visrom IF-Stunnerz

Joined: 26 November 2009
Posts: 30673

Posted: 22 June 2013 at 6:45am | IP Logged
Story 4: another nice attempt. Amazing how writers of story 2 and story 4 decided to keep ACP in the dark abput the girls' plan. LOL

I guess father-figure ACP will never allow the girls to do something like this. Smile

About this's nice to see that there was no direct mention of cricket. This was a different approach.

Hope to see more from this writer...Wink

Edited by visrom - 22 June 2013 at 6:46am

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visrom IF-Stunnerz

Joined: 26 November 2009
Posts: 30673

Posted: 22 June 2013 at 6:49am | IP Logged
I got scores from 4 members. Others, please send your scores...Smile

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Soni. IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 04 May 2012
Posts: 13681

Posted: 22 June 2013 at 7:13am | IP Logged
Excellent stories by all of you 
Good luck to all participants Thumbs Up

Story No 1 - Line Of Fire 

Superb work by writer. Simply loved it. They way you used the female cops and presented them was excellent. The theme was bold but i enjoyed it very much and it was so descriptive i could see it with my own eyes on how the story was proceeding. You justified the concept totally well.

Story No 2 -  The Racket

Another bold concept but it was very well written. Simply mind blowing. The girls Shreya and Purvi did a superb job in their roles and i loved the way that Duo was so concerned about them. It was a nice touch to add to the story. The dialogues and everything else was so bold that i could visualize what was happening. A very good attempt by the writer.

Story No 3 - Behind Enemy Lines

The way you researched about this story proves that you are an excellent writer. Loved the way how you portrayed the girls in an excellent way as escorts and how you connected each and every point to the whole case was simply mind blowing. I simply love every single Dialogues, Scene, Sequences and Characters. A masterpiece by you well done

Will read rest of the stories by tonight

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Athenesunnyp1414DemonStarmisha.asgadhadada IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 17 December 2012
Posts: 16144

Posted: 22 June 2013 at 1:06pm | IP Logged
Story 1

The story is very good.Star Clap
The benining was very good with trio scene. Clap Clap
Daya's laughing LOL
Sometimes it was Confusing...
The team distribution was amazing...Clap
And the girls were fantastic in their jobs...Clap
Very well written. Star Clap
Clap Clap

Story 2

I really enjoyed reading the story...Clap
Mindblowing...Clap Star
Good coordination between Purvi and Shreya...Clap
Duo's concern for the female cops was very well and sweet.Clap
Great job by Purvi and shreya... Star Clap
A great effort by the writer... Clap
Very very well written..Star Clap Star
I love it...

Thumbs Up Thumbs Up Thumbs Up

well read the rest soon.

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DemonStar IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 16 March 2006
Posts: 14360

Posted: 23 June 2013 at 3:34am | IP Logged

Finished reading all the stories. Each of them had something unique to offer and was a delightful read. I'd like to congratulate and thank all the writers for their fine efforts and providing these wonderful stories for our reading pleasure. Clap My reviews follow.

Story 1

I'd firstly like to congratulate you for this unique take on the plot; unconventional, but really refreshing. Clap The characters were well-developed and I particularly liked the scene between Tina and Naqsh where he presents his perspective about the betting issue; good research there too. The drug-stupor scenes were quite bold and rustic dialogues added an authentic touch to them. I liked how you introduced a variety of crimes along with the betting/fixing racket, and ended the story on a realistic grey note. Excellent work by our female cops (they didn't exactly pose as escorts, though) and lovely co-ordination between the juniors; you appropriately gave everybody in the team a useful role. Thumbs Up The scene where they are all honoured was nice. You seem to be a fan of a certain lady forensic doctor; Wink LOL good job there too.

Now' like others have mentioned, the main issue here was the clarity. There were three different events (four if you count the CID Bureau) with different characters occurring in parallel, and they were introduced almost simultaneously. Some of it got rather confusing and would've benefitted much with more clear narration. But the overall story, suspense factor and character portrayal was excellent. I'm sure you can become a top writer with a little attention to the clarity. Best wishes, looking forward to more from you! Clap


Story 2

The plot justified the given theme well and progressed with a uniform pace. The scene where Abhi-Daya capture Nihaal was great with amusing dialogues. Our female cops were both well-portrayed; I liked the casual interaction between them and how our duo cared for them. The actual escort scene was quite bold, but appropriately served its purpose without getting too explicit. I'd have liked to know how exactly Purvi and Shreya managed to wheedle the secrets out of those four, though. That part was rather vague and a more detailed approach would've made it more interesting. I also felt the story was a bit straightforward and lacked in the thrill/danger department. However, the writing style and narration were excellent and very pleasant to read. Keep going! Clap


Story 3

Good effort. I liked the development of suspense and thrill as the story progressed. The girls did a good job and the villain was formidable. The climax was good. There were some loopholes though, and you seem to have rushed through some parts. Anyway, great work overall. Clap


Story 4

The middle portion of the story was really thrilling and suspenseful. The portion where our duo follows the ladies to the XXX area and after talking to ACP sir realize that they're on a mission of their own was very well-written. Dialogues were really good too. I felt that it lost some steam towards the climax though, and the end could've been much better. A better narration of the final battle would've improved it too. However, the portrayal of Purvi and Shreya was cool and I liked how they bravely go on to handle the case despite knowing the odds involved. The gambling den scene was well-narrated and I liked the duo interaction in the Qualis. Props for the masterful buildup of suspense in the middle. Keep writing! Clap


Story 5

The writing style/narration was nicely detailed. The story was intelligently set up as the action progressed. Props for giving prominence to Purvi and portraying her character so decently. Abhijeet sir's interaction with her (especially when he gives her his coat) was very sweet. Shreya's role should've been larger given the plot, though. I liked how you spread subtle hints about the entire thing being a set-up by our CID team, just enough for an attentive reader to get it without giving anything away immediately. The climax was thrilling, and ending was sweet. The dialogues were rather bold but set up good ambience; I could picture it happening in my mind, especially Shanaya's interaction with Rishi. The explanation at the end was a bit too long, though. I loved the "3 Ws" and "Cheque De" dialogues. Looking forward to more from you! Clap


Story 6

Going with hockey was a good choice. The plot was good, but I felt that it fell a little short because the betting racket was not fully expanded upon and Purvi and Shreya's disguise scene was rather short and they didn't pose as escorts, though the disguise was effective nevertheless. But the story was nice to read and the dialogues were well done. I liked how Purvi keeps calm despite learning about the DNA report and also how she encourages and supports Freddy sir during the escape scene. The climax was very good, though a little confusing. The ending felt a little rushed, but you did it justice overall. Good work! Clap

Edited by DemonStar - 23 June 2013 at 7:11am

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Joined: 21 September 2011
Posts: 16500

Posted: 23 June 2013 at 7:53am | IP Logged

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Joined: 21 September 2011
Posts: 16500

Posted: 23 June 2013 at 9:32am | IP Logged

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astonish IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 24 January 2010
Posts: 12932

Posted: 23 June 2013 at 9:50am | IP Logged
Read 1 Story: Writing the review here so i don;t forget... Will read the others may be tonight

Story 2 : Nice .. sweet simple story...  you gave all the investigation to ladies.. good to see the way they handled it... going an escorts for very well put in... the ending was a bit quick.. i mean i felt the whole story short.. may be i am used to very long stories here.. but every lead very well explained.. Clap I think you should keep writing.. and try some bigger plots.. your explanation is very clear... thus bigger plots would be more fun Big smile

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