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The Yummy Mummy's of QH: Topic Six 01.07.14 - Pg 82 (Page 51)

raneeb IF-Stunnerz
raneeb
raneeb

Joined: 02 July 2012
Posts: 26002

Posted: 26 May 2014 at 10:19am | IP Logged
Cyber Space -a bane or a boon!

Fantastic topic Vinita and Saima! It really is the need of the hour! Very interesting reading the thoughts of all you young Yummy Mummys!

We must always keep in mind that children come into this world because of us parents and so it is our duty to nurture and guide them to be complete human beings. The only time tested way is through COMMUNICATION. Never loose this most powerful tool for any relationship to prosper specially with children. The temptations are many so a constant dialogue is necessary. As a parent we cant always be physically present but if we develop a sense of responsibility and trust at an early age where the child is always able to talk openly with a parent nothing can go wrong.

A personal example...my son who is now 34 was in Grade 4 --he faked  an illness to bunk school as his two friends were doing the same! When it came to writing the leave application --all I told Ritwik was Child -You do not wish to go to school I accept but dont make me tell lies- the first lie is easy but each subsequent lie becomes more difficult whereas the first truth is difficult but thereafter it becomes easier and easier! and I must always be the first one to know what you are doing--good bad or ugly! My son to date travels wherever we are to inform us  of any new development -- like when he broke up with his first GF or when he began smoking--what ever. Whatever strictures or advice is given must be given in a friendly manner but never in front of his peers or teachers!
Another rule I have followed is never shelter the child from the other parent. Children are very perceptive and learn very early to play one against the other so it is essential to be ONE with them. This was difficult many a times--my son would tell me --why do you have to tell Baba everything? so I explained to him how necessary it is -- us giving a lecture or scolding or the outside world doing so ?

The same guideline applies to cyberspace: be open and keep an eye out for any change of behavior! Answer any question big or small truthfully as it is--children accept the truth even if they do not understand it but if you prevaricate or tell them shall tell you when you are older - you are opening a hornets nest! Their curiosity will get the better of them and they will try to find out by fair means or foul and then hide it from you. Peer pressure is terrible so you must guard against it. Children today have gizmos from an early age so the temptations are many!

You Young Yummy Mummys have an advantage over us because you are by and large techno savvy so use it to your advantage wisely and judiciously. At all times share with your children your thoughts and feelings so they learn at an early age to communicate their feelings and thoughts. Once this trust between Parents and Children is built--the kids will never go wrong!

Best of Luck!


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swapno IF-Sizzlerz
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Posted: 26 May 2014 at 11:55am | IP Logged
The answer is ofcourse...parents need to check.
When I joined here and started to bond with others I was shocked to know that most of them were below 13 years!!!
And I was more shocked when I got to know that many readers read those mature stories were also under-aged. One of them told me that she could not understand the whole process but read them. Because it was there fascination.
It really shook me to the core.
So, I think parents need to check because there is perfect timing for everything. 
Thank you for this wonderful topic...

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rajsmi Goldie
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Posted: 26 May 2014 at 1:56pm | IP Logged
Every generation has it's trying moments with teens and the bad bad world out there but we cannot micro manage our kids, esp when they are in the teenage years. I believe in teaching the right way, showing them the value of material things and making them understand the risks involved in all that they do or attempt in life.
Communication is the key in dealing with kids and letting them trust that you are there for them and should be the first one they run to for answers and solutions. They will take steps and do things that we, as adults may not always agree or like, but letting them walk their journey is the only way. Holding their hand and spoon feeding them or dealing with an iron hand will only ruin their character and not let them grow as they should.

They will make mistakes, stumble and fall sometimes. But, letting them know that it is okay to fall, it is fine to fail, it is normal to not succeed at times is the only way a child will learn to think, act and grow stronger and build character and work hard at what they want to achieve in life.

The internet and social networking sites are unavoidable tools ina kids life these days. Restricting it completely or hovering over them to see what they are doing will only drive them the other way and will hide everything from you, as an adult. Besides, not being a part of something their friends and peers are will begin to affect their self esteem and hurt them in the long run. A healthy relationship with the trend is needed but very often, that can only be achieved with a healthy environment with the adults in a teen or tweens life.

This is my opinion and I live this daily with my 19 year old and 16 year old. I still have my 19 year old conversing with me about almost everything and he asks me for advice when he has friends who need help and are on the brink of ruin. This happened once and I was proud to know that he could ask me for advice and help his friend who eventually came out of it fine! This does not mean we don't have issues. Every once in a while, there is something to rock our boat but isnt that what life is? Why should it be different with a child? Let him or her also learn a few life lessons growing up, right?


