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Forever-KA

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Forever-KA

Joined: 01 April 2009

Posts: 5426

Posted: 20 May 2013 at 5:25pm | IP Logged
This must be the 10th time that I have seen a topic on love versus arranged marriage where most ended up saying no marriage.
 
 
 


Edited by King-Anu - 20 May 2013 at 8:16pm

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maha2us

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maha2us

Joined: 29 October 2007

Posts: 2795

Posted: 21 May 2013 at 2:37am | IP Logged
This is a broad topic and an important one also. I can tell here what I know.

We know that arranged marriage is the one which is arranged for us by our elders. In the case of love marriage, I love someone and marry her. 

Before going into the points I mention, one thing I have understood. Choosing the correct life partner requires some maturity and sustaining the marriage also calls for becoming more mature and understanding and responsibility. Just because someone is very much romantic, does not mean he/she is a good partner.

Why was arranged marriage working for some centuries in our country? That is because during that period, anyone could be assessed as the suitable partner based on looking into certain things  and the parents who are more experienced in life than ourselves could find the truths in this area in a better way. And because of this reason, marriages worked also.

But that was in a static society. During the 21st century, the society is changing fast and the youngsters of today live with a lot of stress. Males don't have secure jobs and they expect their wives to work. Parents are also finding themselves insecure when they have to have employed DILs. They feel they lose their son because he gives more importance to his wife. And because parents become insecure they also make choices at times which the son may not like.

Thus there are many variables to be considered. But then in this situation, I would say love marriage is the better option. Why? After marriage, the two partners are going to work hard to adjust with each other and if they could find some understanding things always is better. And this becomes more important because during this era, parents are not well-equipped to find the suitable partner. And one point to be noted here is love does not mean what one sees in the movies. Both the persons have to be practical and find out what they look for in life and how one person can help the other person. Marriage is all the more important because marriage gives opportunity to become a more loving person. Marriage is sacred because there is unlimited opportunities a person has to improve his/her qualities of being a more caring, compassionate, gentle and tender person in the society.. And above all once married the marriage should not be treated lightly. The only reason a person can leave  the marriage if one finds living with his/her partner is unsafe. Otherwise both the partners must work hard to save the marriage. 

boreddamsel

IF-Rockerz

boreddamsel

Joined: 22 March 2012

Posts: 8282

Posted: 21 May 2013 at 7:27am | IP Logged
Originally posted by -Aarya-

First time around I would want to try at love marriage and if that doesn't work out then second time around I would go for arrange marriage and even if that doesn't work out than lastly I would opt for no marriage at all LOL

Aarya, I burst out laughing reading this .. why? 'coz this is the story of my life LOL 
I was in an arranged marriage first, and then almost got married to my long-time boyfriend, before I called it off.. 
But I still want to get married someday Tongue .. maybe I am a masochist LOL 

What kind of marriage would I prefer? One with a non-abusive, non-wuss, non-mama's boy, non-controlling, independent, smart, intelligent, caring, loving, health-conscious, understanding, supportive .. etc etc .. husband! No I don't ask for too much LOL


Edited by boreddamsel - 21 May 2013 at 10:24am

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Forever-KA

IF-Rockerz

Forever-KA

Joined: 01 April 2009

Posts: 5426

Posted: 21 May 2013 at 7:37am | IP Logged
Originally posted by boreddamsel

Originally posted by -Aarya-

First time around I would want to try at love marriage and if that doesn't work out then second time around I would go for arrange marriage and even if that doesn't work out than lastly I would opt for no marriage at all LOL

Aarya, I burst out laughing reading this .. why? 'coz this is the story of my life LOL 
I was in an arranged marriage first, and then almost got married to my long-time boyfriend, before I called it off.. 
But I still want to get married someday Tongue .. maybe I am a masochist LOL 

What kind of marriage would I prefer? One with a non-abusive, non-wuss, non-mama's boy, non-controlling, independent, smart, intelligent, caring, loving, healthy, understanding, supportive .. etc etc .. husband! No I don't ask for too much LOL
 
Lets sumamrize
 
- non-abusive
- non-wuss (whatever that means)
- non-mama
- non-controlling
- independent
- smart
- intelligent
- caring
- loving
- healthy
- understanding
- supportive
 
ETC
- non papa, non mammoo, non chachoo ...
- good looking
- hot bod
- non-bald
- tall
- dark
- handsome
- rich
- drool material
- ability to dance
- ability to sing
- shopoholic
- ability to travel around the world
- famous
...
...
...
- Infinity
 
hazaroon khwaishain aisi, ker har khwaish pe dum nikle
bohat nikle mere armaan, phir bhi lekin kam nikle

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boreddamsel

Joined: 22 March 2012

Posts: 8282

Posted: 21 May 2013 at 7:48am | IP Logged
Originally posted by maha2us

This is a broad topic and an important one also. I can tell here what I know.

We know that arranged marriage is the one which is arranged for us by our elders. In the case of love marriage, I love someone and marry her. 

