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Was difficulty in Jagya's new life a given? (Page 2)

sectoreight Goldie
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Posts: 1039

Posted: 16 August 2013 at 1:37pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by Skepblun

[

There is NO way that Jagya can start afresh or any life partner of his can be treated as a unique individual and judged for who she is, than how she stands in comparison to Anandi!

 
LOL, not just fresh life partners are compared to anandi but the singhs have compared Jagya himself to Anandi at times...
 
Bhairon himself has said "Isme anandi jitni kaabiliyat nahi hai" etc. etc.
 
ROFLROFLROFLROFL

adi1986 Senior Member
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Posts: 229

Posted: 16 August 2013 at 1:38pm | IP Logged
Completely agree...for anything and everything they refer to anandi...any normal person would get irritated...Gauris insecurities were only coz by this anandi jaap...they didn't even give her a chance.

Even if sanchi was normal...she would have turned insecure with this continuous Anandi chants.Which girl in the right mind would like being compared to the ex-wife. 

Plus isnt it already awkward n uncomfortable for her that Jagyas ex-wife to so actively participating in the engagement functions.What is she suppose to feel happy ? Anandi also has never considered this. Cant she maintain a some reasonable distance. They are all behaving like its normal for Sanchi to get married to the ex-husband of her bhabhi. Strange.

Now even if ganga n jagya get together, theyll keep comparing her with anandi & even she'll lose it.Wacko 

Bottomline is if u wanna get married to jagya be ready to lose ur self-respect, identity & continuous comparisons with anandi.Pinch
   
atominis IF-Sizzlerz
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Posted: 16 August 2013 at 6:29pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by sectoreight

Originally posted by Skepblun

[


There is NO way that Jagya can start afresh or any life partner of his can be treated as a unique individual and judged for who she is, than how she stands in comparison to Anandi!





LOL, not just fresh life partners are compared to anandi but the singhs have compared Jagya himself to Anandi at times...


Bhairon himself has said "Isme anandi jitni kaabiliyat nahi hai" etc. etc.


ROFL


That was their biggest flaw! Anandi had qualities because it was inherent in her and because of her parents and her Teacher ji's values inculcated in her.

Singhs' faulty and weak parenting and DS' pampering is to blame for Jagya suffering in life.

They take him or disown him as they wish and even when they have taken him now, they are not focusing on a FRESH start to his life. No focus on his TRULY moving on.

I hate how CVs made normal and educated girls psycho vamps and converted a strong woman like Ganga into a squeaky timid dukhiyaari naari who takes brickbats and instructions in equal measure and slowly has little say of her own! The way she's also compared to Anandi and made a clone of her, it's like it will be the ultimate achievement for her if she becomes "like Anandi ji" or takes "her place" or "similar place as hers" in Singhs' house!
Dead

The only qualification and ticket to Singh household is to fashion oneself after Anandi?Some fresh start Jagya or Singhs or Jagya's new wife can have in their lives then! Shocked

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koolsadhu1000 IF-Sizzlerz
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Posted: 16 August 2013 at 8:07pm | IP Logged
Depends

sometimes the putting down the foot to make others aware of your identity ,the difference in u and the person who left that gaping void is mere ego that actually achieves nothing

does it really achieve anything 

except some egoistic satisfaction

u  make ur own identity known , then

then what

r u liked more , does it make a difference , get u accolades , what

Saanchi told Anandi about this identity business when Anandi told her Jagya does not like bright colors in jackets

she said well i like them and he will even have to keep MY taste in mind

Saanchi will set about proving her identity in the moment she enters the house

but will it achieve anything

will it keep the family together

will it strengthen her relationship with her husband

does that really make her individually a strong woman

or its egoistic display bas

i feel 

identity should be made effortlessly and firmly but quietly

it is made without even stressing on it ...by regular actions .

What is the harm if one fills the void left by Anandi 

it is the need of that house

a daughter in law who holds the home together like her , is caring like her

is it really so terrible to be compared to a nice person and is it wrong of a family who has experienced such a nice person to search for the same niceness in the person filling that space

does a seperate identity really solve anything except gratify feminine ego

how about acquiring ur own identity through deeds and naturally

questions questions and questions




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sectoreight Goldie
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Posted: 17 August 2013 at 12:16am | IP Logged
I think what the singhs are doing is natural.
 
I joined my current job five years ago.  
 
Before I came in my boss had an assistant/colleague called Tanaaz and tanaaz had worked with her for fifteen years before leaving.
 
