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Why are male rapes/abuse not taken seriously?

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Chandni.

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Chandni.

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Posted: 01 November 2013 at 1:05pm | IP Logged
Hiya everyone, I'm new to this part of the forum so I don't know if this topic has been discussed before or not.

Anyways my question is, why are male rapes/abuse not taken seriously? Not just in India but anywhere around the world. I was watching an episode of Savdhaan India which airs on life ok and the guy, he was being abused by his wife and when he went to the police station to complain, the police officer just laughed it off and took the piss out of him and instead his wife lied and said that, he abused me etc so he got arrested and got tortured by the police. At the end, he managed to get proof by himself and his wife was jailed but my point is, why didn't the police officer believe him in the first place? why did HE have to get the proof, why couldn't the police do all that?

Yes we know that, we don't hear much about male rapes/abuse happening, why is that? We can't say that male rapes/abuse never happen because it does as there are some VERY SICK PEOPLE in this world. A woman rape is taken seriously, media gets involved and the rapist gets punished but what about for men! Do guys just keep it in themselves and not report it to the police? If a man is raped/abused by a woman or another man, then the society will point fingers/laugh at him and call him "gay or weak man"... WHY? Why is the Indian society like this? Even if the guy does report it, he'll just get laughed at by the police, get called names and the case won't get recognised (if no evidence).

If any of you watch big boss, a housemate who was apparently raped by another man (not sure if this is true or not) was bullied by another housemate, he was called names and remarks and other HMs laughing at him. Though both are now evicted, no issue from the public was raised here apart from SK raising it.

Why is the society like this? I believe in gender equality; men or woman we should all be treated equally. Your views? Embarrassed


Edited by Chandni. - 01 November 2013 at 1:06pm

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maha2us

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maha2us

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Posted: 03 November 2013 at 2:03am | IP Logged
Thanks Chandni for bringing this topic. What you say is very very true. An interesting news one could see is the day before the Delhi rape which got a lot of publicity took place, two women cut a man into twelve pieces all to grab his wealth. (His wife and his MIL). But no one took this news very seriously. If there is equality in this World, men and women criminals are to be equally punished.
And these days there are laws which are anti male and females make a gross misuse of these laws. And those females are left scot free but those males who are victims of these laws have to toil a lot going into the courts to prove their innocence. The number of men who commit suicide because of bad marriage are double the number of women who commit suicide. When a married woman commits suicide, automatically a case is registered in which it is said the husband harassed her. Why can't we say that if a man commits suicide, his wife harassed him to death.

Interestingly men do contribute to this problem in one way. if a woman tells in public that she is harassed by her husband even if she says many lies, men have within them a tendency to impress that woman who is the wife of another man and so harass her husband even though the husband could be innocent. This is all because there is a lot of misandry in this World which is deep within each human being.

One thing I learn is there are both women and men who commit crime and the law has to see the view points of everyone. Probably only those people who are affected by anti male laws talk in this vein.What is interesting is people have accused me to be having vendetta against women. But I know I am helping a lot of women.

IIt is unfortunate to see nobody other than me is interested in writing their views in this topic.

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Chandni.

.x-bumblebee-x.

IF-Sizzlerz

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Posted: 03 November 2013 at 2:41am | IP Logged
It's the common stereotype...

The society believes that the common
Man is a strong guy who can never weak
Or cry and could push off a rapist..

Whereas they believe that the common woman is
A weak and defenceless and would have problems pushing the attacker away.. :/

This is the problem..
Most people expect the man to 'man up' and enjoy it
If abused sexually by a woman.. & that they should consider themselves 'Lucky' Dead

It's not just India that laughs at men being raped
It even happens in USA and UK.. It's unfortunate..
A lot of men keep it quiet from people because
They don't want to let the male society down and feel
So ashamed .. It's a sad world we live in.. :(

Sorry.. I just rambled on nothing.. It's easier speaking about it
Than writing!

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maha2us

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maha2us

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Posted: 04 November 2013 at 1:14am | IP Logged
Amitabh Bachchan once told, 'I am ashamed to call myself to be a male person.' If males begin to degrade themselves this way, who could help them?

return_to_hades

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return_to_hades

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Posted: 04 November 2013 at 1:18pm | IP Logged

There is one main reason why male victims of rape and abuse are not taken seriously. It is the patriarchal mindset of machismo. Men are strong, powerful, sexual, dominant, and there is no way a man can be a victim.

 

This conditioning starts at a very young age. Male kids are told, boys don't cry. If a little girl is harassed or bullied, she will cry and complain. It is OK for her to cry. It is OK for her to feel victimized. She isn't told you are weak or a sissy. In fact she maybe pacified for being brave by bringing the bullies to justice. On the other hand a little boy will silently suffer the harassment. If he cries or complains, he loses his social standing. He will be teased as sissy, weak or girly. It is not OK for him to be a victim. He has to man up and suck it up. The little boys bravery is in either fighting back or showing that he can tough out anything thrown at him.

