Chapter 21
Asad drove up into the drive way and headed straight from his room. He was tired and he had a headache. He felt as if a dark cloud was hovering over his head. Nowadays he was irritated all the time. He knew he was making it difficult for people around him. He didn't have to go off on Abid today the way he did. Abid was his personal assistant and had been working for him for the past six years, he would have to think of a way to apologize to him.
He closed his eyes in frustration. The image was always there, he never seemed to get rid of it. It was two months since Zoya had left for New York. The only few moments of calmness he felt was when he pictured her in his mind but that was followed by a desperate urge to see her, touch her and have her close to him. He was going out of his mind without her. He had to do something about it.
000
Zoya woke up with a start only to realize that her cell phone was ringing. She picked it up and heard Humaira's voice at the other end.
"Are you awake?" She asked anxiously
"Now I am. Is everything ok Humi? This is really early for you considering it's the weekend." Zoya glanced at the clock on her bedside. It was 7:30 in the morning.
"Yes everything is fine. Can you get dressed in an hour? I'll come over." Said Humaira
"Sure. Are you ...?" The phone went dead before Zoya could finish her sentence.
Zoya took a quick shower and got dressed as quickly as she could and before she was done with her makeup she heard the door bell ring. She jumped up, Humi had the keys to her apartment and she never rang the bell. Thinking that something might be seriously wrong she flew towards the door and flung it wide open.
Asad was leaning against the wall with his arms folded across his chest.
She had gone over this moment in her head a thousand times. Everytime she crossed the road or looked out of the window or even went for a stroll she imagined, no hoped, that she would find him standing somewhere with his arms folded across his chest. But her imagination was nothing compared to the reality of him standing right in front of her. Seeing him brought a flood of pain and aching need. She wanted to touch him so badly that not doing so required a positive effort of will.
"Aren't you going to ask me to come inside?" Asad finally asked
"Of course" Zoya moved aside and closed the door behind him.
He stood in the middle of her apartment dwarfing everything around him.
"Would you like some tea or coffee" she asked ignoring her violently beating heart.
"No Zoya. Please sit down, I have to talk to you" Asad said
Zoya sat down nervously on the edge of the couch, her hands clasped together to stop them from shaking. She stole a glance at him, he looked tired, there were dark circles around his eyes and his hair was disheveled. He had probably not slept last night or last few nights. She was horrified by the austere contours of his face, his cheekbones had become more pronounced making her think he had lost a lot of weight. He still looked devastatingly handsome though, she thought. She felt her stomach nerves clenched in on them selves. She thought she had committed every last detail of him to memory but the memories did not do him justice.
Asad stood in front of her raking his fingers through his hair.
"Zoya" he started. "I am sorry about the way things ended between us..."
"Asad please" Zoya said, she didn't want to hear how they had made a mistake and he regretted it. She did not want him to say that again. For her it was the most beautiful thing that had happened in her life.
"Zoya please let me finish." He said, "I know you regret what happened that night but I don't. I think we can build something that will last on what we have."
Hiding her surprise Zoya studied him. "I thought you made it a point to avoid anything permanent" she remarked drily.
"But that was before I fell in love with you"
He said it so simply that for a moment she couldn't speak. She was expecting anything but this. She looked up at him. Shock written all over her face and then the opportunity to speak was gone as Asad urgently continued, "I know you are still in love with your husband and that's fine with me. Could you please give me a chance? Give us a chance?"
Asad fell on his knees and took her hands in his. They both felt the familiar tingling in their fingers.
"Zoya I know you were probably not expecting this. You don't have to marry me right now but can you please say you'll consider it." Asad said
Marry him? It took a few seconds to sink in but she was more horrified by what he had said about her husband. "Asad I think you should sit down and listen to this." Zoya said finally.
Asad shrugged off his coat and she saw once again how much weight he had actually lost. He came and sat down beside her on the couch next to her.
"Asad our parents died when we were very young" She started
"I know" Asad said softly taking her hand in his.
"What you don't know is that my Dad killed my mom" Tears of humiliation and shame burnt behind her closed lids. This was the first time she had said the words out loud. "We don't know where he is, they never found him. Humi and I lived on dole outs all our lives. I told you aunty and uncle took us in when I was twelve. When I passed out of high school and I decided to move out and take charge of my own life but was I wrong.
"I met Farhaan, he was in my class mate in school. He was a quiet, unassuming boy. When he proposed to me I did not have any reason to say no. Moreover his parents were Indian so I thought it would be nice to have a connection to my roots. I always wanted that.
"We got married in the court house the very next day we graduated from High school. We rented a small apartment near our work. I did it up with a lot of care and I loved having my own house. It was like a dream come true. A place of my own where I could live without fear. No one would be able to throw me out of it. I was counting the days when Humi would be able to come and live with me forever." She smiled and held on to his hands tightly.
"Initially, for the first few months everything was fine, Farhaan was caring enough but slowly things started changing, for one thing I realized he had a terrible temper. Pretty soon I found myself tiptoeing around him for fear of making him lose his temper. I started doing everything that I thought he liked but it started getting worse. I was studying and working double shifts at a local grocery store and a pizza parlor and then I would come home and clean up the house from top to bottom because he wanted everything spick and span. I didn't mind it though. It was my house too and I didn't for a moment think it was not normal. I thought that was what all wives did.
"But then the temper accelerated and he became moody and distant. He started slapping me for the slightest mistakes. Then the beatings started with whatever he could get his hands on."
"No" she heard Asad say while he put his arms around her and pulled her closer to him and kissed her forehead. "My baby".
