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The Yummy Mummy's of QH: Topic Six 01.07.14 - Pg 82 (Page 58)

-StarsLinedUp- IF-Dazzler
-StarsLinedUp-
-StarsLinedUp-

Joined: 25 September 2013
Posts: 3391

Posted: 02 June 2014 at 1:11pm | IP Logged
It was bound to happen...we fall in love...we dont know what we are in store for,,...hail the guys family...we dont know what to expect...and soon..if we are not the lucky few whose inlaws are better than their parents end up...wondering how the hell did I get into this?? Cutural upbringing, even if its within the same country and religion are still something that takes a toll on an adult wanting to start a new realtionship...imagine how hard can that get if the religions..heritages and ethnicities are different...and then it adds on once the kids come into the picture..I wouldnt know cos I have none..but I will soon enough...and I feel its gonna start from the rituals..to the name and how to raise them..thankfully I am a stubborn gal...I dont comply unless it makes sense...wow...thats gonna be a fun part of my lifeSilly
PS...Atleast in an arranged marriage we know what we are getting into..we meet our inlaws simaltaneously to our hubby to be...and we have some time in between to work things out before we actually get to live with them...
For me...I met them when they came here...almost 2 years into our relationship...they wanted to meet my dad to reject me..even before meeting me...on the basis of a lot of things...culture being a minor part...and from that day till my marriage..i had aprx 6 months...so that's how my inlaws came into picture..a beautiful..positive start..LOL


Edited by -StarsLinedUp- - 02 June 2014 at 1:11pm

The following 6 member(s) liked the above post:

vinita459Divya.S.RTamara27GoodGoneWrongraneebLinsie

Tamara27 IF-Rockerz
Tamara27
Tamara27

Joined: 08 June 2013
Posts: 4640

Posted: 02 June 2014 at 1:12pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by vinita459

Originally posted by Tamara27

Originally posted by -StarsLinedUp-

Originally posted by vinita459

Originally posted by -StarsLinedUp-

Originally posted by vinita459

Originally posted by Perfectionist2

Originally posted by vinita459

Originally posted by Perfectionist2

<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">OH MY GOOD LORD!</font>


</div>


<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">This page has a lot of Hindus marriage to Christians.</font>



<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">I know Tamara is also one of us... And by us I mean... Present Mam' LOL</font>






<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">I am a Hindu Bengali Brahmin.</font>



<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">He is a Catholic.</font>






<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">But I have a change in story here.I married Five times unfortunately to the same man. Yeah my love story is just filmy.</font>






<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">Once in a Temple... Told him no Ahem Ahem business till I get my Sath Pera... He didn't want to say celibate for the rest of our married lifeLOL</font>






<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">My laws are adorable lot but they have beliefs. Hubby not so much, he is more spiritual atheist versionConfused. So I married next in a church just to please his mum and I don't regret it. My Man scratched my back so I can at least pretend to use a loofah on his mums... I love my MIL by the way.Big smileThen court marriage, then my parents accepted and they had us married in a Bengali ritual and finally we had to register my marriage overseas so one more documented version.</font>






<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">10 yrs of being with the hot ass and I don't regretone bit. Our fights are never bases on religion. </font>



<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">He comes to the temple with me, did every ritual I askhim todo,I go to church with him.</font>






<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">My kid has been baptized but we also did the anaprashan.</font>






<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">I have a temple at home. But we practice no specific religion. My kid has questions a lot of them andwe patiently answer them. But overseas some of the friends follow no religion at all. So now comes another question like Vegetarianism. Goat eats grass and I eat goat so I am vegan.</font>






<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">My hubby has a large group of Uni friends who are Muslims. And my kid is absolutely close to them to a point where we discuss with kids the similarities of every culture and religion. So get the picture, how crazy are kinds are going to be. And btw we also have two Buddhists in our friends circle.</font>









<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">My point is the more we point out, complicateand segregate the more confused the future generations will be. I am in no waygoing to ever point out this religion is better than the other cos it is not. Same applies to culture and race. Why do you think there are so many issues with racism because a certain person's upbringing is to blame. If only we get past all of these issues of mundane minds, the world would be a much better place.</font>






<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">I will teach my kids the common selflessness and humility that every culture and religions brings along. I will teach her to be independent and drill it in her that she has a choice and her choice will be respected.</font>






<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">Ultimately I will know I have done my self proud as a mum.</font>






<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">Have you seen the movie snakes in a plane or the Survivor, Will you care which God came to save you, whichman or woman from which culture,Your eyes will hauntfor "The Human" who is going to come to a rescueeven if youchant the name of a specific god.</font>






<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">Believe in humanity people. And love that song - heal the world.</font>






<font size="4" face="Times New Roman">Dhanyawad! Aaj ke liya bahut ho gaya...</font>





Hey Juliet,

First I am really shocked to know that you have children Shocked

I am equally surprised to know that we are all in a same situation Smile

But here is the twist: while you can freely practice you own religion and keep a temple at home. I can't. Or I should say, I am not allowed to. If I want to go to temple, I just go sneakingly. My hubby doesn't have any problem but he doesn't want his parents to find out. My MIL lives with us..I can't practice my own religion freely in my own home.

