Joined: 10 August 2009
Joined: 28 March 2007
Joined: 30 August 2012
Joined: 10 August 2009
Joined: 10 August 2009
As noted before, I've had to exclude the celebrity. Everything else is as per requirement, or so I hope.
DISCLAIMER: This is meant for fun and to be taken in a light-hearted way. No offence intended to anybody.
HOUSE OF THE DM BIG BOSS---A short story:
Mr. Ass was a sound sleeper. In childhood, his mom used to say that even a gun-shot wouldn't be enough to wake him while fast asleep. While that was obviously an exaggeration, a smattering of it was largely true, since he slept blissfully through all the bumps and screams as his Mother bludgeoned his dad to death with the chair, dragged him through the living room, dug up the backyard and buried him.
Anyway, back to the present. Next to him, Vinu aka Prometeus snored loudly. It's said that deep sleepers don't snore, and they don't dream. Both of the theories were at work for Vinu, since his subconscious mind was busy readying a beautiful dream. In the dream, three beautiful damsels in the house----Angie, Hindu4lyf and Boreddamsel were lined up; wearing bright smiles as they stood dressed in Evening Cocktail finery in a booth labeled, "Kisses @ Rs. 2,000 each". Vinu chuckled and adjusted his braces. "Take that, ye olde High School jocks", he muttered as he reached for his purse'.
"Morning, YO!" a high-pitched girly voice pierced through the dream, smashing it pieces. Vinu sat up, in a daze, and looked around. Narrow rays of sunlight seeped into the room from the sides of the drawn curtains.
"Swayamvar, peeps", the voice continued'"freshen up and get your arses down in the Main Hall". It was Gumrah, the House chatterbox. Ass had also sat up, something extremely unusual for him. Everybody remembered. Today was the 6th day of DM Big Boss. A fun mass-Swayamvar was arranged where the participants had to play-compete with each other for the one candidate they fancied. Among the girls, the participants (based on a secret poll among the men on which girls were the most-fancied) were: Arwen, Boreddamsel and Hindu4lyf. Similarly, based on a poll among the female members, Zorro, Ass and Vintage.Wine were chosen.
The competition went through several stages, the final round of which required the guys to put on retro costumes and act like old Bollywood heroes, while for the girls; it was dancing to romantic/item songs. Birdie and Freethinker, who were competing for Boreddamsel in the final round (after Vinu got eliminated), put up acts on Dev Anand and Rajesh Khanna respectively,. Damsel, who was a big fan of Gregory Peck, chose Birdie, leaving Freethinker smarting. "Well, well. I still got game", he grumbled before leaving for his designated house job as a dishwasher. Birdie, on his part, won a coffee date with BD in the evening. Chuckling with happiness, he left to spruce up.
Mr. Ass, on the other hand, had been won over by none other than LeadNitrate. He was delighted, but also somewhat surprised. She had always come across as earnest but somewhat distant from the members in general, what with being a Mod. She hadn't spoken another word after being announced as the winner of Ass' hand. She always seems to be deep in thought, he decided. He was thirsty and looked around'a bottle was on the shelf across the room. Suddenly, before he knew it, LeadNitrate stood startled, dripping wet, as the bottle collapsed to the floor. He froze."Eeks! I forgot". He quickly threw a stern stare at the bottle lying on the floor. It flew back to its place. Fortunately, LN or anyone else hadn't seen it fly or move.
There was something about Ass not many was aware of: he was a semi-mutant with telekinetic abilities. He himself had been unaware of it till age Five, when the number of toy trucks landing on people's heads from nowhere, or the amount of ice-cream or chocolate cakes getting accidentally splattered on peoples' backs and faces grew distressingly large in number. Of course, good had come of it as well: He'd more than once stopped public brawls by getting people hit by tree branches; though this had misfired and knocked him out on a couple of instances. Over time, he'd learnt to control the intensity of his stare, though still not perfected it. Of course, it made life a great deal difficult for him; he couldn't look at stones or any sharp or heavy objects while having heated spats with anyone. That's why he often had to take long walks along deserted roads after a fight, to glare at rocks and trees and break them up.
In the evening, Birdie was getting ready for his date. Dressed impeccably in a pinstripe suit with a bow tie, he was looking into the mirror, humming as he back-brushed his gelled hair. Satisfied, he threw a final look at the glass, picked up his wrapped gift packet and set out to the back-garden of the Big Boss House, decorated with lighting and fountains especially for the couple dates.
After he was gone, a shadowy form emerged from behind the curtains. It now left the room and went into the next one.
In the garden, pretty wooden chair-table sets under multicolored umbrellas had been arranged for; there was beautiful lighting in the trees and along the railings surrounding the plot. Soft, romantic violin music played on a Stereo loudspeaker. Couples were seated at the tables. Birdie escorted Boreddamsel to a nearby chair. Reaching in his pocket, he brought out the gift intended for BD.
"Thanks," beamed BD, starting to unwrap it. There was a box inside. As the lid was lifted, one, two, three---THREE cockroaches flew out in her face, two landing straight down inside her red cocktail dress.
BD got up with a shriek'in a second she was running wild all over the place. "YECHHH ----arrrghhh----leave, leave, LEAVE me''ewww". Couples had leapt up or froze in their places, taken aback by Damsel's hysterics. Birdie stood stunned by what had happened. Ass, who was sitting quite a bit far away, rushed close. As BD got crazier, Ass got desperate. "Ass, do SOMETHING", he thought. With nothing else coming to his mind, he concentrated hard on her dress'and it began to rip open. Everyone gasped, and turned their eyes way quickly. "Darn'.what the f**k did I do?" Ass wanted to slap himself. In despair, he looked up and gazed hard at the cloud above'it immediately started raining hard. Everybody rushed inside. BD had desperately held on to her dress and run away to her room. She locked herself in; sobbing loudly.
