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Beyhadh Banner Contest Winner
Joined: 23 September 2007
Yesterday's ample amount of rainfall continued to pour in throughout the night, in exchange with light amounts of drizzle covering the windows near dawn. The skies hadn't cleared up, it was still dark. Yet a beaming ray of light sunshine was visible through the clouds. Last night was the first time in five years that Khirad had willingly set foot into Ashar's territory. Despite searching for numerous excuses of escape, she knew it had been far too long for her to continue camping out in Hareem's bedroom. Especially since Hareem had recovered almost completely after her surgery and had resumed going to school once again. Even though Ashar himself was just completely ashamed and broken, she could once again see the hope of pursuing a marital relationship in his eyes. His eyes which were full of this existing guilt, embarrassment, and miserableness. There was this never-ending regret present within them for his previous actions and words. As she had firmly decided to stay with Ashar for the sake of Hareem, she knew she eventually had to return back to her regular habits and way of living. It was bound to happen one day or another. Thus, she had carefully packed her belongings and placed them into Ashar's room while he was busy putting Hareem to sleep.
Fate was so unexpected. Despite promising herself to never step back into the life of Ashar Hussain, never having to face an encounter with him, it had brought her back to his doorstep, made her plead to him in order to pay for Hareem's illness. Made her sacrifice her pain, her self-respect, forget her rough and scattered past, just for the sake of her daughter.
Khirad could sense the cold wind in the room, sending a chill down her spine. The open window was welcoming cool air, making its way all across the room. The sound of the raindrops hitting harshly against the windows mixed with the bustling wind caused her eye to awake at a much earlier time than expected. She took a quick glance at the watch on her wrist and decided to continue lying in bed silently along the edge. She was staring at perhaps nothing, lost in deep thought, re-calling memories. Khirad quivered at the thought of all the memories attached to his room; the room which she could once freely pronounce as their room yet now felt limited in doing so.
She conveniently sat up against the headboard making sure not to pull the comforter too hard, careful not to disturb Ashar from his sleep. Khirad undesirably looked across at Ashar. He was laying there in such a serene mood, the way he calmly slept looking so complete, snuggled up warm, sound asleep in his blanket.
Suddenly she felt nauseated and appalled lying on that same bed as Ashar, a place where both of them had shared those familiar moments. Moments that had caused both to evoke and eventually progress into a relationship known as love. She felt uncomfortable by his presence, could experience the olden days, feel his rough touch against her soft skin, inhale his warm breath. Her body shivered, she desperately wanted to bury the past away.
She quickly averted her gaze to slowly observe the state of the room, feeling surreal. It continued to exist in the exact same manner as it did five years ago. Ashar could have never accustomed himself to change; he hated it.
Unknowingly her eyes once again changed direction to face Ashar. In spite of carefully separating herself at the largest possible distance between them, sitting away from him as much as possible, she still felt disturbed. As she turned to face him she saw him breathing lightly, his eyes shut close. A faint smile lit up on her face as she reminded herself of all the nights she had sacrificed her sleep, just for Ashar's sake. Yet now, all those nights seemed completely pointless and empty.
She noticed the lines on her forehead. He'd grown old. Perhaps it was the smoking or the sleepless nights. She herself had been so tired having to face the brunt of so many accusations, tired of all the challenges and hurdles; having to carry the burden of her pregnancy alone in those dreadful and uncomfortable nights. She finally needed someone; needed him.
Khirad decided to step out of the comforter, wanting to catch a moment of fresh air for herself. She carefully put her foot down onto the floor, making sure she'd cause as less of a distraction as possible. Her tresses fell down onto her back perfectly, as she began to untie her bun, wanting to comb it. She examined her plain hands. They were once adorned with those beautiful bangles. The one's Fareeda had offered to her when Khirad and Ashar had decided to commence their married relationship.
Khirad wanted to get up at once feeling restless and agitated, yet she felt a strong force holding onto her arms, preventing her from leaving. She was absolutely startled at the way he had grabbed her wrists without any prior permission to do so.
"Khirad!" she hesitated to look back, merely listening to his voice. She didn't want to face him. Didn't feel like answering any of his false words.
