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SwaRon FF: Smithereens | the final chapter: PG 68 | 10 Nov'14 (Page 34)

prakriti4u Senior Member
prakriti4u
prakriti4u

Joined: 12 June 2012
Posts: 758

Posted: 14 July 2013 at 5:10pm | IP Logged
Just read chapter 9 & 10 both were just fab!!
perfectly written Clap
it's getting more and more interesting..
do update soon..
thanks for the PM Big smile

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thegameison

Sawyer_Tom IF-Dazzler
Sawyer_Tom
Sawyer_Tom

Joined: 22 March 2012
Posts: 3573

Posted: 15 July 2013 at 12:00am | IP Logged
I know what you're going to say. Let me just stop you right there. So what if I don't have valid reasons to justify my absence, unless you count the act of being lazy a valid enough reason? People are entitled to be lazy. It's almost involuntary I believe. So why should I be held accountable for something that is almost out of my hands?

Anywho.

So I'm going to comment individually for each chapter as repentance. So expect 8 more comments after this one. Unless of course you want to be an unforgiving brat and post another chapter whilst I am still formulating these comments. No? That's what I thought.

So coming to Chapter 2.

There is just so much extraordinary even in all the normality of their actions. It's these little details that turn a piece of writing into a story. 

All your little chapters start off with a bleak setting. There is normality coupled with loneliness. With just a pinch of hope. And then it picks up a pace. Makes you all excited. There are surprises and even more surprises. And unlike most authors, you decide to end it abruptly. Which is my favorite kind of ending. It's so quintessential, it takes you by surprise. That's the kind of story you write Kanks. Absolutely brilliant. 

Love,
En.   

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thegameison

Sawyer_Tom IF-Dazzler
Sawyer_Tom
Sawyer_Tom

Joined: 22 March 2012
Posts: 3573

Posted: 15 July 2013 at 12:47am | IP Logged
Okay.

Here goes one for Chapter 3.

Last comment I marveled at your writing skills. This time I am going to take up your characters.   

Swayam. His wife's dead. If that doesn't make you a fat black cloud of gloom, I don't know what does. But even apart from the whole widower thing, he is revealed to be a pretty anti-social lad, with friends that he could count off of a single hand. And he is pretty nonchalant about them. At this point he could hardly care. Everybody is unwanted and unwelcome. For Pete's sake!!! HIS WIFE IS DEAD!!!! 

But that hardly stops are overzealous Sharon from waltzing into his life without so much as a word of warning. If he is a dark cloud, she is that little ray of sunshine that pierces every cloud it meets. And Swayam is no different. Soon enough she gets through to him, making him laugh for possibly the first time after his wife's death. With only a simple recollection of a life long, long ago. After all, it's the simple things in life that brings us the greatest joy. Sharon is cheerful enough for the both of them. She is almost fanatical about happiness and life, in general. She a dubiously unwelcome friend, but she's all he's got now. All he needs.

The last little scene where he bids farewell after inquiring about her puzzling friendliness, took me right back to that moment in LTD wherein I drove myself crazy with that one chapter I had to write, declaring their friendship. I am almost envious of how easily and effortlessly you seamed that moment together. That's epic, dude.

Love,
En.

P.S. I didn't mean to write such a big comment. You're evil.

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thegameison

Sawyer_Tom IF-Dazzler
Sawyer_Tom
Sawyer_Tom

Joined: 22 March 2012
Posts: 3573

Posted: 15 July 2013 at 1:21am | IP Logged
Chapter 4 now.

Wow. You weren't kidding when you said it was going to be intense. Every little pause, every little breath, every little bead of sweat riled up that intensity. Suffice it to say, I felt it. I felt the scene. It wasn't supposed to make you cry, it was supposed to make you feel. Mission accomplished, mate. 

Swayam's recovery was the prime theme of this chapter as he starts collecting the smithereens of his former life, only to reconstruct a new one. He tries, and that's all one can do. Sharon, on the other hand, stays true to her character as she sheds a lone tear for her friend. Both friends, rather. For merry people are the ones that are truly bold enough to be openly sad. 

