Qubool Hai

India-Forums

   
Qubool Hai
Qubool Hai

The Yummy Mummy's of QH: Topic Six 01.07.14 - Pg 82 (Page 55)

Perfectionist2 IF-Dazzler
Perfectionist2
Perfectionist2

Joined: 12 March 2013
Posts: 3925

Posted: 02 June 2014 at 8:26am | IP Logged
Originally posted by LoveOnlyAsYa

Originally posted by Perfectionist2

OH MY GOOD LORD!
 
This page has a lot of Hindus marriage to Christians.
I know Tamara is also one of us... And by us I mean... Present Mam' LOL
 
I am a Hindu Bengali Brahmin.
He is a Catholic.
 
But I have a change in story here. I married Five times unfortunately to the same man. Yeah my love story is just filmy.
 
Once in a Temple... Told him no Ahem Ahem business till I get my Sath Pera... He didn't want to say celibate for the rest of our married lifeLOL
 
My laws are adorable lot but they have beliefs. Hubby not so much, he is more spiritual atheist versionConfused. So I married next in a church just to please his mum and I don't regret it. My Man scratched my back so I can at least pretend to use a loofah on his mums... I love my MIL by the way.Big smile Then court marriage, then my parents accepted and they had us married in a Bengali ritual and finally we had to register my marriage overseas so one more documented version.
 
10 yrs of being with the hot ass and I don't regret one bit. Our fights are never bases on religion.
He comes to the temple with me, did every ritual I ask him to do, I go to church with him.
 
My kid has been baptized but we also did the anaprashan.
 
I have a temple at home. But we practice no specific religion. My kid has questions a lot of them and we patiently answer them. But overseas some of the friends follow no religion at all. So now comes another question like Vegetarianism. Goat eats grass and I eat goat so I am vegan.
 
My hubby has a large group of Uni friends who are Muslims. And my kid is absolutely close to them to a point where we discuss with kids the similarities of every culture and religion. So get the picture, how crazy are kinds are going to be. And btw we also have two Buddhists in our friends circle.
 
 
My point is the more we point out, complicate and segregate the more confused the future generations will be. I am in no way going to ever point out this religion is better than the other cos it is not. Same applies to culture and race. Why do you think there are so many issues with racism because a certain person's upbringing is to blame. If only we get past all of these issues of mundane minds, the world would be a much better place.
 
I will teach my kids the common selflessness and humility that every culture and religions brings along. I will teach her to be independent and drill it in her that she has a choice and her choice will be respected.
 
Ultimately I will know I have done my self proud as a mum.
 
Have you seen the movie snakes in a plane or the Survivor, Will you care which God came to save you, which man or woman from which culture, Your eyes will haunt for "The Human" who is going to come to a rescue even if you chant the name of a specific god.
 
Believe in humanity people. And love that song - heal the world.
 
Dhanyawad! Aaj ke liya bahut ho gaya...
 


Hey Juliet I didn't know you were married Shocked. but what a cocoincidence LOL

And agree we should teach our children humility and selflessness as that is what is going to make this world a better place.


You are lucky to have the support of your husband regarding choice of religion... Some aren't as lucky.

Married meri Berry !!!!
Hitched for a while now... I agree it is not easy...
 
My MIL tried a lot of things with me. Even now does when she visit us.
But i made things clear and stood by my point... lucky for me we stay in different countries.
So brain wash is limited n my man is extremely supportive because we have a lot of friends who married in different caste n religion.
 
Sometimes I do give in n compromise . MIL means well and is worried for her family tree and it's values. I can't change her thinking. But i know when i compromised my hubby is over the moon. Very grateful n makes a point to do what ever puja i ask him to do without making that face...oh yes he sulks but that s because he is designated  to as a husband...hehe...
 
I too have times where i wonder if i married a man of my parents choice... or someone who understood my culture n religion... but then i perhaps might not be happy at all...
It's a miniscule part once you learn to appreciate the other things that you have with  him...
 
I compromise too. But such is love
I did rather have love instead of a culture or religion...
 
But i know it's hard.