I would say even in arranged marriage, its very important to be at least attracted to the other person before marriage. 

Before going into the points I mention, one thing I have understood. Choosing the correct life partner requires some maturity and sustaining the marriage also calls for becoming more mature and understanding and responsibility. Just because someone is very much romantic, does not mean he/she is a good partner.

If you need to be mature to choose a life partner, guys will never get married (sorry no offense) LOL and girls will never get married coz they can't find a guy who is as mature as they are! 
On a serious note, I think its important for a person in a marriage to be willing to become mature, understanding and take up responsibility when they are in a situation.  

Why was arranged marriage working for some centuries in our country? That is because during that period, anyone could be assessed as the suitable partner based on looking into certain things  and the parents who are more experienced in life than ourselves could find the truths in this area in a better way. And because of this reason, marriages worked also.

Marriages worked then, 'coz people had no other option. 

But that was in a static society. During the 21st century, the society is changing fast and the youngsters of today live with a lot of stress. Males don't have secure jobs and they expect their wives to work. Parents are also finding themselves insecure when they have to have employed DILs. They feel they lose their son because he gives more importance to his wife. And because parents become insecure they also make choices at times which the son may not like.

Marriages are better now, 'coz no one has to suffer. Working women don't need anyone's support to survive after a divorce, as long as you don't get affected by the wonderful insults people say about you and your family for no fault of yours! Tongue 

Thus there are many variables to be considered. But then in this situation, I would say love marriage is the better option. Why? After marriage, the two partners are going to work hard to adjust with each other and if they could find some understanding things always is better. 

IF parents stay out of the equation. Unfortunately marriages in India still include families and not just the two individuals. Sure, get into a love marriage, but make sure you are going to do anything to support your spouse .. and face the drama that your parents put on that you don't love them!  

And this becomes more important because during this era, parents are not well-equipped to find the suitable partner. 

True, but parents are more willing now to let children interact before asking them to make a decision about marriage. I think its important for parents to not make their kids get married young .. they need to understand that even though its important for women to have kids early, its important for girls to be mature enough to understand what kind of man they want to be married to. 

And one point to be noted here is love does not mean what one sees in the movies. 

Well there are movies that are realistic. 

Both the persons have to be practical and find out what they look for in life and how one person can help the other person. Marriage is all the more important because marriage gives opportunity to become a more loving person. Marriage is sacred because there is unlimited opportunities a person has to improve his/her qualities of being a more caring, compassionate, gentle and tender person in the society.. And above all once married the marriage should not be treated lightly. 


The only reason a person can leave  the marriage if one finds living with his/her partner is unsafe. Otherwise both the partners must work hard to save the marriage. 


Well even though I did leave my marriage coz I was in an unsafe environment, I don't think you should wait for such a situation... I was lucky, but not everyone will be. I agree you should put in everything you can to save the marriage, but you should ask yourself.. is this what you want out of your life? There is no point being in a relationship that makes you unhappy .. work suffers, health suffers, people who care about you suffer. No matter what others say, if you aren't happy, no one will be happy, including your parents or your children for whom you are stuck in that relationship. Only you will know what you should do, 'coz no one else will ever be able to understand what you are going through. So follow your heart. 


Edited by boreddamsel - 21 May 2013 at 10:23am

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Dexterkilaila

boreddamsel

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boreddamsel

Joined: 22 March 2012

Posts: 8282

Posted: 21 May 2013 at 10:41am | IP Logged
Originally posted by King-Anu

Lets sumamrize
 
- non-abusive
- non-wuss (whatever that means)
- non-mama
- non-controlling
- independent
- smart
- intelligent
- caring
- loving
- healthy
- understanding
- supportive
 
Let me explain non-wuss LOL That's a term I coined. A man who shouldn't make me feel like I have more balls than he does.. Tongue LOL 
I actually changed healthy to health-conscious as well. I hate it when people say lets go to Mc-D and save money .. and I have to go there and think of how I can eat healthy there.. 

King A .. I said I might be masochistic, not delusional LOL
The ETC basically was whatever other qualities he might have that don't affect me .. as in don't bring me emotional or physical distress. 
But since you were so sweet and took so much time to make a list of qualifications for my future husband, I thought at least reply to you .. Smile 

ETC
- non papa, non mammoo, non chachoo ... I became a grandmother before I was born and about a decade ago became a great grand-mother LOL As for my future husband having kids, I don't care.. I love kids. 
- good looking I don't know how to measure that, but yes, I should find him appealing to look at.
- hot bod Of course I love hot bods.. though I hate bulky men. He should be fit and healthy or at least want to strive to be fit and healthy by following a good diet and exercise regimen... 
- non-bald Don't care about baldness.. as long as he has something worthy under that scalp .. i.e., intelligence Tongue
- tall Don't care
- dark Don't care
- handsome Refer to good-looking (point 2)
- rich I prefer spending my own money. I don't care about money, if I did .. I would be working at a top IT firm and not working my ass off on a measly stipend.
- drool material Then I would rather marry food .. 'coz no human has ever made me drool LOL
- ability to dance Oh boy .. well if he can lead me in salsa .. Embarrassed 
- ability to sing Why not .. if I want to hear him sing, he shouldn't be ashamed that he has a bad voice
- shopoholic No, thanks .. shopping is me-time .. 
- ability to travel around the world I can travel on my own, I don't think I need a travel companion.
- famous Don't care. But if he is, well I hope its for something intellectual  
 
 
hazaroon khwaishain aisi, ker har khwaish pe dum nikle
bohat nikle mere armaan, phir bhi lekin kam nikle

I don't think I understood the hindi lyrics much .. but I think I see your point. 
Wishes will always falls short.. 

