Posted: 09 May 2013 at 1:07pm | IP Logged
Well i dont know if i should call it an OS.. was just getting bored when this song started playing on my phone and i made this vehli post.. didnt recheck, so, ignore the mistakes...
Still shattered with one of the worst incidents happened in her life, She
looked at 2 days old baby in her arms caressing her face slighty to which baby opened her eyes and smiled innocently at her. Her heart ached painfully at that smile and she couldn't manage to smile back...
Tears started flowing from her eyes as that smile reminded her of very precious smile which she just lost two days back..
Bin tere mujhko zindagi se khauff lagta hai
kiston kiston mein mar raha hoon roz lagta hai
Isliye mujhko apni zindagi se nafrat hai
16 years later
"Pata nahin yaar... woh achi hai..bohat achi hai.. par pata nahin phir bhi kuch hai unke andar jo mujhe samajh nahin aata... woh mujhe pyar karti hai ya nahin i dont know... But i loveee my Maaa a lottt...''and She heard her saying this to her best friend.. She reminded her of 'her' always which sometimes made her happy, sad and sometimes Angry and she felt like something was killing inside her... She never said I love u too to her because she herself didnt know whether to love her or hate her.. It was like she was just fulfiling her duty.. nothing else..
Tukdo tukdo mein mujhse roz milne wale sun..
Jab mukammal nahin milna..toh koi khwab na bunn..
Tanha tanha hoon main.. mujhe teri zaroorat hai
9 years later..
"Aapka toh pata nahin.. par pata nahin main aapke bina kaise rahungi,.. "and once again her words made her heart ache..Suddenly she was feeling 'her' presence there.. She just closed her eyes controlling her tears to flow.. Before she could go away she heard her continuing, ''Pata hai Maa, aaj aapke chehre pe mujhe ek halki si khushi dikhayi de rahi hai jo aaj se pehle nahin dikhi aur jise main dekhne k liye itni bekrar thi..aaj woh dikhi hai.. wajah nahin jaanti, Shayad zyada hi pareshan karti thi main aapko ki aaj mere door jaane pe aap khush hain.. bas itni request hai ki ise ab jaane mat dena apne chehre se..'' As she completed and hugged her crying badly, She just kept standing straight, not reacting to her hug.. though she was on the verge of breaking but somehow controlled her emotions. She was stading like a statue having no emotions. She wanted to hug her back and tell that she is world's the most beautiful bride but she didnt. because for her, she was still at fault... and her fault was only that she was born...
Mujhko Dil se yahi Shikayat hai..
Jo isko mil nahin sakta.. kyun uski chahat hai
10 years Later
"Tujhe kabhi Maa ka pyar toh nahin de paayi par tune hamesha apne saare farz ek honhar aur laayak bache ki tarah nibhaaye hain... Pata hai Gudiya...bohat saal pehle bhi ek baar main aise hi jab yeh beemari pehli baar mujhse milne aayi thi na, tab bhi main iske saath jaane ko tyaar ho gayi thi par ek farishte ne jaane nahin diya... aur mujhe rokne ke liye itna kuch seh liya ek din khud hi jaana pad gaya unhe... aur tujhe meri godi mein daal gayi... Par main tujhe kabhi sambhaal nahin paayi, kabhi ek maa ka pyar nahin de paayi... Mujhe tujhse koi shikayat nahin thi gudiya, bas mujhe apne aap se nafrat hone lag gayi thi.. main hi thi jisne di ko abortion karwane se mana kiya tha.. woh main hi thi jise chutki chahiye thi.. par mujhe nahin pata tha ki inn sab ka mujhe itna bada jurmana bharna padega...Meri har wish poori karna di ki aadat thi... aur yeh wish bhi poori karke woh chali gayi chod ke mujhe bhi aur tujhe bhi... Main tujhse nafrat nahin karti thi beta par main tere kareeb nahin aa paati thi kyunki tujhe dekh ke mujhe di ke door hone ka ehsaas hota tha... roz lagta tha ki zinda hote huye bhi main mar rahi hun pal pal... jaanti thi ki ek din teri shadi hogi, tujhse bhi door padega, isliye maine tujhe apne dil ke paas nahin aane diya... Dil dukhaya maine tera, main jaanti hun chahe tune kabhi apne muh se nahin kaha... Par iss bojh ke saath main mar nahin sakti thi...isliye tujhe aaj sab bata diya... bas mujhe maaf karke ek baar gale laga le taaki main upar jaa ke teri asli Maa ko muh dikhaane ki layak ban jaaun", as she hugged her, Manvi hugged her tightly very first n last time and closed her eyes to never open them again...