Joined: 10 October 2012
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Joined: 10 October 2012
Life is a jest, and all things show it;
I thought so once and now I know it.
Some say a broken heart is like a shattered vase...fragile pieces scattered all over the place. The shattered pieces of broken glass seem to go everywhere...Unlike the pieces of a broken heart that seem to pierce your soul.
With faith and hope Malika had tried all these years to keep her broken heart intact...but slowly it went off...a jolt after jolt...it developed cracks and broke down into shattered pieces... the sight she saw is something she never expected...she has always fantasized herself there at the place she saw someone else...no one but she existed there with him...and seeing him with someone else seemed quite easy than seeing him showering his love on someone else...that's why the reality was far off...far bitter than one can conceptualise. She gathered herself up again...went to washroom cleared her stained face not to leave a trace of her shattered state, perceptible for others...not even to the love, she would have loved to lay herself open and bare to his gaze, a rueful smile forms on her face at the prank life has played with her
If love brings with it the feelings of soreness and tenderness on its failure it also brings an exalted energy that gets us on an emotional height to bear those pangs...she was literally feeling her heart torn and bleeding...so palpable was the wound she felt scared to touch the place... the wound that was smouldering like salt sprinkled...flowing eyes were hard to contain... she wished to lament on her own state... "why I loved him?...why I wasted my life?...what is left with me now?...were the questions his mind was constantly posing her... and her heart dressed in mourning was busy weeping inconsolably...lamenting... "My tormentor...my love...bring the balm of musk and relieve me of this pain"...but he was far... far..far away hard to be conceived even in thoughts. The emptiness she was feeling past few days turned more void and there was no way out to fill that void inside her...she resolves she will have to live with it...and will have to brace herself up to face the fact that he doesn't love her and she can never get place in his heart.
Dinner at the Arman's house remained boisterous because of Arman and his joyous nature...that helped her to maintain the calm she fashioned herself into...pretending became easy...though Ashutosh noticed her puffy eyes...she felt what his eyes noticed...but he didn't say anything...the care and concern she yearned for past fourteen years didn't come as a breather now, but as a tumultuous wave that turns her inside upside down, that made her to laugh ruefully at herself. After dinner they chatted for hours till late night...Nidhi remained silently listening and Malika sometimes broke the silence to remain the participant in the conversation that involved Ashutosh, Arman and Sneha. The glimpse of Ashutosh and Nidhi's life swayed before her eyes and she found hard to control her thoughts that drifted back continuously to their private moment. When she found hard to stop herself wandering...she pretended sleep and slipped to her room. Soon Nidhi and sneha followed to retire to their rooms leaving behind two friends who catched up on almost everything past four months they haven't met.
At 12.30 a.m Nidhi turns on her bed ,after a peck on her forehead, disturbed her sleep...after sometime she felt a few pecks on her eyes...she raised her hands to push away the intruder who was intruding her beauty sleep...she swayed her hands in air...sensing no one she turns to other side...a murmur, "sorry my love" followed by a deep breath made her to open her eyes groggily and when her eyes meet the person who was disturbing her, with her eyes wide open she gets up to exclaim... "What are you doing here?"
Holding his ears he whispered, "sorry I disturbed you but I coudn't resist myself from coming here...I wanted to come the moment you came here but Arman kept on talking...and when I came here and saw you sound asleep I thought to go back...but the moment I turned I found myself tugged...a tinge of jealousy crept in my heart that said how can you allow the person sleep so soundly who made your sleep to elope"
A resigned look ..."Now you woke me up...happy? Contented?...now go to your room"
Raising his one eyebrow..."You think I did all this to only wake you up...No ma'm...you are badly mistaken...now that you are awake...he lifts her up in his arms...let me continue with my plan"
"Leave me... I'll follow you...please"
"Sshh"...he shushes her silent and she had no option but to let him do what he was doing...he climbed the stairs and took her up to the terrace...and grounded her on reaching its entrance...the cool breeze coming from the sea nearby tickled her senses and the star studded sky made her to lift her head to watch the vast sky...she hugged herself and turned to look around...not aware what he was doing...after acquainting herself with the surroundings she turned to look at him...and saw him getting the seats from nearby divans...the divans were placed in the centre of terrace...roofed and surrounded with lots of vases having flowers and green plants planted in them...though the whole terrace was filled with plants but the center was maintained as a sitting area having couches and divans placed around a carpet.
