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Arshi SS: Outside the Lines, Chp 12, Pg 140, link T2 pg 149 (Page 109)

kank_dah Goldie
kank_dah
kank_dah

Joined: 24 June 2006
Posts: 2431

Posted: 16 March 2014 at 12:22pm | IP Logged
great update especially khushi nd arnav's interaction.continue soon

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A_BA

Happytwinkle IF-Sizzlerz
Happytwinkle
Happytwinkle

Joined: 28 February 2013
Posts: 17780

Posted: 16 March 2014 at 4:01pm | IP Logged
amazing update
loved it
thanks for the pm

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A_BA

Anamika100 IF-Dazzler
Anamika100
Anamika100

Joined: 06 July 2009
Posts: 3526

Posted: 16 March 2014 at 5:43pm | IP Logged
I liked how honorably Arnav broke up with Lavanya, given that he did not see the relationship going anywhere.  Arnav and Khushi are comfortable enough to joke around and Arnav is doing well in huge game.  

Poor Khushi has some problems.  One being the mysterious man warning her off Arnav and getting too close to him and the ore is her boss who appears a little skewed on a moral compass and inclined towards tabloid journalism.  I like that Khushi is so honorable.

See below my comments to survey:

1. What do you guys think of the length of the chapters? Are they too short or are they being dragged?

I love long chapters so this is fine...even longer would be good.

2. Would you guys like more or less descriptions of the cricket games? I know that many of you have expressed that you don't have an interest in cricket while others are true fans. I'm trying to balance out the cricket content, but please let me know what you guys prefer.

Less cricket descriptions would be good.  It is fine to the degree that what the outcome or performance means for locker room and character moods etc but I have no interest in game.

3. What do you think of the pace of the story too far? 

A little slow.


4. Do you have any suggestions that will help me improve as a writer?

while a lot is being alluded to Arnav in terms of his past, I still find the characters depth a little shallow.  I would love for the characters to feel a little more or for their feelings to be revealed.  I feel like you are skimming the surface only.


I would really appreciate your feedback! Please feel to respond on this thread, or PM/scrap me.

Also, I have a hard time responding to reader's comments for this story as I don't want to give away the story - is that a problem to readers??

Nope...mystery is good!!!


Edited by Anamika100 - 16 March 2014 at 11:01pm

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A_BA

cinthiann1758 IF-Dazzler
cinthiann1758
cinthiann1758

Joined: 24 March 2012
Posts: 2843

Posted: 16 March 2014 at 8:09pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by A_BA

NOTE:

Hello,

I will try to post the next chapter tomorrow night, but I have a few questions in the meantime. I would really appreciate honest feedback if you guys have time!

1. What do you guys think of the length of the chapters? Are they too short or are they being dragged? I think they are perfect and leave me wanting more!

2. Would you guys like more or less descriptions of the cricket games? I know that many of you have expressed that you don't have an interest in cricket while others are true fans. I'm trying to balance out the cricket content, but please let me know what you guys prefer. I live in the states so I don't know much about cricket but right about it if you feel your story needs it.

3. What do you think of the pace of the story too far? I want more

4. Do you have any suggestions that will help me improve as a writer?I think you are doing great

I would really appreciate your feedback! Please feel to respond on this thread, or PM/scrap me.

Also, I have a hard time responding to reader's comments for this story as I don't want to give away the story - is that a problem to readers??

The following 2 member(s) liked the above post:

A_BAvandana.sagar

savvz Senior Member
savvz
savvz

Joined: 28 April 2006
Posts: 888

Posted: 16 March 2014 at 8:36pm | IP Logged
great update..
by the way is that shyam...?? ewww.. he makes an entry ... a slimy one... ;-)

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A_BA

AnjuRish IF-Rockerz
AnjuRish
AnjuRish

Joined: 23 January 2013
Posts: 5880

Posted: 16 March 2014 at 10:00pm | IP Logged
so this is the entry of the snakewa is it???

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A_BA

1chilly IF-Sizzlerz
1chilly
1chilly

Joined: 01 December 2012
Posts: 12496

Posted: 17 March 2014 at 12:26am | IP Logged
Shyam the snake seems to have made an entry.
Hope he is dealt with in a fitting manner soon!
Arna v has started to at least talk to Khushi.
Waiting now to see what happens next.

The following 1 member(s) liked the above post:

A_BA

raws Goldie
raws
raws

Joined: 14 January 2013
Posts: 2209

Posted: 17 March 2014 at 6:30am | IP Logged
it was good one

The following 1 member(s) liked the above post:

A_BA

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