The Yummy Mummy's of QH: Topic Six 01.07.14 - Pg 82 - Page 59

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961111

Hibernated

Posted: 9 years ago

Originally posted by: farz_parachute

Sorry can be quite powerful if sincere.

But. True. It doesn't fix anything.

Damn it dude!

Why ruin a girl's life!

And the audacity??!!!!

Men will be men??? What sort of a justification us that????!!!

Men take responsibility. Men provide. Men stay loyal. Man keep their wife happy (intended the singular here, don't want it to be misconstrued)

This is a man. So men will be men should only be used when it is to show the above qualities.

I was thinking if arrange marriage. My man is still lost. And I'm horrible with directions and navigation and maps, so no help from me there...but now. Gotta rethink options.

You sure none of you peoples' boys available?

At least i he goes around cheating I'll have you to deal with him...

Hmmm.

Juliet! I had a whole day to think over your story...and I've made up my mind. You saved the marriage.

Not coz you didn't act on anything, or you refrained. It's coz you knew all along that you're secure in your marriage. You'd never go down that road. And if knew before, he is sure of it now. And you may be right...it could have been erased from his memory this incident.

And I'm sure you're beautiful, so very that it requires no telling.

Oh I honestly thought I'd have nothing to say on this topic.

Look what you people did to me!

Mwahhh

i believe there was nothing called conscience...

otherwise he would have not done what he did...

i always keep respect over love...

even if one is out of love in a relationship, the respect for his/her partner will make him/her think at least 100 times before doing such a thing!!

i believe, that man didn't have any respect for my sister...

so it was kinda easier for him...

and farz...

arranged or love... it's all the same if your partner does such a thing...

nobody gives them that power, they get it themselves.. you know why? because girls like my sister start trusting and loving them...

and for Juliet, what you did was not cheating, according to me...

you respect your relation with your husband.. and you love him too... you never intended to harm your marriage..

attractions are very much normal... and acceptable too, if they aren't harmful...

your's wasn't...

but some men/women do not even think like that...

it was better that my sister did not have a child yet... if she would have... then that would have been a disaster...not that it is not now...but still...

my Bua had to go through that...

she lost her first child in a miscarriage.. and the second one was disowned by her husband...

the case was going strong against her husband, and that thing suddenly brought out his fatherly love for his unborn child... so he wanted to set things right..

but...

without his wife.. he wanted only the child...

that wasn't happening!!

so now, when the child is already 10 years old now and is staying with her mother, my Bua at last won the case recently...

but this incident of cheating, left the child in a very much broken state!!!

so my opinion is, think before you do something.. you have no right to ruin a person's life.. specially if it is your legally wedded wife/husband!!

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961111

Hibernated

Posted: 9 years ago

Originally posted by: vinita459

I know exactly what do you mean :(
You can't stop people from talking.
And it makes it more hard.
If the marriage didn't work ...it must be girl's fault ...no one blames the guy 😡
Don'y you just hate this hypocrite society 😡

she had to come across many hurtful questions that even disgraced her dignity!!

that's how our society is!!!

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927697

Inactive

Posted: 9 years ago

Originally posted by: Perfectionist2

Rajsm,

That incident did nothing to make or break my marriage.

I was not going to leave my husband even when I was chatting with this dude.

This Dude knew I loved my hubby and I was not going to divorce him.

But Even when I dated my husband he was this reserved guy, he never noticed what the shape of eyes looked like, or he never sang " You are beautiful."

This guy did, it made me feel important and wanted.

Seriously I think I was missing my workaholic hubby. We hardly spoke to one another because of different time zones. Once hubby came back life again began revolving around hubby darling. I got what I missed so much.

That incident stands forgotten, I bet my hubby wont even remember that. I never even said sorry to my hubby for it. I don't know if that is just harmless flirting or would it constitute cheating.

The reason I mentioned that was Cheating is complex, you never know what initiates it. But you can rectify in time if you remember the better, more important things in life.

Thank God, My hubby was not the insecure kinds, He knew too well what he meant for me. He termed it as harmless flirting. He read the three emails that sat in my inbox. I think I wanted him to know I still have people who find me sexy and intelligent so he better value what he has. It could have gone bad too. But touchwood it didn't.