"What are you doing?"
"I'll let you know...If you'll help me" she offers the helping hand and when he finishes placing two seats of divan together with two pillows understanding dawns on her...her heart thumps...making her hot and glowing with blushes.
"Let us go to our rooms" she turns to leave when he catches her hand and makes her to stop.
Coming near to her... he lifts her up and makes her to lie down on those seats sitting beside her watching intently her lying form...when she turns to her side to avoid his gaze leaning forward he makes her to turn and face him.
"What if someone will come here?"
With his eyes smouldering with desire...he only shakes his head saying no one will come. She couldn't utter a word in response...their eyes locked...she lying on the pillow and ashutosh resting on his elbow...the only sound that broke the silence was their palpitating hearts and fast breaths. Ashutosh leans forward to touch her and she closes her eyes in anticipation in a writhing expression that makes him to close his eyes and fists at the same time to control and contain himself...he plops himself on the nearby pillow and talking deep breaths calms his inner turmoil.
Nidhi after some time opened her eyes to look at him and saw him lying next to her gazing on the star studded sky with his fists still closed...his restrain takes her heart way...she places a soft touching' hand on his fists making him to release his hold...their fingers entwine and they kept on looking the star studded sky silently for sometime...Ashutosh turns to her and asks, "Can I hold you in my arms, please" and she didn't know when she went into his embrace with her head hidden in the crook of his neck, "my life"... "my love"...and a tight squeeze...a peck on her head...he makes her to rest her head on his arms so that he can see her...he looks into her eyes as if he wanted to drown into them forever...the unease was visible in Nidhi's eyes...their breaths were touching and mingling to vanish in one...when she lowers her eyes he calls her, "Nidhi look here"...she shakes her head in response...he starts caressing the arch of her foot using the ball of his foot...she pulls her foot away and he pulls it back using his leg... She murmurs in response..."Please"...and he whispers "what?? I did nothing...I only want you to look at me...and then in a tone of plea...let me drown in to those eyes Nidhi" she raises her eyes and their eyes remain locked...he was holding her so close that they were feeling their breaths against each other's skin...their lips were so close and Ashutosh's frequent pecks on her lips and cheeks turned her blazing...the moment she lowered her eyes a peck followed on her eyes making her to raise her lashes back.
Nidhi: What if someone comes here?
Ashutosh: Who cares?
Nidhi: So shameless?
Ashutosh: Thatz how I'm.
Nidhi: Leave me I'll go to my room.
Ash: Sorry! Not before dawn...and pulls her more close to him though there was no space left.
Ashutosh shrugged his shoulders...then continued in a serious husky tone... "Let me have this night...to cherish... till such nights become my destiny"
"Okay leave me...I won't go anywhere"
"No way...you are caged here for all the night"
"I want to turn to other side...one can't sleep whole night in one posture"
"No problem...he twirls her up and turns her to other side and looks at her in a loop sided smile raising his one eyebrow."
She smiles in response and lowers her eyes and he pecks at her lashes...
In a frowning look she asks, "Does that mean we aren't sleeping whole night"
Smiling in response... "I can't sleep I want to talk to you whole night"
"Okay! So that means when such nights become our destiny...we have to forget our sleep" the smile on his face and glint in his eyes makes her to feel he is on some mischief...but she quickly butts in... "Leave me...I want to see the stars in the sky" and understanding her quick reaction he laughs out loud and giving a gentle squeeze he whispers... "You are a sweet heart"
She snuggles close to him and hides her face in the crook of his neck...after a silence of few moments...she feels his pecks on her head and hears him call her, "Love"
"I forgot to ask...you want to buy something from her...we can shop early morning"
She shakes her head in a no in response
"Are you sure?"... " hmn"...then silence prevails for a few minutes again and he asks, "when are you going to talk to your Baba?"... "What is the hurry?"...he remains silent and after a few minutes she hears a deep sigh...raising her head and looking into his eyes, "the moment I tread on the entrance of my house I'll scream Baba, 'I'm in love!'...Happy?"...miffed he closes his eyes...that twinges her heart...she raises her head a bit and place soft pecks on his eyes, he opens his eyes wide and looks into her eyes with stunned silence... "I'll talk to him in a day or two"...he closes his eyes for a while as if bracing himself and asks, "what do you think...I mean...how'll he respond?"... "Well I think he'll agree...why won't he?...I mean there is no chance of disagreement...he has always taught me to take my decisions...supported me whatever decision I took...he will trust my decision as he has done always"
"You really think so?"... "Yes! Why won't he? ...he knows me...he is my Baba..and whatever I'm is the way he moulded me and brought me up"... they were discussing this for the first time and Nidhi's words bring a relief to his tense heart...and he keeps his fingers crossed...bringing her more close to himself...resting his chin on her head and feeling her breath at his chest...he closes his eyes...and both drift to a beautiful sleep.
