User
Logout
Login Register
CONTEST : IPL 2024 Prediction Game
You are here :
  1. Home
  2. Forums
  3. Debate Mansion
  4. This news is also important!
  5. Page 2
Watch
Debate Mansion Forum

This news is also important! - Page 2

share facebook twitter
boreddamsel
boreddamsel @boreddamsel IF-Rockerz
Anniversary 12 Group Promotion 5 + 5
Posted: 11 years ago
I know personally about two types of divorces .. one where the man did everything he could to make the marriage work and on the other hand where the woman did everything to make the marriage work. In the first case, both were doctors and the second case both were "techies". So I will base my comments on these two scenarios. 

 I will be happy if women who are Ph:Ds, techies, scientists etc. work to excel in their fields and shine in the World. Instead how does it help them if they don't use this God given capability but only harass their husbands? 

I did take offense at this statement right here especially 'coz I'm a techie and scientist, who will hopefully in a few years manage to finish my PhD ðŸ˜›... 

What irks me is that just because of a few incidents that happened elsewhere, some people assume that well-educated and independent women cannot be good wives! If a divorce happens, they expect it to be the girl's fault .. all that education, money and independence went to her head.. she didn't know how to compromise. I have heard this with my own ears, so many times.. ! 

The husband of the techie I mentioned above was immature and also abusive .. but after the divorce happened, she was accused of having married him for his money (even though she earned more than him) and then blaming him unnecessarily 'coz he must have refused her money even though he was sweet and kind! I can give you another case of a husband who insisted on his wife (an MBA-holder) making him hot dinner every night, even though most of the time she came home later than him... and of course went cribbing to his parents about how the wife wasn't taking care of him! In both these cases, the wives tried their best to adjust and in the end, gave up 'coz they couldn't take the abuse anymore! 

On the other hand, the doctor I talked about.. his wife wanted to get married so she could get more freedom to do what she wanted. She neither cared about the husband nor about being married. The guy did everything he could to go along with her wishes, without complaining with the hope that he could make the marriage work. She and her family tormented him, finally when he sent the divorce papers, they abused him further saying the girl had done everything she could to compromise and it was he who didn't. 

The point I am trying to make ðŸ˜† sorry for the rambling.. is that every divorce is unique, just the way every marriage is unique.. so please no more blaming us poor female PhD techie scientists.. ðŸ˜†

Let me accept that the law is not gender neutral. But why am I to be desperate? God is there even with people who are treated as less equals by the society. 
[/QUOTE]

Law favors the party that bribes more 😛.. that's how it works at least now in India .. hopefully that will change later! 
As for your topic, did you mean we should stop fighting for women's equality..? Do you think women are taking advantage of the situation and trapping men? As far as I know women have been trapping men even before feminism movements started .. remember the apsaras? ðŸ˜› 

Just because of a few such unfortunate incidents doesn't mean such cases should be discussed alongside cases, say like the ones Baazigar pointed out. 

I am no one to give advice, but the best thing the guy and his family can do is to move past the incident and move on with their lives! What is done is done.. there is no point blaming anyone! Just don't lose faith in the institution of marriage and hope that the next time things will be better! The doctor in the first case re-married and is expecting a child next month! ðŸ˜Š
Edited by boreddamsel - 11 years ago
pencil REPLY QUOTE
boreddamsel
boreddamsel @boreddamsel IF-Rockerz
Anniversary 12 Group Promotion 5 + 5
Posted: 11 years ago
Originally posted by maha2us


@Angie: You say, 'What one considers as standing up for ones right may be seen as harassment by the other party.' if a person wants to fight for his/her own rights, he/she won't go to courts. In courts, both men and women don't get justice or get due rights. The only chance they get is for harassing each other because law has a lot of loopholes and the judicial system is very lazy.

Unfortunately divorces are messy! This is why some people just stay married and suffer! 
Mutual divorces are better.. but even they take time. 

