BEING A FEMALE - ANOTHER SIDE

Originally posted by: maha2us

Here I am pointing out certain observations I have of the society and certain aspects myself and some of my friends have experienced. This can be seen in continuity with the thread 'BEING A FEMALE' started by Megha Singh. I like to know your views on these points. 

1. In one family, it happened both the husband and wife had been unemployed for around the first fifteen yrs of the marriage. Both of them lived in the pension of the husband's father which was meagre. The wife could consistently nag the husband during a later period that he never went for job. The society also blamed him. But then the wife was not blamed for not going to job. Neither could the husband nag her as a lazy person. Does the society believe the husband has to financially take care of the wife? The society also ridicules the man when the husband lives in the income of his wife. But not the same way if the wife lives in her husband's income. Isn't this way the society behaves favorable to females?

We as the people are inherently sexist & not just toward the opposite gender. We also decide our normalcy relative to the societal gender roles. The conformists will expect nothing short of a complete acceptance of the traditional vies. Everything you said is true except @bold.

If this were in fact favourable, one would not seek independence. When a woman becomes financially dependent on her husband, she loses the power to make decisions for herself. Every household's dynamic is, of course, different but in general, she does not have as much say in her own life compared to a woman who earns for herself. She gives up power & falls down a notch in the status quo.

Since you seem to be fond of ancedotes, let's try this. The elderly are limited by both their physical capabilities and the power vested in them by the societal norms. So, some of their important life decisions are in the hands of their children. But the children are ridiculed for not taking care of their elderly parents. Does this make their condition favorable? I don't see how.

They do not have the right to make (some) decisions because the society says they are not capable.

2. Whenever there is a case in which the husband and wife don't want to live with each other, the question magistrate asks to he husband is, 'Do you want to take care of your wife?' and the question he asks the wife is, 'Do you want to live with him?' Why the judge asks different questions to both the partners? Doesn't it seem the judge only sees the responsibility of the male and not that of the female?

Not the case, atleast not where I live. The assets acquired after marriage are split 50-50 unless there is a pre-nup. In fact, a battered woman who won a million dollar lottery had to share with her husband in prison because she was still married (though separated) when she won & there was not pre-nup. See, I have ancedotes too.😆

While we are at it, if a woman is reported to be in a love marriage, she faces a prison sentence. So, even in this day and age, disparities in law exist in different countries. I wouldn't be surprised if a biased judge lets his/her value judgement rule the court decision in family cases.

3. If a woman complains about her husband and her in-laws to the elderly people living in the same street or in the same colony, those persons all scold the husband and tell that he and his parents are responsible for her agony and they are not taking care of her well and they are harassing her. They give no importance to the husband or his parents' point of view. This is the experience of many males and their old parents. Why could not those people try to understand the point of view of both the partners and try to find how both of them could be made more responsible?

Are we talking about the 20th century uncles and aunties here? In that case, we are also talking about twentieth century values.  Obsolete values that are nothing but conformist ideals wanting the man as the breadwinner and the woman as homemaker.

4. When a court orders mediation, those officers in charge of the mediation treat the wife with utmost courtesy but they all speak harshly to the husband as though he is guilty. Is the husband only guilty or is he the only person responsible to make a marriage work?. Why?

Again, not where I live. But, in general bureaucrats are not your friend. They are not here to make peace but to pick your brains and get some bribes along the way. Not one visit to an Indian anything government related (building/office/courthouse) is a pleasant one, regardless of your gender. 

I like to know the views of all of you based on these realities.

Originally posted by: maha2us

Here I am pointing out certain observations I have of the society and certain aspects myself and some of my friends have experienced. This can be seen in continuity with the thread 'BEING A FEMALE' started by Megha Singh. I like to know your views on these points. 

. In one family, it happened both the husband and wife had been unemployed for around the first fifteen yrs of the marriage. Both of them lived in the pension of the husband's father which was meagre. The wife could consistently nag the husband during a later period that he never went for job. The society also blamed him. But then the wife was not blamed for not going to job. Neither could the husband nag her as a lazy person. Does the society believe the husband has to financially take care of the wife? The society also ridicules the man when the husband lives in the income of his wife. But not the same way if the wife lives in her husband's income. Isn't this way the society behaves favorable to females?

Originally posted by: samvi.

Firstly, i appreciate that woman for marrying and living with a man who could not take the responsibility of his family(for 15 full years!! That is hell a lot of time!!) . Personally speaking, I wouldn't  stay with such a man for that long to even complain😆 ! It is sad that she is tagged as a nagging wife for putting up with such a partner. The society will blame the man if he is unable to provide financial support for his family and the same society will blame a woman if she fails to bring up her children in a proper way. For a family to run in a healthy way, the responsibilities are to be shared by the couple equally. In a couple one person is never superior or inferior to the other when they fulfil their duties. Earning money is NOT ALL. The man usually takes care of the financial part while the woman is expected to take care him, his children and see that his family is meeting the standards of the society they live in. This probably became a norm in society because a man does not have the capability to give birth to children. All a man needs to do is give his sperm to start a family(which he does with pleasure) while the woman has to carry his baby for 10 months and risk her life to start a family. The society expects a woman to do this just as it expects a man to earn. I feel very sorry for the housewives who work all day long, (as much as the man of the house works at office ) and is not paid at all(in terms of money). But i do think women get paid in terms of the respect they get for doing that selfless service. 

Being a woman, i chose to be  independent  because i felt that a housewife's job is really tough. I've seen women in my family who work all day long to see that their kids are doing well. They teach their kids manners, good habits, see that they are given a good nutritious diet everyday(4 times in a day!🥱), check how they are doing in studies and sit by the kids for hours to see that they are being turned as the best ones... these women won't have time for themselves and not to forget how they take care of their man's health ! After all, the man of the house has to be healthy to earn and live long! It's really tough to dedicate ones life entirely for their family .  I'm glad that our society is having atleast this much expectation from a man!😳

Originally posted by: krystal_watz

Isn't the Red part of your post contradictory to the Green part? That's precisely what the Topic Maker is pointing out here---how come is it ALWAYS the man's duty to earn and never the woman's? Why can it NOT be the other way round---Woman earning and Man taking care of kids? That'd still be responsibility shared equally, right?

In the specific case which the TM cited of the aforementioned unemployed husband-wife duo, why couldn't the woman, instead of being a nag, find a job herself?

Originally posted by: krystal_watz

^^A man can't produce babies, but he can choose not to work. No comparison between a Biological ability and a Psychological choice.