Back inside Freethinker's room, evil laughter could be heard. He had a drink in his hand and wore an evil smirk reminiscent of creepy Pran characters from old Hindi movies. The plan had gone well; he'd interchanged Birdie's gift for an identically packaged box of cockroaches. His revenge was well-executed. "Serves the biatch right for choosing Birdie over me", he growled and downed the entire whiskey from the glass. He was feeling cathartic; he had carried a torch for BD since ages, and been rejected by his age-long crush in public; that was something he could never let go un-avenged. Drinking felt good'he'd been a closet drunkard for about two years.
Birdie retired to his room; devastated. He was expecting the evening to be one of the most memorable ones of his life with his crush-at-first-sight BD, but it ended up a nightmarish trauma. He didn't want to think of it anymore and went to bed.
In his room, Ass was thinking over the whole thing, as it played over and over in his mind, he, like pretty much everybody else at that point, wondered who could've pulled such a mean (and cheap) trick. His thoughts casually, drifted to the events of the morning. There were many people who could've done this----Arya (generally disliked Boreddamsel, was jealous of BD since her, and not Arya, got to be one of the Swayamvar Queens), Vinu---BD never responded to his flirtatious overtures, and then, there was her rejected Suitor Freethinker'. and suddenly, a swollen, grumpy face flashed before him who he'd heard mutter the words "Well, well. I still GOT GAME". Freethinker. Yes. He sat up excited, but only to be crushed with disappointment. He obviously couldn't charge FT without proof. But it was him for sure. Ass didn't know why, but he felt it HAD to be FT. Arya was terrified of lizards and cockroaches and the like, and Vinu flirted with almost every female in the House and nearly nobody took him seriously. It was unlikely he'd go to such lengths for just BD. So Freethinker it was. His angry face flashed before the eyes again.
Ass found himself getting overcome with anger. Something had to be done. But how? At that moment, he heard a knock on his door. It was Gumrah. Seeing her, Ass got an idea. He explained everything to her, she listened carefully and agreed to his plan.
Freethinker was noticing a change in Gumrah. She had always been the vivacious type, but of late, she'd been showering him with a different kind of attention. At the breakfast table, she had passed on her extra sandwich to him, helped him out in the gardening task, and sided with him when LeadNitrate had indirectly accused FT of the sabotage in the date. Apart from those, he'd also caught her stealing sideway glances at him.
"Now what's up with that?" he wondered. "I'd never seen her interested in me previously'.or have I?" He tried to remember all the times he'd interacted with Gumrah from Day One in the house. But considering he hadn't paid attention to anybody much except BD, it didn't ring anything. Plus, not many had warmed up to him considering to be as khadoos as Dr. House.
A few days later, while everybody is in the hall playing a game of Cards, save Gumrah and FT. In the dimly-lit room, FT is bending over the table, his eyes closed from the drink going to his head.
Gumrah: Want another peg, jaanu?
FT (in his gruff voice): Yeah, honey. Please.
Gumrah: Alrite. Kay jaan, tell me how do I look? Rate me.
FT(casually running his eyes over her red-dress-clad form): You look like a blurred red roshe (rose). But'.*musing for a moment*. She is a red ball of fire. If'only'.she hadn't thrown the ice-bucket on me that day'ez.
Gumrah: Who ya talking about? You got a girlfriend? KAB? Why DIDN'T you tell me?? (drooping her eyes sadly) Now I'll have to nurse a broken heart. Goodbye, Freethinks.
FT (alarmed in his drunk state): No, no NO'don't'.don't you dare go you bitch. *standing up on unstable feet* I put cockroaches in her gift, if you'go away from me then I shove Lacertilia down your dress.
Gumrah: (Confused): What?
FT: Lacertilia. Means Lizzzard. If I do you'll do the same as her that day.
Gumrah (exasperated): Who's "her" now? Cough out.
FT: BD! BD! BD! That bitch, she threw me back in that god-damn Swayamvar and garlanded a Bird. Ha ha. Look what I did.
Gumrah: What did you do?
FT: Eyo, dumbo. The spect-acle y'all saw unfurrrl that day in the evening, remember how the cockroaches danced with BD's dress instead of Birdie with BD? I di' that. I put them, those periplanetas in the box.
Gumrah (starting to open her mouth, but stopping short): Periplaneta?
FT: Cockroach. Ever study Biology, girl?
"I haven't studied Biology, but I do know something about Crminology. Or almost." rang out a voice from outside the room. Mr. Ass walked in with Summer, the Big Boss Co-ordinator by his side. "You heard everything, Summer. Now please do the needful. Gumrah has got the tape recording done. Right?". Gumrah nodded. As a dumbstruck FT watched, she reached out in a well-concealed pocket of her dress and took out her mobile. As the screen lighted up, the words "recording saved" flashed for a brief moment. "Yes!" she grinned.
Ass gave her a hug. "WELL DONE! I couldn't have done this without your help. I owe you a favour big-time".
After that'it was time for the routine Happy Ending. FT apologized to BD and left the House to take up Spiritualism Camp, Birdie and BD re-united and Gumrah "Xoxo"-ed everyone.
Whew .A story finally. Hope I made sense here.
Joined: 10 August 2009
Joined: 24 September 2007
Using DM members, describe what is going on here
Joined: 29 June 2008
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