I would say the best option is to get a good lawyer .. one who is smart and can actually make the other party realize they have no chance winning against you! 
pencil REPLY QUOTE
moomin4455
moomin4455 @moomin4455 IF-Dazzler
Anniversary 12 Group Promotion 4 + 2
Posted: 11 years ago
While I understand where the TM is coming from - undoubtedly there are some women who do this and it's most certainly wrong - I agree with @BD and @baazigar that the number of these types of cases are vastly outnumbered by incidents where women are abused physically, sexually, emotionally and killed by disgruntled men over dowry issues or just because a woman is inferior in their eyes. That doesn't even begin to include female infanticide. 

One's experiences always stand out in stark contrast to statistics and reports. But it's important to also look at the big picture; cases of men being harangued by women are pretty much in the minority I'm afraid. 

Why do courts believe the wife rather than the mother or sister? Because often mothers and sisters collude with the male members of the family to abuse their daughter in laws  especially in dowry related issues - the cases that @baazigar highlighted are the tip of the iceberg. 
pencil REPLY QUOTE
maha2us
Mahadevan Venkitaraman @maha2us IF-Dazzler
Anniversary 16 Group Promotion 3
Posted: 11 years ago
I am sorry, BoredDamsel, the statement I made offended you. I can see I didn't make my point clear. I have nothing against female PhDs or techies. I have only complain against those women who behave like the female doctor you have mentioned. I know the case of one Phd and one techie woman who instead of utilizing their talents harassed their husbands.
The techie woman I am mentioning claims she is a gifted person who got frequent assignments in Europe. According to her, she even got assignments in Europe after marriage. But she claims she married her husband due to the insistence of her parents and also quit the job because of their insistence. And then she claims her husband and his family abused her a lot which according to her husband is all lies. Her husband claims she was pained because of the lot she made for herself and blames him and his family and what happened was only some verbal quarrels which happens in every home. And finally she went on to lodge cases against her husband and his family but stopped working. I have some questions. What was the need for her to resign her job to marry her husband? Why could she not assertively tell her parents what she wanted to do? The chances of her husband or his family harassing her is remote because she has means to take care of herself. She can insist her husband she wouldn't stop working in her profession. What helps her? Being in the job and shining in life or fighting her husband and his family in court wasting her energy.
 
I know another PHD woman who just resigned her job because she had to fight her husband in court to claim a hefty maintenance as well as to occupy the house he had bought with the loan from his company. According to her husband, she went on to quarrel with him because he got job in another city where she refused to shift.
 
What I know is a nice husband supports his wife if she is ambitious and on whatever she likes to do in life. He is prepared to live away from his parents if he could see that living with them is against the interests of his wife, if she could mention him clearly what she wants to do in life. This is how I had been to my deceased wife. I shifted to the city where she wanted to work because I knew I could do well in that city also.
pencil REPLY QUOTE
boreddamsel
boreddamsel @boreddamsel IF-Rockerz
Anniversary 12 Group Promotion 5 + 5
Posted: 11 years ago
Originally posted by maha2us


I am sorry, BoredDamsel, the statement I made offended you. I can see I didn't make my point clear. I have nothing against female PhDs or techies. I have only complain against those women who behave like the female doctor you have mentioned. I know the case of one Phd and one techie woman who instead of utilizing their talents harassed their husbands.

Please don't apologize! I put a smiley at the end with the hope that you understood I was joking! I just wanted to point out that people do generalize like that..! 
I don't understand some people.. what happiness do they get out of torturing others? I'm unhappy, so I will make others around me miserable too??? ðŸ˜²
 
What I know is a nice husband supports his wife if she is ambitious and on whatever she likes to do in life. He is prepared to live away from his parents if he could see that living with them is against the interests of his wife, if she could mention him clearly what she wants to do in life. This is how I had been to my deceased wife. I shifted to the city where she wanted to work because I knew I could do well in that city also.

Agreed about the bold and that applies to a wife as well.. she should support her husband too, even if he wants to study at a later stage in his life, for example.
I'm sorry to hear about your wife! 


Edited.. 

