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serious personal issue

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Joined: 07 January 2013

Posts: 264

Posted: 07 September 2013 at 4:43pm | IP Logged
Hello everyone, i am new to this forum so excuse any ignorance!

Bit of background, I come from a family with 5 daughters, mum and dad. We have been living in the UK ever since our childhood so our thoughts/aims values are more british than asian. 

Even so my dad has always been a strict dad, sometimes i find our family really odd. He has always been the type of person who sits on his backside expects everything to be done for him, being strict with us meant that we were not allowed out by our selves ...ever...even today and I am now 18. 

My A levels were hard fought for because he did not want me to go to school as there were only mixed sixth forms here, i managed to do my a levels and then was forbidden from university through which i compromised that I will do my studies through the open university.

My dad has stopped me from working, having my own doing anything that is even remotely normal. He barges into my room at all hours of the day and night without a consideration for the fact that I am a grown girl and may be doing something. He checks through my letters, anything I may be holding in my hand...goes through my drawers etc etc...

I have managed to live with all the above even though at times, it can get soo annoying. My dad is what you would call a very very very very very very very very conservative pakistani. 

Anyway that aside, last year he sat me and down and said he wanted me married by the end of the year (17) in Pakistan to someone in the family. He basically laid all this out to me without asking basically in the family and nowhere else and he doesn't get along with my mum's side of the family so just in his family. 

Don't mind that I was 17 at the time, hardly done my a-levels...haven't got a job to support I just sat there in silence.

Now I am 19 and because we weren't able to go last year because of financial difficulties ( he doesn't work and spends all our welfare money and stuff on building this other house that he has bought which is apparently for me and my husband so that we can live in peace for a few years  ) 
I don't actually know where our income comes from, my dad hasn't got a open known job. To the government he is declared as self employed. I don't know of any business or anything. 

We didn't manage to go again this year, so its next year...BUT I have said no to my parents time and time again to getting married and neither of them are prepared to listen to me. So I compromised and said, yes I shall have a look at the guys in Pakistan but am not promising anything. My dad got really angry at this and said to my mum ...where does your daughter think all the money comes from that she only wants to go there and 'look' am not coming back until she is married.

Sorry this is gotten long, but seriously...does this stuff still happen often...this getting married to cousins?? I have thrown all the Islamic arguments to them but they just will not listen. Also my dad has a few sisters and most of their sons are like old now and only one sister with sons of my age and I haven't heard good stuff about these sons, apparently they flirt and chase other girls and are not good. 

Since the time I posted this topic in another forum, I have managed to find some temp work which I have persuaded my dad to allow me to do. He drops me and picks me up even though its walking distance. I hate that but love my lunch hour.

I don't know what to do anymore, everytime I say no to cousins my mum says to me in a worried aur kiya karo ge!!!!!

?? Help anyone?

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Joined: 19 August 2013

Posts: 5

Posted: 08 September 2013 at 5:59am | IP Logged
It was really sad to know that there is so much conservationism still in the society. In my opinion, I can suggest you that try to keep up ur job and postpone your marriage as much as possible it is. 
Other ways are some what rebellion types so I don't know whether it'll go well with you. But you should consider leaving your home.

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