Sex? We are Indians!

From a time when we taught the world a few lessons in sex to becoming a repressed society, Indians are indeed one sexually confused lot

A bitterly weeping Kumud (Jennifer Winget) mourns the loss of her virginity in Sanjay Leela Bhansali's evocative television romance Saraswatichandra, "Mardon ko mohh ka shraap hota hai, aur auraton ko maryada ka varr… mujhe apne aap ko rok lena chahiye thha...!" (Men are afflicted by the curse of extreme attachment, while women have the blessing of propriety. I should have held myself back!)    

The male lead, a befuddled Saras (played by Gautam Gode) cannot understand her misery. "Issme paap kya hai? Kal hum jis duniya mein thhe wo sirf hum dono ki duniya thhi...Ye hamara hakk thha!" (What's sinful in our coming together? This is just between the two of us, it is our right!) To this Kumud replies that love follows some principles, which they have ignored!    

Any sexually repressed Indian will immediately understand that the 'principle of love' she refers to, is 'no physical intimacy'! The moment intimacy is initiated, pyaar becomes paap, never mind the deep emotions or commitment involved. Surprisingly, for a country known at one time for leading sexual innovation worldwide and celebrating the erotic through murals, sculptures and the Kamasutra, many Indian generations have been brought up to consider the most natural expression of love — the physical — to be sinful outside marriage. Indeed, within marriage too, sex is not something to be enjoyed, but to be submitted to for the sake of procreation — a task to be performed!    

But wait, the hypocrisy doesn't end here. The paap or sin is all on the girl's side; it is she who carries the onerous responsibility of keeping herself 'pure like the Ganges' (never mind the state of the river anymore!). And so Kumud in Saraswatichandra (which Sanjay Leela Bhansali has declared a "modern love story" ) accepts that it is natural for Saras to have felt tempted, and berates herself for not holding back. The man is given a free ticket, while the dubious honour of her family is inextricably linked to the girl's intact hymen. The idea of a girl initiating or enjoying sex is still considered taboo. And so, if she indulges in sex outside the set paradigm, she is assailed by guilt the moment the deed is done. Shamefully, a woman is still looked upon as a possession that can bring shame or honour to a man. Very conveniently, he uses her as a peg to hang his shame on.  

And so, all male depraved acts against women are blamed on women. In fact, why just the living things, now men have taken to even blaming lifeless mannequins in show windows for provoking them to commit crimes against women. In Mumbai, the Municipal Corporation recently declared that lingerie mannequins may promote "rape" and encourage other depraved male acts against women, and so must be removed. 

From the explicit portrayals at Khajuraho to the nodding flowers and frosted camera lens depicting a kiss in Hindi films, from domestic violence to the depraved acts of men ganging up to violate innocent girls and children — we are indeed one sexually confused lot. From Gandhi's vow of celibacy and recorded loathing for sex to its later metamorphosis into his bold, adventurous experiments, we have all shades of sexuality except the transparent.    

When you keep sexuality on a tight leash and under wraps, it is bound to strain at the bit, and natural urges and curiosity find their own outlets, resulting in chaos and lawlessness, in depraved and shocking acts of misogyny and inhumanity. Nirbhaya's case is only the very minuscule tip of the iceberg. For every Nirbhaya who gets media space, there are hundreds who die unsung, unknown.    

Ancient India openly celebrated sexuality and indulged an uninhibited expression of it. Where and when did we lose that openness? Psychologist Sudhir Kakar explains in his book, The Indians, that Muslim invaders, and the repression of British colonialism and Victorian morality changed Indian sexual attitudes and made us more wary with regard to selfexpression. With so many taboos attached to it, the subject of sexuality is almost never discussed openly, leading to the repression of one of the most natural urges in human beings. India's 'Dirty' Grand Old Man, Khushwant Singh, claims that "nine-tenths of the violence and unhappiness in this country derives from sexual repression."    

Nobody can deny that urban India and the upper middle class have a somewhat more relaxed attitude towards sexuality. Indeed the Millennial Generation even in India certainly is leap years ahead of the present retarded way of looking at sex. And yet the vast majority remains puritanical and repressed, ensuring sexuality retains its dark, dangerous edge rather than freeing it to reach a level of liberating self-expression; a level where you are allowed to get over it and focus on other things in life, rather than allowing sex to prey on your mind to a fanatical level. 

http://blogs.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/O-zone/entry/sex-we-are-indians