I am sorry but this is a frustrating situation for me. Fine, they don't want our kids to follow but why me? I feel like an idiot. I married the same guy three times too. Court marriage which no one attended it except us. Got marry in a temple where his family didn't come. Got marry in the church which my family didn't attend. Three marriage with the same guy and not even one time I was whole heartedly happy :(

I never thought these things will bother me so much in future. I guess I was too blind in love    LOL

Vinita





<div>
Vinita seriously. A big hug darling..

</div>

I think it's because your MIL stays. With you.




Oh Mil's are crazy... N i get it why shud we be the ones to give up.




But does hubby know how you feel...




That is sad. You should at least be able to do that in your room.




My MiL also gets coocoo..haha. She once told me we-meaning hubby n I will be in different heavens...hahaha... i was like yeah he can stayver at mine on the weekend if Shiva allows... she got angry...




Just told hubby what is withChristianboys after Hindu girls... he went cos we are the best...N we dont know what hit us till after the marriage... haha...




Ha ha ha you just gave me a good laugh...MIL's are crazy LOL

I think our situation got worse since my MIL started living with us. Prior to that it didn't matter so much. We lived in USA and they were in India. I love my husband a lot and he's the only reason why I tolerate so much. He does understand my feeling but he is also helpless. He can't say or change his mom's views so he expects me to compromise for his sake.

By the way we just celebrated our 12th wedding anniversary on May 28th. Neither mine or his family ever wishes us. But we always celebrate in our own little way Embarrassed

<div>

Aaah the MIL'sTongueLOL..my husband's entire family lives with me now...my inlaws just moved here last week...and honest to god...I want to run away...I have been fretting about it from the day I got married...I've always been clear with my hubby..that I cant share my kitchen and house...you can have two houses side by side or one over the other..but I need my space...But here they are...and its a test everyday..to hold onto my patience..and my tongue... they are such nice people...they dont bother us..so much..but boy when it comes to micro managing..people..home and situations..I am literally pulling my hair in frustrations and anger by the end of the night..I dont know how I will surviveOuch

</div>
I was so happy too when they lived back home...but now..they plan to live here for good!! god save me...and my sanity..LOL


As for hubby's...I feel for them..they are stuck between the 2...where do they go...what do they do.. They say a happy family is due to a guy that knows his jobs well..being a good husband and a good son...but then again..I guess we only stay cos we know he is trying all that he can to keep things and ppl together...rite??Embarrassedsometime though..its good if he stands up for his wife a lil more and doesnt ask so much from her... A woman that is left unnurtured...can only give so much back...its give and take after all...if a guy walks a step for you...we walk 10... and if that doesnt happen often...its upon us to nurture ourselves, defend ourselves..and stand up for what we beleive in!!!Smile


Oh dear! Tell me about it. It is very difficult to stay with In laws. My MIL is a good lady but I really miss staying by ourselves. And what frustrates me the most is that his elder brother lives 20 minutes away but she never goes to stay with them. The elder DIL doesn't treat her well so she stays with us. Oh, and and not to forget the elder DIL belongs to their community where as I am not Angry

<div>
I feel ya gal...mine is the other way round...all my MIL's family lives in the city...and a lot of relatives and friends as well..so every day for the past week wen I go home for lunch and after work...there's someone visiting..then u r busy serving and entertaining...forget ur own routine..u need to be a good host..and every strp of the way..ur MIL wants u to go do something...LOL...here I am a private person by nature..not so social...n Im put in a situation where I have to be all niceDead
Boy how I wan to move awayLOL

This has turned into an interesting topic.

We started off with duelling cultures and ended up lamenting our in-laws!

ROFL

But love makes it all worthwhile, doesn't it, ladies?


Ha ha ha that's what I was thinking. The topic started with dual heritage but ended on MIL's LOL

Yes, love makes it worthwhile. But sometimes I just want to take all my frustration out LOL

Seems here is the place to do so, Vinita ;)

The following 4 member(s) liked the above post:

vinita459-StarsLinedUp-raneebLinsie

Divya.S.R IF-Dazzler
Divya.S.R
Divya.S.R

Joined: 29 March 2013
Posts: 3306

Posted: 02 June 2014 at 1:12pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by vinita459

Originally posted by Tamara27

Originally posted by -StarsLinedUp-

Originally posted by vinita459

Originally posted by -StarsLinedUp-

Originally posted by vinita459

Originally posted by Perfectionist2

Originally posted by vinita459

Originally posted by Perfectionist2

<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">OH MY GOOD LORD!</font>


</div>


<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">This page has a lot of Hindus marriage to Christians.</font>