"Kahaan jaa rahi ho?" he asked her. She still remained unresponsive, continuing to look downwards onto the floor.
"Idhar aao, yahaan betho", he made room available for her right next to him. Yet, Khirad ignored him once again.
There remained a moment of silence, a long pause, before he tugged onto both her arms and pulled her closer to him. She didn't look up to his face. She just wanted to close her eyes and be gone from here right this instance.
She could hear him opening his drawer, searching through his belongings. He was holding a box.
"Yeh main tumhaare liye laya tha", Khirad intently glared at him and then looked the other way, as he opened the deep blue box and offered her a set of bangles.
"Khirad!" she could tell he was constantly looking at her, waiting for her to answer. But she didn't respond. Instead, she moved across the bed, ready to leave, when he cautiously grabbed her arms and adorned them with the heavy gold and topaz bangles. She looked up at him; her gaze was deeply studying his face. Ashar apologetically looked towards her. He didn't know what to say, whether he was in the position to do so as well. He let go of both her arms and silently sat there. He knew he didn't deserve her forgiveness, yet he felt like slightly easing her pain, perhaps spreading some joy in her life.
Khirad's eyes widened becoming moist with water. Her arms now looked so complete. She swiftly walked across the room, leaving, shutting the door behind her. She couldn't understand what had just happened, feeling strangely perplexed yet happy. Her eyes were radiant with a smile, yet her heart remained tangled with disappointment and annoyance at Ashar.
Was this the start of a new relationship? Were both Ashar and her ready to commence into their married life once again? Could they move across from the past and build a new future. Khirad began thinking of a thousand different questions, trying to seek answers. Yet, she knew it was inane to do so. She smiled while looking at her arms. Perhaps there was hope. Maybe they could discover and build a new relationship instead of searching for the old one. She looked towards the room door, silently pulling on the doorknob. She wanted to speak with Ashar. She had to express her gratitude for this gift.
"It's beautiful..." Khirad thought as she looked out the floor to ceiling window of the Insurance building she now called her office. Dressed in a formal light pink anarkali suit with a beige colored lace gala, she had her hair open, plaited to the side with the duppata hanging effortlessly on the tip of her head. Standing on the 15th floor, she looked out to see a hustling city, covered in a cloak of fresh snow. "How could she work when it was snowing?" She smiled. She could see everything from here: the legislature, a school, the river, tall office buildings, sadak kinare choti dukaanai... and the flower shop. That's where it had all began...
As the warm-caffeinated drink raced down her throat, she thought of all the things that had happened in the last few months, of all the things that had led her to this frozen wonderland...
6 Months Ago.
Khirad, was a final-year university student. Her best friend Sara was getting married, and she had rushed out to the market to quickly pick up some flowers for the decoration. Stepping into the small, crowded shop, she shuddered from the cold, brushing the snowflakes out of her hair. She was welcomed by an elderly man sitting behind a counter.
"Maine apki kya madad kar sak tha hoon, beta?" Confusion suddenly took over her as she realized that in the hurry she had forgotten to ask Aunty what kind of flowers she needed.
"Maine bhi kitni bevakuf hoon, ek bhar pooch le thi toh kya hojata? Abhi kya karoon?" She whispered. Her foot hit the ground in annoyance as she smiled to the man and her hands reached out to her purse to find her phone. Now occupied with a task, she did not realize another customer had walked in till she felt a force hit her from behind.
She gasped, "Ouch!" Grabbing on to the counter for support.
"Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry! Actually mera dahan kahi aur tha, maine apko dekha hi nahi. Apko chot tho nahi lagi?" His shy, apologetic voice filled her ears.
Suddenly embarrassed, Khirad turned herself around, and replied in the same tone. "Nahi, koi baat nahi. That's alright." Pressing down on the creases in her kameez, she had found her Blackberry but...well, the battery was dead. No use at all. She would have to choose herself.
"Jee..sorry once again." He smiled and turned back . "Asher, Asher Hussain." He called out to pick his pre-ordered white flowers.
She liked them, and figured Aunty would too. He had left right away and she asked for two dozen of the same kind. Proud of her accomplishment she steadily made her way back to the home.
