Balika Vadhu


Balika Vadhu
Balika Vadhu

Stigma against divorcees - Is it justified?

atominis IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 24 June 2011
Posts: 18736

Posted: 26 June 2013 at 2:51am | IP Logged
I've witnessed it in real life and also seen many discussions on it online.

Is it fair to have suspicions and stigma against a male or female who's been divorced?

What if people don't get along or marriage doesn't work out for some reason? Don't they have right to move on?
And if the law itself gives them full right to nullify their marriage and move on, then why does society still stigmatise divorcees?

(Same for widows and widowers. If law gives them right to remarry then why society has to bark? What's one's fault if their spouse has expired?)

Is it fair to doubt a person's character if he or she had a failed marriage?

Many couples find happiness in second marriage. They are happy but society or family still barks about them and reminds them of their previously failed relationship.
There are accusations of lack of mental stability, bad fortune or lack of sense, bad character etc. and accusations of trapping some new spouse or marrying out of desperation (likes of Shiv get taunts "ismein koi kami thi kya jo aisi ladki se shaadi kar li"/ or are thought to be fooled and seduced by a divorcee).

Is it fair? Is it justified?

Do you in real life, get repulsed by divorcee tag? Would you reject someone if you knew he or she was a divorcee? Would you feel a sense of "shame" if you or your family member got a divorce?

I'd request members to share their POV on divorce and divorcees and sense of "shame"/"honour" associated with it, here.

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angelic8219 IF-Dazzler

Joined: 03 September 2008
Posts: 3730

Posted: 26 June 2013 at 4:45am | IP Logged
From personal experience I did date a guy for nearly a year before he revealed he was divorcee , that too he revealed on the phone while he was drunk. Was slightly taken back but asked why his marriage ended in divorce he said he married a girl from India because his parents told him to but soon as she came over her attitude changed she made the whole family life hell so he divorced her and sent her back. I could actually relate to his story because of the situation my uncle had with his wife from India but they are still together and family is ripped apart now. So I though he deserves a chance of happiness, so I stuck with him, his mother died so I gave my support but after a while I realised I was wasting my time I supported him emotionally but he couldn't introduce me to his family seamed like everything depended on his little sister say so and he was even looking other rishtas beside still with me. I needed emotional support at the time due to ill health and knew I wouldn't get it so I had to end it. He wreaked my self esteem looking at other rishtas while with me. Looks like he didnt learn his lesson as before he would obey his parents decision and now it was up to little sister, dont know why he can't  take a decision for himself. Don't think he's even remarried yet.

I'm still single but for divorcee I would definitely like to know the reason for the failed marriage and would definitely get the details confirmed. If I find it acceptable I would have no problem with marrying a divorcee. I would like the ex partner out the picture though if they are on friends terms or hanging around I wouldn't bother.

Parent have the view that you should marry someone who has never been married before if its you first marriage mainly because its a clean slate and can not be compared to a previous marriage. Failed marriage give the impression that they don't take marriage seriously and didnt work hard t it. Parents have worked hard at their marriage so they expect the same for thy kids.

Cousin was a divorcee, I thought her 1st marriage ended due to her immaturity she wanted land from in laws and didnt want to live in the village so madam stayed more at her parents house and even gave birth to a son. Divorce happened from her side, the guy tried so badly to fix it I felt so  sorry for him. The son ended up with my cousins parents and madam didnt care she didnt even let the father take him after he remarried. She then became a nurse and remarried a patient from different caste. The guy is always ill but she has stuck with him I guess it because she realises no one else will have her, she has another son who she totally dots on but her first son is awful situation see his mother not care bout him.I hate my cousin she totally selfish she wreaked her own life and everyone else's.