<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">I know Tamara is also one of us... And by us I mean... Present Mam' LOL</font>






<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">I am a Hindu Bengali Brahmin.</font>



<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">He is a Catholic.</font>






<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">But I have a change in story here.I married Five times unfortunately to the same man. Yeah my love story is just filmy.</font>






<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">Once in a Temple... Told him no Ahem Ahem business till I get my Sath Pera... He didn't want to say celibate for the rest of our married lifeLOL</font>






<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">My laws are adorable lot but they have beliefs. Hubby not so much, he is more spiritual atheist versionConfused. So I married next in a church just to please his mum and I don't regret it. My Man scratched my back so I can at least pretend to use a loofah on his mums... I love my MIL by the way.Big smileThen court marriage, then my parents accepted and they had us married in a Bengali ritual and finally we had to register my marriage overseas so one more documented version.</font>






<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">10 yrs of being with the hot ass and I don't regretone bit. Our fights are never bases on religion. </font>



<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">He comes to the temple with me, did every ritual I askhim todo,I go to church with him.</font>






<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">My kid has been baptized but we also did the anaprashan.</font>






<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">I have a temple at home. But we practice no specific religion. My kid has questions a lot of them andwe patiently answer them. But overseas some of the friends follow no religion at all. So now comes another question like Vegetarianism. Goat eats grass and I eat goat so I am vegan.</font>






<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">My hubby has a large group of Uni friends who are Muslims. And my kid is absolutely close to them to a point where we discuss with kids the similarities of every culture and religion. So get the picture, how crazy are kinds are going to be. And btw we also have two Buddhists in our friends circle.</font>









<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">My point is the more we point out, complicateand segregate the more confused the future generations will be. I am in no waygoing to ever point out this religion is better than the other cos it is not. Same applies to culture and race. Why do you think there are so many issues with racism because a certain person's upbringing is to blame. If only we get past all of these issues of mundane minds, the world would be a much better place.</font>






<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">I will teach my kids the common selflessness and humility that every culture and religions brings along. I will teach her to be independent and drill it in her that she has a choice and her choice will be respected.</font>






<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">Ultimately I will know I have done my self proud as a mum.</font>






<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">Have you seen the movie snakes in a plane or the Survivor, Will you care which God came to save you, whichman or woman from which culture,Your eyes will hauntfor "The Human" who is going to come to a rescueeven if youchant the name of a specific god.</font>






<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">Believe in humanity people. And love that song - heal the world.</font>






<font size="4" face="Times New Roman">Dhanyawad! Aaj ke liya bahut ho gaya...</font>





Hey Juliet,

First I am really shocked to know that you have children Shocked

I am equally surprised to know that we are all in a same situation Smile

But here is the twist: while you can freely practice you own religion and keep a temple at home. I can't. Or I should say, I am not allowed to. If I want to go to temple, I just go sneakingly. My hubby doesn't have any problem but he doesn't want his parents to find out. My MIL lives with us..I can't practice my own religion freely in my own home.

I am sorry but this is a frustrating situation for me. Fine, they don't want our kids to follow but why me? I feel like an idiot. I married the same guy three times too. Court marriage which no one attended it except us. Got marry in a temple where his family didn't come. Got marry in the church which my family didn't attend. Three marriage with the same guy and not even one time I was whole heartedly happy :(

I never thought these things will bother me so much in future. I guess I was too blind in love    LOL

Vinita





<div>
Vinita seriously. A big hug darling..

</div>

I think it's because your MIL stays. With you.




Oh Mil's are crazy... N i get it why shud we be the ones to give up.




But does hubby know how you feel...




That is sad. You should at least be able to do that in your room.




My MiL also gets coocoo..haha. She once told me we-meaning hubby n I will be in different heavens...hahaha... i was like yeah he can stayver at mine on the weekend if Shiva allows... she got angry...




Just told hubby what is withChristianboys after Hindu girls... he went cos we are the best...N we dont know what hit us till after the marriage... haha...




Ha ha ha you just gave me a good laugh...MIL's are crazy LOL

I think our situation got worse since my MIL started living with us. Prior to that it didn't matter so much. We lived in USA and they were in India. I love my husband a lot and he's the only reason why I tolerate so much. He does understand my feeling but he is also helpless. He can't say or change his mom's views so he expects me to compromise for his sake.