The following 8 member(s) liked the above post:

vinita459Divya.S.R-StarsLinedUp-farz_parachuteChocoBerryBeYourselfraneebLinsie

Perfectionist2 IF-Dazzler
Perfectionist2
Perfectionist2

Joined: 12 March 2013
Posts: 3925

Posted: 02 June 2014 at 8:36am | IP Logged
Originally posted by vinita459

Originally posted by Perfectionist2

<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">OH MY GOOD LORD!</font>

<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">This page has a lot of Hindus marriage to Christians.</font>

<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">I know Tamara is also one of us... And by us I mean... Present Mam' LOL</font>


<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">I am a Hindu Bengali Brahmin.</font>

<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">He is a Catholic.</font>


<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">But I have a change in story here.I married Five times unfortunately to the same man. Yeah my love story is just filmy.</font>


<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">Once in a Temple... Told him no Ahem Ahem business till I get my Sath Pera... He didn't want to say celibate for the rest of our married lifeLOL</font>


<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">My laws are adorable lot but they have beliefs. Hubby not so much, he is more spiritual atheist versionConfused. So I married next in a church just to please his mum and I don't regret it. My Man scratched my back so I can at least pretend to use a loofah on his mums... I love my MIL by the way.Big smileThen court marriage, then my parents accepted and they had us married in a Bengali ritual and finally we had to register my marriage overseas so one more documented version.</font>


<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">10 yrs of being with the hot ass and I don't regretone bit. Our fights are never bases on religion. </font>

<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">He comes to the temple with me, did every ritual I askhim todo,I go to church with him.</font>


<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">My kid has been baptized but we also did the anaprashan.</font>


<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">I have a temple at home. But we practice no specific religion. My kid has questions a lot of them andwe patiently answer them. But overseas some of the friends follow no religion at all. So now comes another question like Vegetarianism. Goat eats grass and I eat goat so I am vegan.</font>


<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">My hubby has a large group of Uni friends who are Muslims. And my kid is absolutely close to them to a point where we discuss with kids the similarities of every culture and religion. So get the picture, how crazy are kinds are going to be. And btw we also have two Buddhists in our friends circle.</font>



<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">My point is the more we point out, complicateand segregate the more confused the future generations will be. I am in no waygoing to ever point out this religion is better than the other cos it is not. Same applies to culture and race. Why do you think there are so many issues with racism because a certain person's upbringing is to blame. If only we get past all of these issues of mundane minds, the world would be a much better place.</font>


<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">I will teach my kids the common selflessness and humility that every culture and religions brings along. I will teach her to be independent and drill it in her that she has a choice and her choice will be respected.</font>


<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">Ultimately I will know I have done my self proud as a mum.</font>


<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">Have you seen the movie snakes in a plane or the Survivor, Will you care which God came to save you, whichman or woman from which culture,Your eyes will hauntfor "The Human" who is going to come to a rescueeven if youchant the name of a specific god.</font>


<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">Believe in humanity people. And love that song - heal the world.</font>


<font size="4" face="Times New Roman">Dhanyawad! Aaj ke liya bahut ho gaya...</font>



Hey Juliet,

First I am really shocked to know that you have children Shocked

I am equally surprised to know that we are all in a same situation Smile

But here is the twist: while you can freely practice you own religion and keep a temple at home. I can't. Or I should say, I am not allowed to. If I want to go to temple, I just go sneakingly. My hubby doesn't have any problem but he doesn't want his parents to find out. My MIL lives with us..I can't practice my own religion freely in my own home.

I am sorry but this is a frustrating situation for me. Fine, they don't want our kids to follow but why me? I feel like an idiot. I married the same guy three times too. Court marriage which no one attended it except us. Got marry in a temple where his family didn't come. Got marry in the church which my family didn't attend. Three marriage with the same guy and not even one time I was whole heartedly happy :(

I never thought these things will bother me so much in future. I guess I was too blind in love    LOL

Vinita
Vinita seriously. A big hug darling..
 
I think it's because your MIL stays. With you.
 
Oh Mil's are crazy... N i get it why shud we be the ones to give up.
 
But does hubby know how you feel...
 
That is sad. You should at least be able to do that in your room.
 
My MiL also gets coocoo..haha. She once told me we-meaning hubby n I will be in different heavens...hahaha... i was like yeah he can stayver at mine on the weekend if Shiva allows... she got angry...
 
Just told hubby what is with Christian boys after Hindu girls... he went cos we are the best...N we dont know what hit us till after the marriage... haha...
 

