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Arhi FF: The Trampled Butterfly #1 Check pg 153 (Page 28)

nina282 Senior Member
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Posts: 825

Posted: 10 April 2013 at 12:42am | IP Logged
Please continue:-) great start

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molten_lava

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Posted: 10 April 2013 at 1:54am | IP Logged
Helloji, 

The first Chapter was mainly about Arnav, but in this chapter you have introduced many characters Big smileBig smile
And I know that you give importance to all your characters, I think it's a significant chapter LOLLOL


LAVANYA LOLLOL

Sincerely speaking I didn't expect her in this FF, so was completely shocked !! 
She's the same La we met in the show 'Baby  ...' PinchPinch
I don't think she's bad, but I think she's going to be annoying just like she's annoying Arnav LOLLOL

Precisely, what Arnav is doing with Lavanya, when she annoys him D'ohD'oh
For physical relation ?? ShockedShocked


ANJALI Big smileBig smile

I can't imagine Daljeet being called Chutki ROFLROFL
How old is she ?? Because reading the chapter I don't think she's old enough for getting married !!
She seems rather 16-17 or maybe it's because she's potrayed as too sweet person WinkWink


ARTHUR SINGH RAIZADA ConfusedConfused

I don't know what to think about him, I'm a bit confused I think I should wait for the story to progress to learn more about him.
For me he seemed quite cold and too formal Confused
He's also a bit Arrogant LOLLOL
Honor is going to take a big place in this FF WinkWink
But I noticed he loves his son and have some remorses WinkWink
However I liked the way Arnav behaved with his father, that military type conversation LOLLOL

Mmmh he thinks that his son has ' Casanova rich spoilt brat ways ' 
Interesting !! Big smileBig smile
I liked his conversation with his wife. He's not blind, and knows his son well. Or is he a bit overeacting ?? 

Arnav isn't someone who really cares for his Family ?? ShockedShocked
After reading the conversation between Arthur and Naina, I feel like Arnav is more a single handed person, who doesn't like interacting with others ShockedShocked

 "But the tiny irrational, emotional, foolish part of my brain says, yes, maybe someday." WinkWink


Last but not the least LOLLOL

KHUSHI Big smileBig smile

I immediately knew that it was her LOLLOL
Only her could fit that description, enna LOLLOL

So Khushi is from a middle class whose family worked or works for the elite (for the Raizada ??) ShockedShocked

I loved Khushi's behaviour with Arnav !! SHe tried to be formal but she couldn't ConfusedConfused
Arnav recognised her with her eyes, how did she recognise Arnav ?? EmbarrassedEmbarrassed

'Ofcourse, he remembered her very well. That cute little girl with two pony tails who would sit behind him, clutching his back tightly as he sped down the very same road in his bicycle every day. She was that same girl who used to share her ice candy with him bought from the only rupee she used to get once a month as pocket money.'

I loved that part WinkWink
It's very revealing about Khushi's personnality !! Even one ruppe she would share it with others Big smileBig smile

But 'fatefull day which has scarred him permanently' ShockedShocked
Gosh what  happened ?? OuchOuch
Arnav had seen something horrific happened to Khushi and didn't help her ShockedShocked

Arnav was cold, but I think we can't judge him because, afterall we don't why he's behaving like that !! ConfusedConfused

But I really felt bad for Khushi !


So Wonderful chapter !! I enjoyed it !! 
Big smileBig smileBig smile


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mysterious_mazemolten_lavaNichuss

mysterious_maze Goldie
mysterious_maze
mysterious_maze

Joined: 19 February 2012
Posts: 1466

Posted: 10 April 2013 at 11:53am | IP Logged

okey now am back with my comment... quite late but Embarrassed


Chapter one

 

this Arnav is change i mean really really change... am not comparing it with Mirage but I must say this Arnav is entirely change from your other work... 

 

He stuck out his head outside the window of the moving car like a dog trying to escape to the outside world and enjoyed the chill grazing his face. And he let his tongue roll out, hanging for few seconds to taste the air of Mussoorie.

