Joined: 09 February 2012
Hey all! I'm back with a new FF based on many requests I have received to continue writing on IF.
Chapter 1: Below
Chapter 2: page 7
Chapter 3: page 10
Chapter 4: Page 13
chapter 5- page 16
chapter 6-page 17
Chapter 7- page 19
This FF does not really represent Maanvi or Virat as they are in the show. It is a new spin on them, and intended to be almost entirely my story with the exception of the names. I am posting it to get your opinions on it. I am writer, and love to see the reader's reactions to my writing. All criticisms and comments are welcome.
Please, please leave comments! I will continue to write if I get good feedback on what you all think about this story!
Disclaimer- I do not own the names of the characters, and if as the story progress, there are other similarities to the show, I will make sure to make the necessary changes.
IMPORTANT NOTE- THIS IS AN FF IS NOT MEANT TO BE COPIED OR POSTED ANYWHERE ELSE OR SENT TO ANYONE OUTSIDE OF IF WITHOUT MY EXPLICIT PERMISSION
I'm surrounded by a sea of people, and still feel alone. Like I am lost somewhere in the swarms of individuals that surround me. No name, no face, no identity. Just no one. And it was only today that I realized just how alone I actually am. Being someone who prefers close relationships, I focused and nurtured only a handful of them. I thought that I was surrounding myself with those that meant the most to me, those that I meant the most to. And now I realize that the feeling wasn't mutual. It was one sided. I loved them, but they never loved me back. My brother keeps me at a distance- only sharing with me information essential to allow me to cover for him. My cousins don't even bother anymore. My best friends have since lost themselves in their relationships, their careers, their fun, and their friends. With all of them, I share my most personal stories, telling them about my fears, my dreams, my failures and my achievements'all along thinking that when the time came, of course, they would tell me about theirs. But I was wrong. I kept going on and on depending on each one, asking advice, thinking they were my own. And they went on judging but not understanding, listening but not sharing.
There was a time when I hurt they used to hurt, and when I smiled, they smiled even brighter. But now, they're just statutes in a window 'smiling condescendingly at my stupidity for believing they're listening. And now I know nothing about them, and no longer feel the comfort when I share my feelings with them.
And now I find myself completely alone. Those moments where I used to rely on these relationships for every decision I made are now a faded memory of the past. I couldn't even if I wanted to. Often, I lay awake at night thinking what it was about me that drove them away, and cant find the answer. Im not perfect, I know that. But I always did consider myself a good, kindhearted, worthy person. So why is it that I didn't know about my brother's relationship until he needed to tell someone he broke up? Why didn't I know about my cousin's relationship? Why do I barely hear back from my best friend about how things are going? Why did I have to hear about it from people I barely knew? Why when something important happened in their lives, was I nowhere to be found?
Part of me thinks it's because im so different from everyone else. But I truthfully don't know what makes me so different that they have lost faith in me. Im only different in that I don't need alcohol to come to terms with life or even enjoy it. Im only different in that I am driven, motivated, and hardworking to the point where I have slaved for nearly 10 years to get to where I am now. Im only different in that I am emotional, completely family oriented, and unyielding in my pursuit of my dreams. And I am only different because my goals aren't money, beauty, and luxury but rather happiness, comfort, and family. But does that make me so unapproachable that they feel the incessant need to shut me out? Theyre all completely different than me, and don't care for half of my values or traits, but I never shut them out. Regardless of the situation, I talk to them, and try my hardest to fight for them.
So why when all is said and done am I alone?
Money, luxury, freedom- I have it all. I have the world at my fingertips. Being rich, charming, and famous, makes it very easy to have anyone and everyone at my constant beck and call. I've been everywhere- China, France, London, America, Australia, Fiji, Tahiti, Italy, Greece. I've lived in five story mansions my whole life, driven the most expensive cars, raced motorcycles, gone skydiving, climbed some of the highest mountains.
I have a lot of freedom to do as I please, mostly because my family is not your traditional family. My dad is always out on business- every week a new country, so I rarely see him, unless we happen to be visiting the same country at the same time. My mom is a person who is much too concerned about her social calendar to be at home- even though she does occasionally schedule an appointment with me once a month to "catch up on life." And god only knows what stores my beauty queen sister is traversing the most exclusive boutiques to find the most unique dresses and shoes- god forbid she wears something another human being has even considered purchasing. Though I guess I have to admit, she does a lot of charity work- if donating your only once worn shoes and attire to good will because you don't want to be caught dead in the same thing twice counts as charity. She's positive it does.
Me? Well, I'm different. Sure, I use money and appreciate all of the luxury, but I don't do it for the same reasons as them. I travel and search for the adrenaline rush. I go to new countries and backpack through them, despite having enough money to buy my own hotel and live there. I find new adventures in new cities. Go to places I have never even heard of like Humberstone, chile and try to find my way around, getting lost hundreds of times in the process. It's like an intoxication- learning new things, sleeping on benches, trying to talk to people in languages I didn't even know existed. It's the thrill of being in an entirely new place, with new people ' no one there who knows me. I can be anyone I want to be. Anyone to avoid being who I am. No one has to know about my dysfuncational family. No one has to know about my real life and my real story.
Along the years, I have learned to cliff dive in Lanai, Hawaii, snowboarding in the swiss alps, skydiving in China (though I thought I was signing up for a helicopter ride, but went along with it any way), bullfighting in Spain, racing cars in Italy, running for my life in Russia' you get the picture. Each time, I can feel the adrenaline race through my veins and overcome my body- the constant question of whether or not I will make it to the other end alive fills me with an electric rush. I guess somewhere in those random villages, in those half unknown conversations, in those risky adventures, I was trying to find myself- my purpose, my reason for existing.
My friends ask why I am so ready to test my faith and play with fire. They ask if im never worried about my life, or that in my attempt to cheat death, my life may cheat me. I guess the real answer is that life is filled with far more heart wrenching pain than I can endure- and playing with death is maybe less painful than facing life.
I was- still am- searching for something. Something to give my life meaning. Something to fade away the pain. Something to fill the lonely void that overcomes me when I think too hard about all the things that I cannot fix.
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