The following 6 member(s) liked the above post:

vinita459Divya.S.RChocoBerryBeYourselfraneebLinsie

BeYourself IF-Sizzlerz
BeYourself
BeYourself

Joined: 24 November 2013
Posts: 23372

Posted: 02 June 2014 at 8:43am | IP Logged
Once again, another awesome topic to discuss on!!! Thumbs Up

The topic for this week is something that i really can't give my opinion  on...

and the reason is-- i have neither been through this, nor anybody in my family...

in my family, till date, everyone had a love marriage.. in same religion, but different castes though..

but after coming to IF, i have met lots of people of different religions, countries, languages... you can say, i have never seen so much diversity in my real world than what i have seen in this virtual one!!

and i have reached up to only one conclusion-- IT'S ALL ABOUT HUMANITY IN ALL RELIGIONS!!!

those who are facing this will  understand the pros and cons of the situation much better than me coz you all are dealing with it everyday...

but all that i would want to say is...hope that the future generations only know the language of love and Humanity...  I wish they do not let their mentality suffer coz of this.. after all... no religion teaches you to do anything against Humanity Smile

The following 6 member(s) liked the above post:

vinita459Perfectionist2yum_immyChocoBerryraneebLinsie

ChocoBerry IF-Rockerz
ChocoBerry
ChocoBerry

Joined: 26 August 2013
Posts: 8722

Posted: 02 June 2014 at 9:07am | IP Logged
Originally posted by Perfectionist2

Originally posted by LoveOnlyAsYa

Originally posted by Perfectionist2

OH MY GOOD LORD!
 
This page has a lot of Hindus marriage to Christians.
I know Tamara is also one of us... And by us I mean... Present Mam' LOL
 
I am a Hindu Bengali Brahmin.
He is a Catholic.
 
But I have a change in story here. I married Five times unfortunately to the same man. Yeah my love story is just filmy.
 
Once in a Temple... Told him no Ahem Ahem business till I get my Sath Pera... He didn't want to say celibate for the rest of our married lifeLOL
 
My laws are adorable lot but they have beliefs. Hubby not so much, he is more spiritual atheist versionConfused. So I married next in a church just to please his mum and I don't regret it. My Man scratched my back so I can at least pretend to use a loofah on his mums... I love my MIL by the way.Big smile Then court marriage, then my parents accepted and they had us married in a Bengali ritual and finally we had to register my marriage overseas so one more documented version.
 
10 yrs of being with the hot ass and I don't regret one bit. Our fights are never bases on religion.
He comes to the temple with me, did every ritual I ask him to do, I go to church with him.
 
My kid has been baptized but we also did the anaprashan.
 
I have a temple at home. But we practice no specific religion. My kid has questions a lot of them and we patiently answer them. But overseas some of the friends follow no religion at all. So now comes another question like Vegetarianism. Goat eats grass and I eat goat so I am vegan.
 
My hubby has a large group of Uni friends who are Muslims. And my kid is absolutely close to them to a point where we discuss with kids the similarities of every culture and religion. So get the picture, how crazy are kinds are going to be. And btw we also have two Buddhists in our friends circle.
 
 
My point is the more we point out, complicate and segregate the more confused the future generations will be. I am in no way going to ever point out this religion is better than the other cos it is not. Same applies to culture and race. Why do you think there are so many issues with racism because a certain person's upbringing is to blame. If only we get past all of these issues of mundane minds, the world would be a much better place.
 
I will teach my kids the common selflessness and humility that every culture and religions brings along. I will teach her to be independent and drill it in her that she has a choice and her choice will be respected.
 
Ultimately I will know I have done my self proud as a mum.
 
Have you seen the movie snakes in a plane or the Survivor, Will you care which God came to save you, which man or woman from which culture, Your eyes will haunt for "The Human" who is going to come to a rescue even if you chant the name of a specific god.
 
Believe in humanity people. And love that song - heal the world.
 
Dhanyawad! Aaj ke liya bahut ho gaya...
 


Hey Juliet I didn't know you were married Shocked. but what a cocoincidence LOL

And agree we should teach our children humility and selflessness as that is what is going to make this world a better place.


You are lucky to have the support of your husband regarding choice of religion... Some aren't as lucky.

Married meri Berry !!!!
Hitched for a while now... I agree it is not easy...
 
