Qubool Hai

India-Forums

   
Qubool Hai
Qubool Hai

The Yummy Mummy's of QH: Topic Six 01.07.14 - Pg 82 (Page 60)

anopama IF-Rockerz
anopama
anopama

Joined: 27 September 2013
Posts: 7263

Posted: 02 June 2014 at 2:49pm | IP Logged
I am a mom of 4 boys and it is tough but I have coped 
I was born and brought up in Guyana I am a Hindu by birth 
When I was growing up I was not allowed to go out or to have friends like boys etc
After marriage I migrated to canada and it is a diverse country well Guyana was the same too
But I have dealt with fitting in and being like my friends to be allowed to do like they do 
And eat certain things etc
My son has have it tough not really I did bcuz first I was like my parents very strict and then I have adjusted with the time an the place 
I have thought my boys right from wrong I have made many mistakes and I told them to learn from my mistakes so they don't make their own
Being boys it is different compared to girls 
As a Hindu we don't eat beef and pork and I have taught my kids that but when they were younger and see their cousins having hamburgers and steaks and  pepperoni pizza and they would ask why they can't have so I had to give them the reason y we don't eat it but I was never thought that by my parents and I never questioned my parents we just took what they say but now the kids question everything 
I tried to teach my kid to be yourself and not try to be someone else 
I had them involve in temple and into singing in the temples too and they didn't fight me they have been brought up Hindu who r Canadians and proud 

The following 9 member(s) liked the above post:

vinita459Divya.S.R-StarsLinedUp-farz_parachuteTamara27ChocoBerrySaima-SyedraneebLinsie

Saima-Syed IF-Sizzlerz
Saima-Syed
Saima-Syed

Joined: 05 November 2012
Posts: 17911

Posted: 02 June 2014 at 3:38pm | IP Logged
Hey

I am away for less than 24 hours and look what I have missed.

Firstly I would like to thank all of you for taking part, you guys have shared a lot of personal experiences, something that is not always easy to do.

I wasn't sure which direction the topic would go, or even if it would gain an interest but it really has.

What is amazing is that so many of you have so many commonalities, a strong foundation to build upon, which I think is a beautiful thing. Some of you have had good positive experiences and others have not been so lucky, but what is brilliant is that you have created a platform upon which you can vent, discuss, advise and just off load to one another without the fear of being judged.

As women we get caught up in so many aspects in life that we forget to celebrate the fact that we are women. 

Don't get me wrong women can be cruel and evil, everyone probably has experienced the wrath if a woman before whether it be an unreasonable mother in law or just a unkind associate of some kind, what is important and so many of you highlighted is to make sure that as we get older as we become parents not to repeat what has passed, like you said nothing can change the past but the future is in our hands.

As mothers, as protectors of our children we have a responsibility to ensure that we give all our children an equal, kind, enjoyable and full of confidence upbringing. Educating a child about religion and culture is just as important as teaching them the laws of gravity. There needs to be a balance between deen (religion) and duniya (world). 

You can compromise, negotiate and sacrifice but if it means to live in regret and sorrow because of these things then is it really worth it?

Women are strong, they can bear as much emotional pain as any physical pain, but everyone had a breaking point and that is what scares me.

I am glad that we have been able to come together here, talking about the past doesn't change it, correct. But it help lift the burden a little.

I know this post is long and not very coherent but was trying to cover a lot of the point made in all your conversations.

I once read a quote which I will share with you

'If you are searching for that one person that will change your life, take a look in the mirror'

Home is where the heart is and change comes with good intentions only

Lots of love to you all

The following 8 member(s) liked the above post:

vinita459-StarsLinedUp-Divya.S.Rfarz_parachuteTamara27ChocoBerryraneebLinsie

rajsmi Goldie
rajsmi
rajsmi

Joined: 19 June 2013
Posts: 1272

Posted: 02 June 2014 at 9:05pm | IP Logged
Wow!! This topic has def stirred every married woman's heart :-) Oh those MILs...
I thought I would be the only liberal gal here but it seems like there are quite a few strong, broadminded ones and it is really great to see that. I am 50 so I find very few in that age group.