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raneeb IF-Stunnerz
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Posted: 27 May 2014 at 8:20am | IP Logged
Originally posted by rajsmi

Every generation has it's trying moments with teens and the bad bad world out there but we cannot micro manage our kids, esp when they are in the teenage years. I believe in teaching the right way, showing them the value of material things and making them understand the risks involved in all that they do or attempt in life.
Communication is the key in dealing with kids and letting them trust that you are there for them and should be the first one they run to for answers and solutions. They will take steps and do things that we, as adults may not always agree or like, but letting them walk their journey is the only way. Holding their hand and spoon feeding them or dealing with an iron hand will only ruin their character and not let them grow as they should.

They will make mistakes, stumble and fall sometimes. But, letting them know that it is okay to fall, it is fine to fail, it is normal to not succeed at times is the only way a child will learn to think, act and grow stronger and build character and work hard at what they want to achieve in life.

The internet and social networking sites are unavoidable tools ina kids life these days. Restricting it completely or hovering over them to see what they are doing will only drive them the other way and will hide everything from you, as an adult. Besides, not being a part of something their friends and peers are will begin to affect their self esteem and hurt them in the long run. A healthy relationship with the trend is needed but very often, that can only be achieved with a healthy environment with the adults in a teen or tweens life.

This is my opinion and I live this daily with my 19 year old and 16 year old. I still have my 19 year old conversing with me about almost everything and he asks me for advice when he has friends who need help and are on the brink of ruin. This happened once and I was proud to know that he could ask me for advice and help his friend who eventually came out of it fine! This does not mean we don't have issues. Every once in a while, there is something to rock our boat but isnt that what life is? Why should it be different with a child? Let him or her also learn a few life lessons growing up, right?




Rajsmi--agree totally with everything you have written...life is tough and unless we as Parents do not encourage our children to flower at the same time giving them the option to run back to their cozy nest and be accepted without being judgmental - how can they ever progress!

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raneeb IF-Stunnerz
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Posted: 27 May 2014 at 8:56am | IP Logged
Just saw this on my timeline -so apt for our topic...

Quote:
As parents, we sometimes go too far trying to help and protect our kids from life's harsh realities and disappointments. We don't want our kids to struggle like we did.
But Harvard psychiatrist Dr. Dan Kindlon says that overprotected children are more likely to struggle in relationships and with challenges.
We're sending our kids the message that they're not capable of helping themselves.
To quote clinical psychologist Dr. Wendy Mogel:
"It is our job to prepare our children for the road, not prepare the road for our children."

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vinita459rajsmiSaima-Syed

Saima-Syed IF-Sizzlerz
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Posted: 27 May 2014 at 9:03am | IP Logged
Originally posted by raneeb

Just saw this on my timeline -so apt for our topic...

Quote:
As parents, we sometimes go too far trying to help and protect our kids from life's harsh realities and disappointments. We don't want our kids to struggle like we did.
But Harvard psychiatrist Dr. Dan Kindlon says that overprotected children are more likely to struggle in relationships and with challenges.
We're sending our kids the message that they're not capable of helping themselves.
To quote clinical psychologist Dr. Wendy Mogel:
"It is our job to prepare our children for the road, not prepare the road for our children."

Clap

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vinita459

anopama IF-Rockerz
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Posted: 27 May 2014 at 3:05pm | IP Logged
Absolutely 
Parents should monitor there kids 
As big as my kids r I still go on their pages and check on what they r upto 
I have such a relation with my kids that they have sent me friends request 
So don't matter how old or how young I still keep an eye on them 
13 yrs old is the age I allow my boys to join any social network

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ziya117 IF-Rockerz
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Posted: 28 May 2014 at 11:29am | IP Logged
hii Saima n Vinita... :)
i guess parents should b aware,,... but in most cases they are unaware!! 

in my case, i joined FB since 2006 and my parents didnt know until there had been a prob in the community... was disconnected... i told them i joined bcz of college friends.. 

after i joined back again and they knew bcz i told them the update of many thgs... lol... 

i managed 2 accounts till i closed one and used only one till nw... to make thgs better... i made my mum join fb... add her... :P but she doesnot really a network person!!


ps Saima... hope ur lil baby is fine :))Hug

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Saima-Syed

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