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SwaRon FF: Smithereens | the final chapter: PG 68 | 10 Nov'14 (Page 39)

prakriti4u Senior Member
prakriti4u
prakriti4u

Joined: 12 June 2012
Posts: 758

Posted: 21 July 2013 at 5:01pm | IP Logged
wonderfully written as always Clap
loved the convos, dreams, situations.. everything was realistic amd lovely...
Looking like Rey is going to enter soon..
well looking forward to it..
do update soon..
thanks for the PM Big smile

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thegameison

8JSmileyFace8J Senior Member
8JSmileyFace8J
8JSmileyFace8J

Joined: 10 February 2013
Posts: 709

Posted: 21 July 2013 at 6:25pm | IP Logged
OSorry for the late reply!!
read both the chapters and both were amazingly written!!!
definitely an unexpected turn of events...
i hope everything gets better between sharon and swayam!!
Awesome work!!
UPDATE SOON!!!

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thegameison

SanskritiS IF-Rockerz
SanskritiS
SanskritiS

Joined: 21 April 2012
Posts: 8391

Posted: 22 July 2013 at 4:19am | IP Logged
Awesome update Smile
Swayam dreaming about Sharon in her absence

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thegameison

Myra. Goldie
Myra.
Myra.

Joined: 14 May 2012
Posts: 1764

Posted: 22 July 2013 at 6:51am | IP Logged
aww.. The hug was so cutely shown.. BTW I love the converses! awesome descrip as usual well done!

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thegameison

Anonymous-- IF-Dazzler
Anonymous--
Anonymous--

Joined: 27 June 2012
Posts: 3462

Posted: 22 July 2013 at 8:39am | IP Logged
Chapter 9 - I loved this chapter. The way Swayam was thinking about his past and Rhea was very nicely described.And I liked the conversation between Swayam and Sharon. It was light hearted yet a little serious at the same time, especially when she said one can never fall out of love.Thanks for talking about Chinese food, now I'm feeling ravenousOuch

Chapter 10- This chapter was WOAHShocked Kiss? All of a sudden? Such kisses are always the best though. And the description was nice tooLOLI liked how you built up the suspense from Swayam realising that she could be feeling upset too to her telling him about the pain she felt. So she's going to meet her dad? No point in asking you, I'm gonna read the next chapter anywayTongue

Chapter 11 - So Swayam's dad isn't dead right? That was just a dream na? I liked how you described the various confusing dreams he used to have though the first part confused me. When the scene shifted to the S3 phone conversation, it was like a fresh breath of air. Swayam-Sharon's meeting after so long was typical of how two friends would meet. Very real and sweet. Going to the next chapter now



Edited by -Neeti- - 11 August 2013 at 4:38am

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thegameison

vrushanharshi Goldie
vrushanharshi
vrushanharshi

Joined: 06 November 2012
Posts: 1295

Posted: 22 July 2013 at 2:59pm | IP Logged
amazing update 

sharon had surgeryShocked OMG!!! dat was something unexpected...

and wow swayam dreams about kissing sharon nice

waiting for the next update

thanks for the pm

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thegameison

pehlanasha. IF-Rockerz
pehlanasha.
pehlanasha.

Joined: 02 October 2012
Posts: 7890

Posted: 22 July 2013 at 3:00pm | IP Logged
Sorry, for not commenting and reserving my previous post for now as i am pathetically busy and somewhat ill too. Will do for sure! Yes,  this will be short. Stern Smile

I adored this chapter i dunno why, but i did. Like, how Swayam cared and panicked for Sharon was nicely done. I am confused that if Sharon really had a surgery, or... !? Geek

Well, i loved small Sharon and Swayam part afterwards a lot. Approve

So, dearest Reyansh is coming! Well, i am excited and besides i would like you to show another kiss soon between SwaRon but this time i think Swayam should have a bit of feelings too and thus that will make such intimacy more passionate. Embarrassed


-Marium

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thegameison

a little faith Goldie
a little faith
a little faith

Joined: 09 January 2009
Posts: 2037

Posted: 25 July 2013 at 12:38pm | IP Logged
Chapter One

Beautiful quote not just in meaning but its purpose. The line carries an expectation of things to come or enlightenment that will manifest itself out. Skilfully chosen. Kudos!

I loved the movement in the first paragraph.  The flow is fast and the actions vast, going through many floors and even years I daresay and yet still it all comes to the same, a short sharp farewell; not hesitant but lingering nonetheless.  The the second paragraph continuing on the same theme, but here we travel over miles and again that juxtaposition of something holding him back even if he doesn't control the rain. Finely done!

"Eventually the rain stopped bawling"  Wonderful!  

The details get filled and I love how all his close relatives are kept at a distance, via phones or thoughts and direct conversations are with strangers or people of no intimacy so that we understanding that this is a drive towards alienation rather than common loneliness. 

"I sold my house for a gutter, he thought."  Ah! Your famous wit has not left you yet, wondrous!  "so crowded people were stepping on each other's silhouettes on the vast dance floor"  Eloquent and astute! 

Then bang you introduce Sharon. How can anyone not love her?  Hehe, excellent back and forth and I loved how you build tension between them through the lack of it. It's as though they are so comfortable it's awkward. I love it!

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thegameison

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