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maha2us

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maha2us

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Posted: 30 April 2013 at 11:21pm | IP Logged
I like to see a society in which sons and daughters take care of their parents. But will the law do the needful to take care of the parents? I very much doubt that. Afterall how is a family and society built? And what is really important in a family? In any family, what is important is caring, compassion, gentleness, tenderness and understanding. We do find at times, sons and daughters are not taking care of their parents. Why does this happen? The sons and daughters are not mature enough and not able to make their decisions based on understanding themselves and others. There are times, parents  (especially mother) aggravate the life of theitr son by telling bad about the son''s wife. Why? The mom is insecure and she carries a false belief that the son's wife will drive her out of the house and starve her. And so the mom also scolds the son and speaks harshly. The son finds himself in a quandary on what to do. How could things become better in this home? If this son has understanding that his mom behaves this way because of fear and insecurity and if the son could ignore what his mom says and at the same time take care of the mom in whatever way he knows and his wife also supports him, life will be better for him. And if his mom is the understanding person, she would accomodate both the son and the daughter-in-law. Thus a family works when each person is understanding, gentle and tender on oneself and others. Each adult can set an example for this to others and that is how society is built. And definitely not with laws. Because laws could be misused very easily

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maha2us

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Posted: 30 April 2013 at 11:39pm | IP Logged
@Arti, You say, ' I think a society's health and values is measured by how we care for those who are the most vulnerable - seniors, those with mental illnesses and so on.'
 
 
But this is what I find. The health and the values of the family as well as society is measured by how much each person is caring, compassionate, gentle, tender and understanding towards oneself and the others. The others include family members and those in the society. How can these qualities be fostered in anyone? Parents have to build these qualities in children when they are very young and train them to be gentle, tender, understanding and loving to others. If the parents abuse the children, beat them a lot, ridicule them and never trust them, the children would grow up with a lot of confusion and this confusion will be surely seen when the children get married when they become adults. These children when they become adults, could be easily manipulated by their husband/wife or in-laws. And one way the manipulation could result is in abandoning the parents. There are also homes in which parents are partial towards one son or daughter and allow one sibling to abuse the other. How could the abused offspring find when he/she becomes adult? When these things happen in a family, it is called dysfunctional family.
 
This type of situation does not happen when there is adeuate amount of caring, comapssion, gentleness and tenderness and understanding within a person. If the parents could foster these qualities in children, they can be assured the childten would take care of them when they are old. These qualities are more important. Pampering children with toys without attending to them doesn't help. The real quality of children becoming healthy comes up when parents understand them but not indulge them. Even as parents have to be harsh on children there has to be understanding in part of parents.
 
An interesting way how a young man can be confused: A father because he didn't want to take care of his son just gave away Kavacha and Kundala to the son when the son was born. What did the son do when the son became adult and was a confused person?

 


Edited by maha2us - 30 April 2013 at 11:43pm

--arti--

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Posted: 01 May 2013 at 8:51am | IP Logged
Originally posted by maha2us

@Arti, You say, ' I think a society's health and values is measured by how we care for those who are the most vulnerable - seniors, those with mental illnesses and so on.'
 
 
But this is what I find. The health and the values of the family as well as society is measured by how much each person is caring, compassionate, gentle, tender and understanding towards oneself and the others. The others include family members and those in the society. How can these qualities be fostered in anyone? Parents have to build these qualities in children when they are very young and train them to be gentle, tender, understanding and loving to others. If the parents abuse the children, beat them a lot, ridicule them and never trust them, the children would grow up with a lot of confusion and this confusion will be surely seen when the children get married when they become adults. These children when they become adults, could be easily manipulated by their husband/wife or in-laws. And one way the manipulation could result is in abandoning the parents. There are also homes in which parents are partial towards one son or daughter and allow one sibling to abuse the other. How could the abused offspring find when he/she becomes adult? When these things happen in a family, it is called dysfunctional family.
 
This type of situation does not happen when there is adeuate amount of caring, comapssion, gentleness and tenderness and understanding within a person. If the parents could foster these qualities in children, they can be assured the childten would take care of them when they are old. These qualities are more important. Pampering children with toys without attending to them doesn't help. The real quality of children becoming healthy comes up when parents understand them but not indulge them. Even as parents have to be harsh on children there has to be understanding in part of parents.
 
An interesting way how a young man can be confused: A father because he didn't want to take care of his son just gave away Kavacha and Kundala to the son when the son was born. What did the son do when the son became adult and was a confused person?

 


I know what you mean and I don't disagree. My point was simply that not everyone is equipped to take care of their parents. It could be because they simply don't have the resources, maybe the working adults in the family have to work full-time or two jobs to make ends meet and can't care for someone who needs more support. Kids can't really take on the responsibility of caring for elders. I've had to do that and it brings up all kinds of issues that you aren't equipped to handle. Even adults aren't equipped to handle them. And the alternative - leaving seniors home alone with little social activity can be emotionally destabilizing for them.

