Stigma against divorcees - Is it justified?

I've witnessed it in real life and also seen many discussions on it online.

Is it fair to have suspicions and stigma against a male or female who's been divorced?

What if people don't get along or marriage doesn't work out for some reason? Don't they have right to move on?
And if the law itself gives them full right to nullify their marriage and move on, then why does society still stigmatise divorcees?

(Same for widows and widowers. If law gives them right to remarry then why society has to bark? What's one's fault if their spouse has expired?)

Is it fair to doubt a person's character if he or she had a failed marriage?

Many couples find happiness in second marriage. They are happy but society or family still barks about them and reminds them of their previously failed relationship.
There are accusations of lack of mental stability, bad fortune or lack of sense, bad character etc. and accusations of trapping some new spouse or marrying out of desperation (likes of Shiv get taunts "ismein koi kami thi kya jo aisi ladki se shaadi kar li"/ or are thought to be fooled and seduced by a divorcee).

Is it fair? Is it justified?

Do you in real life, get repulsed by divorcee tag? Would you reject someone if you knew he or she was a divorcee? Would you feel a sense of "shame" if you or your family member got a divorce?

I'd request members to share their POV on divorce and divorcees and sense of "shame"/"honour" associated with it, here.

From personal experience I did date a guy for nearly a year before he revealed he was divorcee , that too he revealed on the phone while he was drunk. Was slightly taken back but asked why his marriage ended in divorce he said he married a girl from India because his parents told him to but soon as she came over her attitude changed she made the whole family life hell so he divorced her and sent her back. I could actually relate to his story because of the situation my uncle had with his wife from India but they are still together and family is ripped apart now. So I though he deserves a chance of happiness, so I stuck with him, his mother died so I gave my support but after a while I realised I was wasting my time I supported him emotionally but he couldn't introduce me to his family seamed like everything depended on his little sister say so and he was even looking other rishtas beside still with me. I needed emotional support at the time due to ill health and knew I wouldn't get it so I had to end it. He wreaked my self esteem looking at other rishtas while with me. Looks like he didnt learn his lesson as before he would obey his parents decision and now it was up to little sister, dont know why he can't  take a decision for himself. Don't think he's even remarried yet. Edited by angelic8219 - 10 years ago

Thanks for sharing your experience angelic8219 . Yes I do agree that it is very necessary to confirm the reason for the divorce. also many a times especially when its the case of a widow/ widower...the slate is not clean as in they still have the past baggae and cant get over their ex..so for the new partner/spouse it may get difficult to manage.imagine if you are married to a divorcee/widow and he/she still talks to you about times spent with ex spouse...


everyone is not as patient n understanding as shiv.. n shiv ofcourse is a fictional character no one is that perfect in real life and so is anandi...

With widows and widowers it depends on if they really want to move on as some can and some can't. You can't keep looking to the past when your in a new relationship as its very hard to move it forward.

It's one of the sensitive matters. Basically a sudden change occurs in a person when he/she is told that whom they love or want to marry is a divorcee. The first question that would strike would be- why was their previous marriage a failure? The thoughts would revolve around if there's some fault in the person whom you love, or is it the other way around. And this very thing would raise doubts and wreak each other's trust in the relationship. If the partners are open-minded, then they could speak out and analyse if the reason behind the failed marriage is acceptable or not. There are a zillion cases, where couples were found happy with the second chance they gave to their life and the same, there are numerable cases where even the second chance resulted in a failure. So basically what I believe is- both the former and latter could happen.

I have a Friend 

If this post is triggered by shekhars' prejudice against jagya ... then I think the real reason they are upset is not because he is divorcee but because of jagya's past cheapness and his just casting away wives after he is finished with them. He doesnt seem to have the long term commitment to continue with his partner after the initial attraction wears off or when things become difficult.  He also doesn't have the decency or the courage of conviction to tell the other person and end things decently. He just walks off without letting his partner know the relationship is over. 

i loved this topic...

No one even thinks to send a rishta to me unless they are from India because they think I'm desperate to marry due to a physical disfigurement. Some people are so vain and manipulative.

I dunno.. I feel its easy to say that one is not put off by divorcee status. That everyone should have an open mind and talk things through, understand in detail. But, given Indian sensibilities and Indian society at large, I feel I would have a sort of mental barrier against a divorcee. I know that some times divorces are the best thing to happen to a relationship where people are completely incompatible or some other major issues. Though I have never encountered a close relationship or courtship by a divorced or widowed man and I am married now. But I feel, should it have happened in the past, I might have had a negative bias against that person.  It may go away with time, when I get to know a person better and understand his past completely. But I feel at least initially I may have a bias, but not like I would stigmatize that person or disgrace him. But in a way, where I would be wary of the status and maintain my distance.
Actually I am not against divorce, I understand not all relations have a happy ending. Its nothing disgraceful, in fact a solution sometimes. But if that person was my love interest, then it may have different implications.