My MIL tried a lot of things with me. Even now does when she visit us.
But i made things clear and stood by my point... lucky for me we stay in different countries.
So brain wash is limited n my man is extremely supportive because we have a lot of friends who married in different caste n religion.
 
Sometimes I do give in n compromise . MIL means well and is worried for her family tree and it's values. I can't change her thinking. But i know when i compromised my hubby is over the moon. Very grateful n makes a point to do what ever puja i ask him to do without making that face...oh yes he sulks but that s because he is designated  to as a husband...hehe...
 
I too have times where i wonder if i married a man of my parents choice... or someone who understood my culture n religion... but then i perhaps might not be happy at all...
It's a miniscule part once you learn to appreciate the other things that you have with  him...
 
I compromise too. But such is love
I did rather have love instead of a culture or religion...
 
But i know it's hard.


Me too Juliet, married for the last 7.5 years and am loving it.


My in-laws stay with me but my in-laws are damn sweet never asked me to convert or not celebrate my festivals. I agree its not like the celebration I had at my mum's but something is better than nothing Smile  
They don't believe in idol worship so the only thing I wasn't allowed was to have a temple at home but am never stopped from going to one.


Though their participation in the celebrations of my festivals is nil but I don't let that bother me anymore, am happy in my little world with hubby and my son Smile? Husband dear and I still argue about little tid bits regarding religion, beliefs etc but we don't let that come between us in a major way.


I think every girl who has a love marriage has this doubt "have I married the correct guy? What would have happened if I had married the guy my parents had selected? Would I have been happier?" etc etc 


We should stop thinking so much and as you said no matter what we do have to compromise a little and if that brings happiness to our man, then why not Big smile. we do get the same in return.


And about it being hard... Who said life is easy LOL


Edited by LoveOnlyAsYa - 02 June 2014 at 9:07am

The following 5 member(s) liked the above post:

vinita459Perfectionist2BeYourselfraneebLinsie

-StarsLinedUp- IF-Dazzler
-StarsLinedUp-
-StarsLinedUp-

Joined: 25 September 2013
Posts: 3369

Posted: 02 June 2014 at 9:14am | IP Logged

Hmm my story...

All my life I lived in a city where different cultures and religions were celebrated...studied in a catholic school had Christian, Muslim,Punjabi, Bengali,Marathi,South Indian friends...hung out at their places and celebrated all that they did...So I never knew such things existed...Rarely or rather never did me and my family or me and my friends discuss topics on religion or culture, cos it was a part of our lives and everything was openly accepted...

Family life also allowed me to be...never was I stopped at anything or told I was a certain way so I couldn't do other things...I wasn't considered inferior cos I was a girl and I wasn't  pulled down to believe in a certain thing...

Me coming from a solid Gujarati Bhramin family...where families have literally run temples all their life...I was the one that didn't even believe in the manmade institution of temples and holy places...I believe in god..and maybe a certain image of god suits my belief but that's where my religious values ened...I wasn't forced to pray as much as my family does...they jus t let me be...

All this changed when I met my guy... Punjabi/sikh/hindu...(he says he belongs to the human religion) He is the polar opposite of me...Culturally, religiously, and also by temperament..

Here I was, a girl getting really suffocated at entering a temple or something in its likes...who ended up with a guy that has to go to the gurudwara, everyday no matter what(if he is in a place with no Guurdwara he will bow down by the church..he's not picky) and a family that belives in so much superstations and norms..

It still amuses me  and at times annoys me..his connect to god  and his families obsession with certain beliefs..  but all I can do is let them be and continue with what I want to do.

Culturally I think...it was never an issue for us...he being a punjabi and me being a gujarati.. instead we are excited..our kids get to learn atleast 4 languages.LOL.

But culture does pose a problem when older generations are thrown into the mix...Cos no matter how much they try..its hard for them to think otherwise...

My side of the family doesn't care...Inlaws at times question...

