with what I want to do.

Culturally I think...it was never an issue for us...he being a punjabi and me being a gujarati.. instead we are excited..our kids get to learn atleast 4 languages.LOL.

But culture does pose a problem when older generations are thrown into the mix...Cos no matter how much they try..its hard for them to think otherwise...

My side of the family doesn't care...Inlaws at times question...

My ways make them wonder...how can a girl be so outspoken...she needs to be coy..punjabi girls are so family oriented how come..u are so outgoing???   Married Punjabi gals deck up...how come u rarely put on makeup...That's not how we do it...are you sure your way is the right way?? Questions down this line are more than many times thrown at me... It annoys me...especially when cultural differences are discussed in public... But I don't believe I need to let in..or let go...I am just going to be... I don't know what the future of my kids will be...I don't have to worry about cultural issues..cos I want them to be...and pick up wat works for them as individuals

What I do worry about even before I have any kids is the question of their heritage...that being raising a strong rooted...globally educated Indian.. There's always going to be pro's and con's of living outside of India...and yes I can let my kids to decide when they are old enough to decide...but as far as their roots and foundation go..I am a little anal. I cant help but want to raise them back home...that's one thing I am adamant about... So far in almost a decade of living out of India..I still am that homesick...girl that fought not wanting to leave India...and so is my husband who's been here longer...Lets see what happens when the kids come along!!!

 

Lastly...heritage, culture and beliefs...should be respected and kept in their respective corners..Adjust...dont compromise...compromise only creates regrets!!! Be and  let be...and for all that are affected by ppl other than your partner..sometimes..all we can do is stand up for ourselves...If they seek respect..they need to give respect as well!!

 

I have been married for over 3 years...and so far..the only issues me and my husband have had was where to live??...religion..beliefs and cultural ways have never come in our...our marriage as a norm was according to the girls side...they let go of their gurudwara marriage for a hindu ceremony...but individually we both went about our respective ceremonies...I wore the chuda..he let his feet washed a million times in 0 degree temperature outdoors!! He's from delhi..I am from Baroda...we married in Jaipur...simple as that...meet halfway!!! Or move away!!

Are you me?...no seriously...
Gujju Brahm - check
Aversion to temples - check
married into a different religion/culture - check
lived away from home (I think u mentioned this) - check
upbringing and culture issues raised by ILs - check
Grew up in Mumbai - so check being around multiple cultures all my life

So I married a Marwari Jain guy (from an orthodox family - compared to mine). We have never had issues with regards to religion. We lived in US most our married life. I celebrate Paryushan with more zest than him. He is not religious, nor am I. 

I am spiritual. I believe in God and his presence around me. But I do not believe that the temple/ mosque/church/etc. is the only place to pray. I question religious practices and have my own explanations for why something made sense in the days gone by but make no sense today.

And this my friends irks my ILs and my mom a lot. I go to the temple during religious occasions coz I like the festivities there. But outside of it, I do not force myself to visit there. I pray when I feel like, where I feel. Last visit, my MIL had an argument with me about how my kids don't go to the temple or know nothing of their religion. I told them that since I don't know, the onus is on them or their son. I will teach them what I know, but for more I am really clueless. As for the temple, I don't like going. Apparently, I am impossible and have the weirdest notions about things.

Their criticism gets to me sometimes but mostly I try to ignore them.

Coming to the kids, I want to raise them as good humans who know to respect humans more than religions. To be brutally honest, Hubby and I have never had a conversation about religion. On forms I write Jain/Hindu based on what options are available. He never questions anything I teach my kids. We have a temple in the house. I go in the room when I feel like, but I bow my head from outside every time I pass by. He does not argue with me about this. He is teaching kids to step in everyday and pray and I am glad he is doing this. 

Now that is just religion.

Kids were born in US but are being raised here in India. I am going with the assumption that they will eventually move back and I try to expose them to the culture there too. Its not because I prefer one over another, I do no want them to grow with identity issues. Better to have multiple identities and growing comfortably into them than to reach a stage in life where u don't know who you are.

We have a no questions barred policy at home. Just last night at bedtime, older son asked about a "dwarf" kid in the society. We did not have an answer on how to explain a 6 year old about dwarfism, especially in a child friendly way. This morning we discussed it between us and looked online for help. So yeah, basically, we answer all questions asked as best as we can and religion is one topic we especially encourage them to talk about. 

I don't know if I answered the question.
Hey I guess we have a lot of things in common for sure...and yes...they all have there set of pros and cons..but its good to stand up for ur beliefs...
 
My life is good...I dont get bothered for anything...my inlaws let me be most times..they dont care wat I wear, when I wake up and what I do...its good... but cultural questions and comparisions are something u cant avoid...It bothers me even today...n me being me..wanting to speak my mind..its hard wen I have to shut up... but as my dad says..its hard to change someone that's already too ripe in their mindsets... (its a gujju line I cant best describe it..LOL) so m learning to let it go...
 