"Khirad, where were you?! The larke wale will be here in less than two hours and I haven't even started getting ready yet!..." a frantic Sara shrieked, "...Ab dekh kya rahi ho? Chalo!! Meri madad karo!"
Sara grabbed Khirad's hand, and they made their way down the well-decorated, loud corridor and entered the bride's room. Khirad placed her purse and the bouquet down on the bed and made her way to the wall where she plugged her phone in.
"Nice flowers! Thanks!" Sara commented, taking them out of the wrapping and placing them in a clear vase on the dresser.
"You're welcome! Ab chalo, tumhe tayar kar de tai hain." Khirad replied, excited for her friend.
Soft traditional shaadi music played in the background as Khirad guided Sara down the stairs for the Walima. She herself was dressed in a light green, heavily worked suit. This was it. As they reached the last step, her eyes wandered around for the groom, Khizer. Finding him sitting on the sofa in the center of the hall, they walked toward him. He was talking to someone who seemed like a relative. She was suddenly taken by surprise when she saw him.
The same man from the flower shop, standing in a corner talking to a crying little boy. He looked...different. Picking up some chairs from the side he placed them down for some older guests to sit. He caught her gaze for just a moment, and smiled. She returned it.
She came home that night happy, and content. Mesmerized by the love and understanding between Sara and Khizer, she hoped one day she would find someone who would make her just as happy.
But, instead she got the shock of her life.
Khirad opened the door to find her Ammi crying. She had a file in her hand and Khirad realized it was medical records. Her thoughts went back to the blood work Ammi had gotten done earlier. That day her whole world came crashing down, her mother had brain tumor and she was to be married off to a cousin she had never heard of before in a mere week. That day... she cried, till there were no tears left. Thinking how in one moment what a mess her life had become. She would lose everything.
The door of her office clicked and he made his way up behind her. Placing his own cup of coffee on her desk, he walked towards her. Slipping his hand into hers.
"Kya dekh rahi ho?"
"Kuch nahi, barf kitni khoobsurat hai na." She replied..
"Aur romantic bhi.." Asher said, his smirk now turning into a full fleshed smile.
"Asher!" Khirad replied, delighted. Holding his hand tighter, she blushed.
She had gotten to complete her studies and Ammi had received the best treatment possible. She was initially shocked to see him dressed in a simple sherwani at the Nikkah, so was he. But, she felt safe, and slowly they both realised that they were both made for each other... with the snow.
--It was snowing that day at the flower shop; it was snowing the day of the Walima. It was snowing the day of her Nikkah and it was snowing today...
And, so, it rained '
"Are you crying again?" her sister asked nonchalantly. When no reply came from her, she turned off the cassette player and sighed. That did the trick as Zara flinched from her seat and snatched the cassette that her sister had just taken out.
"It's raining'" was all Zara thought she had to say to explain as she wiped the old cassette with her stole.
"I can see that too! So, what?" she asked as a matter of fact.
"You know what it means'" Zara looked down silently.
"No! I don't. All I know is that whenever it rains, I find you here mulling over the same nonsense while listening to some old songs in these age-old tapes!" she could hear the frustration in her younger sister's voice, but Zara didn't have much for her defense.
"What is the purpose of all this, Apa? Tell me! Will this get you anywhere? Will doing this help you move on? No, it won't! You will only remain stuck at the same point, in that same past!" Her firm words were making all the efforts just to reach that point of realization for her Apa.
But, Zara seemed indifferent, "Not everything has to have a purpose, Sanya' sometimes, you just live a day just because you're alive and breathing. You let time pass and aimlessly wait for the day to get over"
"Not another one of your philosophical analysis!" Sanya threw her hands in the air as a gesture of giving up and left the room. Her own realization had sunk in; Zara Apa was not ready yet.
Zara carefully placed the cassette back into the tape recorder to play and settled herself back at her spot. It was as if nothing happened a few minutes ago' no confrontations, arguments, or unanswered questions.
Sitting at the doorsteps of the room, she could clearly witness the view outside. The visually appealing scenes were tainted with memoirs of that one day.