 

he is a kid from heart... isn't he???

 

Wow now who is this another person???? I hope that must be our sanka devi

 

Fifteen years is a long time…. What made him wait for this long if he was this much crazy for his home town??? Or is that the case of realizing the importance after losing it???

 

Riding her behind him??? so they are childhood friends???

 

Memories, which were the best days of his life.


So it means we will not get good days about their future??? You know I always want a happy ending….i must sound crazy asking for it even before getting the whole plot… lol


Oh this Arnav has a mother…. I mean mother who is alive.


This Arnav is a foodie…. It's a nice change… I mean writers hardly mention Arnav as a foodie….


Big fat Indian marriage??? My first thought was Arnav came back for his marriage… lol… but it was Anjali's… and Anjali is chutki…. Hehehehe…. It's a change… but I need time to consider Arnav as a big bro…


Dad, mama, nani, dadi, Akash, anjali, mamiand also chachas… these are a lot of people to remember…. We have a big family in this story….


Why would Arnav never enter his house if it wasn't Anjali's marriage??? Reason must be gigantic…   

    

He posted his pictures to dadi???? It means they share a close bond??? I feel that there must be some relation with those good or bad memories with his dadi's past… or may be not exactly past but mainly with dadi…. Now what is this "Mussoorie Bhains"???


Now the shocking part…. Arnav's books??? Like really his books??? What sort of books??? He used to like read??? That's a pleasant change in his character…


Why did he not want to remember Khushi??? Or was he thinking about someone else???


You told us that the story is about Arnav and Khushi overcoming their memories and past??? Now the big question is that are those memories about each other or some third person??? I guess they are bound to each other by some third person….


"Annyavv…"

 This brought a huge smile on my face….

This chapter is all about Arnav…. A good start… intriguing and captivating….

Keep up the good work…

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molten_lava-Raichu-Nichuss

mysterious_maze Goldie
mysterious_maze
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Posts: 1466

Posted: 10 April 2013 at 11:54am | IP Logged
now am going to read the second chapter and will be back with the next comment Tongue

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molten_lava

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Joined: 26 November 2011
Posts: 5105

Posted: 10 April 2013 at 12:10pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by mysterious_maze

okey now am back with my comment... quite late but Embarrassed


Chapter one

 

this Arnav is change i mean really really change... am not comparing it with Mirage but I must say this Arnav is entirely change from your other work... 

 

He stuck out his head outside the window of the moving car like a dog trying to escape to the outside world and enjoyed the chill grazing his face. And he let his tongue roll out, hanging for few seconds to taste the air of Mussoorie.

 

he is a kid from heart... isn't he???

 

Wow now who is this another person???? I hope that must be our sanka devi

 

Fifteen years is a long time'. What made him wait for this long if he was this much crazy for his home town??? Or is that the case of realizing the importance after losing it???

 

Riding her behind him??? so they are childhood friends???

 

Memories, which were the best days of his life.


So it means we will not get good days about their future??? You know I always want a happy ending'.i must sound crazy asking for it even before getting the whole plot' lol


Oh this Arnav has a mother'. I mean mother who is alive.


This Arnav is a foodie'. It's a nice change' I mean writers hardly mention Arnav as a foodie'.


Big fat Indian marriage??? My first thought was Arnav came back for his marriage' lol' but it was Anjali's' and Anjali is chutki'. Hehehehe'. It's a change' but I need time to consider Arnav as a big bro'


Dad, mama, nani, dadi, Akash, anjali, mamiand also chachas' these are a lot of people to remember'. We have a big family in this story'.


Why would Arnav never enter his house if it wasn't Anjali's marriage??? Reason must be gigantic'   

    

He posted his pictures to dadi???? It means they share a close bond??? I feel that there must be some relation with those good or bad memories with his dadi's past' or may be not exactly past but mainly with dadi'. Now what is this "Mussoorie Bhains"???


Now the shocking part'. Arnav's books??? Like really his books??? What sort of books??? He used to like read??? That's a pleasant change in his character'


Why did he not want to remember Khushi??? Or was he thinking about someone else???


