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Arshi SS: Outside the Lines, Chp 12, Pg 140, link T2 pg 149 (Page 54)

vandana.sagar IF-Stunnerz
vandana.sagar
vandana.sagar

Joined: 20 May 2012
Posts: 31442

Posted: 16 January 2014 at 9:19pm | IP Logged
Chapter 2
I loved the background in to Khushi...if chapter 1 was Arnav you did justice to chapter 2.

Clearly an independent and strong girl who leaves the comfort of her family and the security to achieve her dreams and aspirations ..I loved her characterisations...you brought it out so well. 
Your writing made me like this determined Khushi...living alone in meagre accommodations with a limited income where she could easily be living in the lap of luxury ..loved it.

Ashoka, I don't like ..he is trying to manipulate Khushi by using her professional aspirations as a bait. He seems unethical and untrustworthy...
But having come so far I guess she has no option but to do what he says...stepping stones ...but I fear he does not expect more from her going forward...

So Arnav does not like to be referred to as ASR ...is this more than what meets the eye...his effort to be known for himself on his own merit rather than his family backing ..

It's all gotten so interesting ...loving it ...her entry into the locker room and immediately into his arms...and the epic tum theek ho...waiting for that ...

To chapter 3...



Edited by vandana.sagar - 17 January 2014 at 12:08am

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IronButterflyA_BA

sunitikapoor IF-Sizzlerz
sunitikapoor
sunitikapoor

Joined: 27 June 2012
Posts: 10129

Posted: 16 January 2014 at 10:46pm | IP Logged

Good chapter...the real drama would be up in the next chapter...and I am looking forward to see how she will start her journey with ASR and his team...thanks for the PMTongue

 

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A_BA

vandana.sagar IF-Stunnerz
vandana.sagar
vandana.sagar

Joined: 20 May 2012
Posts: 31442

Posted: 17 January 2014 at 12:23am | IP Logged
Chapter 3
Oh what a picture you painted with your words and what a visual you created with your writing...marvellous...her dramatic entry in to the locker room. His physique and his sinews..water dripping down, bare chest? Steamy...
Her innocent expression at being rescued and finding her self in his arms rather than unceremoniously falling into the linoleum ...
Hence feeling the impact on her heart and emotions than on her body...loved it.

He seemed to be caught unaware too and taken in too by her and her face, to be broken out of his day dreaming by the loud gasps coming from the audience they had collected...

He clearly wanted to know more about her ...but trying to do so nonchalantly ...he knew he needed to focus and with her there was danger...

Khushi caught in this game, unprepared for the press conference coming out a novice but liked her determination and gusto. She prepares and does her HW before their next encounter...his background coming as somewhat of a surprise and her mind wandering distractedly subconsciously ...I can see the sparks already...

You captured their emotional and feelings of the first meeting perfectly...the anxiety and excitement is what I feel similar to her ...now on to 4.



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celinawaltermints23A_BA

celinawalter Goldie
celinawalter
celinawalter

Joined: 14 July 2013
Posts: 1115

Posted: 17 January 2014 at 1:59am | IP Logged
it was beautifully written. loved it.
so Khushi is in moral conflict. so this will be how Arshi will get to know each other be. well, on the part of Khushi by the end of her journey, will she really publish the article. if yes, she will be in a greater mess. if no, she will have a severe dip in her career before even she takes off.

and her messing with ASR's life and most important heart won't do her any good.

so waiting for the next update to know what will be Khushi's decision.

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mints23A_BAvandana.sagar

vandana.sagar IF-Stunnerz
vandana.sagar
vandana.sagar

Joined: 20 May 2012
Posts: 31442

Posted: 17 January 2014 at 2:23am | IP Logged
Chapter 4
Been meaning to say this after each update, and forget...love the banner.

So brilliantly you are building up Arnav's character, loved the layers and depth...so much to him more than meets the eye..

The contrast in Khushi and Arnav and then the similarities in them coming out so well. I feel I can identify with them and relate to them..

Arnav, reluctantly but going through the motions of his anger management sessions ...being a private person reluctant to share his life with people...I love how he says issues he has but anger not being one of them...so loaded...what is going on in his life...
Rita is smart, knows the right buttons to press...his cricketing career at stake...something that he takes seriously even if he does not the sessions.

He has a girlfriend but is emotionally distant from her, taking her along is like killing two birds with one stone...clearly not someone he shares and talks about his issues and problems with...so that emotional quotient not being met...will he find it with Khushi...

I loved how Sheetal is his part of the PR company who insists he do an interview and is unknowingly creating the opportunity for Khushi and him to meet.

Khushi has a job at hand, and unaware of what exactly is happening with her, subconsciously taking that extra effort to dress up ...on the other hand eager to do a good job, taking tips from Ajit to find out what exactly happened to trigger Arnav's behaviour. 

The tone for the next meeting set effectively...on to 4B


Edited by vandana.sagar - 17 January 2014 at 3:43am

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celinawaltermints23A_BA

mints23 IF-Rockerz
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Posts: 6276

Posted: 17 January 2014 at 2:31am | IP Logged
Big smile  Edited comment here

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A_BA

vandana.sagar IF-Stunnerz
vandana.sagar
vandana.sagar

Joined: 20 May 2012
Posts: 31442

Posted: 17 January 2014 at 3:45am | IP Logged
4b
The tone you set for this chapter in part B...was superb...the anxiousness both are feeling for their own reasons Khushi anticipating her next meeting with Arnav, who is not aware that she is conducting the interview, but is not a person who likes to attend such parties, irritated at the thought of it and the interview that he is being made to do, to redeem his actions, was brilliantly written. 

His interview and the manner in which he spoke, making her feel frustrated at unable to break through him, to get him to give the response that was being expected by her ..instead his very guarded response, successful in creating an aura of mystery around him, that intrigues me...Here is a young, dynamic successful and good looking man who could,be flamboyant and living it up instead he is the opposite...

Her being calm and poised to appear professional eager to accomplish this challenge...

I could almost feel the sparks their verbal banter was proving to be oblivious to the fact that they were not alone.

Aman astute enough to read Arnav and his interest in Khushi, from their earlier encounter...amused at his nonchalant approach even though he knew otherwise... 
And at the end the slight annoyance or jealously that he feels at her being flirted with interesting ...

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celinawalterA_BA

tinsel IF-Sizzlerz
tinsel
tinsel

Joined: 02 February 2010
Posts: 13531

Posted: 17 January 2014 at 5:36am | IP Logged
Wow! a great story.Thumbs Up

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