Every now and then, she noticed how tiny raindrops sneaked away with the wind and tapped on the porch outside. She loved hearing the sound of the rain' it silenced all the other worldly noises to her.
Her vision blurred and within the next instant, she imagined herself in that heated argument once again' She had asked him to meet once more for a conversation about their future together. It was always better to clarify things beforehand and reach an agreement; after all, it was an arranged marriage. Before she knew it, they had run deep into the spat. He had absolutely opposed the idea of her working after marriage with his harsh words. His ways of thinking deeply hurt her for some reason. It was not like they had been bonded well the other few times they had met before' he would mostly stay quiet, give short answers to her initiations, and never smile back. She understood that his reserved nature would eventually resolve once they get closer after marriage. Thus, soon she found herself engaged to him within those few meetings. Now, her fianc stood infront of her breaking all her assumptions about him, one by one' he yelled, bickered, and tried to force his ideologies on her. The differences were far too many, they both realized as they jumped from one topic to another. Heavy waterworks started from above as an indication of early spring. He left in his car without a bother about her. Suffice it to say, the engagement was broken off. Rumors had spread like wild fire among the relatives and soon the very people related to her labelled her off as an arrogant snob, a highly disobedient daughter, and a shame to the family'an example of how a girl of marriageable age should not behave! The incident had damaged her self confidence, at times inflicting that it probably was her fault'
"Look who is here!" Sanya's excited voice brought back a lost Zara from her thoughts. Zain entered with a tray of cups filled with chai. "But, more importantly, Zain bhai brought pakoras and samosas with chutney," she exclaimed while ogling at the plates in her hand.
Her dear sister had called in Zain as soon as she had left her room earlier. Zain was the son of their neighbours; a childhood friend to Zara and an elder brother to Sanya. Along with Sanya's struggles, it was Zain's constant support that encouraged Zara to move ahead during this past year after that 'accident', as he called it.
"Well, I thought there is no fun in a rainy day without some hot pakoras and tea, so here I am at your service!" Zain smiled cheekily as he passed her some tea.
"It must be doing of Miss Sanya!" she glared towards her sibling with scrutiny who, in turn, shrugged her shoulders playing innocent.
"Okay, let's not play the blame game'cut my poor kiddo some slack, Zara begum!" his smile grew cheekier as he joked.
"Hey, don't be bossy to my Apa!" Sanya stuffed another big bite from her snack and slid to Zara's side.
"You sure adore her to bits," he made a sad face, "'you both sisters are conspirators! I'm the one who gets left out". Zain faked a sigh and longingly looked at his cup, "I might as well drown my sorrows in this chai!"
"Oh God! You're so cheesy!" Zara let out a small laugh as she saw his changing expressions. They had definitely mastered the art of changing her mood.
"I'm sorry about earlier, Apa!" Sanya clasped her hands around Zara and planted a kiss on her cheek.
"I guess, we should be thankful it doesn't rain here too often," Zain's comment brought in giggles from both and the evening was spent with some more laughs.
Soon, with time, they hoped things would change for the better' Zara would overcome her pain, Sanya may mature for the good or bad, and Zain would finally gather the courage to propose Zara!
Asher sat at the computer typing furiously. Crinkled papers, broken pencils and rulers scattered all over the desk. Cup after cup of Chai lined the side table beside him.
"Assalamualaikum." Khirad said, tired after her long day of errands and visiting Ammi Aboo. Placing her purse and coat on the dining room table she entered the study.
"Walaikumasalam, aj bari der hogaye tumhe."
"Han aj woh..." She started, as soon as she looked up and scanned the room, she couldn't help but stop in her tracks. "...Kya? Hua kya idhar?"
He looked up to see her confused expression and sighed. Smiling, he replied, "Woh, naya contract aya hai. Designs parson submit karne hai."
"Oh, acha." She started to gather the cups, and straighten the papers. "Kis type ka project hai?"
"Wahi, the regular. Ten floor office building including interior..." He frowned, helping her out by picking some things up himself. Together, hands full, they made their way to the kitchen and placed the objects in their respective places. "...aj toh tum Ammi-Aboo seh mil ne gayi thi, na? Kaisai hai vo?"