But as you say, families are also really complex and can be dysfunctional. Yeah, the ideal family should have values of love and compassion and understanding. But let's face it, most family members treat each other quite poorly. Sometimes senility seems to bring out the worst qualities in a person. I've witnessed this up close. You have elders sometimes who can treat their daughters-in-law or daughters worse than their sons. Or they might be stuck in a cycle of abusive family behaviour where there's no trust or respect. So if an elder is being emotionally abusive or putting pressures on their children that they can't actually handle, they shouldn't have to endure that kind of thing. It's an unhealthy environment for everyone, including children.

I'm just suggesting that outside of ideal situations, the only long-term solution that makes sense is to create safe alternatives for the care of seniors as a form of tax-funded social welfare. We all pay to create some high quality resources that everyone can use. That could be home care or it could be care in a long-term home. But something with high standards of care, ability for seniors to socialize with others and partake in some physical and mental activities if they're able to, etc. For various reasons, families are not always in a position to provide those things.

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Posted: 01 May 2013 at 9:26am | IP Logged

If there are children who are ill equipped to look after their parents we also have parents who are ill equipped to look after their children. With both parents working,  looking after their childrens educational, emotional and health needs  could be a daunting task that not every parent is  able to shoulder effectively. So should looking after the family children and elders  be taken over by the State? In a country like India where the data shows that only 2.77% of its 1.21 billion population pay personal income tax is that even feasible for any govt.?

Let me quote what the TM posted

Originally posted by .Chanchan.

Parents are always expected to provide the best care and facilities to their children,and most of them do..! But is that kindness and care reciprocated by children, once they grow older? And in cases where children choose not to care for their elderly parents, should they be legally obliged to do so? Should a law be enforced to ensure parents are taken care of by children after adulthood.

 

It was about kindness and care being reciprocated by the children and about them choosing not to do so.   It is understood that the court cannot enforce a person to carry out something beyond their means  and also that the elderly parents are not put under the care of their children against the parents wishes.  While there may be no way to force someone to be kind and caring the courts can at least ensure that the children provide financial support to elderly parents should they require it. If there  can be legal provisions to provide alimony and share of property upon divorce to  healthy young women and perhaps also to men why should there not be some legal provisions for financial support to needy elderly parents,  who mostly take care of their childrens every need to the best of their capacity whatever be the difficulties faced.  

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maha2us

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Posted: 01 May 2013 at 9:51am | IP Logged
Arti, What you say is a good point. It is a good suggestion when you say a tax-funded social welfare could be made by Govt: for taking care of the seniors. The only thing which is never acceptable for me is to bring law in this situation and make legal imposition. The point is law could not bring compassion or love. The judges don't try to understand the good reasons of why the son/daughter behaves in a certain way. Nobody likes when someone induces guilt in that person. Already one sensitive issue which is rocking the country is estranged wives slapping false cases against the innocent husbands just to satisfy their greed.

Frigate

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Posted: 01 May 2013 at 6:46pm | IP Logged
Legally, no. Taking care of parents should stem from a sense of moral responsibility, not forced! Anything forced, usually does not have the desired effect; esp. because this deals with human interaction. 

Frankly, there are parents that are also mean to their children, even though legally, they are expected to "take care" of them.

It is best if everyone plans their old age; at least financially. Love cannot be bought, but at least basic comfort can be!

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Mahika24SayNO2Fur.

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Posted: 01 May 2013 at 7:14pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by .Chanchan.

Take care of their parents in their old age?


Parents are always expected to provide the best care and facilities to their children,and most of them do..!  But is that kindness and care reciprocated by children, once they grow older? And in cases where children choose not to care for their elderly parents, should they be legally obliged to do so? Should a law be enforced to ensure parents are taken care of by children after adulthood.

Debate.


So what is the difference between parents taking care of children vs children taking care of their elderly parents?

Gumrah...

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Posted: 01 May 2013 at 7:28pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by -Aarya-

Originally posted by .Chanchan.

Take care of their parents in their old age?


Parents are always expected to provide the best care and facilities to their children,and most of them do..!  But is that kindness and care reciprocated by children, once they grow older? And in cases where children choose not to care for their elderly parents, should they be legally obliged to do so? Should a law be enforced to ensure parents are taken care of by children after adulthood.

Debate.


So what is the difference between parents taking care of children vs children taking care of their elderly parents?

As a parent,  it is your decision to have children so it is your choice to bring them into this world, hence your responsibility to take care of their needs and train them to be a responsible citizen. As a child, you never asked them to bring you into this world, your consent wasn't involved in your birth so caring for your parents in their old age all boils down to you as a person and your love for them.

To add,

Personally, i have been brought up with unconditional love from my parent,  who have worked around the clock to meet my needs and as a child, i can't wait for the day where i can give what  i have taken from them. I want to be given the opportunity to care for them in their old age and i know i can't provide or care for them the same way they have done for me. Been fortunate enough  to have parents who haven't disowned their crazy child like me so far! LOL.. So the least i can do for my parents is be there for them in their old age, when they need me. 


Edited by Gumrah... - 01 May 2013 at 7:36pm

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