Early morning Nidhi stirs with a tentative smile on her lips when she feels a strand of hair wavering on her face...she hugs herself snuggling close to him when she realises the wrap she was enfolded in all night was missing...she opens her eyes... and gets up startle, finding herself on the bed in her room... "How come I came here...who brought me here?...she taps her head at the question...who else it could be? But how come I don't remember...I didn't even feel...strange! she miles at the thought...hugs herself one more time...smells deep his scent on her clothes...stretches out and slips to restroom to get ready".
Malika's morning wasn't such pleasant...before she opened her eyes fully...she felt the simmering pain in her heart...she couldn't sleep whole night and she didn't remember how in the wee hours in the morning after weeping her heart out she felt asleep...the only thing she remember was how she felt her aching heart even during her sleep...in a deep sigh he gets up to get ready to return to her home after losing her belonging in the place she visited with...
On their way back to home Ashutosh dropped Malika and Nidhi at their respective places and after cherishing one final look of his love...as he couldn't say even a proper good bye to her because of the driver... he moved to hospital...the gap of four days at hospital... he knew what that meant... he could hardly get time to see her for coming few days...
Nidhi was welcomed at the house..her Baba and Dadi bua was waiting for her...Dadi bua was pacing in the room and Col. was smiling at her impatience...when he saw Nidhi coming in...no matter how much he smiled at her bua's impatience...he leaped and held her in a tight embrace...he was missing her daughter equally...Nidhi was the only reason why he was living and during her stay at US only he knew what he had to go through to bear the pain of separation...It was during that time when he discussed and agreed with Bua on her proposal to marry Nidhi with Rohan. Rohan was known to him...a jovial young man who cared for and was a very good friend of her daughter...and was living in the same town... he couldn't say no to Bua for the reason that Rohan had plans ultimately to settle in his home town and he will have his daughter around all the time...that was also a temptation to say yes to bua's proposal besides the surety he had that he'll keep her daughter happy.
Nidhi after catching up with things at home...meeting Mahesh uncle, Dadi Bua's son...and checking his reports, freshens up and had her lunch at around 3 pm with her family that was waiting for her. While having lunch Anjie arrives and both the friends move to her room leaving behind all smiling solanki's and her family. In the evening as usual she goes to meet her Nanu...Ashutosh was at hospital...she tried to call him but he answered with a Sms 'in a meeting'... she couldn't talk to him even at the night at it was very late when he returned home to get some rest... but last nights adventure kept them fully awake...tossing and turning at their beds...missing the warmth they spent last night in...Ashutosh cursed himself... "It was a real bad idea...Dr. Ashutosh! The cure- to spent a night in her warmth to soothe my coming nights has worsened my ailment...and here I'm on pins to hold her again in my arms...now what to do? A deep sigh...but to spent nights tossing and turning on this desolate bed"
Next day almost replicates the previous one except they exchanged a few glances and had a few glimpses of each other at hospital as Nidhi joined back on that day. On third day early morning he had to leave early he called her up...he knew her shift was starting at 11 am and she must be sleeping but he preferred to woke her up to talk to her to comfort his pinning heart who was missing her badly...the early morning chat with her after two long days and nights renewed him and he moved to the hospital with new zeal to deal the busy schedule.
Nidhi was enjoying breakfast with Dadi Bua and Baba when she thought it fit to talk to her Baba about Ashutosh.
"Baba I wanted to share something with you"
"Yes Darling I'm all ears"...answered Col. Verma who was reading morning paper sipping tea.
