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maha2us IF-Dazzler
maha2us
maha2us

Joined: 29 October 2007
Posts: 2936

Posted: 10 April 2013 at 11:22pm | IP Logged
Hi Friends,
 
When a rape happened in New Delhi, it became a topic of global announcement and so much publicity was given to the rape incident. Everyone's opinion was sought after. Definitely I am also condemning the rape incident and I like to see that the society takes required measures so that females are safe and those who are raped are treated with dignity and those who commit rape are punished adequately and girls are trained in karate or judo.
 
But what I am looking for is every incident of injustice is given adeqiate publicity. And one of them which is becoming a burning topic is a lot of wives put false cases against their husbands these days and this has caused all sorts of insecurity among men. Men are forced to fight cases in faraway cities. They have to pay hefty amounts to lawyers. They lose jobs and their energy is drained. Many men commit suicide also. One of them in Bangalore  committed suicide yesterday as he became over stressed due to the harassment by his wife and his MIL. This incident also deserves adequate publicity. These days more and more women are leaving their husbands and not living with them. Niether would they give divorce and they give divorce only if they are given huge amounts of money. How will the family grow if this is the way?
 
My dear sisters, When I say this, I am not against women. In fact God calls for men and women to live together. Men have sisters and women have brothers. And I very well know that a sister is the first person who supports her brother when his wife behaves cruelly with him. All that I call for is every injustice in the society has to be fought impartially. Incidentally one thing we see in a woman's cell is, they believe whatever a wife tells. But then they don't believe whatever a mother or a sister tells. What type of justice is this?
 
I am sorry for what I say offended anyone.
 
Cheers,


Edited by maha2us - 11 April 2013 at 12:08am

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Posted: 11 April 2013 at 7:15am | IP Logged
There is absolutely no need to be sorry. You have presented a different side of the story which I never thought about i.e. women harassing innocent married men.
 
The problem is human nature. When you are restriced or prevented and then when you are suddenly let loose you compensate by going to othe extreme. This is human nature. Its like if you loose your one sense other senses compensates and become more more receptable.
 
It is possible that women of today are brought up in an environment where they have seen a certain social structure and then they are living in another much more open and free structure. Therefore some among them are unable to adjust and abusing and misusing it.
 
Time is usually the soultion.
 

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Posted: 11 April 2013 at 9:05am | IP Logged

I agree that every case of injustice should ideally  get properly redressed but considering the huge numbers and frequency in which they occur is it realistic to expect publicity for every incident of injustice  ? It makes more sense to create awareness about  injustice in general and its mitigation  instead of expecting to get  publicity for each and every incident. Of course one is free to try and gain publicity for their individual cases any way they can.

Its true that cases of husbands being harassed by their wives are being increasingly reported these days . Having said that I strongly disagree   that it can in any way be compared to the  rape case mentioned above.

People have an opportunity to choose their spouses , if they give in to coercion that's upto them . Act in haste repent at leisure. When a marriage doesn't seem to be working the couple has a chance to either work on it or call quits by filing for divorce. A separation need not be such an ugly affair. One can be matured and settle things in an amicable way. Where is the need to harass  your significant other? I ve always believed that it takes two to tango.  Why does one have to get into a victimization mood  instead of taking responsibility for ones own contribution to a problem? Having done that it would be possible to negotiate a least damaging situation for both. The women cell officials dealing with the case come from the same society and can be expected to behave as per the social  trend. Society gets influenced by individuals who in turn bear the brunt of social norms.

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Posted: 11 April 2013 at 9:08am | IP Logged
 
The problem is human nature. When you are restriced or prevented and then when you are suddenly let loose you compensate by going to othe extreme. .
 
It is possible that women of today are brought up in an environment where they have seen a certain social structure and then they are living in another much more open and free structure. Therefore some among them are unable to adjust and abusing and misusing it.
 
Time is usually the soultion.
 

The problem is definitely related to human nature but not the one stated of coming out from a restricted environs to a freedom. It seems to suggest that women deserve to be kept under restrictions to ensure good wives! There could be various reasons for harrassment of the other spouse like -

One of the partner forced into a marriage he/she did not want

Incompatible match

Domineering husband or wife…leading to rebellion in the other after patience runs dry

Interfering relatives who may further worsen  the situation

Unrealistic or unmet  expectations

Vindictive nature of the concerned person

And many more.

 

It would be very difficult to make  any sweeping generalization in such cases as each case needs to be viewed on its own merits. However, if the differences are major and if there is no wish to reconcile from either side then time is not going to be a solution. Earlier you part ways the better it will be for all concerned. I know a case where the girl refused to give  divorce out of spite as she felt that she and her child had both been subjected to a lot of humiliation by her in laws and her husband had been a mute spectator. This was despite the fact that they have been living separately for years.