 

This carries on into adulthood. Not that admitting rape or sexual abuse or violence is easy for women. It is extremely traumatizing and scarring for any victim. Especially in cultures that focus on virtue, shame and dignity - there is a lot of anguish. However, the woman has the minor comfort that if she cries and complains people will empathize. She will be comforted and cared for. A male victim not only faces the trauma and anguish, but they also face the fear of being deemed weak, unmanly and effeminate if he acts victim.

 

A man is also considered sexual and dominant. Men may harass, eve tease or cop a feel to embarrass a victim - but the reverse isn't true because a man is deemed to enjoy sex. If a woman, especially an attractive woman invades his personal space - he isn't supposed to feel victimized but enjoy it. If an older man hits on an underage girl, he is lecherous and all the girls peers sympathize with and protect her. If an older woman hits on an underage boy, she is a cougar and all his peers encourage him to go all out and enjoy sexual prowess with an experienced woman. Recently, Chris Brown created a lot of controversy saying that he lost his virginity at eight. The truth of the matter is that he was raped. But rather than admit being raped and abused, men will try to turn it around and show it as a display of their libido and sexual power, that they were active and virile at a young age. They paint themselves as desirable hot studs. The fact is that psychologically men have as much as a notion of personal space like women. Consent, genuine affections, emotional connections, matter equally to men. When sexually infringed upon they too feel extreme fear, shame, anguish and a plethora of frightening emotions. But if they ever express their discomfort, displeasure or fears, their own peers will tell them that they should be proud of being a sexual and macho man instead of play victim.

 

Also homosexual contact is still a huge taboo amidst men. Women who have been sexually abused by the same sex don't fear a loss of feminity. However, men who have been raped or abused by men face an even bigger social stigma. They can't even write it off as sexual prowess. If they speak up, despite being raped they will be teased as fags or chided for being someone's bitch. It was an ordeal to investigate cases like Penn State because a lot of the victims had macho public images of being tough muscular football stars and athletes that none of them wanted to admit to being raped by a man. In countries where homosexuality is a crime, victims fear the tables being turned on them and being executed.

 

So due to the patriarchal nature of society male victims are rarely taken seriously. I didn't even touch upon jokes of men being whipped, henpecked etc.

 

Believe it or not the only way to protect boys and young men from this trauma and get every rape and abuse case treated equally is feminism. Not the misconception about feminism that states all men are evil misogynists, but genuine feminism that encourages equality of the sexes. We need to end the stereotypes that this is how girls behave and that is how boys behave. We have to end the stereotypes that men enjoy sex no matter what while only women are emotionally vested. We have to end the assumptions that men are always stronger and dominant and men who are weaker than women are effeminate pansies. We have to end the notions that homosexual acts strip a man of his manhood. We have to end the notions that being a victim is a loss of masculinity. And to do that we have to change the way men think about themselves and other men - socially, psychologically and biologically. Women have to change too, but the change of male attitudes is key to this. Because in the end the truth is the same male dominated patriarchal legal and social systems are guilty for abuse of both women as well as men.

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maha2us

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maha2us

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Posted: 05 November 2013 at 6:33pm | IP Logged
Rth, Your views are really balanced and whatever you have said on men sound reasonable.  Only recently, there are books written by american authors which psychologically help exclusively men to improve their self-esteem. Even though the society is patriarchical and male-dominated, the truth is men also could be victims. There is a traditional view that 'Men are driven by women's body, but women are more emotional and they have to be sexually drawn to a man based on his love' is really not true. Men are as much as emotional and they too expect women to take care of them in the bed.
We here a lot about eve-teasing. Is there any equivalent male-teasing or a man being teased by a group of women? Not sure. But what do we read in mahabharata? Draupadi teased Duryodhana when he was fooled by the optical illusions. He was mentally hurt a lot. Who could have provided justice for him? There was no one even to console him. Did people expect he is to have no feelings?   

iMini

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Posted: 30 March 2014 at 12:59am | IP Logged
True,its also because people just want to portray women as victims all the time when the truth is both the genders are capable of both committing the crime and being the victim.

The_Alchemist.

Senior Member

The_Alchemist.

Joined: 05 October 2013

Posts: 590

Posted: 31 March 2014 at 9:49am | IP Logged
@the question in the title :

Probably because they don't end up getting pregnant which involves    their physical body and mind to a great level...? Confused

Edited by The_Alchemist. - 31 March 2014 at 9:54am

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