For two years, my boss would constantly grieve over the loss she felt from Tanaaz.  It was as if Tanaaz knew every pore of my boss and her requirements and my boss was just reeling from the shock of her being gone.  Tanaaz could read her mind even before my boss said anything explicitly.  She was able to correlate three or four assignments on her own and string them together in a fashion that if my boss did one thing ... it meant automatic completion of all four assignments.
 
Initially, I struggled with the comparison, and wanted to show my "own unique identity" LOLLOLLOL
 
But I quickly came to realize that she didn't mean any ill or demeaning towards me,  she was just feeling the shock of losing such a person who knew everything about her... and having to train me was a shock to her system.  To constantly have to train me was getting on her nerves.
 
Now was it unfair to me ? Sure.
 
But as koolsadhu says -- I sort of realized that this was the requirement of the job, that I should be like Tanaaz.  And I quickly set my goal to be like Tanaaz. And after two years, she never  once mentioned Tanaaz again.  Otherwise I should quit the job.  But I could not stay there and try to show my own unique identity.
 
The point I am trying to make is that everyone has certain requirements and Jagya's wife cant just be his wife,  she also has to fit into the framework of being a daughter-in-law to the singhs. 
 
This role (Jagya's wife) is not just a patni role,  it is a patni-cum-bahu role.
 
So then, Saanchi needs to decide if this is for her from a comprehensive, integrated sense. 
Will she be able to fulfil it ?
 
If Saanchi's unique identity involves the two - gehna and sumitra working in the kitchen... and saanchi upstairs listening to music on her bed with head phones in her head ... then her unique identity will not be a fit for the household.
 
Its just that simple.  We cant break into an institution and break all the rules.  
We should only go in if we can adjust within that framework.
Otherwise leave it.
 
And I also feel that when they say  Anandi , they do not just mean Anandi the person, who cooks and cleans, it is more a broader metaphor for generic good qualities "loving, kind, fair-minded, just, caring, truthful, honest, hard working" etc. etc. etc.
 
If an identity is framed around these sorts of qualities, there is nothing wrong with anandi.
 
what I mean to say is that there is a difference between being compared to a person, and being compared to a set standard.  And hear anandi is the embodiment of a standard, not just anandi the person.
 
 
 
 As far as saanchi is concerned, I really think she would have been better off in Australia with the guy Mihir.   She would be away from parents and in-laws,  she would be in a modern city,  and she could wear her jeans etc. and be herself.  He would have appreciated her own unique identity because that was the kind of wife he was looking for too.


Edited by sectoreight - 17 August 2013 at 12:19am

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Posted: 17 August 2013 at 12:57am | IP Logged
If it is not sanchi, gauri or even ganga.

If it is a normal girl with no emotional burden with the singhs, I would have definitely be on her side regarding comparison. With a self respecting woman, it will go towards separation too.

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sectoreightatoministiny15

sectoreight Goldie
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Posted: 17 August 2013 at 1:16am | IP Logged
Exactly, who wants to twist themselves into a pretzel to be someone they are not?
It's hard to keep up the pretense for the rest of your life.
 
The bottom line is that it is an individual choice for everyone.
 
The question is "Does it feel good to change into anandi?"
 
Because I think we can all endeavour towards self-improvement every now and then.
 
For Ganga, it may feel good to be like anandi.
 
For Saanchi.  it may not.  Then she has to take a call.
 
For me, in my job mentioned above,  it felt really good to "be like tanaaz"... because I saw tanaaz was a super-robot model of efficiency. I loved it. I felt that being like tanaaz or endeavouring to become like her was actually taking me to new levels of self-actualization.  Today I am very glad that I had a role model like Tanaaz  because it brought out things in me which I would never have discovered on my own. It gave me a lot of new polish.
 
But if it didn't feel good, I wouldn't have done it.  I would have walked off and found another job suited to me and whoever I already was in that given time and space.


Edited by sectoreight - 17 August 2013 at 1:56am

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seetha74 IF-Dazzler
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Posted: 17 August 2013 at 1:28am | IP Logged
IDEAL TYPE: A standard of comparison   gives us to see the aspects of the real  characteristics  in a clearer and systematic  way. In BV  Anandi is an ideal type for the Singhs; worked as a catalyst  in their lives.That's why  they are blunt  in' criticism  and praise'  with Jagdish and Anandi. That typifying  is creating conflicts  which is unfortunate  to Jagdish  and unavoidable for the Singhs.

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