By the way we just celebrated our 12th wedding anniversary on May 28th. Neither mine or his family ever wishes us. But we always celebrate in our own little way Embarrassed

<div>

Aaah the MIL'sTongueLOL..my husband's entire family lives with me now...my inlaws just moved here last week...and honest to god...I want to run away...I have been fretting about it from the day I got married...I've always been clear with my hubby..that I cant share my kitchen and house...you can have two houses side by side or one over the other..but I need my space...But here they are...and its a test everyday..to hold onto my patience..and my tongue... they are such nice people...they dont bother us..so much..but boy when it comes to micro managing..people..home and situations..I am literally pulling my hair in frustrations and anger by the end of the night..I dont know how I will surviveOuch

</div>
I was so happy too when they lived back home...but now..they plan to live here for good!! god save me...and my sanity..LOL


As for hubby's...I feel for them..they are stuck between the 2...where do they go...what do they do.. They say a happy family is due to a guy that knows his jobs well..being a good husband and a good son...but then again..I guess we only stay cos we know he is trying all that he can to keep things and ppl together...rite??Embarrassedsometime though..its good if he stands up for his wife a lil more and doesnt ask so much from her... A woman that is left unnurtured...can only give so much back...its give and take after all...if a guy walks a step for you...we walk 10... and if that doesnt happen often...its upon us to nurture ourselves, defend ourselves..and stand up for what we beleive in!!!Smile


Oh dear! Tell me about it. It is very difficult to stay with In laws. My MIL is a good lady but I really miss staying by ourselves. And what frustrates me the most is that his elder brother lives 20 minutes away but she never goes to stay with them. The elder DIL doesn't treat her well so she stays with us. Oh, and and not to forget the elder DIL belongs to their community where as I am not Angry

<div>
I feel ya gal...mine is the other way round...all my MIL's family lives in the city...and a lot of relatives and friends as well..so every day for the past week wen I go home for lunch and after work...there's someone visiting..then u r busy serving and entertaining...forget ur own routine..u need to be a good host..and every strp of the way..ur MIL wants u to go do something...LOL...here I am a private person by nature..not so social...n Im put in a situation where I have to be all niceDead
Boy how I wan to move awayLOL

This has turned into an interesting topic.

We started off with duelling cultures and ended up lamenting our in-laws!

ROFL

But love makes it all worthwhile, doesn't it, ladies?


Ha ha ha that's what I was thinking. The topic started with dual heritage but ended on MIL's LOL

Yes, love makes it worthwhile. But sometimes I just want to take all my frustration out LOL

well they are kind of connected... our Indian cultures do show some importance to these things too.. 

When I was in India I used to stay with them only... I never knew I'll have such strong disliking towards my MIL after 2 months of my wedding... 
and worst I don't feel close enough to even say anything to her.. Ermm.. When I used to stay there.. She made me feel like a guest.. 'Don't touch this', 'I don't prefer doing things like', all crap like that.. Angry

Basically no freedom to do as I please in "my so called own house"..
I feel better when I'm here... praying to god our extension of visa works out.. LOLWink

The following 5 member(s) liked the above post:

vinita459-StarsLinedUp-GoodGoneWrongraneebLinsie

-StarsLinedUp- IF-Dazzler
-StarsLinedUp-
-StarsLinedUp-

Joined: 25 September 2013
Posts: 3391

Posted: 02 June 2014 at 1:23pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by Divya.S.R

Originally posted by vinita459

Originally posted by Tamara27

Originally posted by -StarsLinedUp-

Originally posted by vinita459

Originally posted by -StarsLinedUp-

Originally posted by vinita459

Originally posted by Perfectionist2

Originally posted by vinita459

Originally posted by Perfectionist2

<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">OH MY GOOD LORD!</font>


</div>


<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">This page has a lot of Hindus marriage to Christians.</font>



<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">I know Tamara is also one of us... And by us I mean... Present Mam' LOL</font>






<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">I am a Hindu Bengali Brahmin.</font>



<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">He is a Catholic.</font>






<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">But I have a change in story here.I married Five times unfortunately to the same man. Yeah my love story is just filmy.</font>






<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">Once in a Temple... Told him no Ahem Ahem business till I get my Sath Pera... He didn't want to say celibate for the rest of our married lifeLOL</font>






<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">My laws are adorable lot but they have beliefs. Hubby not so much, he is more spiritual atheist versionConfused. So I married next in a church just to please his mum and I don't regret it. My Man scratched my back so I can at least pretend to use a loofah on his mums... I love my MIL by the way.Big smileThen court marriage, then my parents accepted and they had us married in a Bengali ritual and finally we had to register my marriage overseas so one more documented version.</font>






<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">10 yrs of being with the hot ass and I don't regretone bit. Our fights are never bases on religion. </font>



<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">He comes to the temple with me, did every ritual I askhim todo,I go to church with him.</font>






<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">My kid has been baptized but we also did the anaprashan.</font>






<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">I have a temple at home. But we practice no specific religion. My kid has questions a lot of them andwe patiently answer them. But overseas some of the friends follow no religion at all. So now comes another question like Vegetarianism. Goat eats grass and I eat goat so I am vegan.</font>






<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">My hubby has a large group of Uni friends who are Muslims. And my kid is absolutely close to them to a point where we discuss with kids the similarities of every culture and religion. So get the picture, how crazy are kinds are going to be. And btw we also have two Buddhists in our friends circle.</font>









