Originally posted by maha2us
Here I am pointing out certain observations I have of the society and certain aspects myself and some of my friends have experienced. This can be seen in continuity with the thread 'BEING A FEMALE' started by Megha Singh. I like to know your views on these points.
1. In one family, it happened both the husband and wife had been unemployed for around the first fifteen yrs of the marriage. Both of them lived in the pension of the husband's father which was meagre. The wife could consistently nag the husband during a later period that he never went for job. The society also blamed him. But then the wife was not blamed for not going to job. Neither could the husband nag her as a lazy person. Does the society believe the husband has to financially take care of the wife? The society also ridicules the man when the husband lives in the income of his wife. But not the same way if the wife lives in her husband's income. Isn't this way the society behaves favorable to females?
We as the people are inherently sexist & not just toward the opposite gender. We also decide our normalcy relative to the societal gender roles. The conformists will expect nothing short of a complete acceptance of the traditional vies. Everything you said is true except @bold.
If this were in fact favourable, one would not seek independence. When a woman becomes financially dependent on her husband, she loses the power to make decisions for herself. Every household's dynamic is, of course, different but in general, she does not have as much say in her own life compared to a woman who earns for herself. She gives up power & falls down a notch in the status quo.
Since you seem to be fond of ancedotes, let's try this. The elderly are limited by both their physical capabilities and the power vested in them by the societal norms. So, some of their important life decisions are in the hands of their children. But the children are ridiculed for not taking care of their elderly parents. Does this make their condition favorable? I don't see how.
They do not have the right to make (some) decisions because the society says they are not capable.
2. Whenever there is a case in which the husband and wife don't want to live with each other, the question magistrate asks to he husband is, 'Do you want to take care of your wife?' and the question he asks the wife is, 'Do you want to live with him?' Why the judge asks different questions to both the partners? Doesn't it seem the judge only sees the responsibility of the male and not that of the female?
Not the case, atleast not where I live. The assets acquired after marriage are split 50-50 unless there is a pre-nup. In fact, a battered woman who won a million dollar lottery had to share with her husband in prison because she was still married (though separated) when she won & there was not pre-nup. See, I have ancedotes too.
While we are at it, if a woman is reported to be in a love marriage, she faces a prison sentence. So, even in this day and age, disparities in law exist in different countries. I wouldn't be surprised if a biased judge lets his/her value judgement rule the court decision in family cases.
3. If a woman complains about her husband and her in-laws to the elderly people living in the same street or in the same colony, those persons all scold the husband and tell that he and his parents are responsible for her agony and they are not taking care of her well and they are harassing her. They give no importance to the husband or his parents' point of view. This is the experience of many males and their old parents. Why could not those people try to understand the point of view of both the partners and try to find how both of them could be made more responsible?
Are we talking about the 20th century uncles and aunties here? In that case, we are also talking about twentieth century values. Obsolete values that are nothing but conformist ideals wanting the man as the breadwinner and the woman as homemaker.
4. When a court orders mediation, those officers in charge of the mediation treat the wife with utmost courtesy but they all speak harshly to the husband as though he is guilty. Is the husband only guilty or is he the only person responsible to make a marriage work?. Why?
Again, not where I live. But, in general bureaucrats are not your friend. They are not here to make peace but to pick your brains and get some bribes along the way. Not one visit to an Indian anything government related (building/office/courthouse) is a pleasant one, regardless of your gender.
I like to know the views of all of you based on these realities.