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Idle Kaya13

Senior Member

Kaya13

Joined: 10 April 2012

Posts: 525

Posted: 20 April 2013 at 4:26am | IP Logged
Hey everyone...this is my first OS on this forum...I hope u like my worK!!! I would appreciate ur views and comments.

THE PERFECT REVENGE

 

BREAKING NEWS

 

ABP NEWS ' SIDDHANT ROY DEAD!!!

 

AAJ TAK ' The World Loses A Great Man - SIDDHANT ROY

 

NDTV NEWS - SIDDHANT ROY DIES DUE TO ASPHYXIA: Full Report

 

All the news channels were running the same news under different captions. Some took shots of his funeral while others interviewed his family members. Some rewound his life history and exemplified his great deeds and virtues. Not one present onscreen had a dry eye.

 

Siddhant Roy. He was the number one entrepreneur and business tycoon. But even after gaining what he did he remained humble at heart. His charity and humility were as famous as his prowess at his business. People literally kissed the ground he walked on. During his entire career of 55 years, not once did anyone find any reason to point a finger at him since he came under the spotlight. The increase in his income through the years only led to increase in the funding he provided for and increase in the respect people had for him. Even his competitors regarded him with incredulity.

On the day of his death he was supposed to be inaugurating a Research Lab dedicated to finding a cure for Cancer and AIDS.

 

Date: 12th March,

Day:  Saturday

 

Place: Siddhant's House

Time: 8 am

 

Siddhant stood dressed in an Armani three piece suit and admired his profile in the mirror. To say he took pride in himself and his work would be an understatement. He thought too much about himself but this reality was known to no one other than himself. The world regarded him as next to God and he was in no mood to change their perception. Glancing at his expensive Rado watch, he decided to wait for another 30 minutes before gracing the inauguration with his presence.

 

SAME DAY

Place: Cancer and AIDS Research Lab

Time: 9 am

There was a flurry of activity outside the lab's main entrance. Last minute preparations and checking was done to ensure that everything went smoothly. A bearded man in red shirt, black pants and jacket sporting a pair of shades hailed a worker. The worker was reprimanded for loitering around and shooed off to the entrance to be on time to present a pair off scissors at the ribbon cutting ceremony after the man checked the scissors.

Siddhant Roy reached the place at 9:30 am. After a brief greeting and speech by the director of the lab they made their way towards the main entrance. The media was covering everything. Siddhant took the pair of scissors and cut the ribbon amidst cheers and whoops.

The crowd made their way toward the stage set up on the grounds of the lab. But Siddhant was beginning to suffocate. He felt a severe choking sensation and collapsed after five minutes. There was a pandemonium and someone called the ambulance and the police. But the disaster was over. Siddhant Roy was dead.

                                            *********************************

Kartik flipped through all the channels bored to see the same thing being repeated over and over again. He glanced at the clock saw that it had been almost twelve hours since Siddhant's death. He got up and decided to go outside. Grabbing the car keys and black polythene bag he set off on a lonely path that led to a secluded place. He cut off some branches from nearby trees and made a fire. Opening the bundle he took out a red shirt, black pants and jacket followed by a false beard and a pair of gloves. He put them in the fire and stood there watching the roaring fire, making sure that everything was burnt to ashes.

He slowly made his way to a clump of thickly growing trees and came to a patch with plants that looked out of place. He gazed at the beautiful blue flowers and cut one flower, careful not to touch the leaves. He set the whole patch on fire as well. After mixing the ashes in the soil and removing any other signs, he got in the car and drove off. He reached a cemetery and made his way towards a grave that must have been six months old. He placed the blue flower on the grave and whispered, 'I have avenged you mom, for all the pain and suffering you went through.' He gazed at the blue flower; it was his mother's favourite. Aconite or wolfsbane. She liked the flower and the plant because it could take care of itself from predators due to the poison they possessed. Unlike her, they were not weak. That was why Siddhant took advantage of her and ruined her. She was as beautiful as the aconite flowers but did not have the power to protect herself. She was banished from her house after her family had found that she was expecting and that the father of the child refused to take the responsibility. So she'd run away far from her family and Siddhant, whom she knew would get the child and her killed.

