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Traditions - To Keep or Discard? (Page 7)

DiyaS IF-Sizzlerz
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Posted: 24 June 2013 at 11:33pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by bkamber

Hmm...all have to adapt...but for me...I will not wear a saree all the time, when I do I will not cover my head and by no means will I ever touch anyone's feet.  My mother does not like my thinking, but that's that. I intend to let this be known to my future in laws and of course the boy I marry.  I don't live in India so it should be easier but we do have relatives that are orthodox UB like.  And then there is always that love factor that always throws a wrench in everything.  LOL


Again, it depends on one's thinking, and one's choice ... I have no problem wearing sarees, but I won't wear it daily, I do love wearing them as formal wear, they are the ultimate formal wear for me, much better than any gowns ... I never put the pallu except when I am sitting in a temple or in a puja ... I have no problem whatsoever in touching the feet of elders ... most elders don't even expect it these days and are so touched when I do that they invariably stop me halfway and I get their blessings. My point is, if I'm not forced and it's not hurting me, why not?
If it doesn't matter to you, then why not ... if you're dead against it as a matter of principle, then stick to your principles and say so.

And my husband is crazy ... he doesn't bother about anything, if I complained about anything, he would say, why are you doing it if you don't want to? LOL But I have been married many years ... he's well trained LOL


Edited by DiyaS - 24 June 2013 at 11:34pm

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DiyaS IF-Sizzlerz
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Posted: 24 June 2013 at 11:38pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by showviewer

Originally posted by mads


Also another tradition that needs to be changed is that DILs sit together on a dining table with everybody .. the entire family..cannot blame Chanchan for wanting her life pre marriage translate into her post marriage, but also agree with Ranjana when she says that things are bound to change after marriage..I liked the fact that Ranjana-Sanjana started thinking there was something amiss about all the factors that they percieved to be a "norm" in this house... 

Ranjana is super jealous of Chanchan right now because acc to her Chanchan has everything that she had dreamt of but couldnt have .. but I believe she would be the first one to agree with Chanchan's values and beliefs too, because in a way, she too wants to be a free bird, unlike Kaumudi and Sanjana.. 

You raise a very interesting point about Ranjana, she maybe jealous of Chhanchhan, but she also likes the idea of being free and more control of her life and that could persuade her to work with Chhanchhan more than the other two bahus.
I also liked that Ranjana and Sanjana were considering what Chhanchhan said about the family eating together.


True ... Ranjana is more rebellious than either Kaumudi or Sanjana ... she is like Manthan in that sense. I could see both RS thinking about eating with the family ... Ranjana would love to sit alone with ehr husband for sure, she already moans about the lack of romance in her life. So if she gets freedom from some of the rules because of Chhanchhan, she would be happy.

 The problem is Umaben is making sure only CC gets the freedom ... to prevent exactly that bonding from happening. Now how CC makes it work differently,  will be worth watching.

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Posted: 24 June 2013 at 11:50pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by DiyaS

Originally posted by bkamber

Hmm...all have to adapt...but for me...I will not wear a saree all the time, when I do I will not cover my head and by no means will I ever touch anyone's feet.  My mother does not like my thinking, but that's that. I intend to let this be known to my future in laws and of course the boy I marry.  I don't live in India so it should be easier but we do have relatives that are orthodox UB like.  And then there is always that love factor that always throws a wrench in everything.  LOL


Again, it depends on one's thinking, and one's choice ... I have no problem wearing sarees, but I won't wear it daily, I do love wearing them as formal wear, they are the ultimate formal wear for me, much better than any gowns ... I never put the pallu except when I am sitting in a temple or in a puja ... I have no problem whatsoever in touching the feet of elders ... most elders don't even expect it these days and are so touched when I do that they invariably stop me halfway and I get their blessings. My point is, if I'm not forced and it's not hurting me, why not?
If it doesn't matter to you, then why not ... if you're dead against it as a matter of principle, then stick to your principles and say so.

And my husband is crazy ... he doesn't bother about anything, if I complained about anything, he would say, why are you doing it if you don't want to? LOL But I have been married many years ... he's well trained LOL

Well... you give up on the small things for the big things! I did bend to some of the rules... my hubby had an orthodox family but my MIL was supportive of my career and cared for my son... so it is a question of what is important to you !

Today , I can wear jeans in my MIL's house...!