I live in the US though brought up in India (Mumbai, Goa,Gujarat,Kerala) so I have seen different Indians and I spent 10 years of my 25 year marriage in Dubai with the rest here in the US. So, I guess I have seen a mixed bag in India, more secular in the Middle East and liberal in the US. I married my college sweetheart who is a Hindu like me but I am a Brahmin and he is way down the line, as folks say.

What I have realized in my 50 years of life is that most of the major issues in this world have started and are still ongoing, for more than 1000 years in the name of religion. Every religion has it's hierarchy system (defined or undefined) and between religions, there is a clash of which is the superior one. Be it in a broad circle or in the confines of one's family, religion is a prominent issue most of the time.

Take the "religion" out of mankind and we would be in a much better world, don't you think? We would like people for who they are, marry a person who we would be happy with, work for the betterment of mankind and not for religious institutions who tend to enforce laws to abide by and so forth...

And, over and above the religions, we have wealth and status to segregate us too! Isn't it all too much for this little world we live in?

I grew up with a very religious mother who goes to temples every so often, prays for hours on end daily. On the other hand, my agnostic dad was more of a Gandhian in his ways with no touch with material things...So, I am a skeptic :-) Hubby and kids are atheists and believe in science and that's all there is.
 
Culture- what is culture? If celebrating festivals is culture then I do not do that like normal people. I don't rush to make high fat and sugar sweets for Diwali and other Hindu festivals in the name of God to only feed our bodies and ruin it. The rate of diabetes has gone so high in India that people talk of it just like having a mild digestive issue. Isn't that scary?

I like talk to my boys about festivals as a time to bond with family, sit together and do things we love. I don't believe in doing pooja annually for my dad's death anniversary. Instead, we give food to the food bank. I tell my kids that being a Hindu and being Indian means we treat people with respect, whoever they may be and we help anyone we can but not at the cost of our own family. That has to be priority otherwise one can ruin one's life if we go to the extreme in helping others.

Raising the kids to be good human beings and being good role models ourselves is all I strive for and if I see that I have done a good job, then I have done absolute justice to my culture. I may look different from my neighbor but we can embrace each other and look beyond the superficial issues that seem to bother us :-(

Guess I have ranted enough...time for another topic, I guess! 

The following 7 member(s) liked the above post:

vinita459Perfectionist2-StarsLinedUp-Tamara27Saima-SyedraneebLinsie

ChocoBerry IF-Rockerz
ChocoBerry
ChocoBerry

Joined: 26 August 2013
Posts: 8722

Posted: 02 June 2014 at 9:28pm | IP Logged
A quote from Swami Vivekananda that I'd like to share 

"Insaan ko uss waqt tak koi nahi hara sakta,
Jab tak woh apne aap se naa haar jaye."

Have a winning life.


This quote, I feel, is apt for a lot of us who have shared our life and experiences on this thread.

The following 7 member(s) liked the above post:

vinita459Perfectionist2Divya.S.RTamara27Saima-SyedraneebLinsie

Divya.S.R IF-Dazzler
Divya.S.R
Divya.S.R

Joined: 29 March 2013
Posts: 3306

Posted: 02 June 2014 at 9:36pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by LoveOnlyAsYa

A quote from Swami Vivekananda that I'd like to share 

"Insaan ko uss waqt tak koi nahi hara sakta,
Jab tak woh apne aap se naa haar jaye."

Have a winning life.


This quote, I feel, is apt for a lot of us who have shared our life and experiences on this thread.


