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Arshi SS: Outside the Lines, Chp 12, Pg 140, link T2 pg 149 (Page 107)

RajiSobtian IF-Addictz
RajiSobtian
RajiSobtian

Joined: 30 January 2013
Posts: 15584

Posted: 16 March 2014 at 3:04am | IP Logged
Very nyc update

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A_BA

RajiSobtian IF-Addictz
RajiSobtian
RajiSobtian

Joined: 30 January 2013
Posts: 15584

Posted: 16 March 2014 at 3:11am | IP Logged
Loved d story way
Superbbb really I love it

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A_BA

guggu IF-Dazzler
guggu
guggu

Joined: 03 February 2009
Posts: 3857

Posted: 16 March 2014 at 4:13am | IP Logged
Chapter 8:

Anyway, what did it matter if she's optimistic about interviewing other players and reserved only with him; it's not like he enjoyed talking to reporters in the first place.

I was smiling widely when I read this, and you know why. Embarrassed

I wish to visit Calcutta soon; your description just gave my enthusiasm a boost. I have a thing for the old world charm of cities. Bengali sweets ka toh kya kahe? Damn my ultra sweet tooth. LOL

I have a confession. I hate cricket. But only the conflict in this story has me glued to it and I am very sure that you'll do an awesome job of handling it. Maybe that's why I am so hungry for only Arnav Khushi scenes and not cricket. But oh well. I hope this did not offend you in anyway. You obviously love cricket. Who doesn't?

Btw,did I tell you I love Lavanya absence? I like the way Arnav is so subconsciously attuned to Khushi, not her presence per se, but her. The way he cringes when he sees Aman talk to her.

I loved how Khushi handled the difficult situation with him. I should have skipped the description of the dessert. It made me hungry.

Oh and I love Aman, for he receives his important phone calls just when I want.LOL Please keep him that way always. :P

I don't like Arnav much in this chapter though. I can't hear someone saying desserts are underrated and my reaction was exactly like Khushi's.

I am loving the slowly blossoming warmth between them and I am loving the story too. You are a very accha accha writer.:) Now off to read chapter 9. :)

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A_BA

Nandz Goldie
Nandz
Nandz

Joined: 17 November 2012
Posts: 1602

Posted: 16 March 2014 at 4:27am | IP Logged
Unres



Loved the chapter!
So the indians defeated the mighty royals! I wonder if gayle storm failed to hit the indians!
Okay so finally lavanya is out of the way! Coast is clear for arnav khushi love story. given how khushi has already made her way in to arnav's thoughts , bas she now has to make her place in his heart!
N i liked when you highlighted that Arnav didnt have major anger management issues! I guess his anger got the better of him at the wrong place n at the wrong time! This was further proved by Arnav's after match interviews where a different n more easy going n warm face of Arnav came to the fore!
But you know his session scene with the group of ppl reminded me of scene from the hancock movie, where hancock is also made to go thru the same ordeal albeit in jail (i think so)!

Who is the guy who stopped khushi n was getting jealous of her n arnav budding relationship?
Shyam manohar jha? Earlier i thgt it was that other player!
Now y is he here n more importantly what did her warn her about?

Waiting to read the next part!

Edited by Nandz - 18 March 2014 at 12:14pm

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A_BA

guggu IF-Dazzler
guggu
guggu

Joined: 03 February 2009
Posts: 3857

Posted: 16 March 2014 at 4:41am | IP Logged
Chapter 9:

I absolutely loved the way you described his conflict in his relationship with Lavanya. It's better to walk away from a person when things can be ended cordially rather than wait for it turn ugly and leave both sides in a mess. Now that he has broken up with her, I am waiting for his focus to divert to the lingering thoughts of Khushi. Embarrassed

On a lot of levels, I am fascinated by the way these media houses function. On the recent uproar about the media being independent or not and plus the element of reporting in this story too, I can't help but wonder about the intricacies and nuances of journalism. Is everything murky in this country? I am too idealistic when it comes to things like these, and just the mere thought is indigestible.

Arnav is definitely coming around after his 'incident'. He is opening up slowly. I liked the way he let his Lucknow connection slip unknowingly. He laughed with her too. Haaye. Embarrassed Now who is the owner of this ominous pair of eyes? Angry Since he was in the locker room, I would assume it's one of his teammates. But then who was the man who walked up to her and warned her about Arnav? He definitely can't be one of the teammates, because it he had been Khushi would have known him. Or did the ominous pair of eyes belong to this guy only? God! You've managed to weave a mystery in the ending paragraphs only and I love it, although it is making me mad now. I wish I could have read this chapter just before you update the next one. Now I would have to wait. Hmph.

But I love this story, and also the way you're going ahead with it. Try and update soon, please?Big smile


Edited by guggu - 16 March 2014 at 4:40am

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A_BA

nishu_shorna IF-Sizzlerz
nishu_shorna
nishu_shorna

Joined: 29 January 2013
Posts: 20218

Posted: 16 March 2014 at 6:12am | IP Logged
loved the update... fabulous as always... thanks for the pm...

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A_BA

anjs IF-Sizzlerz
anjs
anjs

Joined: 03 September 2011
Posts: 18078

Posted: 16 March 2014 at 6:39am | IP Logged
Originally posted by A_BA

NOTE:

Hello,

I will try to post the next chapter tomorrow night, but I have a few questions in the meantime. I would really appreciate honest feedback if you guys have time!

1. What do you guys think of the length of the chapters? Are they too short or are they being dragged?

the length of the chapters are good, they are not dragged at all, infact i wud call it short, just because i cant get enough of the updates...otherwise they are proper

2. Would you guys like more or less descriptions of the cricket games? I know that many of you have expressed that you don't have an interest in cricket while others are true fans. I'm trying to balance out the cricket content, but please let me know what you guys prefer.

chapter 9's cricket description was good enough, a little more, wud also be ok...but a detailed report isnt necessary, i feel, esp since i dont like cricket that much

3. What do you think of the pace of the story too far?

pace is ok i feel, it can be a little faster too...

4. Do you have any suggestions that will help me improve as a writer?

you are a very good write...most of the stuff is good, a little bit of check on typo's will make it perfect


I would really appreciate your feedback! Please feel to respond on this thread, or PM/scrap me.

Also, I have a hard time responding to reader's comments for this story as I don't want to give away the story - is that a problem to readers??

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A_BA

deeswarna IF-Rockerz
deeswarna
deeswarna

Joined: 30 April 2012
Posts: 7996

Posted: 16 March 2014 at 7:21am | IP Logged
awesome update, just loved it:)))

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A_BA

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