She'd taken great pains to educate him and raise him, all the while bearing the tortures meted out on her by the cruel world. Kartik watched his mom die everyday when an insult was thrown her way and vowed to take his revenge.

So on the day of the inauguration, donning a disguise, he'd set off to take his revenge. He had a very potent poisonous powder that he'd extracted from the aconite leaves. He just needed to make sure that he somehow touched it. He hailed the man who was to present the scissors, scolded him and took the scissors from him and rubbed the powder which was on his gloves on the part of the scissors from which it is held. He did all this while pretending to check it. Putting it back on the tray, he gave strict instructions to the man that no one other than the Chief Guest should touch it. The worker nodded and walked off. Kartik knew that the moment Siddhant touched the scissors the powder would be absorbed in his system and would take revenge on his behalf. Aconite left no other evidence except for asphyxia i.e. difficulty in breathing due to lack of oxygen. He'd later collected the scissors as well to remove all evidence of murder.

Kartik knew he'd committed a grave crime. But he'd not killed as man but a monster who ruined lives. Siddhant had been involved in various shady deals but had managed to keep his reputation spotless.

Sometimes revenge is sweeter than honey and one bad deed can save the lives of many others.

P.S. - I take criticism well so don't back off frm gving ur views.Thank you for reading my work .



Edited by Kaya13 - 21 April 2013 at 11:45am

The following 2 member(s) liked the above post:

IndigoBluesNandiniraizaada

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Idle DonnaHarvey

IF-Rockerz

DonnaHarvey

Joined: 17 November 2012

Posts: 8592

Posted: 20 April 2013 at 2:30pm | IP Logged

Hey Kaya,

I will be terribly honest in my review here. I hope you take it in the right spirit.

  1. Loose is the opposite of tight/ lose is the opposite of win. (My pet peeve but can be easily resolved).
  2. I tend to struggle with this one as well: the overuse of adjectives. Specifically, some sentences used similar words to describe & reiterate one idea.
  3. I appreciated the amount of research you did before you wrote the story. Well done.
  4. The plot and its execution were also commendable.
  5. This one is a little technical and has nothing to do with writing itself. You want to make sure the font is easy on the eyes. Try not to bold everything. Use non-serif fonts and a soothing colour. Black is acceptable.

 

All in all, an excellent effort. Thank you for being kind with your comments and requests. 

The following 1 member(s) liked the above post:

Kaya13

Idle Kaya13

Senior Member

Kaya13

Joined: 10 April 2012

Posts: 525

Posted: 21 April 2013 at 4:07am | IP Logged
Thanxx a lot for Donna ur review. I'll keep the points in mind...and thanxx Nandini too for reading my work!!!

Edited by Kaya13 - 21 April 2013 at 4:07am

The following 1 member(s) liked the above post:

DonnaHarvey

Idle IndigoBlues

IF-Rockerz

IndigoBlues

Joined: 05 May 2010

Posts: 9254

Posted: 21 April 2013 at 12:57pm | IP Logged
i love revenge stories, especially those on the 'admired business tycoon' typesLOL nice one...you should have elaborated more on those 'shady deals' though..or actually there was no need to include that part...the whole 'you abandoned mom' thing was enoughLOL It was a really entertaining read!Big smileEmbarrassed

Edited by IndigoBlues - 21 April 2013 at 1:05pm

The following 1 member(s) liked the above post:

Kaya13

Idle Kaya13

Senior Member

Kaya13

Joined: 10 April 2012

Posts: 525

Posted: 22 April 2013 at 11:14am | IP Logged
Originally posted by IndigoBlues

i love revenge stories, especially those on the 'admired business tycoon' typesLOL nice one...you should have elaborated more on those 'shady deals' though..or actually there was no need to include that part...the whole 'you abandoned mom' thing was enoughLOL It was a really entertaining read!Big smileEmbarrassed
Thank you !!! You hv no idea how much ur compliment means to me...I really thought no one is interested in the story in this forum.

The following 1 member(s) liked the above post:

IndigoBlues

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