Well you know what.. that's what I kept telling myself .. and I settled for what I had. In a way I am glad I did, 'coz now I know exactly what I want in my man .. and guess what, if I don't find one with all the qualities I want, I just won't get married LOL I'm perfectly happy with my life and in no hurry to get married .. 


Edited by boreddamsel - 21 May 2013 at 10:42am

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Goldie

-Aarya-

Joined: 02 November 2010

Posts: 1613

Posted: 21 May 2013 at 10:55am | IP Logged
Originally posted by boreddamsel

Originally posted by -Aarya-

First time around I would want to try at love marriage and if that doesn't work out then second time around I would go for arrange marriage and even if that doesn't work out than lastly I would opt for no marriage at all LOL

Aarya, I burst out laughing reading this .. why? 'coz this is the story of my life LOL 
I was in an arranged marriage first, and then almost got married to my long-time boyfriend, before I called it off.. 
But I still want to get married someday Tongue .. maybe I am a masochist LOL 

What kind of marriage would I prefer? One with a non-abusive, non-wuss, non-mama's boy, non-controlling, independent, smart, intelligent, caring, loving, health-conscious, understanding, supportive .. etc etc .. husband! No I don't ask for too much LOL

 
LOL


Make sure you don't find a man who is ...

Coolers. Load them with beer and you can take them anywhere.
Computers. Hard to figure out and never have enough memory.
Placemats. They only show up when there's food on the table.
Mascara. They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
Bike Helmets. Handy in an emergency, but otherwise they just look silly.
Government Bonds. They take so long to mature.
Parking Spots. The good ones are taken and the rest are too small.
Copiers. You need them for reproduction, but that's about it.
Lava Lamps. Fun to look at, but not all that bright.
Bank Accounts. Without a lot of money, they don't generate much interest.
High Heels. They're easy to walk on once you get the hang of it.
Curling Irons. They're always hot and they're always in your hair.
Mini Skirts. If you're not careful, they'll creep up your legs.
Bananas. The older they get, the less firm they are.
Department stores. Their clothes should always be half off.
Vacations. They never seem to be long enough.
Chocolate bars. Sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.
Coffee. The best ones are rich, warm, and can keep you up all night long.
Horoscopes. They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.
Plungers. They spend most of their lives in a hardware store or the bathroom.
Laxatives. They irritate the shit out of you.
Parking spots. The good ones are already taken and what's left is handicapped.
Snowstorms. You never know when he's coming, how many inches you'll get, or how long he will last.


Especially Laxatives LOL



The following 3 member(s) liked the above post:

KraniForever-KAboreddamsel

boreddamsel

IF-Rockerz

boreddamsel

Joined: 22 March 2012

Posts: 8282

Posted: 21 May 2013 at 11:06am | IP Logged
Originally posted by -Aarya-

 
LOL


Make sure you don't find a man who is ...

Coolers. Load them with beer and you can take them anywhere.
Computers. Hard to figure out and never have enough memory.
Placemats. They only show up when there's food on the table.
Mascara. They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
Bike Helmets. Handy in an emergency, but otherwise they just look silly.
Government Bonds. They take so long to mature.
Parking Spots. The good ones are taken and the rest are too small.
Copiers. You need them for reproduction, but that's about it.
Lava Lamps. Fun to look at, but not all that bright.
Bank Accounts. Without a lot of money, they don't generate much interest.
High Heels. They're easy to walk on once you get the hang of it.
Curling Irons. They're always hot and they're always in your hair.
Mini Skirts. If you're not careful, they'll creep up your legs.
Bananas. The older they get, the less firm they are.
Department stores. Their clothes should always be half off.
Vacations. They never seem to be long enough.
Chocolate bars. Sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.
Coffee. The best ones are rich, warm, and can keep you up all night long.
Horoscopes. They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.
Plungers. They spend most of their lives in a hardware store or the bathroom.
Laxatives. They irritate the shit out of you.
Parking spots. The good ones are already taken and what's left is handicapped.
Snowstorms. You never know when he's coming, how many inches you'll get, or how long he will last.


Especially Laxatives LOL




ROFL ROFL 
Hun, I am going to save this list and share it with a lot of folks, if you don't mind ROFL ROFL 

You reminded me that I forgot to add wit and sarcasm to my list! Tongue

The following 1 member(s) liked the above post:

-Aarya-

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