Touche.. That's a perfect quote for many of us... And one which every one of us should keep in mind... Clap

The following 6 member(s) liked the above post:

vinita459Tamara27ChocoBerrySaima-SyedraneebLinsie

Tamara27 IF-Rockerz
Tamara27
Tamara27

Joined: 08 June 2013
Posts: 4640

Posted: 02 June 2014 at 11:26pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by anopama

I am a mom of 4 boys and it is tough but I have coped 
I was born and brought up in Guyana I am a Hindu by birth 
When I was growing up I was not allowed to go out or to have friends like boys etc
After marriage I migrated to canada and it is a diverse country well Guyana was the same too
But I have dealt with fitting in and being like my friends to be allowed to do like they do 
And eat certain things etc
My son has have it tough not really I did bcuz first I was like my parents very strict and then I have adjusted with the time an the place 
I have thought my boys right from wrong I have made many mistakes and I told them to learn from my mistakes so they don't make their own
Being boys it is different compared to girls 
As a Hindu we don't eat beef and pork and I have taught my kids that but when they were younger and see their cousins having hamburgers and steaks and  pepperoni pizza and they would ask why they can't have so I had to give them the reason y we don't eat it but I was never thought that by my parents and I never questioned my parents we just took what they say but now the kids question everything 
I tried to teach my kid to be yourself and not try to be someone else 
I had them involve in temple and into singing in the temples too and they didn't fight me they have been brought up Hindu who r Canadians and proud 

This is wonderful! I love that you give them their freedom and still teach them what you think they need to know. The most important thing is that they are proud of who they are, who you are and their upbringing.

But four boys? You are one brave woman! LOL

The following 6 member(s) liked the above post:

vinita459Perfectionist2ChocoBerrySaima-SyedraneebLinsie

farz_parachute IF-Rockerz
farz_parachute
farz_parachute

Joined: 29 April 2013
Posts: 8345

Posted: 02 June 2014 at 11:50pm | IP Logged
Just a question...was there no fear of having your children be influenced by environmental culture?

It doesn't have to be a bad thing...but what if it is different than what you've thought your children?

My mother lived with the fear. Until we were very well in our teenage years (18???haha...since I'm the youngest)...

I just asked her about the issue...throwing in words like heritage and culture and all those. And she said. You're father is the sole reason for my constant fear. Then the world.



I regret asking.


But I think she was glad I did.


Just a question. Not that I need answers. But would appreciate some.



Imma go do some kid stuff. Like tell Papa I'm sorry if you don't get your TV slot and have to watch Revenge or Game of Thrones or Law & Order or Scandal (depending on whatever's on) coz I kinda opened up an old wound. And mummy controls the remote.




Good news. I love Revenge. And Games of Thrones. And Law & Order. Not so much Scandal but I'll live.

Mummy cannot stand Glee.




The following 6 member(s) liked the above post:

vinita459-StarsLinedUp-Tamara27Saima-SyedraneebLinsie

Tamara27 IF-Rockerz
Tamara27
Tamara27

Joined: 08 June 2013
Posts: 4640

Posted: 03 June 2014 at 12:01am | IP Logged
Originally posted by Saima-Syed

Hey

I am away for less than 24 hours and look what I have missed.

Firstly I would like to thank all of you for taking part, you guys have shared a lot of personal experiences, something that is not always easy to do.

I wasn't sure which direction the topic would go, or even if it would gain an interest but it really has. - Yes, give married women a chance to complain about their in-laws and you have a hot thread on your hands LOL

What is amazing is that so many of you have so many commonalities, a strong foundation to build upon, which I think is a beautiful thing. Some of you have had good positive experiences and others have not been so lucky, but what is brilliant is that you have created a platform upon which you can vent, discuss, advise and just off load to one another without the fear of being judged.

As women we get caught up in so many aspects in life that we forget to celebrate the fact that we are women.  - Not in this group. Here we have a bunch of very strong women who know what they want and are more than happy to even celebrate each other - it's wonderful!