My ways make them wonder...how can a girl be so outspoken...she needs to be coy..punjabi girls are so family oriented how come..u are so outgoing???   Married Punjabi gals deck up...how come u rarely put on makeup...That's not how we do it...are you sure your way is the right way?? Questions down this line are more than many times thrown at me... It annoys me...especially when cultural differences are discussed in public... But I don't believe I need to let in..or let go...I am just going to be... I don't know what the future of my kids will be...I don't have to worry about cultural issues..cos I want them to be...and pick up wat works for them as individuals

What I do worry about even before I have any kids is the question of their heritage...that being raising a strong rooted...globally educated Indian.. There's always going to be pro's and con's of living outside of India...and yes I can let my kids to decide when they are old enough to decide...but as far as their roots and foundation go..I am a little anal. I cant help but want to raise them back home...that's one thing I am adamant about... So far in almost a decade of living out of India..I still am that homesick...girl that fought not wanting to leave India...and so is my husband who's been here longer...Lets see what happens when the kids come along!!!

 

Lastly...heritage, culture and beliefs...should be respected and kept in their respective corners..Adjust...dont compromise...compromise only creates regrets!!! Be and  let be...and for all that are affected by ppl other than your partner..sometimes..all we can do is stand up for ourselves...If they seek respect..they need to give respect as well!!

 

I have been married for over 3 years...and so far..the only issues me and my husband have had was where to live??...religion..beliefs and cultural ways have never come in our...our marriage as a norm was according to the girls side...they let go of their gurudwara marriage for a hindu ceremony...but individually we both went about our respective ceremonies...I wore the chuda..he let his feet washed a million times in 0 degree temperature outdoors!! He's from delhi..I am from Baroda...we married in Jaipur...simple as that...meet halfway!!! Or move away!!

The following 7 member(s) liked the above post:

vinita459Perfectionist2ChocoBerryBeYourselfGoodGoneWrongraneebLinsie

vinita459 Goldie
vinita459
vinita459

Joined: 06 July 2005
Posts: 1927

Posted: 02 June 2014 at 9:41am | IP Logged
Originally posted by Perfectionist2

Originally posted by vinita459

Originally posted by Perfectionist2

<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">OH MY GOOD LORD!</font>

</div>

<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">This page has a lot of Hindus marriage to Christians.</font>


<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">I know Tamara is also one of us... And by us I mean... Present Mam' LOL</font>




<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">I am a Hindu Bengali Brahmin.</font>


<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">He is a Catholic.</font>




<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">But I have a change in story here.I married Five times unfortunately to the same man. Yeah my love story is just filmy.</font>




<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">Once in a Temple... Told him no Ahem Ahem business till I get my Sath Pera... He didn't want to say celibate for the rest of our married lifeLOL</font>




<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">My laws are adorable lot but they have beliefs. Hubby not so much, he is more spiritual atheist versionConfused. So I married next in a church just to please his mum and I don't regret it. My Man scratched my back so I can at least pretend to use a loofah on his mums... I love my MIL by the way.Big smileThen court marriage, then my parents accepted and they had us married in a Bengali ritual and finally we had to register my marriage overseas so one more documented version.</font>




<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">10 yrs of being with the hot ass and I don't regretone bit. Our fights are never bases on religion. </font>


<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">He comes to the temple with me, did every ritual I askhim todo,I go to church with him.</font>




<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">My kid has been baptized but we also did the anaprashan.</font>




<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">I have a temple at home. But we practice no specific religion. My kid has questions a lot of them andwe patiently answer them. But overseas some of the friends follow no religion at all. So now comes another question like Vegetarianism. Goat eats grass and I eat goat so I am vegan.</font>




<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">My hubby has a large group of Uni friends who are Muslims. And my kid is absolutely close to them to a point where we discuss with kids the similarities of every culture and religion. So get the picture, how crazy are kinds are going to be. And btw we also have two Buddhists in our friends circle.</font>






<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">My point is the more we point out, complicateand segregate the more confused the future generations will be. I am in no waygoing to ever point out this religion is better than the other cos it is not. Same applies to culture and race. Why do you think there are so many issues with racism because a certain person's upbringing is to blame. If only we get past all of these issues of mundane minds, the world would be a much better place.</font>




<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">I will teach my kids the common selflessness and humility that every culture and religions brings along. I will teach her to be independent and drill it in her that she has a choice and her choice will be respected.</font>




<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">Ultimately I will know I have done my self proud as a mum.</font>




<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">Have you seen the movie snakes in a plane or the Survivor, Will you care which God came to save you, whichman or woman from which culture,Your eyes will hauntfor "The Human" who is going to come to a rescueeven if youchant the name of a specific god.</font>




<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">Believe in humanity people. And love that song - heal the world.</font>




<font size="4" face="Times New Roman">Dhanyawad! Aaj ke liya bahut ho gaya...</font>




Hey Juliet,

First I am really shocked to know that you have children Shocked

I am equally surprised to know that we are all in a same situation Smile

But here is the twist: while you can freely practice you own religion and keep a temple at home. I can't. Or I should say, I am not allowed to. If I want to go to temple, I just go sneakingly. My hubby doesn't have any problem but he doesn't want his parents to find out. My MIL lives with us..I can't practice my own religion freely in my own home.