<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">My point is the more we point out, complicateand segregate the more confused the future generations will be. I am in no waygoing to ever point out this religion is better than the other cos it is not. Same applies to culture and race. Why do you think there are so many issues with racism because a certain person's upbringing is to blame. If only we get past all of these issues of mundane minds, the world would be a much better place.</font>






<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">I will teach my kids the common selflessness and humility that every culture and religions brings along. I will teach her to be independent and drill it in her that she has a choice and her choice will be respected.</font>






<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">Ultimately I will know I have done my self proud as a mum.</font>






<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">Have you seen the movie snakes in a plane or the Survivor, Will you care which God came to save you, whichman or woman from which culture,Your eyes will hauntfor "The Human" who is going to come to a rescueeven if youchant the name of a specific god.</font>






<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">Believe in humanity people. And love that song - heal the world.</font>






<font size="4" face="Times New Roman">Dhanyawad! Aaj ke liya bahut ho gaya...</font>





Hey Juliet,

First I am really shocked to know that you have children Shocked

I am equally surprised to know that we are all in a same situation Smile

But here is the twist: while you can freely practice you own religion and keep a temple at home. I can't. Or I should say, I am not allowed to. If I want to go to temple, I just go sneakingly. My hubby doesn't have any problem but he doesn't want his parents to find out. My MIL lives with us..I can't practice my own religion freely in my own home.

I am sorry but this is a frustrating situation for me. Fine, they don't want our kids to follow but why me? I feel like an idiot. I married the same guy three times too. Court marriage which no one attended it except us. Got marry in a temple where his family didn't come. Got marry in the church which my family didn't attend. Three marriage with the same guy and not even one time I was whole heartedly happy :(

I never thought these things will bother me so much in future. I guess I was too blind in love    LOL

Vinita





<div>
Vinita seriously. A big hug darling..

</div>

I think it's because your MIL stays. With you.




Oh Mil's are crazy... N i get it why shud we be the ones to give up.




But does hubby know how you feel...




That is sad. You should at least be able to do that in your room.




My MiL also gets coocoo..haha. She once told me we-meaning hubby n I will be in different heavens...hahaha... i was like yeah he can stayver at mine on the weekend if Shiva allows... she got angry...




Just told hubby what is withChristianboys after Hindu girls... he went cos we are the best...N we dont know what hit us till after the marriage... haha...




Ha ha ha you just gave me a good laugh...MIL's are crazy LOL

I think our situation got worse since my MIL started living with us. Prior to that it didn't matter so much. We lived in USA and they were in India. I love my husband a lot and he's the only reason why I tolerate so much. He does understand my feeling but he is also helpless. He can't say or change his mom's views so he expects me to compromise for his sake.

By the way we just celebrated our 12th wedding anniversary on May 28th. Neither mine or his family ever wishes us. But we always celebrate in our own little way Embarrassed

<div>

Aaah the MIL'sTongueLOL..my husband's entire family lives with me now...my inlaws just moved here last week...and honest to god...I want to run away...I have been fretting about it from the day I got married...I've always been clear with my hubby..that I cant share my kitchen and house...you can have two houses side by side or one over the other..but I need my space...But here they are...and its a test everyday..to hold onto my patience..and my tongue... they are such nice people...they dont bother us..so much..but boy when it comes to micro managing..people..home and situations..I am literally pulling my hair in frustrations and anger by the end of the night..I dont know how I will surviveOuch

</div>
I was so happy too when they lived back home...but now..they plan to live here for good!! god save me...and my sanity..LOL


As for hubby's...I feel for them..they are stuck between the 2...where do they go...what do they do.. They say a happy family is due to a guy that knows his jobs well..being a good husband and a good son...but then again..I guess we only stay cos we know he is trying all that he can to keep things and ppl together...rite??Embarrassedsometime though..its good if he stands up for his wife a lil more and doesnt ask so much from her... A woman that is left unnurtured...can only give so much back...its give and take after all...if a guy walks a step for you...we walk 10... and if that doesnt happen often...its upon us to nurture ourselves, defend ourselves..and stand up for what we beleive in!!!Smile


Oh dear! Tell me about it. It is very difficult to stay with In laws. My MIL is a good lady but I really miss staying by ourselves. And what frustrates me the most is that his elder brother lives 20 minutes away but she never goes to stay with them. The elder DIL doesn't treat her well so she stays with us. Oh, and and not to forget the elder DIL belongs to their community where as I am not Angry

<div>
I feel ya gal...mine is the other way round...all my MIL's family lives in the city...and a lot of relatives and friends as well..so every day for the past week wen I go home for lunch and after work...there's someone visiting..then u r busy serving and entertaining...forget ur own routine..u need to be a good host..and every strp of the way..ur MIL wants u to go do something...LOL...here I am a private person by nature..not so social...n Im put in a situation where I have to be all niceDead
Boy how I wan to move awayLOL

This has turned into an interesting topic.

We started off with duelling cultures and ended up lamenting our in-laws!