"Theek hai, kamzor hogaye hain..." Her head now in the fridge she started to gather ingredients, popping back out for a moment she asked, "Khane mein kya khaoge?"
"Umm.." He pretended to think, leaning against the counter, he had his index finger at his chin, head tilted up, smirking. "Chicken tikka? Maybe, followed by that special Chai of yours?"
Asher orphaned at a very young age, worked hard and followed his dreams to become an architect. Every day at lunch he made his way to the small restaurant down the street from his office to catch up on pending work and find peace of mind.
The restaurant, which served great chai as well as meals, was owned by an elderly couple who had seen Asher grow into the hard working, successful human being he was today. He had been coming to the restaurant ever since he was in high school now, over 7 years later, it was his favorite place in the world.
It was a routine Wednesday. He had walked in with two designs in his hands, now damp by the sudden drizzle. The chimes ringing above him announcing his arrival. Brushing his hair lightly to remove any excess water he looked up expecting to see the regular two, three customers. Instead he was welcomed by a jam-packed room all eyes on the small TV that hung from the roof in the far corner. Walking up to the counter he picked up a pakoda that was set in a basket in front of him and asked, "Aunty, aj koi khaas din hai kya? Kya hua hai?" He pointed to the TV and took a bite.
"India vs Pakistan match hai..." She said with a light giggle, "...jao, mein chai bhej thi hun."
He smiled and paid, picking a few more pakodas he turned hoping to find an empty seat. He looked around till he saw a girl sitting by the window reading the newspaper. Realizing that was the only seat in sight he walked up to her. "Excuse me, agar apko bura na lage toh, kya mein yahan beht sak tah hoon?"
She looked up at him and then around, she then nodded and removed her purse sitting on the small table, "Jee, sure." Dressed in a dark purple shalwar-kameez, she had a silver charm bracelet on her right hand a leather watch under it.
"Thank you..." He smiled, settling himself down, he took his cup of chai from the tray held by the waiter, and she took hers.
A few minutes later, her gaze caught the rolled up designs he had placed at the corner of the table on top of her now folded newspaper. "Architect ho?" She smiled.
"Jee, mera nam Asher hai. Idhar paas mein hee mera office hai." He said, ripping open the packet of sugar.
"Khirad, mein abhi abhi Islamabad seh move hui hoon..." Stirring her own tea, she added, "Interior Designer."
They had talked for a good twenty minutes finding out general details about each other. Both of their favorite colors were blue, they both had no interest in sports, enjoyed painting, and poetry. His favorite food was Chicken Tikka, which he found out was her favorite food to cook. And hers was Biryani.
They both took one and a half teaspoons of sugar in their Chai. They talked and talked until the room was suddenly filled with shrieks of happiness and excitement, it was a six. Their eyes met and they both burst into peals of laughter.
She had become a regular visitor at the restaurant, and had always saved a seat for him. His Chai always steaming hot, welcoming him. Sharing the second packet of sugar became a habit. They became the best of friends, confiding everything in one another. A month later, Asher took his own rishta to her home and he was welcomed with open arms. They were married soon after and had recently moved into their new home.
After dinner, they had settled themselves on the couch in front of the TV. It was all they had set up so far, along with the kitchen and rooms. Boxes were stacked behind them. Chai in hand, Khirad passed one cup to Asher who placed it on the side table beside him and she settled herself down beside him.
"Yeh aap kya kar rahi hain?"
"Woh mein soch rahi thi keh long weekend ara ha hai, toh hum apne ghar ki setting aur unpacking khatam karlem?"
"Han lekin aap abhi kya kar rahi hain?!"
She looked up, closing the journal, and placing it on the table. She smiled and moved closer to him.
"Choro isse, sab kuch ho jai ga."
A briefcase in one hand and a coat lazily hung around his arm, he walked down the dimly lit hallway with heavy steps. He managed to get through another day and now, his body couldn't wait any longer to crash the bed. Saying that he was tired may just be an understatement' he was exhausted for more reasons than one. But, he would rather work till he drops to bed feeling numb than come home and face her, the bane to his current life!