I am sorry but this is a frustrating situation for me. Fine, they don't want our kids to follow but why me? I feel like an idiot. I married the same guy three times too. Court marriage which no one attended it except us. Got marry in a temple where his family didn't come. Got marry in the church which my family didn't attend. Three marriage with the same guy and not even one time I was whole heartedly happy :(

I never thought these things will bother me so much in future. I guess I was too blind in love    LOL

Vinita



<div>
Vinita seriously. A big hug darling..

I think it's because your MIL stays. With you.


Oh Mil's are crazy... N i get it why shud we be the ones to give up.


But does hubby know how you feel...


That is sad. You should at least be able to do that in your room.


My MiL also gets coocoo..haha. She once told me we-meaning hubby n I will be in different heavens...hahaha... i was like yeah he can stayver at mine on the weekend if Shiva allows... she got angry...


Just told hubby what is withChristianboys after Hindu girls... he went cos we are the best...N we dont know what hit us till after the marriage... haha...



Ha ha ha you just gave me a good laugh...MIL's are crazy LOL

I think our situation got worse since my MIL started living with us. Prior to that it didn't matter so much. We lived in USA and they were in India. I love my husband a lot and he's the only reason why I tolerate so much. He does understand my feeling but he is also helpless. He can't say or change his mom's views so he expects me to compromise for his sake.

By the way we just celebrated our 12th wedding anniversary on May 28th. Neither mine or his family ever wishes us. But we always celebrate in our own little way Embarrassed

The following 7 member(s) liked the above post:

Divya.S.R-StarsLinedUp-ChocoBerryBeYourselfGoodGoneWrongraneebLinsie

Divya.S.R IF-Dazzler
Divya.S.R
Divya.S.R

Joined: 29 March 2013
Posts: 3306

Posted: 02 June 2014 at 9:43am | IP Logged
Well, I'm not in that situation of being in caught up between two different religions... but My brother is married to an American (not an Indian girl whose born in American, a true American girl types)...
When my brother told our parents about this, my mother freaked out.. She is a very naive and selfless mom.. always being pushed around and used by relatives for their selfishness... So being oppressed in this way.. she used always worry about how people might talk about if there is something off from our side.. 
This news of my brother being in love with an American broke her down with worry that people would shun us... Moreover she used to worry how my in-laws would react...

My brother and dad are hotheads.. Anything from mom would make shout at her.. So she used to talk to me about her worries... I used to tell her.. For her, only hers, her husband's and kids feelings should matter not any other person's...
My hubby used to also console my mom saying my brother would be happy only with the person whom he loves..

My mom used keep asking me how my MIL would react to it. If it would affect my life at in-laws place (At that time I was still in India)...

I used to assure her even anything My hubby would take care (he would if he was aware of it).. 
My hubby(another naive character in my life) used to tell mom that his family won't pose any issues.. poor thing doesn't realize that his Mom is an epitome of sarcasm.. she loves being sarcastic with me Ermm... problems you have when you have a MIL who is 40+ years older to you.. LOL oops off track... 

coming back to topic

My mom's other concern was Religion she is a true American and we are tamilian Brahmins... We have too many rituals and puja's, would she follow or not..

When my brother introduced us through emails.. Elizabeth (my SIL) used to ask me about our religion.. what pooja's we do, what festivals do we have.. She used to genuinely interested to know more about our Religion and celebrate the festivals...

The thing I told my mom was.. We can not and will not force anything on them.. It's upto them to decide what they feel good doing from their heart.. Now my SIL is maintaining a Hindu mandap and also her Jesus' photo in the same room... Smile.. She celebrates both religion festivals.. 

I'm always a person who feels that whatever you do should be heartfelt not done just cause someone told you to...

