Joined: 10 August 2009
Joined: 29 March 2012
Joined: 21 February 2008
Joined: 05 September 2006
Joined: 29 October 2007
Joined: 21 February 2008
In continuation to my replies to the rest of your questions ...
2. Whenever there is a case in which the husband and wife don't want to live with each other, the question magistrate asks to he husband is, 'Do you want to take care of your wife?' and the question he asks the wife is, 'Do you want to live with him?' Why the judge asks different questions to both the partners? Doesn't it seem the judge only sees the responsibility of the male and not that of the female?
When you say that a husband and wife dont want to live with each other I dont understand how the two questions arise! When you say "care" I suppose you mean financial compensation . If the wife has been devoting all her time to the household and family and not earning any salary for all the work and time she invested in it , It is only fair that she gets some financial compensation if the two separate and she has to set up her own new life. The wife has a right to get compensated for her contribution.
Again it is not clear what responsibility of the wife you expect the judge to address in this case. In most cases she would have fulfilled her "responsibilities" of the services like cooking, washing, social obligations, care of family members and many more. Try calculating the amount the husband would have to pay for all those services to hired help that too minus the reliability factor guaranteed by the wife! The maintenance or alimony may pale in comparison. We are not even discussing any compensation for the lost opportunities she may have faced due to restriction imposed on following a career of her choice.
3. If a woman complains about her husband and her in-laws to the elderly people living in the same street or in the same colony, those persons all scold the husband and tell that he and his parents are responsible for her agony and they are not taking care of her well and they are harassing her. They give no importance to the husband or his parents' point of view. This is the experience of many males and their old parents. Why could not those people try to understand the point of view of both the partners and try to find how both of them could be made more responsible?
Do you seriously think one can control what other people should or should not think !? How important is that ? People are likely to form impressions based on their own experience or on what they see around them. The rapport one has developed with the neighbours and communication skill could also influence the impressions formed. When there is no satisfactory resolution of the conflicts at home they spill over to the neighbours, friends, relatives and finally to the courts.
4. When a court orders mediation, those officers in charge of the mediation treat the wife with utmost courtesy but they all speak harshly to the husband as though he is guilty. Is the husband only guilty or is he the only person responsible to make a marriage work?. Why?
Seriously!? The entire set of questions present a feeling of victimhood at best.
I like to know the views of all of you based on these realities.
Joined: 18 January 2006
Traditional gender roles dictate that men are the providers
while women are the caregivers. This is absolutely untrue. Unfortunately, due
to years of gender stereotyping we have it ingrained in our minds that a man
should be the wage earner, the man should always have a job, the man should be
earning more and things like that. So
much so that men who earn less than their wives are made to feel insecure and
stay at home dads become the butt of all jokes. In a relationship both partners
have equal financial, social, and emotional responsibility to their families.
How they share those responsibilities is up to the couple.
For some people the
traditional working man and housewife works, for many the exact opposite works.
Contrary to popular belief, just how women can be competitive, aggressive and
career oriented – men can also be very attached to kids, would love to spend
time more with them, and actually enjoy cooking for and cleaning after their
kids. That is why many countries and progressive companies include paternity
leave for fathers. Many people are becoming accommodating towards work-at-home
soccer dads or stay at home dads and changing their negative stereotypes.
Traditional gender roles are not partial to females. They are unfair to both men and women. Expecting men to be a breadwinner can sometimes hamper a woman's career aspirations too. To me true gender equality is not accomplished unless the wishes of both men and women are respected. It is unfair to expect the woman to sacrifice her career for family, and it is unfair to expect men to sacrifice family to be the breadwinner.
Traditionally, since the man was the provider and breadwinner, he had to take responsibility for wife and kids. In many divorces the woman didn't have a job or income to rely on. That is why courts began having men pay alimony and child support. There was also a false importance to maternity, so women tended to get full custody. This isn't always fair to women, because women who didn't want to or incapable to take responsibility of kids were socially expected to despite the man being more willing.
Courts are changing now. In most of the world, the higher earning partner is responsible for alimony and child support payments. They are more pragmatic in custody battles, not leaning to men or women – but making them share custody depending on willingness and ability to care for kids.
Indian courts still can be very traditional and it will take time for the justice in India to mature.
Domestic issues, marital abuse and violence – investigation of these – all these are another very complicated subject. The gender stereotypes and statistics associated with it, is a whole new can of worms. Maybe I'll address my views later.
Joined: 29 October 2007
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