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Stigma against divorcees - Is it justified? (Page 3)

angelic8219 IF-Dazzler
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Posted: 26 June 2013 at 7:01am | IP Logged
Originally posted by monamie111

i want to share a real life story regaring divorce...i just want to share that sometimes divorce happens when there is no fault of any1..it can happen bcoz of a silly reason...

 
 
this is the story of my dad's fren's son! that guy got married last year, i.e. in 2012...it was a registry marriage...& the traditional marriage was about to happen in 2013...in january i guess...after the registry marriage the gal was living in her parents house only! it is the same my marriage also happened! Tongue...well, there was no problem between the two families after the registry marriage..the gal & the boy was very happy with each other...suddenly the gal's father fallen ill and it was cancer!!...and with this the gals mother strated objecting this marriage saying that becoz if this new rista her husband got cancer Dead...everyone tried to convince her, including the gal's father who has cancer...but that woman didn't listen to any1..she threaten her daughter too that if she will marry my dad's fren's son the whole family will also die one day! Confused...the boy tried to talk to the gal..but it didn't work..but as the registry marriage was already done they have to divorce now!!...a supertition of a mad woman ruined two people's life!! now this guy is a divorce without any fault of him...maximum gal will reject him bcoz of this divorcee tag!...they will not even try to know the reason behind his divorce!...
 

I would say the guy had a lucky escape, I'm quite sad that the girl didn't go against her mother and stick with this guy, she obviously had her fathers wishes. The guy is better off out of it a mother as superstition as that would have wreaked the marriage some day better it ended at the start. The daughter would just have to live with the fact she made the wrong decision to please her mother. The guy needs to get a few sentences ready that sums up the divorcee status, stating it was only registry wedding that was ended, they had not lived together and it was dues to problems on the brides side that the brides side called it all off. 

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lovesunshinemonamie111

lovesunshine Goldie
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Posted: 26 June 2013 at 7:09am | IP Logged
I want to share a story from one of my husbands relatives. this boy was working out of India. He came back for holidays and as per parents wishes started looking for arranged marriage matches for himself. He liked a simple Indian girl and because he wanted to take her away with her to his country of residence they quickly went for registry marriage. then he went off to his country.

the realtionship was going good, both side parents and families were very happy...suddenly in our local community magazine my Mother in law found an 'looking for bride' add with this guy's photo !

after further inquiries we found out that the boy's parents were not happy with the girl anymore and asked him divorce/breakoff! the reason given by the boy's mother /father to us was they had to take the girl for one family function (pooja) and they asked her to wear a saree for the ocassion and she denied because she said she is uncomfortable in a saree. and then they started disliking her!

Then they got him married second time again arranged marriage and he gave up his job and settled in India,this girl was an MBA and was working on a very high position in a company, the father of the boy asked her to come home early to cook even though he knew she had work related commitments and due to her position in the company has to attend them. Then the in laws denied her to watch tv and asked her  only to do bhajans of god instead..for an educated lady it started getting highly intolerable.


So the couple started staying separately. even then they had issues ..the boy was earning quite a decnet salary himself. The girl had only her father in her maayka and wanted to give her entire salary to her father to which the boy opposed. then they both divorced...

Now this boy has met someone new   via online chatting and has recently married this girl - third time!


 I hope everything falls in place for him this time and they live happily ever afterWink



Edited by lovesunshine - 26 June 2013 at 7:13am

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angelic8219samvi.monamie111

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Posted: 26 June 2013 at 7:13am | IP Logged
wow.. !love...

Ther eis no value of proper relationships anymore. its getting khokhla and khokhla as time passes. 

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lovesunshinesamvi.monamie111atominis

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Posted: 26 June 2013 at 7:17am | IP Logged
Originally posted by Suchi-Virmanian

wow.. !love...

Ther eis no value of proper relationships anymore. its getting khokhla and khokhla as time passes. 
suchi its Ash (I used to do Shiv's FF about his thoughts) this is my new id
angelic8219 IF-Dazzler
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Posted: 26 June 2013 at 8:34am | IP Logged
Originally posted by lovesunshine

I want to share a story from one of my husbands relatives. this boy was working out of India. He came back for holidays and as per parents wishes started looking for arranged marriage matches for himself. He liked a simple Indian girl and because he wanted to take her away with her to his country of residence they quickly went for registry marriage. then he went off to his country.

the realtionship was going good, both side parents and families were very happy...suddenly in our local community magazine my Mother in law found an 'looking for bride' add with this guy's photo !

after further inquiries we found out that the boy's parents were not happy with the girl anymore and asked him divorce/breakoff! the reason given by the boy's mother /father to us was they had to take the girl for one family function (pooja) and they asked her to wear a saree for the ocassion and she denied because she said she is uncomfortable in a saree. and then they started disliking her!

Then they got him married second time again arranged marriage and he gave up his job and settled in India,this girl was an MBA and was working on a very high position in a company, the father of the boy asked her to come home early to cook even though he knew she had work related commitments and due to her position in the company has to attend them. Then the in laws denied her to watch tv and asked her  only to do bhajans of god instead..for an educated lady it started getting highly intolerable.


