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How does one truly forgive??

sectoreight Goldie
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Posted: 25 September 2013 at 12:16pm | IP Logged
I can see sumitra still harbours resentment for Jagya because of his past and his "do do baar shaadi tootna"   even though she says she has forgiven him.
 
So how does one truly forgive someone without constantly remembering their past betrayals or  shit they have put you through? Even if the person is good now, the past may still be there in one's mind??

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Sunna_Deewani IF-Stunnerz
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Posted: 25 September 2013 at 12:18pm | IP Logged
I think Sumi doesn't truely believe that Jagya changed. She was  just happy that her son returned to them. Thats all i guessConfused

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sectoreight Goldie
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Posted: 25 September 2013 at 12:24pm | IP Logged
Ha ha sunna!  Great insight!! 
Thumbs Up
 
so true!
 
But he tried so hard to change... even then??
 
Where do you feel is his lack of change -- I mean what would sumi need to see for her to believe in his change?

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MayurSidma Senior Member
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Posted: 25 September 2013 at 12:57pm | IP Logged
The younger Jagya always made his own decisions and usually superseded the orders and expectations his family had of him for his own benefit. However, now he is more mature and while he still prefers taking his own decisions, his decisions are now primarily for the benefit of others (usually his family) and in accordance with his family. I believe Sumitra basically associates his behaviour of making his own decisions(against the family's wishes) with the younger Jagya. As long as he listens to everything she says she will believe that he has reformed, but as soon as his decisions vary from her expectations she will think that he has gone back to his old self. I don't think she has fully forgiven him or else she wouldn't start doubting him the first chance she got. Bhairon on the other hand seems to have forgiven Jagya as he was willing to give his son a chance to explain himself rather than joining the blame game with Sumi. 

Edited by MayurSidma - 25 September 2013 at 1:01pm

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Posted: 25 September 2013 at 1:12pm | IP Logged
IMO, sumi never loved her biological kids jagya and suguna. She only loved anandi and was always busy parenting anandi. She devoted all her time for anandi and left jagyas parenting to DS. So, basically she doesnot have any motherly feeling for him. For sumi, jagya is a tool to keep her happy. She is more upset with jagya because of him she lost her lovely ladki anandi. She sees anandi's happiness in getting married jagya to sanchi. That's why soo much pressure for this marriage. On other hand, she is totally jealous of Ganga as she knows Ganga is more smart, beautiful, understanding than anandi and she cannot take it. Sumi loves only and only anandi and no one else for real. She is not a mother material at all as it is clear she didnot forgive jagya. If you really love someone you will forgive them too. But sumi never loved jagya like a son, so how will she forgive him ??

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Posted: 25 September 2013 at 1:37pm | IP Logged
As Libra123 says the main reason maybe losing anandi forever.
Jagdish will surely make her feel proud one day. and the day is not far off when sumitra will feel so lucky to have ganga as bahu.

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Posted: 25 September 2013 at 2:14pm | IP Logged
Forgiveness is never easy. Not at all. And especially for a person who has had long and sustained history of blunders since childhood.

Right now Sumitra is thinking that this is another zidd and mannmaani of Jagya as it was in case of Gauri. She does not think he is doing it for the family and she does not know the truth.

Given how Jagya did not bother to tell them truth even on phone or wait till putting sindoor in Ganga's maang it will be like a repeat of his past actions in Sumitra's mind.

Sumitra is concerned for Anandi because Anandi did everything to earn their trust. And also because she has guilt of having a girl's life ruined and even her mother dying in her grief thanks to their decision of child marriage and their inability to handle either DS or Jagya. The fact that Anandi did not take Jagya to court over his illegal marriage and rather pushed Bhairon to keep helping him financially and always stood by Jagya, endears her more to DS and Sumitra. Sumitra was helpless at that time. Had no voice as a mother also. So she is indebted to Anandi. Also her own kids only brought her shame and pain with their blunders. Whereas Anandi brought them the respect they had not imagined and rather helped repair their damaged reputation.

It is Sumitra's fault that she is not feeling her own failure in handling responsibility as a mother.

But we can't bash Anandi or Sumitra for having concern for her.

To earn trust completely, Jagya needed to put in efforts for longer time. And let's be honest! Singhs do not like autonomy in their kids! Anandi was obedient and kept bearing everything so she is dear. Jagya is on his own so he is doubted.

I sometimes wonder if Singhs would have supported Anandi had she fallen in love with someone and chosen a man for herself on her own!

In case of Jagya, Sumitra doesn't trust his judgement. She still hates him for leaving Anandi (due to which they also lost a girl like her from their family). She had problems with Gauri and herself wanted GaGa break up (Gauri's not our choice, she's homebreaker, she misled our son and she's cause of Anandi's misery). Now, she thinks their own choice of Sanchi is perfect (because she thinks the family is perfect and is more tempted because of Shiv who proved to be ideal for laado Anandi. So maybe other sibling will also be good).
She never saw Ganga as bahu. She's not her choice.

Jagya hasn't told them anything about Sanchi's misbehaviour, lies, manipulations and pervertedness. So Sumitra thinks he is cribbing for no reason and is trapped by Ganga.

Problem is that a person who has a bad past needs to be absolutely honest, transparent and clean in future in order to be redeemed and forgiven. Here, even if Jagya was hiding Sanchi's truth in good faith, it just backfired at him. He kept Ganga at hospital quarters without telling family. He had only good intention. But since he is hiding stuff again, so Sumitra feels it's an action replay of his past.

That's why it is said one needs to be careful of what they do and say. That age old fable of fake "Sher aaya" call by a boy and later no one coming to save him when actually a sher came...is a lesson for real life.

Jagya claims he is doing things for family. But he has to tell family the entire truth and also take them into confidence to make them believe he was doing something for them and not for himself.

In Sumitra's eyes (though she is wrong this time) Jagya's breaking rishta with Sanchi is similar to how he broke up with Anandi - away in other city. No talk with them. And she learns about it later as a mother!

Jagya needed to have dropped hiding the truth or lying completely (even if done in good faith) if he wanted to be understood by the family.

Trust broke over a long time. Trust would be earned over a considerable period of time too.

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Posted: 25 September 2013 at 4:10pm | IP Logged
Skep, your post was beautiful and very well analyzed. Libra123 is also right though a bit too strong.
It is true that Sumi did not really get a chance to mother her son. He was hijacked by DS. It was
DS who made all the rules for the kids. There was not too much bond between Sumi and her own kids.
Suguna was such a wonderful girl but Bairon and DS ruined her life. Bairon follows half the traditions. 
Like he married her off young but did not send her to her inlaws and at the same time stopped her
Education. Suguna's anger against the family was legitimate. Where as Anandi got to study,
And Sumi poured all her love and affection on A because she was a child. 
Sumi had no bond with J. That is why she did not care about what he really wanted, instead of
Pushing what she wanted on him. Singh family has not realized their blunders of child marriage, and
Poor parenting,
But only know Jagia has blundered. Jagia has understood his faults because of experience and
Education and making mistakes by taking his own decision. But Sumi has no education,no 
Exposure, no chance to make mistakes because she never made any decision herself due to
Accepting the authoritarian ways of DS. So it is difficult forbher to forgive when J does not do
What she wants him to do.

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