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Love Marriage Or Arranged Marriage (Page 4)

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return_to_hades

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Posted: 21 May 2013 at 11:48am | IP Logged

Marriage should be between two individuals who want to share a life and understand the responsibilities that come with it. Whether it was love or arranged is irrelevant. What is more important is whether the two people can be good companions, care for each other and live together.

 

Love marriage between immature people who go by physical attraction only or are blinded by love can end up being rocky and difficult. Love marriage where the two people are grounded and understand that there is more to marriage than simply being in love tends to work out.

 

Arranged marriage where people comply blindly with family wishes and don't really know each other before marriage can be very unfulfilling.  Arranged marriage where people have the freedom to reject unsuitable alliances , take time to get to know each other and work on compatibility tends to work out.

 

It is also important to be ready for marriage and commitment. Some people will take a long time to get there. And for some people marriage will never be the right option.

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Dexterkilaila

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Posted: 21 May 2013 at 1:48pm | IP Logged
While I'm no proponent of marriage, there might be a slim chance I might get married someday. However, me getting married the arranged way has a snowball's chance in hell. I have already turned down few "suitors" since I have been single and have told my parents not to even bother. I don't understand arranged marriage, it does not fit in with my scheme of things or ideologies for that matter. I just can't fathom how you see someone over tea and snacks and/or a few dates and then decide to get married to that person. Marriage seems like such a life long serious commitment to be made so hastily.I'm not being condescending towards believers of arranged marriage. If it works for some people, more power to them but for me to trust myself with someone for the rest of my life, I'd have to test that person emotionally, mentally and yes, physically as well and for quite a long period of time to boot. Therefore, by default it has to be love marriage, there is just no other option in my POV. 

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Posted: 21 May 2013 at 5:57pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by boreddamsel

Originally posted by King-Anu

Lets sumamrize
 
- non-abusive
- non-wuss (whatever that means)
- non-mama
- non-controlling
- independent
- smart
- intelligent
- caring
- loving
- healthy
- understanding
- supportive
 
Let me explain non-wuss LOL That's a term I coined. A man who shouldn't make me feel like I have more balls than he does.. Tongue LOL 
 
I actually changed healthy to health-conscious as well. I hate it when people say lets go to Mc-D and save money .. and I have to go there and think of how I can eat healthy there.. 

King A .. I said I might be masochistic, not delusional LOL
The ETC basically was whatever other qualities he might have that don't affect me .. as in don't bring me emotional or physical distress. 
But since you were so sweet and took so much time to make a list of qualifications for my future husband, I thought at least reply to you .. Smile 

ETC
- non papa, non mammoo, non chachoo ... I became a grandmother before I was born and about a decade ago became a great grand-mother LOL As for my future husband having kids, I don't care.. I love kids. 
- good looking I don't know how to measure that, but yes, I should find him appealing to look at.
- hot bod Of course I love hot bods.. though I hate bulky men. He should be fit and healthy or at least want to strive to be fit and healthy by following a good diet and exercise regimen... 
- non-bald Don't care about baldness.. as long as he has something worthy under that scalp .. i.e., intelligence Tongue
- tall Don't care
- dark Don't care
- handsome Refer to good-looking (point 2)
- rich I prefer spending my own money. I don't care about money, if I did .. I would be working at a top IT firm and not working my ass off on a measly stipend.
- drool material Then I would rather marry food .. 'coz no human has ever made me drool LOL
- ability to dance Oh boy .. well if he can lead me in salsa .. Embarrassed 
- ability to sing Why not .. if I want to hear him sing, he shouldn't be ashamed that he has a bad voice
- shopoholic No, thanks .. shopping is me-time .. 
- ability to travel around the world I can travel on my own, I don't think I need a travel companion.
- famous Don't care. But if he is, well I hope its for something intellectual  
 
 
hazaroon khwaishain aisi, ker har khwaish pe dum nikle
bohat nikle mere armaan, phir bhi lekin kam nikle

I don't think I understood the hindi lyrics much .. but I think I see your point. 
Wishes will always falls short.. 

Well you know what.. that's what I kept telling myself .. and I settled for what I had. In a way I am glad I did, 'coz now I know exactly what I want in my man .. and guess what, if I don't find one with all the qualities I want, I just won't get married LOL I'm perfectly happy with my life and in no hurry to get married .. 
 
The first line means that there are thousands of desires and each desire is worth dying for. Here Ghalib is talking about quantitative nature of desires. We have so many strong desires. The second line is coined beautifully. Here he says many of my wishes have been fullfilled yet those are few. lol. Point is that even many is not enough. Overall it means we have desires and then we continue to wish even when wishes get fullfilled. Khwaish means desire/ Armaan means wish. lol
 
Now come to your desires and wishes. lol
 
I think it is perfectly fine if you or any other girl has certain things that you or her want in someone and you base any relationship related decision on those things. It is also okay if one wants to wait for such an alien to show-up. In the end there is no gurantee in relationship but then again by getting all these things in that alien you will be minimizing the chance of anything getting wrong. So I totally agree with what you said. I was joking though. Thanks for taking time out to explain in detail. Only point I didnt get was how you became gran before being born. lol

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boreddamsel

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Posted: 21 May 2013 at 8:12pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by King-Anu

Only point I didnt get was how you became gran before being born. lol
The privileges of being the youngest in your generation in a huge family! Tongue 



Edited by boreddamsel - 21 May 2013 at 8:39pm

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Posted: 21 May 2013 at 8:42pm | IP Logged

Yes you were born as an aunt so that is your baseline. Now when your niece who is eder to you delivered you became a grand aunt. In 20+ year time you will be eligible for the title of great grand aunt.

Yes I think its time for good night sleep. lol.
 
oops: let me know if u want me to edit this. i noticed you have edited the family tree.


Edited by King-Anu - 21 May 2013 at 8:43pm

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Posted: 21 May 2013 at 8:46pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by King-Anu

Yes you were born as an aunt so that is your baseline. Now when your niece who is eder to you delivered you became a grand aunt. In 20+ year time you will be eligible for the title of great grand aunt.

Yes I think its time for good night sleep. lol.

LOL You saw it anyways before I removed it eh.. 
There is a good chance that my grandson will get married before I will .. LOL
Good night's sleep seems like a dream right now. So much more work to finish before I can sleep .. and so I should log out of here so that I can finish work and I can sleep Tongue

Good night, King A!

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Vinzy

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Posted: 21 May 2013 at 11:57pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by Gumrah...

No marriage.

Mission Impossible???!Wink 

butterfly15..

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Posted: 22 May 2013 at 6:47pm | IP Logged
A happy marriage that lasts would be good enough in this day and age.LOL


I think either are fine.
But I do think some people who have love marriages are more naive than those that have arranged marriages.
Some who have love marriages only ponder the good things about life with their partner, and don't realise that you still have to make an effort in your relationship, and that's why so many marriages fall apart these days. Plus love seems to have little meaning for some people these days. People give up on it too quickly. My belief is that if you can't fix your problems in a marriage, then you never really loved each other much to begin with.

When people have an arranged marriage however, they already know that they will have to work at this relationship and build up that trust and love. They don't take things for granted. Plus since they don't get married just for love, they stick together when things go wrong due to mutual commitment and respect, and they get back to a happier place.


Maybe I'm just too cynical because of where I live. Here in the UK so many 'love' marriages fall apart, and people seem to move on within weeks. Surely that can't be love?




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