Don't get me wrong women can be cruel and evil, everyone probably has experienced the wrath if a woman before whether it be an unreasonable mother in law or just a unkind associate of some kind, what is important and so many of you highlighted is to make sure that as we get older as we become parents not to repeat what has passed, like you said nothing can change the past but the future is in our hands. - So true. I really believe this. The future isn't just in our hands. We are passing that onto our kids and the next generation. 

As mothers, as protectors of our children we have a responsibility to ensure that we give all our children an equal, kind, enjoyable and full of confidence upbringing. Educating a child about religion and culture is just as important as teaching them the laws of gravity. - 


This may be more true for some than others, and is the point of this thread, right? To each their own. What works for one parent, won't work for another. 

I have many, many friends who who disagree with me vehemently about my lack of getting involved in teaching my son "his faith", but they respect my decision to keep my child protected from the dangers of "believing that people are inherently different" - because as humans, we're not different at all. 

"His faith" should come from within. I hope I do a good enough job that he grows up confident in himself, and able to face the world with a proud smile on his face. He won't be sheltered from the evils out there, but I would want to teach him that evil can be overcome. 

Perhaps my outlook is such, because I was a child during the Apartheid era of South Africa. I remember not being able to go into certain places, because I was not white (and that is just the tip of the iceberg).

 I hope my child never faces anything like that. As far as he's concerned, Indian means "From India". 

I have so much respect and admiration for those believers who pass their faith and beliefs onto their children. I am doing it too, in my own way. And as are the many yummy mummies on this thread. 


There needs to be a balance between deen (religion) and duniya (world). 


You can compromise, negotiate and sacrifice but if it means to live in regret and sorrow because of these things then is it really worth it?

Women are strong, they can bear as much emotional pain as any physical pain, but everyone had a breaking point and that is what scares me.

I am glad that we have been able to come together here, talking about the past doesn't change it, correct. But it help lift the burden a little.

I know this post is long and not very coherent but was trying to cover a lot of the point made in all your conversations.

I once read a quote which I will share with you

'If you are searching for that one person that will change your life, take a look in the mirror'

Home is where the heart is and change comes with good intentions only

Lots of love to you all

Thanks for this thread - really an eye opener and a great way to connect with other like-minded women.

The following 8 member(s) liked the above post:

vinita459Perfectionist2-StarsLinedUp-farz_parachuteChocoBerrySaima-SyedraneebLinsie

Go to top

Related Topics

  Topics Author Replies Views Last Post
OS topic

2 3 4 5 6 7

Author: Niyati_T   Replies: 51   Views: 3159

Niyati_T 51 3159 07 June 2014 at 6:10am by Persiko
off topic)What is Your Mother Tongue

2 3 4 5 6 7

Author: nithya.   Replies: 54   Views: 3689

nithya. 54 3689 24 May 2014 at 3:01am by shanu22
Please close this topic

Author: honeyriaz   Replies: 0   Views: 396

honeyriaz 0 396 18 April 2014 at 2:32pm by honeyriaz
Why no topic on today's episode

Author: sri7   Replies: 2   Views: 572

sri7 2 572 26 March 2014 at 5:35pm by lovetvs
Please Close Topic!

2

Author: SprinklesOfLove   Replies: 11   Views: 1111

SprinklesOfLove 11 1111 18 March 2014 at 6:18am by fifi1297

Forum Quick Jump

Forum Category / Channels
Forums

Qubool Hai Topic Index

Check these Celebrity also

Disclaimer: All Logos and Pictures of various Channels, Shows, Artistes, Media Houses, Companies, Brands etc. belong to their respective owners, and are used to merely visually identify the Channels, Shows, Companies, Brands, etc. to the viewer. Incase of any issue please contact the webmaster.

Popular Channels :
Star Plus | Zee TV | Sony TV | Colors TV | SAB TV | Life OK

Quick Links :
Top 100 TV Celebrities | Top 100 Bollywood Celebs | About Us | Contact Us | Advertise | Forum Index