You told us that the story is about Arnav and Khushi overcoming their memories and past??? Now the big question is that are those memories about each other or some third person??? I guess they are bound to each other by some third person'.


"Annyavv'"

 This brought a huge smile on my face'.

This chapter is all about Arnav'. A good start' intriguing and captivating'.

Keep up the good work'


You know I was only waiting for your comment.Embarrassed
ok, so coming to your comment, some things are correct. Some things aren't.
Even though Arnav's family is huge, only some will be given importance. Rest are just for propsLOL I just want to show he has a big family. bas!

This FF is an angst filled FF. But angst is also good. More angst = more intensity.Wink So expect some powerful dhamakedar scenes between Arnav and Khushi. 

There is nothing to do with Dadi's past. LOL You are thinking too deeply. But yes, Dadi will be an important character in the story especially at the end.Tongue And before you judge Dadi, let me tell you, she's a nice person.Smile

Mussoorie Bhains story will be told later. I will be mixing up their past childhood and present together. 

Memories are of each other. They were best friends in childhood. But yes, they are connected with their dark past with a third person.

And hopefully, the more you read about their childhood, the more smiles you will have. I have tried to create two absolutely adorable kids.Smile

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mysterious_maze-Raichu-

mysterious_maze Goldie
mysterious_maze
mysterious_maze

Joined: 19 February 2012
Posts: 1466

Posted: 10 April 2013 at 12:25pm | IP Logged

Ops…. There is lavanya too???? I was not expecting any more side characters…. But may be she is not a side character… the way she is speaking to Arnav it felt like she is more or less same as Mirage's Lavanya… not a comparison just a thought… now I am curious about the intimacy of their relation… you know what I mean ;)

That brother sister re;ation is just like the serial… and I like this side of Arnav… caring domestic guy… I mean every girl likes the caring guy in every relation… a father, a brother, a husband  and even a son…. And I have a feeling that this is the real Arnav…. Caring is the dominant feature of your lead characters… specially the male character… so I really hope it won't change this time….

Now that Arnav's dad is an interesting character… a thoroughly conceived and a proper solid character… not some random side character for the sake of stretching the story… I like this thoughtfulness in your writing style… well done baby…

Now the question is…. His dad is actually right about Arnav or is it hard to make your dad happy kind of situation…???

 

The conversation between his parents is intriguing…. But one thing is clear they both are concern for their child… mother is all loving and defending and father is practical and trying to make things in order… thumbs up for ashowing a balance between this couple…. I mean these small things can only be considered by a mature writer….

 

"My mind says, no." He replied with a sigh, enveloping her sideways with his hand. "But the tiny irrational, emotional, foolish part of my brain says, yes, maybe someday." He added, with a hope trying to surface amidst all the impossibilities.

That is the sweetest part… I was all awww reading it… after all he is his father and parents always want to see their child happy….

 

The British Cemetery and grand father….. so two more new things…. Am I trying to read between the lines too much and unnecessarily or are they going to plau some role in the story… i will wait until the secret will be revealed…

yellow coloured Salwar suit appeared, humming some tune… so here comes our Khushi… she had narrowed her eyes at him sceptically a typical Khushi style….

So few memories we get are about riding the bicycle and ice candy… I too have some memories about them ;)

"And she was the same girl who had changed his entire life after that one fateful day which had scarred him permanently."

Khushi can't be the reason for his scare… I mean there must be some other reason…

It's difficult to type praise for your work… so now I don't know how to tell a friend that she is good and praise her work… so pardon me for that and only bear my reviews…

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molten_lava-Raichu-

mysterious_maze Goldie
mysterious_maze
mysterious_maze

Joined: 19 February 2012
Posts: 1466

Posted: 10 April 2013 at 12:32pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by molten_lava

[QUOTE=mysterious_maze]

You know I was only waiting for your comment.Embarrassed

ok, so coming to your comment, some things are correct. Some things aren't.
Even though Arnav's family is huge, only some will be given importance. Rest are just for propsLOL I just want to show he has a big family. bas!