As for religion...I really cannot care...but ppl do care...I always get ppl that talk about religion all the time..and sometimes u cant help but wanna defend ur own...wen they constantly compare...
My kids will be humans first..and then they can be whoever they choose to be...religion is never a question in my family...
 
other than that..I cannot elobrate more..cos I aint a mother just yet...all I know is I want my kids to be grounded and well aware of the world..I have no intentions of sugar coating life for them...I have no intentions of over protecting them and curbing their curiosity...I want everything out in the open...talk about anything...dream the impossible..and have no fear..if u do..that should be the first thing to conquer...I want them to feel love..and have the capacity to love...be good humans..and choose on the basis of character..not culture...as far as what they do doesnt hurt someone..they'll have my support...Smile


Edited by -StarsLinedUp- - 03 June 2014 at 9:15am

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Posted: 03 June 2014 at 10:31am | IP Logged
You guys have bamboozled me--am amazed how each generation has to go through the same  trials and tribulations! This holds true for everyone...


I am so glad you have this platform to vent out your frustration so that you can carry on with living. I have learnt that nothing comes easy so teach the children by example the art of Tolerance and Compromise!
I am not going to add anymore coz there are so many similarities in all our lives. Have your priorities right and focus on the positives and life would be that much happier.
Photo


Edited by raneeb - 03 June 2014 at 10:30am

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Posted: 03 June 2014 at 10:40am | IP Logged
Originally posted by raneeb

You guys have bamboozled me--am amazed how each generation has to go through the same  trials and tribulations! This holds true for everyone...


I am so glad you have this platform to vent out your frustration so that you can carry on with living. I have learnt that nothing comes easy so teach the children by example the art of Tolerance and Compromise!
I am not going to add anymore coz there are so many similarities in all our lives. Have your priorities right and focus on the positives and life would be that much happier.
Photo
very truly stated...this is the time when effort..is not invested in our own lives..we want everything easy...even when it comes to family and kids..it has to be easy...but what's the fun in that...working hard and seeing the end result is a much sweeter feeling than letting it all go as is..without making an effort...
We all have our set of troubles and issues...and we choose how much to take..and wen to let go...I am still learning that...I am a stubborn soul that beleives in getting what I dreamt of...I wont hurt ppl in the process but heck I am gonna get wat I desire...I have only one life to live..and I aint about to live it according to someone else...
and yes...tolerate...but as for compromise...I'd rather use the word adjust...maybe today u cant do wat u want but make sure u do it tommorow..its just a positive way to live I guess
thanks for some wonderful and thought provoking insight!!Smile

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Posted: 03 June 2014 at 12:45pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by Perfectionist2

Originally posted by farz_parachute

Just a question...was there no fear of having your children be influenced by environmental culture?

It doesn't have to be a bad thing...but what if it is different than what you've thought your children?

My mother lived with the fear. Until we were very well in our teenage years (18???haha...since I'm the youngest)...

I just asked her about the issue...throwing in words like heritage and culture and all those. And she said. You're father is the sole reason for my constant fear. Then the world.



I regret asking.


But I think she was glad I did.


Just a question. Not that I need answers. But would appreciate some.



Imma go do some kid stuff. Like tell Papa I'm sorry if you don't get your TV slot and have to watch Revenge or Game of girlThrones or Law & Order or Scandal (depending on whatever's on) coz I kinda opened up an old wound. And mummy controls the remote.




Good news. I love Revenge. And Games of Thrones. And Law & Order. Not so much Scandal but I'll live.

Mummy cannot stand Glee.






Farz.
Love love love Revenge. So sexy. Law n order, not so much
But castle. Criminal minds...are good.
Love black list. Tried that. Simply enticing.

Couldn't do game of thrones haha. .
My hubby is an addict though. ..

About your question. ... I will let someone else answer...hehe


Sexayhhh!

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Posted: 03 June 2014 at 2:14pm | IP Logged
Dual-Heritage: showed identity of person in different aspects. It's not easy for the person who born in one country but attached to other country culture. Those type of people faced problem to accept one culture. It's very easy for the person who born in the country where their parents belonged, to accept the changes but for those who born in different culture, they want to take a exposure of both culture.
As a Muslim, so many things are not allowed as u mentioned in the topic & parents have a big responsibility to tell their kids. Everyone is not same, Some kids thought that guidance as burden & some thought normally.those types of conflict create personality disorder. I live in Ireland & move here for getting education 8 yrs ago, originally from Pakistan. Even at the age of 24, when I arrived first, it's not easy for me. I live with my friends & few of them were drinking, smoking & even have girlfriend. They usually offered me to drink which I refused everytime. My friends played a worse prank with me, they added vodka in my coke. Thank ALLAH & my one of the irish friend that I didn't drink on that day otherwise I don't know how I will forgive myself. As a sinusitis, I can't smell until it's too worse that's why it didn't feel any smell. If those things are difficult for me so it's for others as well. It's easy to say that they are lucky to have a chance to take exposure but in real, it's too tough. They have to follow the ethics of both cultures which is not easy for me.
Parents play their important role there for the upbringing of their kids outside their home country. In Asian countries like Pakistan, India & Bangladesh, we saw each other frequently & culture are not same but not opposite as well & we can adjust easily but here it's totally different. I have a live example in the form of my niece. She born here & we told her what to eat or drink. Even we visited last year to Pakistan together, she was very comfortable even in understanding Urdu. It's not easy for her as well to speak Urdu, she replied us in English. We saw her how she tried to cope with us, it's really not easy.
Hope I m not out of topic
Nice post
Regards
Asif

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