ROFL

But love makes it all worthwhile, doesn't it, ladies?


Ha ha ha that's what I was thinking. The topic started with dual heritage but ended on MIL's LOL

Yes, love makes it worthwhile. But sometimes I just want to take all my frustration out LOL

well they are kind of connected... our Indian cultures do show some importance to these things too.. 

When I was in India I used to stay with them only... I never knew I'll have such strong disliking towards my MIL after 2 months of my wedding... 
and worst I don't feel close enough to even say anything to her.. Ermm.. When I used to stay there.. She made me feel like a guest.. 'Don't touch this', 'I don't prefer doing things like', all crap like that.. Angry

Basically no freedom to do as I please in "my so called own house"..
I feel better when I'm here... praying to god our extension of visa works out.. LOLWink
True dat Divya...I cant seem to get along with my MIL..even though she is nice to me and has ntohing bad going for herOuch...n for sure love and inlaws are connected..its the expectations that come with being an Indian and living with ur inlaws no matter wat...chalo we agree upon it...but then...all they wanna do is strip us of our cultural upbringings and values..they want us to become them...so rather than accepting cultures u r shunning it...and the biggest culture of all this is the forced responsibility and set rules for esp girls..that...u are to be coy and comply all ur life...with no expectations of any returns...they allowed u to marry..now ur are indebted to them for lifeDead

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Posted: 02 June 2014 at 1:28pm | IP Logged
@ Vinita...vent it out this is the good place to do so...u'll find a lot of ppl with similar stories...so go about it...also..there's no harm in maybe voicing your frustrations..if it gets too much to deal with to the actual person...ur overall state of mind...will feel much better if u assert urself...life is too short to wait for the day wen u can live according to ur desires...Wink..ur a sweetheart...n u for sure deserve a chance at living ur kinda lifeHug

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Posted: 02 June 2014 at 1:33pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by -StarsLinedUp-

Originally posted by Divya.S.R

Originally posted by vinita459

Originally posted by Tamara27

Originally posted by -StarsLinedUp-

Originally posted by vinita459

Originally posted by -StarsLinedUp-

Originally posted by vinita459

Originally posted by Perfectionist2

Originally posted by vinita459

Originally posted by Perfectionist2

<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">OH MY GOOD LORD!</font>


</div>


<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">This page has a lot of Hindus marriage to Christians.</font>



<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">I know Tamara is also one of us... And by us I mean... Present Mam' LOL</font>






<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">I am a Hindu Bengali Brahmin.</font>



<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">He is a Catholic.</font>






<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">But I have a change in story here.I married Five times unfortunately to the same man. Yeah my love story is just filmy.</font>






<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">Once in a Temple... Told him no Ahem Ahem business till I get my Sath Pera... He didn't want to say celibate for the rest of our married lifeLOL</font>






<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">My laws are adorable lot but they have beliefs. Hubby not so much, he is more spiritual atheist versionConfused. So I married next in a church just to please his mum and I don't regret it. My Man scratched my back so I can at least pretend to use a loofah on his mums... I love my MIL by the way.Big smileThen court marriage, then my parents accepted and they had us married in a Bengali ritual and finally we had to register my marriage overseas so one more documented version.</font>






<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">10 yrs of being with the hot ass and I don't regretone bit. Our fights are never bases on religion. </font>



<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">He comes to the temple with me, did every ritual I askhim todo,I go to church with him.</font>






<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">My kid has been baptized but we also did the anaprashan.</font>






<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">I have a temple at home. But we practice no specific religion. My kid has questions a lot of them andwe patiently answer them. But overseas some of the friends follow no religion at all. So now comes another question like Vegetarianism. Goat eats grass and I eat goat so I am vegan.</font>






<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">My hubby has a large group of Uni friends who are Muslims. And my kid is absolutely close to them to a point where we discuss with kids the similarities of every culture and religion. So get the picture, how crazy are kinds are going to be. And btw we also have two Buddhists in our friends circle.</font>









<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">My point is the more we point out, complicateand segregate the more confused the future generations will be. I am in no waygoing to ever point out this religion is better than the other cos it is not. Same applies to culture and race. Why do you think there are so many issues with racism because a certain person's upbringing is to blame. If only we get past all of these issues of mundane minds, the world would be a much better place.</font>






<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">I will teach my kids the common selflessness and humility that every culture and religions brings along. I will teach her to be independent and drill it in her that she has a choice and her choice will be respected.</font>






<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">Ultimately I will know I have done my self proud as a mum.</font>






<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">Have you seen the movie snakes in a plane or the Survivor, Will you care which God came to save you, whichman or woman from which culture,Your eyes will hauntfor "The Human" who is going to come to a rescueeven if youchant the name of a specific god.</font>






<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">Believe in humanity people. And love that song - heal the world.</font>






<font size="4" face="Times New Roman">Dhanyawad! Aaj ke liya bahut ho gaya...</font>





Hey Juliet,

First I am really shocked to know that you have children Shocked

I am equally surprised to know that we are all in a same situation Smile

But here is the twist: while you can freely practice you own religion and keep a temple at home. I can't. Or I should say, I am not allowed to. If I want to go to temple, I just go sneakingly. My hubby doesn't have any problem but he doesn't want his parents to find out. My MIL lives with us..I can't practice my own religion freely in my own home.