Ok, just wanted to add.. those women must have had some mental problems. The doctor I mentioned.. he and his wife went for marriage counseling and it was revealed that she was suffering from some condition .. nothing serious, but something like issues adapting to new situations .. but that's how they managed to get the divorce in the end! No one in their right mind would do such illogical stuff! Normally such things happen in marriages when one is insecure or jealous or has ego issues or spoilt or adamant or just unable to adjust.. or maybe they might even be homosexual and not know it! 

The girl you mentioned was clearly depressed, and because of her ego, she wouldn't admit it was her own fault she was depressed.. and blamed her husband and her family. Baah, screw her! Your friend deserves better.. 

Edited by boreddamsel - 11 years ago
pencil REPLY QUOTE
maha2us
Mahadevan Venkitaraman @maha2us IF-Dazzler
Anniversary 16 Group Promotion 3
Posted: 11 years ago
@Moomin: You say, 'Why do courts believe the wife rather than the mother or sister? Because often mothers and sisters collude with the male members of the family to abuse their daughter in laws especially in dowry related issues '
 
That means courts can believe the wife because in majority of the cases, mothers and sisters abuse the DIL. And so the court need not look into the merits of any case and just make a decision because  of what is happening in majority. Still my question stands, 'What kind of justice is this?'
 
Every case is unique and every human being whether it is male or female deserve to be understood and heard. Males and his family members also deserve fair hearing. And as far those women, who are able to work as doctors, engineers or MBAs or any other working woman, anyone can only laugh if she tells the court that she is being tortured by the family members of the husband.  All that she needs to do is take up another residence, concentrate on the job and put pressure on husband that the marriage would be continued if he prepared to stay with her where she is and telling him that what she wants to do is important for her. Good husbands understand what she says. This is in total contrast to taking the husband and his family members to the court and harassing them which nobody can accept. Probably if these women harassment laws were used by housewives and those who have low education and it these women tell in the court that the husband's family tortured her, what she says could have some merit and could be accepted. But then this issue became prominent because the laws 498a and DV act are (mis) used by women who are techies, doctors, PhDs and MBAs and others who can work.
 
Definitely everyone has right to fight for justice. But fight for showing your strength. But don't cry a victim, if you have means to help yourself.
 
Cheers,
pencil REPLY QUOTE
maha2us
Mahadevan Venkitaraman @maha2us IF-Dazzler
Anniversary 16 Group Promotion 3
Posted: 11 years ago
@Baazigar: You have shown some news items from the media. It is definitely possible there is more violence against women in India than violence against men. Still violence is violence and every violence deserves to be given importance.
 
When the rape case of Nirbhaya happened in Delhi, everyone highlighted what happened to her. But a young man tried to help her against the offenders and was severely wounded. Nothing is heard of him anymore from the media. Why is the violence against him not important? Is it because he is inferior to Nirbhaya? Whatever is said, though one could say a lot about men being violent to women, men have also done great job protecting women throughout the period of civilization.
 
Do we have to believe that the Kerala miniister's wife told the truth? She is a doctor and could support herself. Her claims are she was being torutured for sixteen yrs. She could have just lived away from him. Probably she put up a false case trying to make her husband concede her hefty demands because she is greedy. The Kerala chief minister is forcing the forest minister to accept those demands. If that is the way a minister behaves any greedy woman could make demands like that. A common man will be too much pained if he has to part with hard-earned money for divorcing a harassing wife and getting rid of her.
pencil REPLY QUOTE
moomin4455
moomin4455 @moomin4455 IF-Dazzler
Anniversary 12 Group Promotion 4 + 2
Posted: 11 years ago
Originally posted by maha2us


@Moomin: You say, 'Why do courts believe the wife rather than the mother or sister? Because often mothers and sisters collude with the male members of the family to abuse their daughter in laws especially in dowry related issues '
 
That means courts can believe the wife because in majority of the cases, mothers and sisters abuse the DIL. And so the court need not look into the merits of any case and just make a decision because  of what is happening in majority. Still my question stands, 'What kind of justice is this?'
 