"It is about Dr. Ashutosh"
He gives a tentative look and answers "that reminds me your uncle has an appointment fixed with him at 4 in the evening...you want to talk about that" dadi bua was listening the conversation silently...
"Yes I know and I don't want to talk about that...looking at dadi bua...I mean we can discuss that later when he checks him up...a pause...I want to talk about us I mean him and myself"
A frown forms on Col. Verma's face and he looks at her daughter waiting for her to complete...
"You know Baba...how love is...that deepens the creases on Col. verma's forehead and he listens intently...I saw him on the very first day when I joined KGH and I felt something for him...then slowly and gradually those feelings got deeper when ultimately one day...I mean some four month's back I realised what my feelings meant...that I have started adoring him...that the feelings I felt were Love...It didn't took us long to realise that we were sharing the same feelings and we confessed the feelings we felt for each other...
she gives a look at Col. verma's face and most impassive expression meets her eyes but she continues... he wanted to come personally and talk to you but I thought I should let you know first...
newspaper drops off his hands and he only manages to utter Baba knows?... Yes Baba...Nanu knows... infact our love is the reason that I met Nanu...he took me to meet him on the day before Nanu came here and he came to know about who I am? When he asked me the name of my parents...
and you didn't bother to tell your father all these days...No Baba I wanted to share but was waiting for the right moment...he raises his head and gives a far away look in oblivion but Dadi bua joins...beta you know what you are saying...he is not a suitable match for you... How can you say that Dadi Bua...You haven't seen him...have you?...He is a nice guy...a guy any girl would dream of...he has every thing a girl can wish for...and ask for in her life partner...but he is...(a pause)...how many years older than you? Only 14 years...only fourteen years...do you have any idea what you are saying...fourteen years means something... What has age got to do with that...we fell in love...and she turns to look at his Baba who in same expressionless face was listening all... and love doesn't know any statistics Baba...you have loved yourself...you still love mom...don't you?...
yes I do...I loved her...and today you know how much I feel sorry for that hasty decision... I agree that was a hasty decision...even if you won't have taken a hasty one but your decision would have remained same...you would have taken the same decision...to marry her only...Isn't that Baba? She waits for her Baba to respond who takes a deep sigh and gets and paces to and fro in the room with his hands in his pant pockets...pondering in silence...a silent but uneasy calm prevails in the room...that gets broken by Mahesh's cries...
They all rush to see him...Nidhi checked his vitals but he was moaning and sweating in pain holding his head tightly...they all panicked but Nidhi made them to calm down and decided that they will shift him to KGH.
Dadi Bua was weeping and Nidhi was consoling him at the hospital waiting lounge outside neurological department. Mahesh was admitted right away the moment they arrived at KGH. Dr. Rangnath also joined them. He also tried to console Dadi Bua saying he'll be fine but no words seemed sufficient to calm her.
Col verma: Why Dr. Ashutosh has not come to see him?
Nidhi looks at him...but Dr. Rangnath answers, "Uncle he is called at extreme emergency...the neurological department have other senior doctors...they are treating him...he'll be taken to a CT Scan and only then if they feel they need his help he'll be called."
Col. Verma: Can't you call him...Mahesh has already appointment fixed with him for today...you know that.
Dr. Rangnath gulps down, "He is at present delivering a lecture at KGH Medical College and we can call only in extreme emergency...No body here can dare to call him without any valid reason."
Nidhi: Baba let us wait and see his CT scan reports first and then we can decide.
They all turn hearing Dadi Bua's voice from behind, she emerged from the ward after seeing his son and pleaded them at their back, "Please call him... my son is suffering" and starts weeping bitterly.
Dr. Rangnath gives a helpless look to Nidhi...Nidhi tries to console Dadi Bua, "Dadi Bua please wait let the reports come...we'll call him.
Col. Verma seeing a senior neurologist who was treating Mahesh emerging from the ward stops him and requests to call Dr. Ashutosh...the doctor smiles in response saying, "Don't worry Sir...we have administered medicines to him and he'll start responding in a while...there is no need to panic...we in any case have to wait for CT Scan reports.
Col. Verma nods in response and settles himself in the chair besides Dadi Bua.
Soon Solanki's and Anji arrive and Nidhi takes their leave knowing Anji will take care of her Dadi Bua, "I'll come in a while my shift has started...I'll arrange some one at my place."
After an hour...