"I soon realized I was pregnant. I thought things would improve. A baby would make a difference in our lives. He would be kind towards me because I was carrying his child but I was wrong. If anything he became even more cruel. He started accusing me of having affairs with other men. Everytime Aamir would call, there would hell to pay. I kept explaining to him that he was my cousin, my brother but he wouldn't listen to me. I had to tell Aamir to stop talking to me, to never meet me. In fact I broke off relations with everyone I knew, except Humi, but the situation never got better.
"One day, in anger he pushed me and I fell down the stairs and I had a miscarriage. Even then I convinced myself that it was an accident, he didn't mean it. I thought maybe he didn't want a child so soon into the marriage and things would improve when the child was not in the picture but it didn't. It seemed there was no way out.
"You know what I tell my clients now. Don't take it, don't go on, stop it before it gets physical but I learnt it the hard way. It took almost a year for me to get out of the relationship. I would have continued taking the abuse but the last straw was when Humi came to live with us and he tried to...he tried to...rape her. It was then it struck me that things were never going to improve. I was fooling myself, investing in a relationship that was dead. I called the cops. They took him away on domestic abuse charges but soon they had other drug related charges on him too. He was sent to jail and somebody stabbed him to death there. It was probably one of his friends in the drug business."
"Good, if he was not dead then I would have killed him myself" Asad said
"Asad, I don't think I am made to live a normal life. I think I have inherited my mother's fate." Zoya looked at him with tears in her eyes. "If I will be with you I'll just destroy your life too"
"You don't know the whole truth about your parents. Sometimes things aren't as they appear. I am sure your mother was happy to have both of you, Humaira and you in her life."
"My sweet Zoya, I love you and I am dying without you. I know only one thing, my life is destroyed if you are not in it. I can only be happy with you. Can you give me a chance to make you happy? Please." He dragged her into his arms and kissed her almost savagely. Zoya responded eagerly, half sobbing, her hands holding his head.
He said at last, his breathing ragged, "Will you marry me Zoya?"
"Yes" said Zoya "I will"
"You know I have never loved anyone as I love you. I did not realize I was capable of it" He said. "When I met you it was like I found the other side of myself. What is that about?" He held her away from him, as if he could not quite understand what he was saying.
"I know I feel that too. And our fingers..." she said hesitantly
He took her fingers near his lips and kissed them one at a time. "Let's get married today."
"Today?" Zoya asked surprised.
"Yes, today." Asad said letting go of her reluctantly, "Where is your phone? Let me call Ayaan I'm sure he can arrange something"
000
"Ammi I'm going ahead with it. I hope you are okay with not being here" Asad asked his mother over the phone.
"Asad this is great. When you guys come here we'll throw a grand reception but for now I am happy that my confirmed bachelor of a son is getting married." Dilshad sounded overjoyed. "Where is my daughter in law let me talk to her and give her some warnings about what she is about to get into."
"She and Humaira are in the other room getting dressed and no, you can only talk to her after the Nikaah so she doesn't change her mind after talking to you" Asad laughed.
"Good move my beta jaani" Dilshad laughed
"Ammi I'll call you right after the ceremony." Asad said
"Okay, give my love to my Zoya"
"I will, Uh Ammi , did you know about the marriage and how miserable...? Asad asked cautiously
"Yes I did, Zoya told me a while back but I didn't tell you because it was not mine to tell" said Dilshad
"Ammi, I love you" said Asad never failing to admire the woman that was his mother.
"I love you too my son, I love you too" she said.
He paced anxiously in Zoya's apartment. He had called Ayaan and asked him to get hold of a Maulvi who could get Zoya and him married right away. Thankfully it was the weekend so most people were available. Ayaan had immediately called Aamir who knew a Maulvi, Mr. Pasha, personally and he readily agreed to perform the ceremony. They had to reach the mosque in half an hour.
"Zoya, are you guys done? We'll be late" he knocked on the bedroom door.
"Bhaijaan give her some time. It is her wedding day after all" Humaira called out.
When Zoya stepped out of the room Asad was mesmerized to see his lovely bride. "Shall we?" he grinned and extended his hands. Zoya placed her hand and her heart in his. He squeezed it reassuringly and she knew it was a promise never to let it go.
000
Many many hours later, they lay in bed. The first time they had made love there had been pleasure it was true, but this...this total giving of themselves, freed from constraints and fear, they had both responded with absolute love. They were both silent, shaken to the depths by their feelings for each other. They lay, hands loosely clasped, in peaceful companionship.
Asad said, "I know this is not the right time but do you have anything to eat?"
Zoya laughed out loud, "Let me order Chinese delivery. Is that okay?"
He kissed her bare shoulders. "At this hour? It's past midnight"
"This is New York, you can get anything any time" She moved, stretching languorously. A hint of mischief came into her voice.
"Will you be able to live in Bhopal? It's a far cry from New York." Asad said a little concerned.
"I'll be fine Asad" she said
He kissed her again. "But seriously, you will tell me if there is anything you don't like. We must talk more. For instance, I know your career is important to you. You must not give it up. We can arrange things. Of course you will have to work with an NGO to begin with." He said reflectively, "it would be a good idea to have children now, so you can return to your career full time after they grow up a bit. What do you think?"
She stroked one finger delicately along his lips. "I think I'd rather wait and see. I'm not in the mood to make such long term plans at the moment."
Asad bit her finger, "I am just trying to communicate." he said in a mock injured voice.
She laughed. "There are other ways to communicate."
"Fine, fine," he grumbled. "There I am trying to be a supportive and liberated husband and all you can think of is sex."
"Yup" she moved sinuously against him.
"Maybe you are right" he agreed. When his lips met hers, she could feel he was laughing. "I can't concentrate on conversation when you feel like this against me anyway." The slow fires began to burn as they touched and entwined.
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