Very quietly, he entered inside and switched on the lamp to see the way around in the pitch darkness of their bedroom. As the source of light flickered, his eyes first met her hazy figure leaning back on the backrest, dazed in thoughts. He let out a small curse at himself to find her awake. ' Wasn't it this woman's bed time already?' he wondered. The past months, he had made it successfully without any "clashes" in their timings. Damn it!
As if he had never encountered her, he dropped his belongings on the couch while loosening the grip of his tie. Ofcourse, it helped that she didn't utter a word. Now, only if she keeps this up till he goes to bed. On second thoughts, the study seemed to be the better option to sleep tonight.
"Ashar, you don't love me anymore, do you?" she asked with some lingering hope that only she was aware of. Her voice completely startled him and his hands had stopped midway while buttoning up his kurta. It dawned on him that much time had passed since he heard her talk. He maintained back his composure and continued to feign ignorance.
"Exactly how many more apologies would it take for you to forgive me?" she demanded an answer just as straightforward as her question. But, in her hearts of heart, she knew that all she wanted was for him to talk to her again; scold her or yell loudly if that's all he could do for her. "Say something'please!" she pleaded in desperation. Her head had been tilted downwards all along as she stared in empty space. She drew her knees closer to herself and bowed her head in, enclosing her arms around.
"Go to sleep," he said coldly and walked towards the door.
"You think you're the only one who is hurt?" her voice had once again held him back.
"Shut up, Khirad!" he felt his jaw tighten as he spoke the words with warning.
"Do you know how I survive each day?" she asked with quivering lips. Hot tears formed around the corner of her eyes and slipped down in rows, "'I die a little each day to the point that now it feels as if there is nothing left to me."
Anger rushed through him and with fists clenched, he turned to face her, "you should have thought about these things before." Without making noise, each one of his words conveyed his extreme loathe towards her. He stepped closer barely standing a foot away, "'only if you had not been so selfish'if only you cared about us!"
She shivered at his blatant aloofness. Holding the corner of her dupatta tightly, she gathered up all the bits of courage she could, "I don't want to lose hope. You know we can try again and'"
He cut her in between, "spare the lecture! Do you still not realize what your mistakes have done to our relationship?" he exhaled loudly, "we should just end this once and for all!"
Her eyes looked up to him in shock. It was the first time he talked about a possible separation. Was it really the end? Had his feelings for her disappeared altogether? What happened to the countless professions he had made of his love, trust, and support to her?
They had been married for three years and in that time she had a miscarriage not once but twice! The first one was a careless mistake, but they both had consoled each other and shared the pain of the loss together. She rejoined her Event Planning company and busied herself in work to ease off the misery. Soon, she was expecting again but assured him of her ability to handle things better. However, to their dismay, her over involvement at work had cost her the child. Doctors warned them of further complication in conceiving itself, if they ever plan for a pregnancy. He mainly blamed her selfishness and overtly ambitious nature. She grew tired of apologizing and wished he'd atleast once lend her some emotional support. They drifted apart within a short period' where she quit her job permanently, his work-related schedules and outdoor trips increased drastically.
"You really don't love me anymore'" Khirad's voice cracked as she grasped that this was no more a question. She stood up to walk out but lost her balance from dizziness. Ashar quickly held her back and noticed her eyes rolled back as if she'd pass out any second.
"Khirad!" he panicked and tapped her cheeks, calling out her name several times.
"I've only taken sleeping pills'I won't die" she murmured.
He placed her carefully on the bed and looked through the drawer to find it crowded with medicine bottles; sleeping pills, anti-depressants, migraine relief, you name it!
With eyes widened, he shook her, "how many have you taken? Khirad? Can you hear me?"
She sat up in her stupor to reply before lying down again, "I have only taken as many as prescribed. I need them to sleep!"
Sleep had left him for the night, while leaving clouds of confusion to surround him. Too many questions to ponder over! He traced his hand lightly on her pale face. Was it him that drove her to this state? What has he done! The riddles seemed endless and he honestly felt afraid to discover the answers. He protectively locked his arms around her in an embrace, drawing her closer to him and patiently waited for the arrival of morning.Happy Voting. PSF Dev Team
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