Originally posted by golpokobita
Good to see your post!
You are right. The kind of problem is new to our society .. but its increasing rapidly. With the rise of individualism, women's participation in outside works and intrusion of western lifestyles.. these problems are increasing.. Joint families are breaking. Because, if you are in a joint family you just can't have a life of your own, in your own style.. Jobs are defined there and women in joint family are supposed to do household and take care of family.. and their jobs are for the whole family not for a particular unit (her own husband and children.).. Whether its good or bad is a different question altogether, but its an obvious and inevitable reality.
Mukut is a part of a joint family and he has known and seen all his life how women acts in his family.. its not only his wife, every woman. So if he thinks he is not getting what he is entitled as a husband from his wife... he is the one who should have solved the problem.. he could have talked to his wife or device something which would help both of them to look into each other's needs. He is not the only sufferer, kaumadi, too is a sufferer. What has he done to know or ensure what his wife wants from him... let alone providing her with those things!
Then there is another point he makes, Mayuri is smart, well dressed, eloquent and an interesting company. No problem with that. But the question is, he knew it when he married kaumadi that she is not like that. She is a village girl who was not exposed to such things in life. What has he done to ensure kaumadi also gets the chances to change herself from a village girl to a modern girl? Has he invested single amount of time or money or energy for kaumadi??? He said when he used to come back home, kaumadi would have remained busy with children. What has he done then?? Has he shared kaumadi's burden?? Spared some of his time for his own children?
So i think, all those arguments he was giving are lame and cowardice. He said he was not running away from his responsibilities.. Really??? Wasn't it his responsibility to remain loyal to his wife, to understand his wife's problems and to extend his hands to her?? For me, there was not a word which justifies his double -standard personality and lowly behaviors to his wife and children.
Anyways, i think I should stop now... I am getting too emotional ..
Another thing I think CVs should take care of.. that is, things are moving too fast! They should give each issue/track some time ..
Agree with you on many of your points. I have always said that in a joint family, the onus is always on the husband to support his wife .. she enters a new place, new people, she cannot lay down the law and start doing whatever she wants to do ... she has to have her husband's support. And that is what they showed very beautifully with Chhanchhan and Manav ... he always supported her in whatever she did. When Umaben sent her to the kitchen to clean up, he came down to help her. And vice versa ... when she cancelled their trip, and he got angry, she went out of her way to cajole him.
So it is a two way street ... the problem is that Kaumudi never had the confidence to do what Chhanchhan does ... she has been brought up differently.
And Mukut is taking the easy way out, by blaming her for all his problems with the marriage ... agree with you completely, if he had problem with her being uneducated, unpolished, did he ever try to help her overcome that? Did he ever have the guts to go against his mom and say, sorry you handle your guests, I'm taking my wife out? Kaumudi can't say that, but HE can. He could have encouraged her to learn English, to study by correspondence ... any number of things to improve herself ...
And if he had such a problem with marrying an uneducated village girl, he should have said so in the first place. Why grumble now after two kids?
But I hope is that they show Kaumudi also changing and becoming a little more assertive, not taking on everyone's chores, and being a doormat ... that is her fault - maybe not hers, but that of her upbringing and that of Umaben to some extent ... the rules she enforces so strictly, she does not bother about the needs of her sons, vs the family as a collective whole. And I also want Kaumudi to try for that extra polish ... maybe start a tiffin business, do something to become more independent and develop her self-respect and pride.