So the couple started staying separately. even then they had issues ..the boy was earning quite a decnet salary himself. The girl had only her father in her maayka and wanted to give her entire salary to her father to which the boy opposed. then they both divorced...

Now this boy has met someone new   via online chatting and has recently married this girl - third time!


 I hope everything falls in place for him this time and they live happily ever afterWink


The parents are so picky and was it really wrong for the girl to give salary to her father if the guy is earning good anyway? 

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lovesunshine

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Posted: 26 June 2013 at 8:38am | IP Logged
@Sectoreight

This topic wasn't triggered by Shekhars' reaction to Sanchi's love for Jagya alone. But due to UD & Ira's reactions to Anandi, Sumitra's reactions on divorced women and Anandi's constant hesitation to speak in her in-laws' family due to this divorcee tag. Even Ganga is dissed for her broken marriage.

Plus there's a general keenness to discuss this due to things I've seen happening with others in real life.
lovesunshine Goldie
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Posted: 26 June 2013 at 8:45am | IP Logged
Originally posted by angelic8219

Originally posted by lovesunshine

I want to share a story from one of my husbands relatives. this boy was working out of India. He came back for holidays and as per parents wishes started looking for arranged marriage matches for himself. He liked a simple Indian girl and because he wanted to take her away with her to his country of residence they quickly went for registry marriage. then he went off to his country.

the realtionship was going good, both side parents and families were very happy...suddenly in our local community magazine my Mother in law found an 'looking for bride' add with this guy's photo !

after further inquiries we found out that the boy's parents were not happy with the girl anymore and asked him divorce/breakoff! the reason given by the boy's mother /father to us was they had to take the girl for one family function (pooja) and they asked her to wear a saree for the ocassion and she denied because she said she is uncomfortable in a saree. and then they started disliking her!

Then they got him married second time again arranged marriage and he gave up his job and settled in India,this girl was an MBA and was working on a very high position in a company, the father of the boy asked her to come home early to cook even though he knew she had work related commitments and due to her position in the company has to attend them. Then the in laws denied her to watch tv and asked her  only to do bhajans of god instead..for an educated lady it started getting highly intolerable.


So the couple started staying separately. even then they had issues ..the boy was earning quite a decnet salary himself. The girl had only her father in her maayka and wanted to give her entire salary to her father to which the boy opposed. then they both divorced...

Now this boy has met someone new   via online chatting and has recently married this girl - third time!


 I hope everything falls in place for him this time and they live happily ever afterWink


The parents are so picky and was it really wrong for the girl to give salary to her father if the guy is earning good anyway? 
i agree with you angelic...the parents once chided me as well when they came at our house..they just have the mentality bahu means a slave...the father of this boy had said to me..you are worth nothing.. and told my in laws that your bahu is not good for anything just because he did not like the tea i made Angry...imagine the plea of his own bahu then..

about the salary issue i think its just the male ego..the guy i feel must be money centric..n the MBA girl is the only daughter of her ageing father...so whats wrong in giving salary to him for his old age? besides did her husband pay for her upbringing and education? no na then why unnecessarily complain about it?  besides this girl had brought enough jewellery and cash to her sasuraal when they had married...

but we only know one side of the story..

also the first girl whom he had married and divorced  is still single and no one in the community is ready to marry her..Confused

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angelic8219

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Posted: 26 June 2013 at 8:45am | IP Logged
Thanks for this post TM..
It's a sensitive topic..
Your post is very well-written..You have raised the points that one needs to think over..
-Why the society has to bark? I love this point..
but It's a saddening reality that people preassume that a divorcee has some issues and speculate things as if they know him/her personally and can tell what would have gone wrong and that it could be handled by making a compromise only...!
Divorce is a sort of shame in indian society..
And ppl prefer to compromise even in some drastic situations such as abusive relationships!
A saddening truth..
Though things are changing with time..
-As for having an initial bias...That's a natural human reaction..since one tries to 'judge' another person on the basis of his/her past..what has he/she done in life..His/her achievements in career..and so whether the person ever had a failed relationship?
That's wot humans tend to do..
But if the person has a clarity of thoughts...
He/she should not be ashamed for having a divorcee spouse/friend/relative after knowing that fault is not on his/her part..
It's wrong on society's part to say disgraceful things and speculate things abt a divorcee or his/her spouse..
And interfere in their life..
I hated that shitty dialogue for shiv "isme koi kami thi kya"! Angry
But what bv portrayed was close to reality!
-As for shiv staying in the relationship with anandi inspite of the so called 'confused signals' during the crappy J's amnesia track..
Then he was sure that his partener didn't had feelings for her ex before that jagya tried to trap him..
Just because he and anandi had talked time to time (lake scene)and they both had clarity of thoughts..
And had trust and respect for each other..
I feel that crappy track was just to show the strength of bonding b/w them..
And he backed off eventually when he had thought that anandi may still have feelings when jagya tried to convince him by showin that old baksa..
But anandi straightened him ! LOL
so there may be some clashes..but the ultimate responsibility lies with the parteners to have trust and faith in each other and be open with each other..
Life is too precious and one has the full right to live their life fully..

Edited by Jaishreeka - 26 June 2013 at 8:53am

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