Everyone was waiting outside the ward when Dr. Rangnath came and informed them, "Mahesh Uncle is having a clot and he'll need surgery"
Col. Verma: who is going to operate upon him?
Dr. Rangnath: The neurosurgeon who is treating him.
Dadi Bua in an annoyed tone: But why can't we wait for Dr. Ashutosh...if we cannot call him we can wait for him...giving a tentative look to Nidhi who joined them back moments before Dr. Rangnath came...
Soon there attention gets caught by the hustle and bustle that began in the calm hospital environs...everyone was moving fast as if fore warned and the long corridor turned deserted only a few ward boys and doctors were found walking, all attentive and on alert. A gentleman emerges from the other end...col. verma, army personnel didn't miss the resoluteness in his steps... nodding in response with firm solemnity at everyone who wished him on the way.
When he passed them...Dr. Rangnath wishes him, "Good Afternoon, Sir" and follows him. Anji announces consoling Dadi Bua, "Dadi Bua don't worry...he is Dr. Ashutosh...Rangnath will talk to him...everything will be fine."
All look at his back and Dadi bua exclaims, "Dr. Ashutosh!" Col. verma looks at her daughter he didn't miss how alien they behaved not looking even at each other...though he can never come to know how Ashutosh's heart leapt out seeing Nidhi there but he averted his looks.
Within minutes they saw him coming back...very courteously he wished Col. Verma and added, "I'm sorry Sir...I didn't know you...I mean we have never met before...so...and turns towards ward...let me check him up"...Col. verma responds him with equal fervour and both move inside, he checks the patient and speaks out, "I think he needs immediate surgery and turning to Col. verma...Don't worry sir...he'll be fine"... this time too he didn't look at Nidhi who followed them in.
Soon preparations were made, patient was shifted to the OT and Dr. Ashutosh entered OT before assuring Dadi Bua and Col. Verma about patient's wellbeing. They all waited outside praying for him and Nidhi stood by the Dadi Bua all the time consoling and pacifying her. When Dr. Ashutosh emerged from OT declaring surgery as successful...Dadi Bua gets up and folds her hands in gratitude towards him when he stops her mid way saying all he needs is her blessings and her eyes turn moist and she places a soft hand on his head. Col. Verma also comes forward to thank but he didn't allow him... "Please Sir there is no need, this is my duty" a slight nod to his head and moves toward his cabin.
After two days:
Whenever we love someone we never know when our barriers with person melts away and brings us into a relationship with our beloved in ways beyond our understanding whether the person acknowledges our feelings or not...Love works endlessly in own secret ways to conquer the willing heart...Malika who have been striving all these years to win his love... after joining at KGH on her return felt a strange emptiness at hospital...the feeling, the hope that was living with her all these years was missing...she was feeling lonely...the emptiness inside her scares her and within an hour of her joining at KGH she applies for the leave. She wanted to flew away...the moment she landed in lucknow she felt every single thing staring and mocking at her all she wanted was to escape and shut herself up so that no one sees her defeated self. Ashutosh tried to stop her but when she requested saying that she wants to be alone for sometime he agreed and sanctioned her leave...though he felt bad for her but he hoped that on her return he'll see her better and fighting fit.
She comes out of her house and wanders aimlessly driving in the whole city as if she has all these days gathered herself up and was ready to face every mocking stare at her...after driving whole day she finds herself staring at the house leaning against her car. The house of her dreams...the house she wanted to be the mistress of...tears of disappointment flowing her eyes, she walks its courtyard taking steps involuntarily towards the house...when her eyes saw Dr. Mathur's face she murmurs Baba...wiping her tears she moves in...pondering whether Baba still loves her... when Baba's eyes catch her glimpse he gets overjoyed and welcomes her in, wholeheartedly as he used to do...she felt nothing missing in those eyes but this time the silly hope was not there in her, to trap her again...she felt relieved she has won the ludicrous thing, that always caught her in its wings...this time she didn't leapt at Baba's gesture of love...she felt contented...the questions her mind was posing was still there...she had no answer to those questions...as if to find the answer to those questions was the second reason why he left her house wandering on the roads...she knew there was no answer...yet she continued with her search.