By the by, your quotes are brilliantly hand picked. And we all love a good Harry Potter reference, time and again. But the most beautiful sentiment was expressed at the end of the chapter, through Sharon. It's deep, beautiful and quite true. That's what makes up a great quote.

Love,
En.


Edited by Sawyer_Tom - 29 September 2014 at 10:53am

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thegameison

paro1311 Senior Member
paro1311
paro1311

Joined: 17 September 2012
Posts: 704

Posted: 15 July 2013 at 5:02am | IP Logged
Ahh! u quoted Callie TorresHeart
coming to the updates 7-10; at this point i comment about how beautifully this story is evolving. i love how u've composed each chapter with the rite amount of drama. Simmi-Swayaum plot was highly entertaining nd acted as a pleasant relaxant to this otherwise quite intense story. im not complaining abt the intensity here at all.
In the next chapter Swayum takes a walk down the memory lane once again to visit the tree wer he used to spend time with his dead wife nd u brought us bac to wat the main plot of this story is.
Chapter 9-"Friendship is really the finest balm for the pangs of disappointed love." - Jane Austen 
this so far is my fav chapter 

the emergence of happiness in his countenance had been made possible by Sharon and Sharon alone. It was stupid of him to consider doing anything sans her back there. He could make do. Vulnerability overruled everything he felt but he could survive without a friend like Sharon. He just did not see why he had to. That was when he pronounced that he was a selfish man.

and these lines were beautifully written and so were the ones tht followed. i loved the conversation.."You cannot fall out of love." she said, draining her glass of milkshake.


and the last chapter was all abt Sharon's smithereens. "She had smithereens of a previously healthy heart inside her chest."
I just love this FF cos its evidently very very well thought out!! 
Thank u for the pm nd do continue sending them :)

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thegameison

austen_TanHa IF-Sizzlerz
austen_TanHa
austen_TanHa

Joined: 22 February 2013
Posts: 18923

Posted: 15 July 2013 at 5:15am | IP Logged
Oh wow,this truly was a chapter worth waiting for!
The confession was stunning,the idea and its implementation were absolutely spot-on.These two have always had an understanding that never needed words and this scene along with its following one are shining testimonials to the effort and thought you've put into their characterization and story.

"Thank you for stopping, though." he added.

Glad to see Swayam remains Swayam!

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thegameison

Twinkle_d3 Goldie
Twinkle_d3
Twinkle_d3

Joined: 01 May 2012
Posts: 1914

Posted: 15 July 2013 at 5:56am | IP Logged
Hmm story becoming intresting with each passing line...
M loving every part of it...

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thegameison

Sawyer_Tom IF-Dazzler
Sawyer_Tom
Sawyer_Tom

Joined: 22 March 2012
Posts: 3573

Posted: 15 July 2013 at 6:27am | IP Logged
Chapter 5

Um...

Well. All I can think after reading this chapter is that I'm Loving Sharon here. She is absolutely brilliant and officially my idol. Her cheery disposition remains as unaffected as ever by her surroundings. That's the kind of girl I want to be. She doesn't let no temperamental fathers or outraged sons get the best of her. Singing a song after that heated scene is what sealed the deal for me. I had a smile on my face at that point. That character was a stroke of  genius, mate. Absolutely ingenious.

At this moment, I'm as uninterested in Sharon's problems as Swayam is. The curiosity is there but I want to enjoy this Sharon more. She IS therapeutic. Her casual confidence and her inherent ability to deliver all manner of dialogues as merrily as possible is what sets her apart. It actually kinda reminds me a little bit of Luna. God, I loved that girl.

The story line is progressing brilliantly and I feel like a complete moron for not reading it sooner. But now that I have started it, I can't seem to stop.

Hence, you're evil.

Love,
En.

P.S. I forgot to mention this in the previous comment but that part wherein you describe the sunrise was impeccably crafted. It was mesmerizing, sans doubt. 

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thegameison

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