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Stigma against divorcees - Is it justified? (Page 2)

angelic8219 IF-Dazzler
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Posted: 26 June 2013 at 5:51am | IP Logged
No one even thinks to send a rishta to me unless they are from India because they think I'm desperate to marry due to a physical disfigurement. Some people are so vain and manipulative.

mansimat Senior Member
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Posted: 26 June 2013 at 5:58am | IP Logged
I dunno.. I feel its easy to say that one is not put off by divorcee status. That everyone should have an open mind and talk things through, understand in detail. But, given Indian sensibilities and Indian society at large, I feel I would have a sort of mental barrier against a divorcee. I know that some times divorces are the best thing to happen to a relationship where people are completely incompatible or some other major issues. Though I have never encountered a close relationship or courtship by a divorced or widowed man and I am married now. But I feel, should it have happened in the past, I might have had a negative bias against that person.  It may go away with time, when I get to know a person better and understand his past completely. But I feel at least initially I may have a bias, but not like I would stigmatize that person or disgrace him. But in a way, where I would be wary of the status and maintain my distance.
Actually I am not against divorce, I understand not all relations have a happy ending. Its nothing disgraceful, in fact a solution sometimes. But if that person was my love interest, then it may have different implications.
monamie111 IF-Rockerz
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Posted: 26 June 2013 at 5:59am | IP Logged
Originally posted by ilove..sidyusha

I have a Friend 
 the boys have refused to marry her because her parents are divorced.Angry
there is no fault of the girl but people don't accept her...
the same thing happened in my fren's life..her parents were not ready to accept her bf as that guy's parents r divorced!...but my fren & her bf fought a lot and made the parents understand that they really love each other...the problem is solved now and they will get married this year only! Smile

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samvi.Suchi-

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Posted: 26 June 2013 at 6:07am | IP Logged
I agree with angelic.. it depends on the situation as to why the person was divorced. That tells a lot about that person. The nature of a human being does not change that much.

Marrying a divorcee is not wrong at all . Many of my family members got married after being divorced. They are all living happily. 

Naturally they looked into reasons as to why the divorces happened and they weighed it ..pros and cons and then made the decision. 


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_Manali_ IF-Dazzler
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Posted: 26 June 2013 at 6:08am | IP Logged
Originally posted by monamie111

Originally posted by ilove..sidyusha

I have a Friend 
 the boys have refused to marry her because her parents are divorced.Angry
there is no fault of the girl but people don't accept her...
the same thing happened in my fren's life..her parents were not ready to accept her bf as that guy's parents r divorced!...but my fren & her bf fought a lot and made the parents understand that they really love each other...the problem is solved now and they will get married this year only! Smile

It's nice that they are getting marriedSmile

But when the girl's parents are divorced.
The situation is even more difficult.Unhappy



Edited by ilove..sidyusha - 26 June 2013 at 6:09am

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libsrocks IF-Rockerz
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Posted: 26 June 2013 at 6:09am | IP Logged
I had never, and neither would in future hold any negative feelings for any divorcee unless i know his/her history...even then why should i keep negative feelings for the person if he/she is not affecting my life.
But i will be consicious and know full facts about the person if i am or any of my close relation is getting involved with that divorcee...you cannot trust someone so easily in such world...remember that divorcee girl who came for Jagya's proposal...how her family was even though they told that it was groom's fault for the divorce.
I sometimes feel bad when people specially women taunt any other woman for being widow or divorcee...in Dor(film) an old lady said very apt dialouge to other lady(the saas) who was stopping her widow DIL from stepping out of kothari she said ''ye mat bholo ki kabhi tum bhi iss chaukhat par khadi hogi''...one should never taunt or make fun of other's situation because one may never know but God forbid even they may find themselves in same situation in future.
sometimes i feel that if an girl or boy is not happy and is not able to adjust with their spouses then divorce can be taken and should be...i have an example in my family...a boy married a girl in of his parent's choice but later on girl turned out to be wrong...she was moody and took care of nothing...half the time she was roaming here and there and once she left house when her MIL was seriously ill...basically someone like Saanchi...later on she left house in anger and after few months she returned back...everyone feels it's a good thing but i feel that even if such marriages work there has to be so much compromise in it and that too from one side only...one can clearly see that boy and girl are of no match and yet they have made them work out their marriage...divorce is not an easy thing for anyone but if a relation makes u suffocate rather than share your life's joy and sadness then what's the use of such marriage. Small issues happen everywhere but if they same thing happens continously and makes one's life stressful than what the use.

I would mostly avoid any rishta like Anandi's because:-
She was not ready herself
She was so attached to her ex-husband and his family that she was ready to do anything (taking care of Jagya and crying for him in front of present husband)
sorry i am very average human and have not got patience like Shiv to handle such drama specially for my spouse's ex.
Anandi is a very good girl and apt choice for being wife or DIL but what she did before marriage was not something i will ever support...i will literally get insecure in relation with such confusing signals Wacko

i will have to think a lot before accepting for a relation like Jagya...most probably no because i doubt i will be able to have faith in that person after knowing his past.


Edited by libsrocks - 26 June 2013 at 6:18am

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monamie111 IF-Rockerz
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Posted: 26 June 2013 at 6:34am | IP Logged

i want to share a real life story regaring divorce...i just want to share that sometimes divorce happens when there is no fault of any1..it can happen bcoz of a silly reason...

 
 
this is the story of my dad's fren's son! that guy got married last year, i.e. in 2012...it was a registry marriage...& the traditional marriage was about to happen in 2013...in january i guess...after the registry marriage the gal was living in her parents house only! it is the same my marriage also happened! Tongue...well, there was no problem between the two families after the registry marriage..the gal & the boy was very happy with each other...suddenly the gal's father fallen ill and it was cancer!!...and with this the gals mother strated objecting this marriage saying that becoz if this new rista her husband got cancer Dead...everyone tried to convince her, including the gal's father who has cancer...but that woman didn't listen to any1..she threaten her daughter too that if she will marry my dad's fren's son the whole family will also die one day! Confused...the boy tried to talk to the gal..but it didn't work..but as the registry marriage was already done they have to divorce now!!...a supertition of a mad woman ruined two people's life!! now this guy is a divorce without any fault of him...maximum gal will reject him bcoz of this divorcee tag!...they will not even try to know the reason behind his divorce!...
 

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angelic8219 IF-Dazzler
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Posted: 26 June 2013 at 6:51am | IP Logged
There is a saying never judge a book by its cover, but sadly people do. Divorce is quite common theses days and everyone hopes they will never go through one but situations changes and dependent on the relationship, if it abusive one  then I think it's always better to get out, if people are really unhappy in their marriage and really can't fix it then its better to separate then spend years and years miserable together when you could be happy with someone else,

I think people have to be mature and open to new things when thinking about marriage as you could potentially loose a good soul mate due to nit picking- picking faults in everyone and everything. Things are not always going to be perfect in the potential partner or inlaws you have to be willing to adjust and adapt to things like they have to.

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