Baba makes her to sit and have dinner with him as Ashutosh hardly joined them for dinners due to his busy schedule past few days...he forced her to give company to him... but on that day while H. Kaka was laying table for the dinner Ashutosh arrives...he really feels happy to see her there...they had dinner together while recalling and reliving moments from the past...he felt relieved as she seemed comforted and helping herself cheer up...they were laughing when their attention gets diverted by the door bell...they all frowned...who has turned up so late...H. kaka goes to answer the door and his frowned face splits into a big grin and he exclaims, "Nidhi Beta!."
Past five days they hardly met or talked to each other they were missing each other badly...the Sms and the glimpses they caught at Hospital carried them through.
Ashutosh feels elated on hearing hiraman kaka exclaim, "Nidhi" but the joy turns into annoyance the moment he realises she has come so late? When she enters followed by Rohan he gets up and welcomes them...Malika also frowned hearing her name...does that mean Baba knows about them?...mulling over her arrival in the house, she greets her as formally as they always have been doing...
Baba: where have you been? You forgot me...she comes forward and he hugs her
Nidhi: Nanu! how can I forget you...Malika is startled to hear her calling him Nanu...Ashutosh acquaints her about their relation and introduces her to the Rohan.
Ashutosh turns to Baba, "Baba this is Rohan"... "Yes Ashu I know...I met him yesterday in the hospital Col. introduced me...he has made him to come here in urgency"..."Oh!"...
Baba: Come beta come sit here...he makes Rohan to sit by his side and began chatting with him...Malika gets up to leave saying she is getting late...Ashutosh gets up to see her off but she stops him and leaves.
On leaving the house...she turns and gives a final look to the house...making her heart to understand the dream she lived all these years was a fragile reality that is broken now...she was feeling a serene sense of calm...on driving back to her home...she suddenly felt as if she has found answer to her questions...she reverberates the answer making her mind to understand,
"What if I have wasted my life...what if I've lost everything...I've loved...I've known the divine feeling that may cost dearly but never hurts anyone...the feeling that is supremely free yet attaches us with strongest bonds...I've had the greatest blessing... isn't it better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all" She takes a deep sigh and drives to her home.
Ashutosh was in his room waiting for her when Nidhi steals a moment and opens the door of his room...he turns and looks at her intently till she comes closer to her...he opens his arms and she leaps into them...holding each other in bear hug...he asks her after sometime, "Why you came here so late?"
"I was missing you"... "hmn...does that mean you'll leave house so late at night"
She comes out of the hug and speaks looking at him, "Can we discuss that later...I've come here to tell you that I told Baba about us...Ashutosh stiffens and grips the hands tight he was holding in his hands...I wanted to tell since the day I told Baba...he gives her a questioning look...the day when Mahesh Uncle got ill... but we hardly got time to talk"
He promptly asks "What did he say?"
She shakes her head, "the moment I told him, Baba remained listening silently and before he could say anything Mahesh Uncles health condition worsened and we all rushed to see him...since then we never talked on this"
"So he knows... Don't worry give him sometime...let us wait for his response"
He holds her back in his embrace...kisses her forehead...looking intently at her says, "You go now Nidhi...you are getting late"...she nods her head in yes and turns to leave when he catches her hand and pulls her back into a hug...reluctantly releasing her asks, "Shall I drop you" she smiles is response, "what is the need? Rohan is with me"... he purses his lips in response reluctantly release her hand after a gentle squeeze and she leaves...
Next ten days pass in the same impasse as past four days...when on fourteenth day Ashutosh answers knock on his cabin door by Col. verma...he gets up to welcome him and offers him a seat...
Fearing the worst and hoping the best he hears him say, "Dr. Ashutosh I heard you are discharging Mahesh a day after tomorrow"
"Yes Sir...he is fine now... only he'll need a lot of care at home"
"Thank you! I 've come to ask...I mean If that is Okay...Can he get discharged tomorrow?...actually my daughters shagun is fixed for tomorrow and I don't want to postpone that...the date was finalised some twenty days back and the next good mahurat is after two months...so you know" and waits for his response.
He couldn't understand whether he was actually saying what he was hearing or...in that fix he nods his head and col. verma gets up to leave...saying a polite thank you.
He leaves and Ashutosh plops down in the chair with a thud.
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|pprerna18||8||1259||06 April 2012 at 8:41am by Crisu|
Kritika back on the small screen?
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