Though mine was an arranged marriage in the same religion and culture.. I have issues regarding the way my in-laws perform certain pujas.. According to Indian tradition you should do as your in-laws ask you to do.. but never has any said do things however you are comfortable doing..

I was taught to do rituals(the method for the same rituals) differently and In-laws do it differently... My MIL she herself follows her mother's teachings but has an issue if I do the same LOL... 

I guess I jumped into a entirely different topic... LOL

So this my view.. People should follow religion and culture as they feel right not cause they were forced into a mix of it due to situations or other people.. 

And as others say there is nothing higher than humanity...Smile

I hope I didn't confuse you'll.. 


The following 5 member(s) liked the above post:

vinita459ChocoBerryBeYourselfraneebLinsie

-StarsLinedUp- IF-Dazzler
-StarsLinedUp-
-StarsLinedUp-

Joined: 25 September 2013
Posts: 3369

Posted: 02 June 2014 at 9:50am | IP Logged
Originally posted by vinita459

Originally posted by Perfectionist2

Originally posted by vinita459

Originally posted by Perfectionist2

<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">OH MY GOOD LORD!</font>

</div>

<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">This page has a lot of Hindus marriage to Christians.</font>


<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">I know Tamara is also one of us... And by us I mean... Present Mam' LOL</font>




<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">I am a Hindu Bengali Brahmin.</font>


<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">He is a Catholic.</font>




<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">But I have a change in story here.I married Five times unfortunately to the same man. Yeah my love story is just filmy.</font>




<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">Once in a Temple... Told him no Ahem Ahem business till I get my Sath Pera... He didn't want to say celibate for the rest of our married lifeLOL</font>




<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">My laws are adorable lot but they have beliefs. Hubby not so much, he is more spiritual atheist versionConfused. So I married next in a church just to please his mum and I don't regret it. My Man scratched my back so I can at least pretend to use a loofah on his mums... I love my MIL by the way.Big smileThen court marriage, then my parents accepted and they had us married in a Bengali ritual and finally we had to register my marriage overseas so one more documented version.</font>




<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">10 yrs of being with the hot ass and I don't regretone bit. Our fights are never bases on religion. </font>


<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">He comes to the temple with me, did every ritual I askhim todo,I go to church with him.</font>




<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">My kid has been baptized but we also did the anaprashan.</font>




<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">I have a temple at home. But we practice no specific religion. My kid has questions a lot of them andwe patiently answer them. But overseas some of the friends follow no religion at all. So now comes another question like Vegetarianism. Goat eats grass and I eat goat so I am vegan.</font>




<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">My hubby has a large group of Uni friends who are Muslims. And my kid is absolutely close to them to a point where we discuss with kids the similarities of every culture and religion. So get the picture, how crazy are kinds are going to be. And btw we also have two Buddhists in our friends circle.</font>






<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">My point is the more we point out, complicateand segregate the more confused the future generations will be. I am in no waygoing to ever point out this religion is better than the other cos it is not. Same applies to culture and race. Why do you think there are so many issues with racism because a certain person's upbringing is to blame. If only we get past all of these issues of mundane minds, the world would be a much better place.</font>




<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">I will teach my kids the common selflessness and humility that every culture and religions brings along. I will teach her to be independent and drill it in her that she has a choice and her choice will be respected.</font>




<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">Ultimately I will know I have done my self proud as a mum.</font>




<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">Have you seen the movie snakes in a plane or the Survivor, Will you care which God came to save you, whichman or woman from which culture,Your eyes will hauntfor "The Human" who is going to come to a rescueeven if youchant the name of a specific god.</font>




<font size="4" face="Times New Roman, Times, serif">Believe in humanity people. And love that song - heal the world.</font>




<font size="4" face="Times New Roman">Dhanyawad! Aaj ke liya bahut ho gaya...</font>




Hey Juliet,

First I am really shocked to know that you have children Shocked

I am equally surprised to know that we are all in a same situation Smile

But here is the twist: while you can freely practice you own religion and keep a temple at home. I can't. Or I should say, I am not allowed to. If I want to go to temple, I just go sneakingly. My hubby doesn't have any problem but he doesn't want his parents to find out. My MIL lives with us..I can't practice my own religion freely in my own home.