If he did something along those lines I would react differently. I can be insecure.

But who was responsible for that. Who was at fault.

Rather late to reply but I thought of doing it anyway...Happy to know that all is well :-)

I can relate to the quiet, reserved hubby "kinds"...Mine is the same! But it doesn't mean that they dont feel. They may not be the romantic kinds that are written about ...they are the more intense kind and are very secure in their feelings.

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farz_parachute

@farz_parachute

IF-Rockerz

+ 2

Posted: 9 years ago

:)

Why are you Mummys so qoyettt!

okay bye.

;)

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640119

Inactive

Posted: 9 years ago

infidelity...hmm...a serious topic...

i don't think i am yet able to comment anything upon it...

but still i can say that it's unforgivable...even if somehow the unfidel partner gets a secomd chance,,,,the suspicion or maybe the brunt of his/her betrayal remains there...forever!!

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farz_parachute

@farz_parachute

IF-Rockerz

+ 2

Posted: 9 years ago

22 minutes to Monday here.

New topic coming soon!

I so badly want something interesting *that I'm interested in* and not something else *where I can't strut my stuff Haha*

But but but.

I cannot come here.

This place is addictive.

So very very.

And exams! So yeah.

I want it. But I don't want it. *I so want it!!!!*

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Tamara27

@Tamara27

IF-Rockerz

+ 4

Posted: 9 years ago

Originally posted by: farz_parachute
22 minutes to Monday here.

New topic coming soon!

I so badly want something interesting *that I'm interested in* and not something else *where I can't strut my stuff Haha*

But but but.

I cannot come here.

This place is addictive.

So very very.

And exams! So yeah.

I want it. But I don't want it. *I so want it!!!!*

It's only just past 21h00 here...

Farz, you're so right. This place is addictive.

But once I gave my 2/5c worth earlier in the week, I did manage to stay off.

Let's see what the next topic is... 😆

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Saima Syed

@Saima-Syed

IF-Sizzlerz

+ 4

Posted: 9 years ago

The Dowry System

We live in the 21st century...or do we?

We live in a world that screams out equality and stands up protesting against violence towards women...is that really true?

Thousands of families across the world, many from under privileged look upon their baby girls as a burden...why?

I once asked my cousin why do you people always raise an eyebrow when a baby girl is born, is she not a blessing, should you not just be thankful that at least you have a child.

Her reply

It is not because she is a a girl or she is not a blessing, it's because one day she will leave to be someone else's and in a culture where you are expected to lower you heads and bow down as no parent will ever want to see their daughter suffer

Suffer...Why suffer?

Why lower your heads...just because you are the parent of a daughter.

The dowry system is deep rooted and has been embedded in Asian culture for centuries. Dowry has become a prerequisite for any marriage, it doesn't matter what class you come from what cultural values you hold or what God you bow down to. Everyone seems to be drawn into a system that should have been outlawed years ago. In some places it may have been but who is there to monitor or watch over...I doubt anyone.

Personally I think it's an act of evil, parents start saving money or putting things aside for their daughters from the time they are born. I talk from experience, my own mother gave me a dinner set that she bought before I even knew how to walk, I still have it, I am so scared to use it just in case I break it. I know the struggles my patents went through and to think at a time like that she brought me a dinner set for my wedding. My mum have me everything when I got married, a brand new tv, bedroom furniture, kitchen machinery, gold jewellery, you name it I had it...but I got married in Pakistan. I asked my mum, did they ask you for all this? She said 'no, but isn't it better to give without being asked...and it's for you'. I lived in Pakistan for 4 weeks after I got married...so who was it really for? 'Its how things work here Saima, it's ok...' Actually mum, no it's not ok. You practice something because it's how things work?

What angered me even further was when a few days later women from their neighbourhood came to see me went on to directly ask what my parents had given in Dahej. And luckily my in-laws had enough to proudly show off.

I am not saying parents shouldn't buy their daughters gifts, every parent wants to see their daughter living comfortably, what I am saying is that the practice of families actively asking for money or luxury goods should stop. it is not uncommon for women to be subjected to abuse because her family have not given enough rupees or gold coins or cars...the list is never ending and so is the abuse inflicted on young girls.