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Posted: 25 June 2013 at 1:51am | IP Logged
I would follow the traditions that benefit me and reject the ones that i dont like. Life really is as simple as that. We complicate it by asking for others opinions on how to live our life. If someone doesn't like it, they are free to sit outside my room and cry me a river.

Romance and passion fade away after a while, so there is no point sacrificing your principles and ways of living for someone else. If they love you, they won't try to change you. It's as simple as that.

Honestly, life is way too short and full of struggles like education and building a career for yourself. With so many real worthwhile stresses outside, who has the time and patience to deal with this orthodox bakwaas at home? Let alone follow "rules", I wouldn't even waste my time discussing this matter. If someone can't handle my strong personality, then they are welcome to walk out of my life because they shouldn't be in it in the first place.

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Posted: 25 June 2013 at 4:26am | IP Logged
Originally posted by .Sonya.

I would follow the traditions that benefit me and reject the ones that i dont like. Life really is as simple as that. We complicate it by asking for others opinions on how to live our life. If someone doesn't like it, they are free to sit outside my room and cry me a river.

Romance and passion fade away after a while, so there is no point sacrificing your principles and ways of living for someone else. If they love you, they won't try to change you. It's as simple as that.

Honestly, life is way too short and full of struggles like education and building a career for yourself. With so many real worthwhile stresses outside, who has the time and patience to deal with this orthodox bakwaas at home? Let alone follow "rules", I wouldn't even waste my time discussing this matter. If someone can't handle my strong personality, then they are welcome to walk out of my life because they shouldn't be in it in the first place.


If you love someone, will you accept them for exactly what they are?

Chhanchhan loves Manav ... will she accept him as a somewhat immature mother's boy and be happy he stays that way all his life?

Life is ever-changing ... and people change during different stages in their lives ... I know I sound patronising here ... but it's true ... when you live with someone, you both make compromises and adjustments, it is not, and cannot be only one-sided, whether the side is the girl or the guy.

And if one partner refuses to adjust at all, why will the other partner make any attempt either? You don't have to sacrifice your core principles ... but you work around them and make adjustments and compromises. Handling one's personal life is as important as handling one's career ... women have the ability to juggle both more successfully because they do tend to compromise more ... but it's not all one-sided. In a really successfl relationship, it can't be. And if it IS one-sided, then both are in the wrong.

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DiyaS IF-Sizzlerz
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Posted: 25 June 2013 at 4:36am | IP Logged
Originally posted by Newbiesoapfan


Well... you give up on the small things for the big things! I did bend to some of the rules... my hubby had an orthodox family but my MIL was supportive of my career and cared for my son... so it is a question of what is important to you !

Today , I can wear jeans in my MIL's house...!


One adjusts and makes compromises ... both sides do, not just one. My in-laws are more conservative than my parents, but they are pretty liberal by most standards .. they were completely supportive of my career ... and my husband would not let them be otherwise anyway! My in-laws were more liberal than my parents in terms of dressing ... I wore jeans and skirts in front of them and they were very happy to show their more conservative relatives that they had very 'modern' bahus LOL
But my MIL was a possessive MIL - my husband is her youngest son ... and she didn't want us to move away from them ... My husband initially wanted to stay with them too, and I agreed quite happily because I was working and I was happy that she ran the house. Later we moved out ... they were upset but my husband was firm ... they came round.

 If the husband is supportive, the inlaws can really not do much ... but husbands learn on the job ... they are not ideal from day one LOL And when husbands see wives being good to their parents, it automatically makes them listen to wives more, because they see you making the effort.
This I am talking about normal husbands ... not the jhaddu maa ka dikras that many Indian husbands unfortunately are.

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Posted: 25 June 2013 at 4:48am | IP Logged
Originally posted by DiyaS

Originally posted by bkamber

Hmm...all have to adapt...but for me...I will not wear a saree all the time, when I do I will not cover my head and by no means will I ever touch anyone's feet.  My mother does not like my thinking, but that's that. I intend to let this be known to my future in laws and of course the boy I marry.  I don't live in India so it should be easier but we do have relatives that are orthodox UB like.  And then there is always that love factor that always throws a wrench in everything.  LOL


Again, it depends on one's thinking, and one's choice ... I have no problem wearing sarees, but I won't wear it daily, I do love wearing them as formal wear, they are the ultimate formal wear for me, much better than any gowns ... I never put the pallu except when I am sitting in a temple or in a puja ... I have no problem whatsoever in touching the feet of elders ... most elders don't even expect it these days and are so touched when I do that they invariably stop me halfway and I get their blessings. My point is, if I'm not forced and it's not hurting me, why not?
If it doesn't matter to you, then why not ... if you're dead against it as a matter of principle, then stick to your principles and say so.