I am sorry but this is a frustrating situation for me. Fine, they don't want our kids to follow but why me? I feel like an idiot. I married the same guy three times too. Court marriage which no one attended it except us. Got marry in a temple where his family didn't come. Got marry in the church which my family didn't attend. Three marriage with the same guy and not even one time I was whole heartedly happy :(

I never thought these things will bother me so much in future. I guess I was too blind in love    LOL

Vinita



<div>
Vinita seriously. A big hug darling..

I think it's because your MIL stays. With you.


Oh Mil's are crazy... N i get it why shud we be the ones to give up.


But does hubby know how you feel...


That is sad. You should at least be able to do that in your room.


My MiL also gets coocoo..haha. She once told me we-meaning hubby n I will be in different heavens...hahaha... i was like yeah he can stayver at mine on the weekend if Shiva allows... she got angry...


Just told hubby what is withChristianboys after Hindu girls... he went cos we are the best...N we dont know what hit us till after the marriage... haha...



Ha ha ha you just gave me a good laugh...MIL's are crazy LOL

I think our situation got worse since my MIL started living with us. Prior to that it didn't matter so much. We lived in USA and they were in India. I love my husband a lot and he's the only reason why I tolerate so much. He does understand my feeling but he is also helpless. He can't say or change his mom's views so he expects me to compromise for his sake.

By the way we just celebrated our 12th wedding anniversary on May 28th. Neither mine or his family ever wishes us. But we always celebrate in our own little way Embarrassed
Aaah the MIL'sTongueLOL..my husband's entire family lives with me now...my inlaws just moved here last week...and honest to god...I want to run away...I have been fretting about it from the day I got married...I've always been clear with my hubby..that I cant share my kitchen and house...you can have two houses side by side or one over the other..but I need my space...But here they are...and its a test everyday..to hold onto my patience..and my tongue... they are such nice people...they dont bother us..so much..but boy when it comes to micro managing..people..home and situations..I am literally pulling my hair in frustrations and anger by the end of the night..I dont know how I will surviveOuch
 
I was so happy too when they lived back home...but now..they plan to live here for good!! god save me...and my sanity..LOL
 
As for hubby's...I feel for them..they are stuck between the 2...where do they go...what do they do.. They say a happy family is due to a guy that knows his jobs well..being a good husband and a good son...but then again..I guess we only stay cos we know he is trying all that he can to keep things and ppl together...rite??Embarrassed sometime though..its good if he stands up for his wife a lil more and doesnt ask so much from her... A woman that is left unnurtured...can only give so much back...its give and take after all...if a guy walks a step for you...we walk 10... and if that doesnt happen often...its upon us to nurture ourselves, defend ourselves..and stand up for what we beleive in!!!Smile


Edited by -StarsLinedUp- - 02 June 2014 at 9:51am

The following 6 member(s) liked the above post:

vinita459Divya.S.RBeYourselfGoodGoneWrongraneebLinsie

Go to top

Related Topics

  Topics Author Replies Views Last Post
OS topic

2 3 4 5 6 7

Author: Niyati_T   Replies: 49   Views: 3397

Niyati_T 49 3397 29 May 2014 at 11:31pm by Niyati_T
off topic)What is Your Mother Tongue

2 3 4

Author: Aniha   Replies: 26   Views: 3854

Aniha 26 3854 24 May 2014 at 3:01am by shanu22
Please close this topic

Author: honeyriaz   Replies: 0   Views: 403

honeyriaz 0 403 18 April 2014 at 2:32pm by honeyriaz
Why no topic on today's episode

Author: sri7   Replies: 2   Views: 590

sri7 2 590 26 March 2014 at 5:35pm by lovetvs
Please Close Topic!

Author: SprinklesOfLove   Replies: 3   Views: 1140

SprinklesOfLove 3 1140 18 March 2014 at 1:59am by riddhi1206

Forum Quick Jump

Forum Category / Channels
Forums

Qubool Hai Topic Index

Check these Celebrity also

Disclaimer: All Logos and Pictures of various Channels, Shows, Artistes, Media Houses, Companies, Brands etc. belong to their respective owners, and are used to merely visually identify the Channels, Shows, Companies, Brands, etc. to the viewer. Incase of any issue please contact the webmaster.

Popular Channels :
Star Plus | Zee TV | Sony TV | Colors TV | SAB TV | Life OK

Quick Links :
Top 100 TV Celebrities | Top 100 Bollywood Celebs | About Us | Contact Us | Advertise | Forum Index