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Is it ok to talk to ex after marriage

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destinygirl

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destinygirl

Joined: 09 August 2013

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Posted: 14 November 2013 at 1:10am | IP Logged
Is it ok to be friends with your ex after you are married ... Well you have started a new life with someone else who completly trusts you then why do you need to talk to your ex and how would your spouse react if they found out.. How would you react if you found out your spouse is talking to your ex 

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maha2us

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maha2us

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Posted: 14 November 2013 at 7:09am | IP Logged
This is an important question and a good one also, Destinygirl. The question becomes important because these days most of the persons would have had boyfriend or girlfriend before marriage.
What is important is once you are married, you have to build trust and understanding with your partner and be committed in your relationship. The husband-wife relationship is really fragile and it needs to be nurtured by both the partners in order to make the relationship work. Talking to ex-b/f or g.f has to be avoided if that is for escaping the stress of your marriage and it is just for romance or fun. Of course talking to ex is acceptable if the ex is a mature person who understands you and if he helps you in your present marriage. But at the sametime, avoiding talking to ex is always better because there are other persons to whom you can seek advice on building intimacy with your present spouse.

May be talking to ex can be accepted if you and your married partner have deep trust and understanding between both of you and the ex is also settled into another marriage. How you feel when your spouse talks to your ex depends on the trust and understanding you have with your spouse. Your spouse also will have some understanding. 

One question which comes up in this era is why need to hide the past relationship you had before marriage and the same about your spouse also?

  

return_to_hades

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return_to_hades

Joined: 18 January 2006

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Posted: 14 November 2013 at 8:49am | IP Logged

Most people tend to hate their exes and blame them for everything that is wrong with the world LOL. That being said, I do find it mature and poised to be able to part ways amicably and be civil. Not best friends forever but cordial and friendly. Sometimes it is important to maintain good friendly terms. If you have a lot of common friends, you don't want to make it awkward for your other friends and force them to choose. If there are kids involved you want the kids to have a pleasant experience and not experience stress. In fact when kids are involved you do still have to make some decisions and choices like a couple.

 

That being said how much speaking to an ex is allowed depends on couple to couple. Some people don't like it at all and expect all ties severed. Some people are OK with some contact. And others are a lot more trustworthy.

 

Personally, for me trust is a very key ingredient in a relationship. If we cannot trust each other then I don't see the point of the relationship at all. For me the true worth of a relationship is when it lasts despite the temptations and circumstances. I feel it is completely fine to be friends with exes, crushes, that hot coworker, that flirty person at the bar as long as you are loyal and know your lines. You should be in a relationship because you choose to be in one, not because you don't have any other choice. If the trust is violated, then it's just time to evaluate if the relationship is worth it or not. Of course along the way there will be jealousies, insecurities and arguments. But I don't think it should ever boil down to - don't speak to so and so ever again.

 

But to each their own. If a couple agrees that they shouldn't speak to exes, then that's their choice and that's what makes a relationship tick for them. The key ingredient is honesty. If you say you won't be in touch with an ex, be true to it. Don't make promises you cannot keep.

destinygirl

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destinygirl

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Posted: 14 November 2013 at 9:26am | IP Logged
 but is it necessary to talk to your ex...there are so many other people in your life that you can talk to...and i would be just utterly pissed off if i find out my huby was talking to his ex... to move on you have to leave your past behind...thats my view...

return_to_hades

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return_to_hades

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Posted: 14 November 2013 at 10:00am | IP Logged
Originally posted by destinygirl

 but is it necessary to talk to your ex...there are so many other people in your life that you can talk to...and i would be just utterly pissed off if i find out my huby was talking to his ex... to move on you have to leave your past behind...thats my view...


Is it necessary to talk to anyone in life? There are so many people we interact with that every individual is just an insignificant brick in the wall. Collectively they form our social sphere. It may not be necessary to talk to anyone, but it may not be necessary to cut them out either.

It boils down to what each couple is comfortable with. For some people moving on means closing the past. For me embracing the future is sufficient.

PS: I did mention several circumstances where it is mature to be cordial and civil.

maha2us

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maha2us

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Posts: 2796

Posted: 14 November 2013 at 6:29pm | IP Logged
@Destinygirl: You say, 'I would be utterly pissed off if I find out my hubby was talking to his ex.' What you say is quite understandable. But you have deal with this issue maturely and find out the good reasons for why he talks to his ex. When I say maturely, it means with open mind in trying to understand him and not with suspicion. In that situation, he would also be open to yourself and the trust between both of you will grow. Always trust and understanding are keys to any relationship.  

The-Voice

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The-Voice

Joined: 17 October 2011

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Posted: 18 November 2013 at 7:03am | IP Logged
No harm in being civil and cordial with them. But it's better to respect your spouse's attitude towards your friendship with your ex. Remember, there is a reason why the person is now your "ex" and not your wife / husband. If you feel this could cause a strife later on, it's better to avoid and move on as you already have. Strewn relationships do leave one bickering and in bad taste, though.

destinygirl

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destinygirl

Joined: 09 August 2013

Posts: 135

Posted: 18 November 2013 at 6:07pm | IP Logged
Why does one have to be in contact with his her ex if he has a life partner already... And if you know very well if your partner wont approve of it then why go behind the back and be in touch with the ex ...
There is a reason tbe person is your ex but dont you think there still would be some attachments left ...  I have seen some cases where I used to work that talking to the ex leads to bad news for the spouse ... Thiugh overtime but it does ...
 I know not all cases are the same but im just putting what I have seen out there

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