Edited by angelic8219 - 26 June 2013 at 4:48am

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lovesunshine Goldie

Joined: 10 June 2013
Posts: 1586

Posted: 26 June 2013 at 4:58am | IP Logged
Thanks for sharing your experience angelic8219 . Yes I do agree that it is very necessary to confirm the reason for the divorce. also many a times especially when its the case of a widow/ widower...the slate is not clean as in they still have the past baggae and cant get over their for the new partner/spouse it may get difficult to manage.imagine if you are married to a divorcee/widow and he/she still talks to you about times spent with ex spouse...

everyone is not as patient n understanding as shiv.. n shiv ofcourse is a fictional character no one is that perfect in real life and so is anandi...

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angelic8219 IF-Dazzler

Joined: 03 September 2008
Posts: 3730

Posted: 26 June 2013 at 5:17am | IP Logged
With widows and widowers it depends on if they really want to move on as some can and some can't. You can't keep looking to the past when your in a new relationship as its very hard to move it forward.

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Zairean IF-Dazzler

Joined: 04 June 2012
Posts: 3660

Posted: 26 June 2013 at 5:35am | IP Logged
It's one of the sensitive matters. Basically a sudden change occurs in a person when he/she is told that whom they love or want to marry is a divorcee. The first question that would strike would be- why was their previous marriage a failure? The thoughts would revolve around if there's some fault in the person whom you love, or is it the other way around. And this very thing would raise doubts and wreak each other's trust in the relationship. If the partners are open-minded, then they could speak out and analyse if the reason behind the failed marriage is acceptable or not. There are a zillion cases, where couples were found happy with the second chance they gave to their life and the same, there are numerable cases where even the second chance resulted in a failure. So basically what I believe is- both the former and latter could happen.

And for the society raising fingers, there could only be said that our Indian society is not still at that particular level, where mutual minds exists with free views. There are some taboos and superstitions which doesn't allow the minds to be liberated. If you look into the western societies, taboos related to marriages and all are not worshiped. Where as Indian societies differ by a vast magnitude. People with failed marriages/careers are looked irrelevant. They squirm at the thought of a second chance to such person.But there's nothing sort of "shame" for such person. 

Speaking of real life, I would never repulse by such person, instead I'd take interest in the person and would know if the reason behind such marriage is justified or not. When a thing doesn't work out, it's sage to get out of the ruin, before it can ruin you. 

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_Manali_ IF-Dazzler

Joined: 29 October 2012
Posts: 4033

Posted: 26 June 2013 at 5:36am | IP Logged
I have a Friend 
 the boys have refused to marry her because her parents are divorced.Angry
there is no fault of the girl but people don't accept her...

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sectoreight Goldie

Joined: 20 July 2012
Posts: 1039

Posted: 26 June 2013 at 5:43am | IP Logged
If this post is triggered by shekhars' prejudice against jagya ... then I think the real reason they are upset is not because he is divorcee but because of jagya's past cheapness and his just casting away wives after he is finished with them. He doesnt seem to have the long term commitment to continue with his partner after the initial attraction wears off or when things become difficult.  He also doesn't have the decency or the courage of conviction to tell the other person and end things decently. He just walks off without letting his partner know the relationship is over. 
I dont think shekhars are too concerned about jagyas divorcee status as they are about his lack of strength of character.

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monamie111 IF-Rockerz

Joined: 05 May 2011
Posts: 5084

Posted: 26 June 2013 at 5:50am | IP Logged
i loved this topic...
no it is not justified...but most of the people's mentality is like that only...
there was a poll long time ago if we will be ready to marry a divorcee...
what i think that in such cases most of the people assumes the divorcee must have some faults & that is why his\her 1st marriage has broken...also i think poeple get affraid that their daughter\son can not be happy with such persons...what society will say!..i have seen people to get married to a divorcee but all of those cases were love arranged marriage case i have never seen anyone getting married to a divorcee...Ouch
as a person i don feel anything repulsive with divorcee tag Confused...and i don think i will feel shame if there will be a divorcee in my family...i have asked someone, very close to me to ask for divorce from her husband when i was in class 9...but that person didn't take a teenger's advice that time...but it always hurt me very much when i hear about any divorce case in my near or dear one's life...

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