And my husband is crazy ... he doesn't bother about anything, if I complained about anything, he would say, why are you doing it if you don't want to? LOL But I have been married many years ... he's well trained LOL

see its the same with me and sari issue. I LOVE wearing saris! despite having a closet full of various western party-wear I have not worn one to a wedding in around 4 years now. I always wear the sari, cz its the most gorgeous dress on earth..in fact the young generation in SL have started wearing saris with a vengeance for weddings..its the latest trend..

and our own national dress in Sri Lanka is that, but we never cover our heads, otherwise its almost the same thing as in India. all government sector female employees HAVE to wear sari. my own maternal grandmom and great grand mother both were from a bit affluent families and used to wear sari 24/7 (even to sleep in the early days). But now at home nani wears loose frocks that is ankle length. though I am yet to see her ever in anything other than a heavy sari and the traditional beads necklace around her neck when she is out of home. A mom cannot walk in to one of our schools for a parents meeting unless she is in a sari. etc etc..its part and parcel of our lives too..

my problem is someone ELSE forcing me to wear that as a 24/7 dress!! its not the sari that is my problem, its my choice being taken out of my own hands.. it is my body and  I will wear what I please! a Jean + t-shirt covers a lot more than the sari & blouse combo i would wear. Cz i would never dare to get in to a public transport with a sari i would wear for a wedding, but the regular jeans and T is not even given a 2nd thought cz it adequately covers me. so it is not even an issue of covering...

that is why I personally have a problem with the sari..not cz it is a national dress or cz it is ugly or anything.. it is simply inconvenient for me..just like it is an inconvenient for CC.
thus it is a huge personal preference and freedom taken away from her.. that is all :)
DiyaS IF-Sizzlerz
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Posted: 25 June 2013 at 5:43am | IP Logged
Originally posted by princessunara


see its the same with me and sari issue. I LOVE wearing saris! despite having a closet full of various western party-wear I have not worn one to a wedding in around 4 years now. I always wear the sari, cz its the most gorgeous dress on earth..in fact the young generation in SL have started wearing saris with a vengeance for weddings..its the latest trend..

and our own national dress in Sri Lanka is that, but we never cover our heads, otherwise its almost the same thing as in India. all government sector female employees HAVE to wear sari. my own maternal grandmom and great grand mother both were from a bit affluent families and used to wear sari 24/7 (even to sleep in the early days). But now at home nani wears loose frocks that is ankle length. though I am yet to see her ever in anything other than a heavy sari and the traditional beads necklace around her neck when she is out of home. A mom cannot walk in to one of our schools for a parents meeting unless she is in a sari. etc etc..its part and parcel of our lives too..

my problem is someone ELSE forcing me to wear that as a 24/7 dress!! its not the sari that is my problem, its my choice being taken out of my own hands.. it is my body and  I will wear what I please! a Jean + t-shirt covers a lot more than the sari & blouse combo i would wear. Cz i would never dare to get in to a public transport with a sari i would wear for a wedding, but the regular jeans and T is not even given a 2nd thought cz it adequately covers me. so it is not even an issue of covering...

that is why I personally have a problem with the sari..not cz it is a national dress or cz it is ugly or anything.. it is simply inconvenient for me..just like it is an inconvenient for CC.
thus it is a huge personal preference and freedom taken away from her.. that is all :)


Exactly, Sunara ... its a question of personal freedom and CHOICE!!! Most of us are sensible enough to dress appropriately to the circumstances ... the problems arise if you are FORCED.  I would wear jeans and Tshirt every day ... I would wear formal trousers and shirts for work .. I would wear sarees for family weddings and important functions ... one dresses appropriate to the occasion as well as for comfort. I would not attend a wedding in jeans ever ... obviously not!!!

My mom wears sarees all the time ... she is very comfortable in them, and doesn't give it a second thought. She won't wear jeans or pants ... she's not even very comfortable in suits. My dad used to push her to wear pants, but she never got used to them, and stopped herself. It was her CHOICE.

Same way, it should be Chhanchhan's choice ... what she is more comfortable in. Although the first few days after marriage, most girls do wear sarees or heavy suits ... new brides are expected to deck up a little Tongue... later as they settle into their new homes, they move to normal wear. And covering her head should also be her choice ... some orthodox homes still do insist on it in front of elders though ... but times are changing ...

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