I am sorry but this is a frustrating situation for me. Fine, they don't want our kids to follow but why me? I feel like an idiot. I married the same guy three times too. Court marriage which no one attended it except us. Got marry in a temple where his family didn't come. Got marry in the church which my family didn't attend. Three marriage with the same guy and not even one time I was whole heartedly happy :(

I never thought these things will bother me so much in future. I guess I was too blind in love    LOL

Vinita





<div>
Vinita seriously. A big hug darling..

</div>

I think it's because your MIL stays. With you.




Oh Mil's are crazy... N i get it why shud we be the ones to give up.




But does hubby know how you feel...




That is sad. You should at least be able to do that in your room.




My MiL also gets coocoo..haha. She once told me we-meaning hubby n I will be in different heavens...hahaha... i was like yeah he can stayver at mine on the weekend if Shiva allows... she got angry...




Just told hubby what is withChristianboys after Hindu girls... he went cos we are the best...N we dont know what hit us till after the marriage... haha...




Ha ha ha you just gave me a good laugh...MIL's are crazy LOL

I think our situation got worse since my MIL started living with us. Prior to that it didn't matter so much. We lived in USA and they were in India. I love my husband a lot and he's the only reason why I tolerate so much. He does understand my feeling but he is also helpless. He can't say or change his mom's views so he expects me to compromise for his sake.

By the way we just celebrated our 12th wedding anniversary on May 28th. Neither mine or his family ever wishes us. But we always celebrate in our own little way Embarrassed

<div>

Aaah the MIL'sTongueLOL..my husband's entire family lives with me now...my inlaws just moved here last week...and honest to god...I want to run away...I have been fretting about it from the day I got married...I've always been clear with my hubby..that I cant share my kitchen and house...you can have two houses side by side or one over the other..but I need my space...But here they are...and its a test everyday..to hold onto my patience..and my tongue... they are such nice people...they dont bother us..so much..but boy when it comes to micro managing..people..home and situations..I am literally pulling my hair in frustrations and anger by the end of the night..I dont know how I will surviveOuch

</div>
I was so happy too when they lived back home...but now..they plan to live here for good!! god save me...and my sanity..LOL


As for hubby's...I feel for them..they are stuck between the 2...where do they go...what do they do.. They say a happy family is due to a guy that knows his jobs well..being a good husband and a good son...but then again..I guess we only stay cos we know he is trying all that he can to keep things and ppl together...rite??Embarrassedsometime though..its good if he stands up for his wife a lil more and doesnt ask so much from her... A woman that is left unnurtured...can only give so much back...its give and take after all...if a guy walks a step for you...we walk 10... and if that doesnt happen often...its upon us to nurture ourselves, defend ourselves..and stand up for what we beleive in!!!Smile


Oh dear! Tell me about it. It is very difficult to stay with In laws. My MIL is a good lady but I really miss staying by ourselves. And what frustrates me the most is that his elder brother lives 20 minutes away but she never goes to stay with them. The elder DIL doesn't treat her well so she stays with us. Oh, and and not to forget the elder DIL belongs to their community where as I am not Angry

<div>
I feel ya gal...mine is the other way round...all my MIL's family lives in the city...and a lot of relatives and friends as well..so every day for the past week wen I go home for lunch and after work...there's someone visiting..then u r busy serving and entertaining...forget ur own routine..u need to be a good host..and every strp of the way..ur MIL wants u to go do something...LOL...here I am a private person by nature..not so social...n Im put in a situation where I have to be all niceDead
Boy how I wan to move awayLOL

This has turned into an interesting topic.

We started off with duelling cultures and ended up lamenting our in-laws!

ROFL

But love makes it all worthwhile, doesn't it, ladies?


Ha ha ha that's what I was thinking. The topic started with dual heritage but ended on MIL's LOL

Yes, love makes it worthwhile. But sometimes I just want to take all my frustration out LOL

well they are kind of connected... our Indian cultures do show some importance to these things too.. 