 

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Posted: 11 April 2013 at 10:14am | IP Logged
Originally posted by _Angie_

 
The problem is human nature. When you are restriced or prevented and then when you are suddenly let loose you compensate by going to othe extreme. .
 
It is possible that women of today are brought up in an environment where they have seen a certain social structure and then they are living in another much more open and free structure. Therefore some among them are unable to adjust and abusing and misusing it.
 
Time is usually the soultion.
 

The problem is definitely related to human nature but not the one stated of coming out from a restricted environs to a freedom. It seems to suggest that women deserve to be kept under restrictions to ensure good wives! There could be various reasons for harrassment of the other spouse like -

Women deserve to be kept under restrictions to ensure good views? Did my post suggest that? lol.
 
First, we are NOT talking about all women here but those who have these issues with men.
Second, now there is a problem somewhere and therefore such acts.
Third, my theory is that it is possible that the mindset behind harassing and abusing innocent husbands could have evolved from concious or sub-concsious influence of living in a particular environment and then when breaks that environment its human nature that we tend to abuse that as well. Both approaches are wrong.
 
 
One of the partner forced into a marriage he/she did not want

Incompatible match - this doesnt mean one harrases other

Domineering husband or wife'leading to rebellion in the other after patience runs dry - the situation described doesnt suggest husband as domineering

Interfering relatives who may further worsen  the situation - a supportive role at worst

Unrealistic or unmet  expectations - not an excuse

Vindictive nature of the concerned person - doesnt explain a trend

And many more.

 

It would be very difficult to make  any sweeping generalization in such cases as each case needs to be viewed on its own merits. However, if the differences are major and if there is no wish to reconcile from either side then time is not going to be a solution. Earlier you part ways the better it will be for all concerned. I know a case where the girl refused to give  divorce out of spite as she felt that she and her child had both been subjected to a lot of humiliation by her in laws and her husband had been a mute spectator. This was despite the fact that they have been living separately for years.

The context of my post was discussing a trend "becoming a burning topic is a lot of wives put false cases against their husbands these days"

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Posted: 11 April 2013 at 10:39am | IP Logged
No reason whatsoever justifies harassment of any kind to anyone. I simply pointed out some of the excuses.
 
While the cases are increasing its by no means a burning topic. If it were then it would have been a hot topic with the media whereas the OP is complaining the lack of publicity given to these cases. Besides,  without full details of the case it is dificult to judge who is being falsely implicated and why. What one considers as standing up for  ones right may be seen as harassment by the other party.

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maha2us IF-Dazzler
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Posted: 11 April 2013 at 10:47am | IP Logged
King Ann and Angie, thanks for your replies.
As you said, King Ann, definitely it is a burning topic of these days in which a lot of wives put false cases against their husbands.
@Angie: When you say, 'People have an opportunity to choose their spouses , if they give in to coercion that's upto them . Act in haste repent at leisure. When a marriage doesn't seem to be working the couple has a chance to either work on it or call quits by filing for divorce. A separation need not be such an ugly affair.' , there are good points there. Definitely when the marriage seems not to be working, the couple have a chance to work on it. And how can one work that way? What is important is husband and wife have to make an effort to understand and learn about each other and be patient with each other. In fact marriage will work if both the persons see the marriage as an opportunity to become a more loving person and improve the ability to be loving. But if the marriage does not work, it means one of the partners is not prepared to become more mature. And for becoming more mature, freedom is not a bar. In fact, freedom makes a woman (and man) only more loving. And if a woman is not prepared to do her homework she could settle for a peaceful divorce. Instead a trend is made in India in which women harass the husbands in courts to part with hefty sums. Some men out of sheer frustration also part with money so that they could become peaceful.
But this is not a healthy trend. It is a healthy trend if women are encouraged to become engineers, scientists, pilots, astronauts etc. in which their creativity comes up. But how does it help them when they file false cases? An unfortunate aspect of courts is both the parties in a court case get chance to harass each other. I will be happy if women who are Ph:Ds, techies, scientists etc. work to excel in their fields and shine in the World. Instead how does it help them if they don't use this God given capability but only harass their husbands? An unfortunate aspect of these cases is they are not gender neutral.
Probably this is my idea now. Let me accept that the law is not gender neutral. But why am I to be desperate? God is there even with people who are treated as less equals by the society. Men who are up against false cases can overcome this disadvantage which is possible only if they access God's power available to them and once they house God in their hearts they can do much better in the world.
Cheers,

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maha2us IF-Dazzler
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Posted: 11 April 2013 at 10:57am | IP Logged
@Angie: You say, 'What one considers as standing up for ones right may be seen as harassment by the other party.' if a person wants to fight for his/her own rights, he/she won't go to courts. In courts, both men and women don't get justice or get due rights. The only chance they get is for harassing each other because law has a lot of loopholes and the judicial system is very lazy.

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