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FF:Intehaa Pyaar Ki:Th.5: Final Ch pg. 61 Aug. 27th (Page 68)

sshirley IF-Rockerz
sshirley
sshirley

Joined: 09 December 2008
Posts: 8277

Posted: 26 August 2013 at 10:12pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by bc123456

Dear Shirley don't have the time to write a long review , madly busy , work comes first, specially my kind , it was an interesting read , liked their interaction, thank god Ashu does not want her to be only a housewife , loved the way she fights the case , wish it was longer but can understand the paucity of time , on the whole a very well written Ff thoroughly enjoyed ,hope as an when u have time will write more , keep in touch , god bless
 
thank you dr. babs.. the  length is not important... I m glad u read and  enjoyed the chapter. yes a longer update was perhaps needed but could nt manage any better than this.. yeah, i think ashu told her before too that he believes women should be independent and not just housewives..
 
yeah will defo keep in touch
 
 


Edited by sshirley - 26 August 2013 at 10:13pm

Suvika. IF-Stunnerz
Suvika.
Suvika.

Joined: 05 June 2012
Posts: 25871

Posted: 26 August 2013 at 10:15pm | IP Logged
Ok Here is the comprehensive review of the whole FF and also the writer of the FF.

This story and the way you have written it is indeed miles away from your first one. You have really really come a long way as a writer with this FF. No two ways about. Everything was more mature including the different ways that you thought and even the basic story line. 

Initially I found it very difficult to connect with this Ashutosh because personally I can't stand weak males. Especially if that said male is the lead of a particular story. This guy was indecisive and was easily influenced by others' thoughts. Yes, I agree, the said others were his family but still..anyway, that was not your problem. That was mine. It took me quite some time to come out of that and see him as a normal day to day person we meet. Once i did that, it was easier for me to connect.

Nidhi..I loved her from day one despite her spoilt brat nature. A girl of this generation who lives a bindaas life and wants to continue living in the same way. Her self centred nature and the way you brought it out was too good. But then things started going askew. As chapters progressed, her character kind of fluctuated. I felt as if i was seeing two different Nidhis. One who genuinely thought of Ashutosh as a friend, worried about him when he was not well, cared for him etc and overnight she suddenly became someone else..one who doesn't care at all and rushed of to a party. Its just an example that i am giving here. She is supposed to change from the immature person to a mature one who falls in love with her husband. the second part you achieved. Loved the way she slowly realized that she likes and then loves Ashutosh. But the first one you didn't. her change was way too abrupt and sudden. and even then one does not do a 180 degree no matter how determined they are. Yes, they will definitely mellow down but their basics will remain..like the dress preference and food and coffee tea preference. 

In thread 4 you made a note. 

At the risk of leaking my next chapter content, I am telling you that the next chapter is somewhat an exercise in exploring the complexities of human thinking, expectations, the dynamics of action and reaction, etc.
 
So, writing the next chapter the way I have planned, is nothing short of a challenge for me.. esp. given the fact that I have never even opened a book on psychology or human thinking..

This note made me expect so much more from that chapter. and may be thats why the disappointment was also more. The chapter was super long. and it was all over the place. Character consistency esp of Nidhi was shot. It seemed like she grew up into Nidhi Devi overnight. And it was way too obvious that you wanted to get the story over and done with. In short, what i mean to say is chapter 15 diluted your FF. Chapter 16 was consistent with 15 so no issues there. But point is that 15 and 16 are not gelling with the rest of the FF. 

Loved Mallika and Armaan. Rohan...I so wish Rohan was not made black. Would have loved to see Nidhi exploring her feelings for a good Ashutosh and a grey Rohan. he was too much like the guy who was the cause of death of Armaan's previous girl friend..forget her name..sorry...

Liked the Anji Armaan pair too..and liked the way Anji stuck to Nidhi despite their polar opposite personalities and natures. 

One last thing i would like to say. You have the talent to write. Please don't stop writing. It need not be another AshNi story. I just want you to continue writing. Something...anything..

loads of love,

Suvika. 
 

The following 4 member(s) liked the above post:

Diksha_1991sshirleysuku_07JusticeDenied17

sshirley IF-Rockerz
sshirley
sshirley

Joined: 09 December 2008
Posts: 8277

Posted: 26 August 2013 at 10:21pm | IP Logged

Thank u so much Suja for the brutaly frank review.. i will reply to it either in the morning my time or wheneber time permits me.. too tired now to reply analytically to ur review.

 
have a good day.

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Suvika.

sshirley IF-Rockerz
sshirley
sshirley

Joined: 09 December 2008
Posts: 8277

Posted: 26 August 2013 at 10:42pm | IP Logged
Chalo, friends, m going to be in a while..
 
tomorrow my classes begin so I won't be able to respond promptly to u all.. I hope u understand...
 
But keep the reviews coming.. I will respond to them as and when I can..
 
PS - tomorrow morning (my time), I may be here for a while.
 
  

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JusticeDenied17

shobsrocks Groupbie
shobsrocks
shobsrocks

Joined: 09 March 2012
Posts: 88

Posted: 26 August 2013 at 10:53pm | IP Logged
fabulous chap @sshirely 

im njoyed fully wow ashu wonderful
    
and waiting for the HM chap




Edited by shobsrocks - 26 August 2013 at 11:14pm
deepali.rock IF-Rockerz
deepali.rock
deepali.rock

Joined: 13 January 2012
Posts: 7886

Posted: 26 August 2013 at 11:56pm | IP Logged
Shirley..u gave a perfect end to this journey.although I wanted the dhishoom dhishoom types in court hearing part..with nidhi leading the battleLOL..but its ok..given your time constraints..
 
so tomorrow..your college starts..good yaar..but that also means that we wont see you here..
 
come on fb na..it will help keep in touch..even suja di has joined it..plz..

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JusticeDenied17

Diksha_1991 IF-Rockerz
Diksha_1991
Diksha_1991

Joined: 09 August 2012
Posts: 9408

Posted: 27 August 2013 at 12:01am | IP Logged
Fantastic Chapter.. Clap Clap

Loved it...Heart Heart Heart 

l'll give you detail review in evening. Once i reach home..

One more thing i liked deepali suggestion you can come on FB...

That's a wonderful idea Deepali..Hug

Let us know your thoughts Shirley...


Edited by achdata3 - 27 August 2013 at 12:04am
aarti1303 Groupbie
aarti1303
aarti1303

Joined: 18 July 2012
Posts: 198

Posted: 27 August 2013 at 12:52am | IP Logged

Lovely Chapter!   In spite of your busy schedule, you hv managed to give justice to everything and every  character  You have a special gift in writing.  Please continue writing stories/FFs whenever u hv time in hand.  Thank you very much for the great journey of this lovely FF.

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