When I was in India I used to stay with them only... I never knew I'll have such strong disliking towards my MIL after 2 months of my wedding... 
and worst I don't feel close enough to even say anything to her.. Ermm.. When I used to stay there.. She made me feel like a guest.. 'Don't touch this', 'I don't prefer doing things like', all crap like that.. Angry

Basically no freedom to do as I please in "my so called own house"..
I feel better when I'm here... praying to god our extension of visa works out.. LOLWink
True dat Divya...I cant seem to get along with my MIL..even though she is nice to me and has ntohing bad going for herOuch...n for sure love and inlaws are connected..its the expectations that come with being an Indian and living with ur inlaws no matter wat...chalo we agree upon it...but then...all they wanna do is strip us of our cultural upbringings and values..they want us to become them...so rather than accepting cultures u r shunning it...and the biggest culture of all this is the forced responsibility and set rules for esp girls..that...u are to be coy and comply all ur life...with no expectations of any returns...they allowed u to marry..now ur are indebted to them for lifeDead

Mine just gives look of being nice.. My friend here in US met my MIL when I was over at Ohio(brothers place for his wedding prep) and asked me why I used to crib about her when she is such a pleasant soul.. but I had invited them(her and her husband) after returning from the wedding for dinner, That time she saw my MIL and the way interacts with me and realized what I used to say was the truth.. 

My cousin brothers wives used to praise about my MIL to my mom saying they weren't as lucky as me.. My mom used to think what they would say if they realize how I was being treated.. 

This is what I hate about our culture.. the way everyone says only the girls should adjust with their in-laws and all that shit load of crap... Angry
sorry about my language.. LOL

and in my case they are indebted to me... Cause I said yes to their son.. We got their yes immediately.. I was the one who took time.. and they had seen many girls before me.. They were supposedly searching for a match for more than a year... So yahh... they are indebted to me... but they don't seem to show even an ounce of consideration... Angry




Edited by Divya.S.R - 02 June 2014 at 1:33pm

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Posted: 02 June 2014 at 1:41pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by Divya.S.R

Mine just gives look of being nice.. My friend here in US met my MIL when I was over at Ohio(brothers place for his wedding prep) and asked me why I used to crib about her when she is such a pleasant soul.. but I had invited them(her and her husband) after returning from the wedding for dinner, That time she saw my MIL and the way interacts with me and realized what I used to say was the truth.. 
My cousin brothers wives used to praise about my MIL to my mom saying they weren't as lucky as me.. My mom used to think what they would say if they realize how I was being treated.. 

This is what I hate about our culture.. the way everyone says only the girls should adjust with their in-laws and all that shit load of crap... Angry
sorry about my language.. LOL


See that's the difference between culture and heritage...heritage represents us as a united front in  of the world..I am indian..Iam Indian American..Indo Canadian..etc etc..but culture...its more society based...and it evolves with every generation..I see it as a positive thing..merging cultures and heritages...the next generation will be a lot less pigeon holed...and will be more accepting of people from different walks of life...As of now..older generations..hide their flaws behind their culture and cultural beliefs...I am as such cos thats how the culture is..thats the excuse u get on many ocassions... Do this dont do this...this is not the right way...who cares...if u fly on thursday or not...LOL these cultural barriers are better left aside for the coming generations..let them make a new culture where they can be more open minded and easy going...in acceptance...and more cautious and smart in the decisions they make...

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Posted: 02 June 2014 at 1:54pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by -StarsLinedUp-

Originally posted by Divya.S.R

Mine just gives look of being nice.. My friend here in US met my MIL when I was over at Ohio(brothers place for his wedding prep) and asked me why I used to crib about her when she is such a pleasant soul.. but I had invited them(her and her husband) after returning from the wedding for dinner, That time she saw my MIL and the way interacts with me and realized what I used to say was the truth.. 
My cousin brothers wives used to praise about my MIL to my mom saying they weren't as lucky as me.. My mom used to think what they would say if they realize how I was being treated.. 

This is what I hate about our culture.. the way everyone says only the girls should adjust with their in-laws and all that shit load of crap... Angry
sorry about my language.. LOL


See that's the difference between culture and heritage...heritage represents us as a united front in  of the world..I am indian..Iam Indian American..Indo Canadian..etc etc..but culture...its more society based...and it evolves with every generation..I see it as a positive thing..merging cultures and heritages...the next generation will be a lot less pigeon holed...and will be more accepting of people from different walks of life...As of now..older generations..hide their flaws behind their culture and cultural beliefs...I am as such cos thats how the culture is..thats the excuse u get on many ocassions... Do this dont do this...this is not the right way...who cares...if u fly on thursday or not...LOL these cultural barriers are better left aside for the coming generations..let them make a new culture where they can be more open minded and easy going...in acceptance...and more cautious and smart in the decisions they make...

The thing is I never care about anyone except for what my family thinks.. My mother thinks about society, since that's what her family has put in her head and after marriage with the way she was oppressed... 

My parents, brother and hubby are happy with the way I have adjusted with in-laws even though there are issues... That's all I care for.. I never bother for what my cousin' wives say.. I know everything about every relative of my to know who speaks from their heart or just basic gossip...

I ranted about my friend here, mainly cause after the first she started saying that I was lying about my MIL.. I always when people say I lie without knowing the complete facts..
not that I wanted their approval.. LOL

I never care to what others think, cause they haven't stood in my shoes.. Smile

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