The dowry system should not be condoned nor encourage and never contributed to. I have seen one too many documentaries based on women from the Asian sub continent who have been killed, tortured physically and emotionally or simply dumped because of the lack of dowry provided. Is man really that greedy, what I don't understand is that how anyone who has a daughter of their own be so evil, so hurtful to someone else's daughter.

I am a Muslim and the giving of Dowry is forbidden, am sure other religions must have similar beliefs. Why practice something that is not part of your religious belief, I am a mother of a daughter and know that I will definitely be educating her, supporting her to become strong and independent and stand against evil that is subjected to our women in any form or shape.

Come on you all, please stand up and say no to this evil, say no to the dowry system because of which young women suffer, underprivileged families suffer.

Money does not make the world go round, love, peace and happiness does.

Please respects everyone's personal opinions, for further rules refer to page 1.

Edited by Saima-Syed - 9 years ago

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961111

Hibernated

Posted: 9 years ago

Once again...another brilliant topic!!!!

DOWRY... i believe is the beginning of different problems that comes in any marriage...and often gives rise to problems after the marriage...

if a girl's family is unable to meet the demands of the groom's family, the bride is insulted and then Domestic Violence comes into action!!!

again... if the woman fails to give them a son, then the things get worse... they start saving money for the new born daughter's wedding.. or, the woman is just thrown out of the house along with her daughter...

it's difficult to say, where the root exactly lies... i believe it's in a person's brain!!!

it's difficult to cut out the root from the minds of millions and millions of people!!!!

i was in my second year of college... and we were asked to make a presentation on any non-technical topic...

i chose 'Crimes against Women', which i believe is something that needs our attention...

i mentioned several topics like Female Foeticide, Child Marriage, Domestic Violence and definitely DOWRY of course!!!!

i mentioned several incidents related to it...where the girls were even tortured to death...

i was going fine with the presentation... but then i noticed some changes in some boys... they were going restless and some of them just shook their heads...

i got a round of applause from 70% people of the hall, but 10% just looked up with a half-hearted smile and the rest 20% people just looked away..and their faces clearly said that they didn't agree to it!!! they were also ready to create a chaos in the middle of the presentation!!

our mentor asked them what was the problem about... THEY DISAGREED TO WHATEVER I SAID!!!!

on asking them their POV, one guy said :" ladki ko layenge, itne din rakhenge, khilayenge, pilayenge, toh uske maa baap se paisa nahi lenge kya??"

(not mentioning his religion/culture/state)

i was left shocked!!! Being this new generation, who are all set to get married in the next 4-5 years were having such mentality!!!

they have inherited it from their family tradition! and they are still not able to come out of it...

another instance,

my friend is getting married in two months...

we had always discussed about these things and had also decided to not give in to the demands of our future in laws, if they have any...

my friend is having an arranged marriage, and her in laws demanded Nothing!!!

yet, her parents are taking a loan of a HUGE amount...

i asked her the reason for it...

she said-- we have to do it... even if they are not asking for it...

and that's true again... the groom's family is not asking for anything directly.. but they have expectations, which are quite HIGH!!!!!

my question is, where did her resolve go now???

where did those thoughts vanish now, which were against the culture of Dowry even a year ago???

it's the responsibility of the younger generation to say NO to it.. and parents should also be well aware of the fact that, if once they give in, their daughter might get the love for a day or two... but in this way they are just fanning their demands..!!

the solution lies within US... we were the ones to start this, and we can only stop it...

in well cultured families, no direct Dowry demands takes place, but all of this still happens in the name of the daughter's happiness...

Edited by BeYourself - 9 years ago

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Saima Syed

@Saima-Syed

IF-Sizzlerz

+ 4

Posted: 9 years ago

BeYourself

👏

I totally agree the change can only be brought with US.

The response of that guy disgusted me, obviously he was not taught anything about the value of a woman.

A woman's happiness must never be weighed against how much her parents can give and continue to give.

Beautifully written my dearest.

Thank you for sharing your views

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