Every case is unique and every human being whether it is male or female deserve to be understood and heard. Males and his family members also deserve fair hearing. And as far those women, who are able to work as doctors, engineers or MBAs or any other working woman, anyone can only laugh if she tells the court that she is being tortured by the family members of the husband.  All that she needs to do is take up another residence, concentrate on the job and put pressure on husband that the marriage would be continued if he prepared to stay with her where she is and telling him that what she wants to do is important for her. Good husbands understand what she says. This is in total contrast to taking the husband and his family members to the court and harassing them which nobody can accept. Probably if these women harassment laws were used by housewives and those who have low education and it these women tell in the court that the husband's family tortured her, what she says could have some merit and could be accepted. But then this issue became prominent because the laws 498a and DV act are (mis) used by women who are techies, doctors, PhDs and MBAs and others who can work.
 
Definitely everyone has right to fight for justice. But fight for showing your strength. But don't cry a victim, if you have means to help yourself.
 
Cheers,

OK I really don't know what to reply here. This issue is close to your heart and I completely agree that justice should be meted out on a case by case basis. But unfortunately this doesn't happen: when a precedence is set the courts are likely to be bias - not fair for the few cases which go against the grain, but true.

Are you saying that educated women abusing these laws is wrong but uneducated abusing said laws would be better??? Abuse of any law is reprehensible, but as I said, some cases are just seen in a bias light because many, many women in Indian families have been so publicly mistreated over dowry issues, or for other stupid  reasons. India is a patriarchal society so women are generally viewed in a more generous light - especially wives - because of such cases as @baazigar pointed out. 

Is this right in ALL cases where a woman has a specific agenda to malign her husband? No, not at all, but in general too many women have been through too much crap simply because they are female to not be afforded the benefit of the doubt in court.
pencil REPLY QUOTE
.Sandy.
SANDY @.Sandy. IF-Sizzlerz
Anniversary 12 Group Promotion 5 + 8
Posted: 10 years ago
I agree to this side today


infact women now a days is no longer bechari or abla naari 
i have seen and experienced it myself as well...now a days women cares less if they are getting divorced or their marriage can break.

i am MUSLIM AlhumduLillah...and near ALLAH SWT in all legals works Divorce is the one most hated one...

now a days women in houses are more dangerous then stupid politicans hell man they can do anything to get their motives done

infact we can see Ekta's famous K shows vamps inour houses lol

harrasing not just man in family but womens as well

ALLAH protect us all from such stupid womens
pencil REPLY QUOTE
McNinja
McNinja @McNinja IF-Rockerz Inactive
Anniversary 11 Group Promotion 5 + 3
Posted: 10 years ago
Originally posted by sandy1


I agree to this side today


infact women now a days is no longer bechari or abla naari 
i have seen and experienced it myself as well...now a days women cares less if they are getting divorced or their marriage can break.

i am MUSLIM AlhumduLillah...and near ALLAH SWT in all legals works Divorce is the one most hated one...

now a days women in houses are more dangerous then stupid politicans hell man they can do anything to get their motives done

infact we can see Ekta's famous K shows vamps inour houses lol

harrasing not just man in family but womens as well

ALLAH protect us all from such stupid womens

There have always been conniving and manipulative  people around...men and women both. It's nothing new. 

And how vast is this experience you are referring to..about women not caring about ending a marriage? What about the flipside...divorces with valid reasons such as infidelity, abuse. negligence..what does your experience say about this? I'm assuming there is plenty of facts and data you have to back up the gross generalizations you're making. 

Most religions discourage from divorce, especially ones based on impulsive decisions but it's not marked as a sin like you're making it sound. Though I see no reason for your religious beliefs to be brought into this at all. 

It's not stupid people one needs to be protected from, it's people with some pretty regressive and oppressive ideologies that I hope to be protected from. It's usually them who make life hell. ðŸ˜†
pencil REPLY QUOTE
left-big Previous 1 2 3 Next right-big

Related Topics

No Related topics found

Topic Info

9 Participants 28 Replies 2679Views

Topic started by maha2us

Last replied by McNinja

loader
loader
up-open TOP