This FF is an angst filled FF. But angst is also good. More angst = more intensity.Wink So expect some powerful dhamakedar scenes between Arnav and Khushi. 

There is nothing to do with Dadi's past. LOL You are thinking too deeply. But yes, Dadi will be an important character in the story especially at the end.Tongue And before you judge Dadi, let me tell you, she's a nice person.Smile

Mussoorie Bhains story will be told later. I will be mixing up their past childhood and present together. 

Memories are of each other. They were best friends in childhood. But yes, they are connected with their dark past with a third person.

And hopefully, the more you read about their childhood, the more smiles you will have. I have tried to create two absolutely adorable kids.Smile

aww... am so sorry i made you wait for so long 

that's a good news after such a tiring day... am looking fwd to that intensity and hopefully between Arnav and Khushi LOL

even i have the feeling that she is good and positive character

it's a difficult way of writing so good luck with that...


The following 2 member(s) liked the above post:

molten_lava-Raichu-

molten_lava IF-Rockerz
molten_lava
molten_lava

Joined: 26 November 2011
Posts: 5105

Posted: 10 April 2013 at 12:39pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by mysterious_maze

Ops'. There is lavanya too???? I was not expecting any more side characters'. But may be she is not a side character' the way she is speaking to Arnav it felt like she is more or less same as Mirage's Lavanya' not a comparison just a thought' now I am curious about the intimacy of their relation' you know what I mean ;)

That brother sister re;ation is just like the serial' and I like this side of Arnav' caring domestic guy' I mean every girl likes the caring guy in every relation' a father, a brother, a husband  and even a son'. And I have a feeling that this is the real Arnav'. Caring is the dominant feature of your lead characters' specially the male character' so I really hope it won't change this time'.

Now that Arnav's dad is an interesting character' a thoroughly conceived and a proper solid character' not some random side character for the sake of stretching the story' I like this thoughtfulness in your writing style' well done baby'

Now the question is'. His dad is actually right about Arnav or is it hard to make your dad happy kind of situation'???

 

The conversation between his parents is intriguing'. But one thing is clear they both are concern for their child' mother is all loving and defending and father is practical and trying to make things in order' thumbs up for ashowing a balance between this couple'. I mean these small things can only be considered by a mature writer'.

 

"My mind says, no." He replied with a sigh, enveloping her sideways with his hand. "But the tiny irrational, emotional, foolish part of my brain says, yes, maybe someday." He added, with a hope trying to surface amidst all the impossibilities.

That is the sweetest part' I was all awww reading it' after all he is his father and parents always want to see their child happy'.

 

The British Cemetery and grand father'.. so two more new things'. Am I trying to read between the lines too much and unnecessarily or are they going to plau some role in the story' i will wait until the secret will be revealed'

yellow coloured Salwar suit appeared, humming some tune' so here comes our Khushi' she had narrowed her eyes at him sceptically a typical Khushi style'.

So few memories we get are about riding the bicycle and ice candy' I too have some memories about them ;)

"And she was the same girl who had changed his entire life after that one fateful day which had scarred him permanently."

Khushi can't be the reason for his scare' I mean there must be some other reason'

It's difficult to type praise for your work' so now I don't know how to tell a friend that she is good and praise her work' so pardon me for that and only bear my reviews'

Yes, there is Lavanya and she will be used for a major MU. Bwaha ha ha!Wink
Arnav's dad is right. Arnav has changed and you will see the difference soon.
And yes, you are reading too much in between the lines. Not all things written are connected to the main plot. I wanted to give a novel feeling to this FF. And novels do have lots of unwanted descriptions.LOL
BTW, this time, all places mentioned in the FF are real places. I did lots of research for it thanks to Google chacha.LOL

The reason for the change of his behaviour is Khushi itself. But not directly. We are talking about a real dark past connecting two kids. So the trauma of it was so much that it has affected both of them in different ways. You will see it soon.Smile

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mysterious_maze-Raichu-

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